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good shot jansen
08-17-2001, 08:14 AM
in continuing, what was always one of the funniest (http://209.197.112.151/thread.html?dom=ss&TID=8&PID=3960) sections in the old forums, it's time to begin a new!

Luke: look at all the bodies here, i wonder how this happened.

c3po: victims identified as jawas. Female and male.

r2d2: brrrpp ring deeedle doop doop.

c3po: r2 lists the cause as a Probable boating accident.

luke: why would jawas want to go boating in the dune seas? there isn't any water for miles!.

obi-wan: (examining one of the jawas) The height and weight of the victim can only be estimated from the partial remains. The torso has been severed in mid-thorax. There are no major organs remaining. (pausing, looks over at r2), May I have a glass of blue milk please? (continuing with the examination), Right arm has been severed, above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature. (r2 produces a glass of blue milk from a hatch inside his dome) Thank you very much. (continuing with the body)Partially denuded bone remaining, (looks angily at luke), this was no boat accident. Are you going to notify the republic about this?

Luke: No. jawas get killed all the time, and besides i was on my way into toshe station to pick up some power converters.

obi-wan: (annoyed, returning to the exam), The left arm, head to shoulders, sternum and portions of the rib cage are intact. (luke puts a cigarette up to his mouth, and begins to fumble with some matches) (Ben points at hin angrily) Do not smoke here! Thank you very much. So this is what happens. Indicates the non-frenzy savagry of a large trooperus possibly sithius ledus or palpatinus directus. Now, the enormous amount of tissue loss prevents
any detailed analysis however the attacking squadus must be considerably more accurate than any normal tuskinas found in these waterless seas. Didn't you get on the
holophone to check out these dunes?

Luke: uh No, like i said, i was on my way into tosh.......

obi-wan: (cutting luke off abruptly) Well this is not a boat accident! It wasn't any tuskan raiders! It wasn't any bounty hunters! And it wasn't Jack the Ripper! It was imperial storm troopers!

:)

JEDIpartner
08-17-2001, 10:29 AM
A NEW HOPE:

Luke: (upon seeing the dead bodies of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru) D'oh!

****

Han: (upon crashing into the remains of Alderaan) D'oh!

****

Darth Vader: (upon getting struck by wingman in the trench) D'oh!



THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Luke (upon crashing into the snow plain) D'oh!

****

Luke (upon crashing into the swamp) D'oh!

****

Luke (upon discovering Vader's true identity) D'ohhhh!!!!



RETURN OF THE JEDI

Leia: (upon discovering Luke is her brother) D'oh!

****

Lando: (upon the removal of the Falcon's radar dish) D'oh! I shouldn't have had that 8th Colt .45! I'm an IDIOT!!!

****

Han, Leia, Lando, Luke: (upon arriving at the Ewok village and discovering the party and hearing the "Muppet Show" celebration song) D'oh!!!


...thankfully this line was eventually used in The Phantom Menace when the battledroid was thrown back by the force-push.

Bel-Cam Jos
08-17-2001, 11:10 AM
The 1970s Special Edition of ANH:
Vader: "Where are the 8 tracs you intercepted?"
Officer: "Mellow out, man! We're just having a nice day."
Vader: "If this is a commune, then where is the maharasha?"

The late 1970s Special Edition of ESB:
Leia: "Wait. Listen."
Sound on speaker: "... can you... drums... Fernando..."
Threepio: "That song's everywhere these days."
Han: "I'm goin' out to shoot it. It's a good chance disco knows we're here to stay."

The early 1980s Special Edition of ROJ:
Han: "What're they saying?"
Threepio: "I'm a bit embarassed, Captain Solo, but I believe they think I'm some sort of Freakazoid."
Han: "Then why don't you use your tubular poppin' and do The Worm to get us out of here?"

Those were all bad, sorry...

El Chuxter
08-17-2001, 12:03 PM
Nice to see I inspired someone with the "d'oh!" post in the old forums. :)

ANH:
Luke: She's beautiful. . . . And she's rich.
Han: You don't have to be rich to be my girl. You don't have to be cool to rule my world.

JEDIpartner
08-17-2001, 01:37 PM
El Chuxter... thank you for the inspiration... I just had to put that back up on this one...

"D'oh!"- an all-time classic line!!!

I suppose in THE PHANTOM MENACE there could have been another SIMPSONS line inserted here...

Republic Ship approaches Naboo...

Officer 1: "We are approaching the Trade Federation Command Vessel."

Obi-Wan: "Ooohhh... jelly doughnuts...!"

Qui-Gon: "Tell the the Viceroy we would like to board immediately... and they look more like those powdered CAKE doughnuts."

Obi-Wan: "D'oh!"

