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View Full Version : How to prevent yourself from being ABDUCTED by ALIENS!



Tycho
07-07-2002, 02:06 AM
Since this is essential to safe living, I thought I'd post a link I found to a site that teaches you how to get out of alien abductions! (http://www.abductions-alien.com/)

If you think you are being visited and taken by extra-terrestrials, or worse, your wife or parents might be some, than this material is definitely for you!

Wooooof
07-07-2002, 02:16 AM
Well, of course I see this TODAY!!! Where was all this info last night when I really needed it?:mad:

;):D

LTBasker
07-07-2002, 02:17 AM
I always thought I'd just signal R2 to bring my X-wing over while I slashed'em apart with my lightsaber.

Or give them numbers to deep sleepers. :evil:

Dar' Argol
07-07-2002, 02:29 AM
Of course this is just a good. The ONLY device to stop Alien Abuctions!!!
Thought Screen Helmet (http://www.stopabductions.com/)

Now excuse me, I have to go and the materials to make my hat:rolleyes:

Wooooof
07-07-2002, 02:37 AM
Ooh, only $35 for the Thought Screen Helmet! Too bad I spent the last of my money on that blasted Snowspeeder!:frus:

That's okay, I'll just try the circle of salt around my bed and keeping a light plugged into the UPS.:rolleyes:

Beast
07-07-2002, 02:40 AM
Don't forget to go to the address I am linking to here as well, and get the instructions for how to build your own, "THOUGHT SCREEN HELMET". Make sure those nasty aliens don't control your brain. Just listen to this satisfied customer. :D


JON LOCKE, ALIEN ABDUCTEE
“Since trying Michael Menkin’s Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own.I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.My life is better than ever before.Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity.” - Jon Locke

http://www.stopabductions.com/

Edit: Darn you Dar' Argol. How dare you beat me, just cause I was trying to be more mocking with my post. :p :crazed:

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

figrin bran
07-07-2002, 02:58 AM
just tell them "these aren't the droids you're looking for..." ;)

Tycho
07-07-2002, 03:16 AM
JarJar, I don't mean to be more mocking with MY post, but instead I completely admire how quickly you assembled that Thought Screen Helmet!

Exhaust Port
07-07-2002, 10:03 AM
Boy, I'm suprised that 3M hasn't advertised this use for their product ever before. ;)

Eternal Padawan
07-07-2002, 11:19 AM
John Locke looks like Rip Taylor, doesn't he? The confetti throwing comedian?

Jargo
07-07-2002, 11:53 AM
There - are - no - aliens. I have been instructed to inform you that all is well. Earth is safe. The phenomenon known as UFO's is nothing more than mass hysteria and there is nothing there in the skies that shouldn't be. I am informed that all alien life is a figment of my imagination and the little grey men did not come anywhere near me. There were no implants or anal probes and my eyes were not spiked permanently open. All thoughts are my own and not transferred from a central computer aboard the mother ship....
I feel fine as i am told i do...... life is good. hello John I'm fine how are you did you see the lakers game?Good haha what a lovely wife you have is that your car? take me to the nearest military installation as I have some information i must deliver to the most senior member of the personnel at that military installation. It is vitally important that you do not stare into my eyes no - please do not stare at the mark on my neck that resemble a small newt. It is nothing. There is nothing unusual about having a newt shaped scar that wriggles on your neck. It is fine we must go now and don't spare the horses buddy......

Beep beep beep fzzzt transmission complete all is fine and going according to plan mother ship............. commence the launch of the armada, no-one suspects a thing fzzzt........

InsaneJediGirl
07-07-2002, 11:56 AM
I love the Thought Screen Helemet!:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I was a site UFO site recently and the "webmaster" instructed everyone to keep a bottle of bleach near by and throw it on aliens when they approach.He claims it alters its molecular structure.:rolleyes:

LTBasker
07-07-2002, 03:04 PM
I asked some aliens if I could get abducted cause it sounded cool, but they rejected me when I said I wanted to bring along some SW figs. :( I don't need them aliens anyways. :happy:

scruffziller
07-08-2002, 02:02 AM
Just stay in school to get a good job and make lots of money so you do not have to live in hicks'-ville and then get abducted by aliens to gain attention from the media to sell a made-for-TV movie about your pathetic existence!:D
You've seen the Snapple commercial right?

Jargo
07-08-2002, 06:46 AM
WE DO NOT JUST TAKE PEOPLE FROM HICKSVILLE. THAT IS A SPURIOUS RUMOUR AND WE ARE HURT BY THIS TAINT.....

we don't even know where hicksville is. Is it on the map? Perhaps we should get a new one. This 1956 one is perhaps a little out of date.......

damn. You didnot hear what I just said. You will not remember ever meeting me here or what was dicussed. You will carry on as if you were never here.....

ZZZAAAP!

Starfig873
07-08-2002, 09:52 AM
My, this is certainly a lovely change of pace isn't it? And what's all this talk of bleach and thought screen helmets? Those alien buggers have big enough eyes just keep a fork under your pillow. You'll be fine :p

:rolleyes: silly humans :)

DeadEye
07-08-2002, 10:14 AM
Jargo--did they have blasters, and body armor that made them look like baked potatoes??!!! :D:D:D

Jargo
07-08-2002, 03:30 PM
I do not know what you are talking about *fzzzzt* you are mistaken about a great many things my fine feathered friend *fzzt* I am not your uncle and *fzzt* these are not my night clothes *fzzzzzt* beep beep *ffzt* hello john what do we have here then *fzzzt* ah yes a lovely horse and that's for sure *fzzt* beep *ffzztt* this is not the time to be asking me about anything *fzzzzt fzzt* baked potatos are full of nutrition if you eat the skins and and make sure you stick your prick - ing device into them before you bake to ensure that the potato will soften right to the center and become light and fluffy in texture *fzzzzt* Car 54 where are *fzzzt* Alexis I love you *fzzzzt* Earthlings do not fear the *fzzzt* candy dispenser comes with four flavours of candy so you can get that fruity *fzzzzt* bouncy and full of vigour with a lovely healthy and shiny coat.....

.....Mother ship will rendezvous in T minus fourteen hundred hours *fzzzt* hello baby did ya have a good day? *fzzzt* this bra don't fit and I aint gonna wear it no more! *fzzzt* everything is normal and the invasion will proceed according to plan *fzzzt* these Amazonian tree frogs are quite poisonous and although small contain enough poison on their backs to fell *fzzzt* entire forests *fzzzzzzzt* came out of the blue *fzzzt* we will encounter no opposition to speak of mother ship, begin your approach......