View Full Version : Bad Poetry

11-02-2001, 03:40 AM
There once was a boy named Luke
Who's father raced Arsk Bumpy Roose
He loved his sister named Leia
but found out his pal Han was a playa'

11-02-2001, 10:13 AM
Hmm, maybe instead of moving this thread to the MISC section, I should have deleted it. ;)

master jedi
11-02-2001, 11:12 AM
Here's some more bad poetry:

Chewie Chewie he's our wook
If he can't do it no one can cook

11-02-2001, 11:30 AM
Here's some really bad haiku:

Lando is the man.

Kenny Rogers wrote a song for him.

It was called "The Gambler".

I know, this is only "haiku" if you count "Kenny" as one syllable and "Rogers" as one syllable, but it was the best I could do right now.

Mandalorian Candidat
11-02-2001, 05:22 PM
Here's my crummy impression of Andrew Dice Clay...

Hickory dickory dock,
Princess Leia climbed up the clock,
The clock struck one,
My pants came down,
Hickory dickory dock.

I can't believe I wrote that... :eek:

Bel-Cam Jos
11-04-2001, 09:44 AM
Go to Dagobah, Ben said
Be a Jedi, so Vader'll be dead
I found a small creature
Who first said "I'll no teach ya"
In ANH, I was #5 Red.


Flyin' through asteroids, yes we are.
Lookin' for potatoes, that sure is hard.
Driftin' away with the rest of the junk.
Tryin' to find Lando, a scoundrel punk.


There once was a alien from Naboo
Who later stepped in some icky goo
His name was Jar-Jar Binks, of which
Some think his screen time is stinkowich
Best color-screen technology is blue.



11-14-2001, 10:40 AM
I think Jedi Tricks was right! :rolleyes:

Bel-Cam Jos
11-15-2001, 07:33 PM
Han Solo wears a vest.
Luke has a floppy hat.
You could mispronounce Boba's name as "Fest."
What do you think about that?

Vader, first name Darth.
Evil, cruel, without a heart-th.
Palpatine taught him the bad Force.
Is the Emperor a clone? Of course?

We could buy our own ship for that!
Yeah but who's gonna fly it; you?
We should go, Ben! Leave him flat!
Oops! I sttepped in bantha poodoo.

Who's the ugliest of them all?
Gammie! Gammie!
Who's center of gravity's low so he can't fall?
Gammie! Gammie!
Guardin' the dungeons from, uh, who'd go there?
Gruntin' and droolin' like some shaved green bear.
Gammie! Gammie the Gammorean Guard!

11-15-2001, 07:52 PM
There once was a farmboy named Luke, some people may think of his destiny as a fluke but when you consider, he saw his aunt and uncle dead and didn't become bitter, for he must have something planned, otherwise his butt is gonna get canned.

Emperor Palpatine was odd and groany, he wishes his Empire would make more money, but as much as he tries, he always ends up with troopers that can be outdone by flys.

The Empire thought they could end the Rebels with a flick, but come to find out the Rebels kick, so why am I watching the Tick?

11-16-2001, 06:46 AM
My old contributions to the SSG Haiku threads:

Darth Maul disappoints
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
did not cut it. HA!

Jar Jar made us sick
Annoying antics so lame
Why in the next film?

Messed up Star Wars for some
Lucas should edit

Ewan had few lines
But certainly kicked butt
Oh, he'll be back

my wallet, empty
Fambaa, seventy-five bucks
Hasbro took my cash
(I call that one "Ballad of the collector")

(this next one is called "Karma catches Sebulba")
frog hits Sebulba
Sebulba hits poor Jar Jar
podracer hits dirt

"Much too old, is he.
Much fear, I sense in the boy.
Train him, you must not."
(that one was called "A jerk, Yoda is")

The eopie farts
The public is not amused
Star Wars suffers on

Scene after scene cut
Many looked promising
Will they be restored?

"As dawn breaks", a 3-part haiku by JediTricks....

As dawn breaks,
prepare the fight of your life is soon
Look! The doors open

Run, run for your prize
do not fall behind the pack
Toys R Us - the race

Nothing new today
"When will you have new figures?"
"Come back tomorrow"

The Sith, cold and cruel
Evil lurks the galaxy
Yet merely warms the pegs

Three words chill my soul
"Internal Server Error"
A pox upon us all

COMMtech chips not great
a failure for all to buy
raising prices high

Jar Jar toys don't sell
folks disliked this character
and now he's coming back

Hasbro is quite large
they buy some good companies
then mismanage them

The heart of Star Wars?
R2-D2, astromech
hero for us all

haikus can be fun
seven syllables is not hard
but meter can be tough** ;)
(I've found that sometimes, the meter of the poem seems to take precedence over the 5-7-5 rule, and that rule must be broken occasionally, IMHO of course.)