Bel-Cam Jos
08-17-2001, 04:17 PM
Looks like we might need an SE - Simpsons Edition to this thread!
ANH:SE
Threepio: "Listen to them, Artoo! They're dying!"
R2: "Ba-weep ba-doop woop." ("Eh? What're you gonna do?" )

ESB:SE
Vader: "You are free to use any means necessary. No disintegrattions."
Bossk: "Haw-haw!"

ROJ:SE
End celebration after the battle
(Singing): "Wok-lings! Wok-lings! Fu-ture. Fu-ture."

the master jedi
08-17-2001, 05:16 PM
Luke: Leia, will you marry me?

Leia:What the heck. We've already kissed and who wouldn't like to see a story about space hicks?

JediTricks
08-18-2001, 06:11 PM
... in a "good" way. :D

Don't badmouth the Muppet Show, it's 1000 times better than the Ewoks and their lame SE song. ;)

GSJ, what is your's based on? I can't place it, but it seems familiar... it feels like... "Feels like what?" LIKE WE'RE BEING WATCHED! ;) Sorry, a little ESB crept in, but anyway, what's it from?

----

"So I told George 'look man, I'm only here till Corvette Summer comes out, then I know they'll need me back for a string of sequels', so I've got that going for me."

"Quiet on the set, ACTION!"

"I'm Luke Skywalker, I've got your corvette, I've brought Ben Keno..."

"CUT! Mark, how many times are you going to make that same mistake?!?"

2-1B
08-18-2001, 06:23 PM
I believe good shot jansen used Richard Dreyfus' monologue from Jaws.

Outstanding work!

2-1B
08-18-2001, 06:24 PM
Corvette Summer - didn't that "film" costar Annie Potts?

Bel-Cam Jos
08-18-2001, 10:31 PM
TPM
Amidala: "What do you think, Master Jedi?"
Qui-Gon: "Wha? I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Can you repeat it?"
Amidala: "Uh, sure. You go in and do it all yourself."
Qui-Gon: "Oh, yeah!"

ANH
Vader: "Did you find any droids?"
Officer: "No. Our scanners can only pick up biological things."
Vader: "So you're saying you haven't even gone inside the ship?"
Officer: "Uh, it's locked."
Vader: "Call AAA-23 and get it open then!"

ESB
Voice: "The first transport is away! The second transport is home. Game starts in 10 minutes!"
Rebels: "Cheer!"

ROJ
Han: "Chewie? Chewie, is that you?"
Chewie: "Grrwwrtgh! (No, I'm Leia)"
Han: "Ooh, even better... but you haven't shaved in a while, have you?"
Chewie: "Hrrtghwrr! (Check up on your Wookie sarcasm)"

2-1B
08-19-2001, 12:42 AM
Jar Jar: "Yousa have a poolsa?"

Qui-Gon: "Yes I have a pool. And a pond. The pond would be
good for you."

Griff
08-19-2001, 11:25 AM
Luke : Yes Leia you are my sister....... Leia : I know, somehow I' ve always known........ Luke: Cool so ya wanna make out.

Bel-Cam Jos
08-19-2001, 05:00 PM
ANH
Luke: "Ten thousand? We could buy our own ship for that!"
Han: "Sold! You now own the Millenium Falcon! "

ROJ
Han as AT-ST pilot: "It's over, Commander. The remaining Rebels are fleeing into the forest."
Officer: "Send- hey wait. You're that Land Shark, aren't you?"
Han: "Candy gram."

the master jedi
08-19-2001, 07:03 PM
If the Death Stars computers operating systems were windows:

Vader (while holding Bill Gates' throat): You told me it wouldn't exlpode if I used your operating system.

Gates: I lied. I just wanted more money.

Then the screen goes blank and you hear a crunching sound.

Jargo
08-19-2001, 07:47 PM
Leia: Governer Tarkin, I recognised your foul stench when i was brought on board.

Tarkin: Charming to the last. Oh - by the way, your father here..... oops!




Luke: Aaaaw - you're making a mess!

Yoda: Mmm, mess I make. Look around you will, swamp we are in. mess made you of landing. Heh heh heh. report you I will for reckless driving......

good shot jansen
08-20-2001, 08:05 AM
Originally posted by Caesar
I believe good shot jansen used Richard Dreyfus' monologue from Jaws.

yep! that' where i culled that one from

ben: that's no moon, it's a space station

luke: gulp! we're gonna need a bigger boat

;)

Bel-Cam Jos
08-20-2001, 11:19 AM
SWANH:JE ( Star Wars A New Hope: Jaws Edition )
No one has believed Bail Antilles-Organa-Solo that the Empire is a dangerous group. He looks up one day and sees the Death Star approaching.

Bail: "Everyone out of the planet! Now!"

master jedi
08-20-2001, 01:27 PM
Luke: Master Yoda you can't die.

Yoda: Well if you wouldn't have put that poisonous snake in my bed I wou.....(***dies and disappears.***)

Jargo
08-20-2001, 07:27 PM
Vader: Apology accepted Captain Needa...

[pause]

Capt. Needa: (coughing quietly) Um, I'm over here Lord Vader...

Vader: Damn these lenses! I spend half my time in space and they designed this stupid 70's esque flared helmet with reactalite lenses! I can't see diddly in the damn thing. Needa - give me a hand to get this thing off of me..........

2-1B
08-21-2001, 03:02 AM
Okay, what movie is this one from ?


Anakin to Palpatine upon receiving his new Vader outfit:

"I mean, you have to ask the question, How much more black could it be? And the answer's . . . none. None more black."

Bel-Cam Jos
10-02-2001, 05:56 PM
ANH
On the Millenium Falcon, Luke deflects blasts from the training remote.
Han: "I call it luck."
Ben: "In my experience there's no such thing as luck."
Luke: "I think I remember hearing that my dad knew of a japor snippet thing that gave you good luck."
Ben: "That's your uncle talking."
Luke: "Uncle Owen is really my father? Wow..."
Ben: "I better find that 'other Skywalker' soon!"

ROJ
On Endor, after the heroes have been released from the Ewoks' net.
Luke: "Threepio, can you understand what they're saying?"
C3PO: "It sounds like 'Yo heave hoe, yo-oh!' Master Luke."
Han: "Ah! Winged monkeys!"

p.s. Censorship is weird sometimes...

ThomasLane
10-03-2001, 12:13 PM
Han: "Captain's log, stardate....... Hey, Chewie! What the @#$% day is it?!"
Chewie: "Gronk!"

Jargo
10-03-2001, 01:12 PM
ESB:

Leia: "So if you're an alpha male then where exactly are your 'bits'?"

An asteroid hits the ship.

Chewie: "RRRROWRR! grnff mff Grnfff!"

Leia: "What? Oh yeah - Han, you better get up here fast."

bigbarada
10-03-2001, 01:30 PM
Aunt Beru: If your uncle gets a translator droid make sure it speaks Bocce!

Luke: Doesn't look like we have much of a choice but I'll remind him.

Aunt Beru: Don't backtalk me boy! Just do what you're told or I'll show ya the back of me hand! If my momma Jira were here, she'd learn ya but good!!!

JediTricks
10-04-2001, 09:52 AM
New opening voice-over in place of the opening crawl:

"My name is Han Solo, a smuggler... A rodian punk was blasted and I got stuck with 2 passengers... Now I'm lost in some distant part of the universe, on a ship... My dirty ship... with an old Jedi knight and a farmboy. Help me, listen please. Is anybody out there that can hear me? I'm being hunted by an insane Hutt gangster... doing everything I can... just looking for a few bucks."

boy, that was WEAK! :D

Bel-Cam Jos
10-05-2001, 07:27 PM
ESB - on Hoth
Luke: "What's the matter, girl? You smell something?"
Tauntaun: "Yes. Yes I do."

ROJ - on Home One amassing near Sullust
Mon Mothma: "Many Bothans died to bring us this information... (trails off in despair, but) What the-? Who has the laser pointer?! Yeah, I look really funny with a dot on my forehead!"
Orimaarko: "Hee hee!"

JediTricks
10-06-2001, 10:38 AM
Heh heh, "Mon Mothma IS George Costanza!"

Bel-Cam Jos
10-06-2001, 10:58 AM
Actually, JT, I was thinking of the Saturday Night Live sketch with Jimmy Fallon as Harry Connick Jr. and James "I Coulda Been Anakin" Van der beek as the punk kid in the upper row.

"My... funny Valentine..." ;)

Bel-Cam Jos
10-06-2001, 11:08 AM
This was posted (by me!) in the Misc section, and it applies here. It involves Homer's frequent D'ohs when he doesn't listen to his inner voice and says something else.

Imagine this in the Classic Trilogy:
Sandtrooper: "How long have you had these droids?"
Luke: ("Say something to throw them off" ) "Just a day or two. D'oh!"

Tarkin: "I grow tired of asking so this will be the last time; where is the Rebel base?"
Leia: ("Say something to throw him off" ) "Yavin IV. D'oh!"

Lando: "Care to join me for some refreshments?"
Han: "Sure, as long as there aren't any Imperials! Ha ha!"
Lando: ("Say something to throw them off" ) "Yeah, there won't be Sith Lords or bounty hunters where I'm taking you. D'oh!"

Luke: "Tell them that if they don't free us, you'll become angry and use your magic."
C3PO: "Okay. ("Say something to throw them off" ) Ee tok ma bok la chalookta ma booska reslum. (translation: "He told me to tell you I'll use the magic I don't have to scare you all into freeing us. D'oh!" ).