Jawas and ewoks
similar in size and deeds
just different music

Just one more question...
Who wears Darth Maul underwear?
We all know it's you

A crazy old man
once a powerful Jedi
catalyst for change

Naboo's young ruler
a Queen who's not what she seems
yet stronger than some thought

Ancient tradition
Wookiees gather and give thanks
don't let Carrie sing!

(This one's called "Just one calorie...")
Darth Maul, Sith dark lord
the diet coke of evil
not evil enough

The empire's slaves
Wookiees do not grow on trees
oh wait, yes they do

Han's ship, the Falcon,
hamburger and an olive,
oh, the shame of truth

Death Star's main weakness
but the shaft is shielded
proton torpedo

Star Wars halloween
Jar Jar costumes didn't sell
everyone's Darth Maul

(This next one's called "Boy, ESB sure is depressing")
Lando sells them out
Vader changes the deal
Luke loses his hand

Jar Jar slips in poo,
Where's the dignity in that?
In George's wallet.

Twin pod cloud car shoots
Lando betrays, Vader traps
Han Solo on ice

Obi-Wan a hermit,
wizard, crazy old fossil.
Tell that to Ponda!

One similar thing
three classics have in common
Han feels up Leia

Hasbro's phone number?
It's one-eight-hundred fart-bog
Very apropos

Jar Jar sucks clamshell,
says to Qui-Gon, "Hey! Hep me!"
Scene went in the trash.

Bel-Cam Jos
11-16-2001, 07:34 PM
Some of those weren't half bad, JT. Yet others were 2xs bad!


in the style of e e cummings

once while on their way to the palace
they bickered
and squabbled
amongst themselves on a
dusty path
if you heard half the things they say about him
you would stop reading this right n

Rockin' on Na-boo
In the hang-er
When the door slides
The Sith Lord won't stir
When the three fight
The old one will fall
But so will the Sith Lord
Saber and all

Bad poetry?
My poetry don't be no bad nothin'!
It been like with Star Wars things and all
Like it's a-sposed to
Like lookin this:
Death Star Death Star, mighty mighty Death Star!
That don't get no beaten by no other 'nother stuff never!

Lowly Bantha Cleaner
11-16-2001, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by Tycho
There once was a boy named Luke
Who's father raced Arsk Bumpy Roose
He loved his sister named Leia
but found out his pal Han was a playa'

Has William Shakespeare been revived from his eternal slumber?

I also nominate Bel-Cam for the position of poet laureate (or does Nipsey Russell hold that position). JT comes a close second.

Bel-Cam Jos
11-17-2001, 09:44 AM
Thanks, for the mad props, LBC! (I love saying your name as an acronym. It sounds gangsta rap-ish, know what I'm sayin'? :evil: )

Bounty hunter extrordinare
Out to get Han
But he has to bargain with Vader
At stake, Jabba's big price on Solo's head.

Found him on Cloud City
Enters during dinner mysteriously
Torturing Han doesn't phase him
Tumbling into the Sarlacc wasn't fair!

Young, at 900, you will not look, hmm?
Observes Luke's training, he does
Dies fading away in his bed
Announcing there's an... other... Sky... ker...

The 'Xir
11-18-2001, 01:36 AM
If you ask me this thread should be closed.
Because I smell something awful up my nose!

It sure aint good, and it sure aint sweet!
More like icky icky goo between my feet!

There once was a wise man named JT
He pronounced this death almost certainly!

Yet, here we all are wallowing miserably,
Oh Please Oh PLease save us from this bad poetry! :eek: :D :stupid: :cry: :p

11-18-2001, 02:58 AM
I second that.
Delete this whole Thread.
'For it falls flat
embarrassed I dread.

Since Started this I did
To Get out of hand it seems
of all I'd like to be rid
'for it haunts me in my dreams

master jedi
11-18-2001, 05:19 PM
Originally posted by The 'Xir

Because I smell something awful up my nose!

Well you may want to get your finger out of your nose.