El Chuxter
10-26-2001, 01:45 PM
ROTJ
Ewoks: [chanting]
Han: "What are they saying?"
C-3PO: "Weesa be robbed and crunched!"

ANH
Luke: "There's nothing for me here now. I'm coming with you to Alderaan."
Ben (to C-3PO): "Why do I get the impression we've picked up another pathetic lifeform?"

master jedi
10-26-2001, 03:26 PM
Vader: I am your father and Leia is your mother.

Luke: NNNOOOOO!!!!!

Bel-Cam Jos
10-26-2001, 07:27 PM
ROJ- on Dagobah
Ben: "That is why your sister remains safely anonymous."
Luke: "Well, can you give me a hint?"

ESB- approaching Cloud City
Han: "Hey! I'm trying to reach Lando Calrissian!"
Voice: "And then?"
Han: "No 'and then'."
Voice: "And then?"
Han: "NO 'AND THEN'!!"

ANH- on Death Star
Leia: "Grand Moff Tarkin. I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board."
Tarkin: "No, we just had Eopies here and they were, doing their business."
Leia: "Icky goo!"

TPM- in Theed Hanger
Door opens to reveal... Sith Lord Darth Maul!
Qui-Gon: "How you doin'?"
Maul: "How you doin'?"
Obi-Wan: "How you doin'?"
Amidala: "How you doin'?"
Panaka: "Whassssssssaaaaaaapppppp!"
R2: "Bud."
Threepio: "Weis."

master jedi
10-26-2001, 07:56 PM
Luke: WHere are all the Fritos.

Han: I don't know.

Chewie: Don't look at me. (burp)

JediTricks
10-27-2001, 08:51 AM
----
VADER: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now I am the master.

OBI-WAN: Um, we met last what now?

VADER: Gah! You've become a confused old man!

OBI-WAN: I am not delusional! You're only a... learner... of... um... Qui-Gon, is that you? I told you the negotiations would be short.

VADER: Here you go trooper, shoot that confused old man, he's defenseless.

STORMTROOPER TK-726: *tchkt* Yes sir! Finally, a target I can hit! *tchkt*

(The stormtrooper squints, shoots several shots that all miss the elderly Jedi who is now talking to a lamp. The trooper fires off another missing volley, gets frustrated and finally walks over to club Obi-Wan in the head. However, instead of hitting Kenobi, the trooper smashes the lamp. Obi-Wan spins around in rage and cuts the trooper's head off, angrily mumbling incoherently.)

Bel-Cam Jos
10-27-2001, 10:25 AM
JT, that was a great return to the true LOL humor of this thread!

TPM- inside Trade Fed. battleship
Obi-Wan: "Is it in their nature to make us wait this long?"
Qui-Gon: "Well, these Jello shots will need some time to wear off so we can fight coherently."
Obi-Wan (getting woozy): "You're not th' boss'a me! I got'a lajzer sword an' I can cut you in-" (topples to the floor)
Qui-Gon: "You have much to learn about the Drinking Force, Padawan."

ANH- inside Wuher's cantina
Han: "10,000. All in advance."
Ben: "Okay. Here." (He shoves Luke over to Han)
Han: "What? What're you doing?"
Ben: "You never said 10,000 of what. This boy's father had 20,000 midichlorians, and if he's half as good..."
Han: "Master Jedi, what are midichlorians?"
Ben: "Uh, how 'bout we just give you republic credits?"
Han: "What? I'm a Corellian. Mind tricks no-a work on-a me, only real money."
Chewie: "Grrag!" Translation: "Boring conversation anyway."

master jedi
10-27-2001, 06:39 PM
Luke: Blue milk? I wonder what color cheese is?

JediTricks
10-28-2001, 10:26 AM
Thanks Bel-cam, I try... (to be cruel to old people, apparently ;)).

----

HAN: (talking into the comlink) Uh, uh, negative. We had a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak...very dangerous.

INTERCOM VOICE: Who is this? What's your operating number?

Han blasts the comlink and it explodes.

HAN: Boring conversation anyway. (yelling down the hall) Luke! We're going to have company!

LUKE: (whining) Company? But I haven't a thing to wear! Oh, you always give me these last-minute events and expect me to be the perfect hostess!

----

master jedi
10-28-2001, 07:27 PM
Leia: Luke is my brother.

Han: And you made out with him? You sick, twisted, freak.

Bel-Cam Jos
10-28-2001, 10:45 PM
ESB- on Cloud City
Han is thrown into the cell with Leia and Chewie.
Han: "I feel terrible."
Leia: "Does this hurt?"
Han: "Ow!"
Leia: "Well, how about here?"
Han: "Ahh!"
Leia: "Well where doesn't it hurt?"
Han: "Here." (pointing to his elbow)
Leia: "I'm your g**-d*** partner!"
Han: "What?"
Chewie: "Grramornah!" (translation: "No time for love, Capt. Solo!" )

ROJ- on Endor
Leia: "No. Run away. Far away. If he can feel your presence, then leave this place."
Luke: "Hmm, how about the planet that's farthest from the bright spot in the universe! Vader would never think to go there! Yeah... Tatooine."
Leia: "I have a bad feeling about this..."

JediTricks
10-29-2001, 09:57 AM
---ROTJ: Endor Forest Moon---

LEIA: Over there! Two more of them!

LUKE: I see them. Wait, Leia!

Leia doesn't hear him and races for the remaining speeder bike. She starts it up and takes of just as Luke jumps on the back of her bike.

SCOUT TROOPER ON BIKE: (thinking to self) Boy, I sure hope they don't jam my comlink by using the center switch.

LUKE: (pointing to the controls on Leia's bike) Quick! Jam their comlink. Center switch!

----

----ROTJ: Sarlacc Pit on Tatooine---

THREEPIO: Victims of the almighty Sarlacc; His Excellency hopes that you will die honorably. But should any of you wish to beg for mercy, the great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas.

Han steps forward arrogantly and begins to speak.

HAN: Threepio, you tell that slimy worm-ridden mothah...

LUKE, LANDO, and LEIA: (interrupting, in unison) Shut yo mouth!

HAN: Aw, but I was only talkin' 'bout the Hutt!

LUKE, LANDO, and LEIA: (in unison) Then we can dig it!

----

master jedi
10-29-2001, 01:44 PM
Leia: I'd just as soon kiss a wookiee.

Han: Ok. Chewie get over here.

Leia: Chewie, kiss me.

Chewie: growl (ok.)

Leia: Whoa! that was god. meet me in my quarters later, chewie.

Han: You know he's a married wookiee don't you?

JediCole
10-29-2001, 02:04 PM
There is a little known cut scene from Star Wars (a.k.a. A New Hope) in which Bail Organna rockets his infant son away from Alderaan to a distant planet where he will have powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.
This would have been a prelude to the projected episodes VII-IX.

TeeEye7
11-01-2001, 04:19 AM
ESB:

(Cloud City)

Lando: You look absolutely beautiful. You truly belong here with us among the clouds.

Leia: Thank you. Does this dress make me look fat?

Bel-Cam Jos
11-01-2001, 06:40 PM
ROJ- at Sarlacc Pit
Lando: "Ahh!"
Han: "Lando! Chewie, grab my legs!"
Lando: "Wait, I thought you were blind?"
Han: "Nah." Fires pistol, hitting Lando. "See; no problem."
Chewie: "Grrraggh." (Translated: "Uh, you hit him." )
Han: "Yes! Still got the aim!"

ANH- in Cantina
Greedo: "I've been looking forward to this for a long time."
Han: "Yeah. Me too."
Neither gun works.
Han and Greedo: "What the-?"
Lucas enters. "I decided to make both of you less the mercenary! Great, huh?"
Han and Greedo: "Sure, boss. Anything you say, boss."

ESB- on Hoth
Ben: "Luke, you will go to the Dagobah system."
Luke: "Is is cold there?"
Ben: "There you will learn... what did you say?"
Luke: "Is it cold there? I'm from a warm planet."
Ben: "If you say 'space is a little too cold for my tastes,' that's gonna be creepy!"
Luke: "Mighty blasters!"

Bel-Cam Jos
11-23-2001, 10:32 AM
ANH (On Millenium Falcon ) -
Chewie: "Rrraaarrggh!"
Threepio: "He made a fair move. Screaming about it won't help."
Chewie: Whimper...
Threepio: "That's right!"

ESB (on Executor ) -
Vader: "Yes, Admiral?"
Piett: "The ship has entered an area and..."
Vader: "And? And what?"
Piett: "Well, my lord, the officers are near the Highest Score on the game and, well..."
Vader: "Asteroids does not concern me, Admiral. I want that ship."
Piett: "That is so bogus."
Vader: "What!?!"
Piett: "I said 'That will help us.'"
Vader: "Oh."
Piett: "Whew!"

ROJ (in Shuttle Tydirium ) -
Officer: "Shuttle Tydirium, what is your cargo and destination?"
Han: "Well, we sure aren't smuggling Rebels onto Endor! Ha ha!"
Officer: "Repeat, Shuttle?"
Luke (off mike): "Start following the script or you'll get us all killed!"
Han: "Uh, parts for the moon, or whatever."
Officer: "Oh, okay."

Bel-Cam Jos
11-29-2001, 06:57 PM
ESB
Vader: "Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."
Luke: "Who's Obi-Wan? Do you mean old Ben Kenobi?"
Vader: "Ben? Huh?"
Luke: "He told me, quote, 'A Pupil of mine, Darth Vader befriended, tortured, and mutilated your father,' unquote."
Vader: "No, he didn't say that. He said... wait. Line."
Off-stagehand: "Say 'Keep on truckin'!' Hee hee!"
Vader: "Grrr!!!"

ANH
Leia: "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"
Luke: "Whine..."

Bel-Cam Jos
12-26-2001, 05:32 PM
ANH, on the Death Star
Ben: "I don't think you boys can help me."
Han: "Oh! It's an "old guy" thing?"
Ben: "No, it's..."
Luke: "Wait, Ben. I'll tell him. Han, Ben is my father."
Ben: "What?!?"
Han: "Put me back in the cargo hold, Chewie!"

ESB, under Cloud City
Luke: "Ben! Leia! Fixer! Fee fie foe mixer. Fixer!"

ROJ, in Emperor's Throne Room
Palpatine: "Vader! What is keeping you? Is Skywalker with you?"
Vader: "Yes, my master. But he's pushed all the floor buttons. We'll be there after coming back down."
Luke: "Hee hee!"

SithDroid
01-14-2002, 06:16 PM
Some of these are deleted lines and some of these are outtakes. I got creative and decided to do both.

ANH

Leia: "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"
Luke: "Lady I'm only 17. I still got growing years ahead of me."

ESB

Ben: "Luke. You must go to the Dagobah system. There you will learn from Yoda, the Jedi Master that instructed me."
(Luke making snow angels)
Luke: "Sorry Ben. What were you saying?"

Vader: "No Luke. I am your father."
Luke: "That's not true. That's Impossible!"
Vader: "Search your feelings you know this to be true."
Luke: "Well I want a DNA test to prove it."

Luke: "What is the Force."
Yoda: "The Force is made up of these midichlorian things. And they are inside our living cells. They talk to each other.... Hold it cut cut..."
GL: "What's the problem?"
Yoda: "I'm just not feeling this George. This whole midicholrian thing. It's kind of confusing."
GL: "OK, no problem. How about instead of saying that you just say that it is a Lifeforce that penetrates us and binds the universe together.
Yoda: "Yeah I like that better."

ROTJ

Han knock on the door to the shield generator complex.

Officer: "Who is it?"
Han: "Housekeeping!"
Officer: "Go away!"
Han: "Well it was worth a shot."

TPM

Qui Gon: "And what is to become of Jar Jar Binks here?"
Boss Nass: "He's to be punished."
Qui Gon: "Well, mind if we help?"

Yoda: "Hey Mace. How do I look?"
Mace: "What do you mean, how do you look?"
Yoda: "I'm mean did make-up do a good enough job with covering some of my wrinkles. It's hard to play a character 40 years younger, when you're my age. Plus we've had a break for 16 years, so actually it's more like 56 years younger."
Mace: "You look good man."
Yoda: "Thanks. You think Natalie would go out with me if I asked her."

Bel-Cam Jos
01-17-2002, 10:33 PM
ANH
Tarkin: "Princess Leia, in a way, it is you that has determined which star system will be destroyed first."
Leia: "What, Yavin? Did Vader read my mind or something?"
Tarkin: "Uh, no. But that'll do."
Leia: "D'oh!"
Vader: "Haw haw!"

ESB
Vader: "Put him in."
Boba Fett: "You ended with a preposition."
Vader: "What?"
Fett: "You can't end a sentence with a preposition."
Vader: "Where'd you read that at?"
Fett: "There you go again."
Vader: "Bossk; 4-LOM; Zuckuss. I'm suspending my 'no distintigrations' rule."
All: "Whoo-hoo!"

ROJ
Wicket: "Eechee wamba!"
Leia: "It's a hat. It won't hurt you."
Wicket: "I know it's a hat. Geez..."

JediTricks
01-18-2002, 12:37 AM
Bel-Cam, I'm gonna take my own spin on yours:

VADER: Put him in.
FETT: You ended with a preposition.
VADER: What?
FETT: You can't end a sentence with a preposition.
VADER: Where'd you read that at?
FETT: There you go again.
VADER: That's an outdated rule.
FETT: (sarcastic) Really? How do language rules get outdated?
VADER: When people stop accepting it as a rule, that's when!
FETT: Ok, so seriously then, when did this rule become passe'?
VADER: I don't know, what do I look like, a linguist?
FETT: You mean an 'etymologist'.
VADER: Why would I mean a bug scientist?!?
FETT: No, that's an 'entomologist'; an 'etymologist' is a scientist who studies the history and paths of language.
VADER: Really? I thought that was the guy who dealt with the endocrine syst...
HAN: (interrupting) GOD, SHUT UP! I'd rather be frozen in carbonite than listen to any more of this!!!
VADER: So be it.
FETT: See, there you go again.
HAN: AAAAAAGGH!!!!
FETT: (muttering) Heh heh heh.

Bel-Cam Jos
01-19-2002, 10:07 AM
Welcome to...
The Poor Grammer (yes, "grammEr" ) Lines That Were Cut From The Movies thread! :cool:

ESB
Lando: "I've just made a deal that will keep the Empire out of here forever."
Door opens to reveal Darth Vader. Han quickly fires at him, but Vader deflects the blasts and Force-pulls the blaster to him. Stormtroopers line up behind the group.
Lando: "I'm sorry. They arrived just before you did."
Leia: "The stormtroopers?"
Lando: "Well, actually some officers stepped off first."
Leia: "So they didn't arrive first."
Lando: "I said they arrived just before you did, not first."
Han: "I can never trust you again."
Fett: "See? These guys hate each other!"
Vader: "And the things they fight over!"
Fett: "Over is a preposition, you know."
Vader: "What?"
Fett: "Never mind..."

ESB
Leia: "The cave is closing!"
Han: "This is no cave."
Leia: "'Snow cave? We're not on Hoth anymore, hotshot!"
Han: "Chewie. Smack her."
Chewbacca: "Grrnk?"

SithDroid
01-24-2002, 11:05 PM
The first one is in addition to the ones I posted earlier, so you might have to look back to understand it. These are deleted scenes and outtakes.

TPM

Qui-Gon: "He has the highest concentration of midichlorians I've ever seen."
Yoda: "Hold it cut, cut. George didn't we clear up this whole mid, midi, midiflofovian thing back during Empire?"
GL: "Yeah, but I thought it might be good to bring it back."
Yoda: "O.K. whatever."

Obi-Wan: "What's This?"(refering to Jar Jar)
Qui-Gon: "A digital mistake of some sorts."

Obi-Wan: "I feel a disturbance in the force master. It's something somewhere else, elusive?"
Qui-Gon: "Perhaps you're referring to the Gungans. They are a disturbance."

ANH

Obi-Wan: "These aren't the droids you're looking for."
Sandtrooper: "These aren't the droids we're looking for."
Obi-Wan: "Here's some money that I dropped."
Sandtrooper: "Here's some money that you dropped."
Obi-Wan: "You're stupid."
Sandtrooper: "I'm stupid."

ESB

Obi-Wan: "That boy is our last hope."
Yoda: "What about me? Judge me by my size do you?"

Leia: "The cave is collapsing!"
Han: "This is no cave. It's a hand puppet."

ROTJ

Luke: "My Father has it...I have it...my sister has it."
Leia: "Who's your sister?"

Vader: "Son, help me remove this mask."
Luke: "But you'll die."
Vader: "No I won't. I'm an actor and it's only a movie. Besides, it's hot in here."

That's enough for now.

Bel-Cam Jos
01-26-2002, 10:34 AM
ESB
Han: "I'm sorry, general. I've got to leave. I've got some old debts to settle."
Rieekan: "I hate to lose you, Solo. A death mark's not an easy thing to live with."
Han: "Don't I know it! Mark always argues over his half of the phone bill! And drinking out of the carton? Ew!"

ANH
Ben: "Your father's light saber. He wanted you to have it when you were old enough."
Luke: "So my father said, 'Ben, when Luke's 19, give him my Jedi weapon'? That sounds odd."
Ben: "Grrr! Good thing you don't know I killed your dad."
Luke: "What?!?"
Ben: "These aren't the memories you're looking for."
Luke: "Uuuuhhhhhh..."

ROJ
Luke: "Threepio, can you understand what they're saying?"
Threepio: "It's a primitive dialect, but I belive they're saying 'Boys say, boys say; hey baby, hey baby hey.'"
Han: "No doubt."

TPM
Watto: (in Huttese) "Your friend is quite the gambler. I may end up owning him soon!"
Padme': "What'd he say?"
Anakin: "It was 'Girls say, girls say; hey baby, hey baby hey.'"
Kister: "No doubt."

good shot jansen
02-27-2002, 07:23 AM
AOTC

anakin and obi-wan are racing through courescant in thier speeder

obi-wan: (teeth rattling) hhow mmmannny tttttimmmmes do iiiii hhhhave ttttto ttttellll yyyou nnnotttt tttto ggggo ttthhhhrouuugh tttthhhhe eeeeenerrrrgy bbbbbeammmmss?

anakin: (teeth rattling) nnnnoooww tthhhiiiss iiisss ppppooddd rrrraaaccciiinnngg

ANH

vader in hot pursuit of gold leader

vader: *****breath**** i'll take him myself

vader locks on to the y-wing, squeezes off a shot, the y-wing busts into flames

vader: ****breath***** now this is pod racing *****breath******

ESB

vader: ******breath****move the ship out of the asteroid field, ******breath*****i want a clear transmission to the emperor****breath*****

needa: yes lord vader

vader: ****breath***** now this is pod racing *****breath******

ROTJ

vader: the emperor sent me to make sure that you stay on schedule

vader walks away mumbling to himself

vader: ******breath****** an administrator ******breath****** a dayum project manager administartor ******breath****** the emeperor tells me i gotta baby sit this dayum construction project ******breath****** pod racing this ain't******breath******

Bel-Cam Jos
03-01-2002, 07:03 PM
ROJ
Vader: "What of the reports of Rebels massing near Sullust?"
Palpatine: "Mashing? Like, 'they're no mash fo droidekas'?"
Vader: "Huh?"
Palpatine: "I once heard some aliens use that phrase when I talked to them via hologram."
Vader: "So you are Darth Sidious!"
Palpatine: "Who?"
Vader: "Darth Sidious. Your real name!"
Palpatine: "That name no longer has any meaning for me."
Vader: "Hmm. Can I use that line later?"
Palpatine: "Later, Vader."

ESB
Luke: "What's in there?"
Yoda: "Only what you take with you."
Luke: "Whiny farmboys who kiss their sister? Ohhh..."

ANH
Leia: "Darth Vader! Only you could be so bold."
Vader: "Bold enough to be your father."
Leia: "What was that?"
Vader: "I said, 'Cold enough to beat your father.'"
Leia: "But Anakin's dead."
Vader: "Huh?"
Leia: "I said, 'Half o' kinsmen.'"
Captain Antilles: "I'm not dead yet. I'm badly hurt. Could someone please sent some help?"

Rollo Tomassi
03-02-2002, 01:32 PM
LEIA: "Governor Tarkin. I should have recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board."

TARKIN: "Nope. Not me. (pointing) Vader had a Bean Burrito for lunch."

VADER: "I feel a presence. Something I've not felt since..."

Vader rushes off to find the nearest Imperial potty.





Thanks Wolfwood;)

Jargo
03-02-2002, 01:52 PM
Yoda: When reach my age you do, look so good will you hmmm?

Luke: Oh yeah, you da man Yoda, lady killer of the year.....:rolleyes:



Lando: having problems with your droid?

Han: Why yes, yes I am actually.....

Lando: Oh..... let's eat! :D *I'm kinda in a karaoke mood, i know this great little fast food place down in the lower levels where you can eat all you want for just one credi....*



Motti: Your sorcerer's ways don't impress me Lord vader

Vader: No? Well what's this? *produces an egg from Motti's ear*

Motti: Oh wow! That's really neat, guess I underestimated the power of the dark side........

master jedi
03-02-2002, 07:39 PM
Luke:Even though we're brother and sister, Leia, do you still want to make out like we used to?

Vader: I am your father.
Luke: Yipee

chewie
03-02-2002, 09:07 PM
ESB

Vader: Join me, and together we can the universe as father and son.
Luke: You just chopped off my hand! Do you really expect me to be thinking about being all buddy-chummy with you right now?

Rollo Tomassi
03-03-2002, 10:38 AM
The revised, REVISED version of the Han/Greedo confrontation.

GREEDO: Oota Goota , Solo? (Going somewhere, Solo?)

HAN: "Yeah, Greedo, I was just on my way to find jabb.."

Greedo starts into his tirade. Han slowly slips some "sleeping powder" into Greedo's drink. While talking Greedo takes a swig.

GREEDO: "[I've been looking forward to this for a long time...]"

HAN: "Yes, I'll bet you have."

Greedo doesn't fire.

Han doesn't fire.

Greedo slumps over on the table. "Knocked out" but still alive and unhurt.

A big weight is lifted off George's conscience. He goes home and read's Jet a bedtime story, P.J. Funnybunny in "It's not easy being a bunny."

mark2d2
03-08-2002, 02:45 AM
. . . Okay, now a lot of people don't know this, but Han actually helped Greedo fake his own death and escape the clutches of Jabba the Hutt. Chewbacca rigged Greedo with a fake explosive charge. Soon afterwards his body mysteriously disappeared. In fact, the clever Rodian slipped into to Docking Bay 93 where his newly modified TIE BOMBER -- complete with life support and R4-M9 awaited him. He then began a bold new life as a Rebel Spy and can be glimpsed briefly in Jabba's Palace posing as his look-alike cousin in Return of the Jedi. Despite the great and obvious danger, Greedo knew it was important for him to be there to oversee the rescue of the man who saved him from the evil-most-vile personified by Jabba the Hutt. In fact, it was only through Greedo's contacts that Lando got his gig as a palace guard.

All of this will be explained and expanded upon in the Ultra Special Editions due out for the 30th Anniversary in 2007.

SithDroid
03-08-2002, 12:28 PM
LOL

Han: "You love him don't you?"
Leia: "Why, yes."
Han: "Fine. When he gets back, I won't stand in your way."
Leia: "It's not like that. He's my brother."
Han: "You made out with your brother. I see what kind of family you are now."