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View Full Version : Monkey Parts and Unidentified Materials Found in Orbit!



Tycho
11-28-2002, 04:26 AM
I was just reading this on an internet news site:

Associated Press: Scientists at Palomar Observatory have noted the decaying orbit of what appears to be primate body parts encircling the earth. It is now permitted to discuss a top secret space shuttle flight to recover some of the material. It appears to be the space-vacuum preserved parts of over at least 11 chimpanzees and an unidentified type of wood material, amongst other refined metals and rocks.

At this time, scientists are theorizing that monkeys working in some secluded and yet undiscovered location have launched their first 'manned' space probe, only something went awry and their flightplan went to the bananas.

What is totally amazing is how they were able to achieve orbit in what appears to have been a wooden spacecraft! Under normal circumstances, any craft moving fast enough to leave the earth's atmosphere would heat up due to the enormous friction caused by the air's resistance. It seems that the monkeys may have overcome this problem by possibly using guava grease to shield their wooden vessel. Another theory suggests this new plant species the monkeys are using to build their spacecraft with might be filled with its own special kind of sap.

In any event, we now think we can identify the method by which monkeys are launching themselves into space. Since the material recovered did not amass enough to suggest there existed anything beyond the space craft itself, the vessel the monkeys occupied to get into orbit, it is theorized that there were no rocket boosters. Scientists think a team of perhaps 25 to 30 oranguatangs could bend back jungle vines tight enough to propel a monkey spacecraft out of the earths atmosphere so that chimpanzees could be the next primates to reach outerspace after the Russians and the Americans.

Contemporary scholars are now trying to make sense of what this might mean. Why are monkeys seeking to escape into outer space? Are they attempting to leave earth to find greener jungles elsewhere? Do they forecast some kind of doom that might befall humanity and they are trying to escape before an appocalypse of some type? Have monkeys already found an inhabitable planet or moon inside our solar system or just beyond it? And just how long have monkeys been flying off the earth in spacecrafts?

This has been a special report from the Associated Press.

Bobajames
11-28-2002, 08:53 AM
let me be the first to say, " BWHAT?"

thank you

Exhaust Port
11-28-2002, 09:38 AM
I think they died in a time travel experiment gone wrong.

The Overlord Returns
11-28-2002, 10:19 AM
so Tycho....what's it gonna cost me to get a hold of the narcotics you are on?? ;)

dirtybones
11-28-2002, 11:06 AM
Dude..... pass it over here............I always knew Charles Heston was freaked about those movies he made. Now it seems the true is out!!

stillakid
11-28-2002, 12:11 PM
Sounds like the Associated Onion. :D

sith_killer_99
11-28-2002, 12:22 PM
There's nothing to see here, move along!

Remember, big brother is watching.

**This message has been brought to you by "the man".**

sith_killer_99
11-28-2002, 12:37 PM
Hey, that's not my post...

sith_killer_99
11-28-2002, 12:38 PM
Yes it is.

sith_killer_99
11-28-2002, 12:39 PM
I think someone has hacked into my user accou....

sith_killer_99
11-28-2002, 12:41 PM
There's nothing to see here, move along.

That means YOU!!!

2-1B
11-28-2002, 12:48 PM
When I read the title of this thread, I was thinking of Orbitz, the gum . . . and thought they might have actually found monkey remains in the gum factory. I was kinda grossed out since I chewed a piece not to long ago . . . :crazed:

scruffziller
11-28-2002, 03:46 PM
Okay I know you are 'the man' Sith Killer. Since now being a Moderator, you can freely abuse your power by being able to post over and over right in a row.:D

Nexu
11-28-2002, 05:51 PM
Heh, it's just the remains of those early launches that included monkies and dogs, among other animals.

Lowly Bantha Cleaner
11-28-2002, 10:32 PM
Maybe it's the remains from those monkeys NASA experimented with some years ago, launching them into space and running all sorts of tests and experiments on them. When they returned to Earth, they became super smart and diabolically went on to . . . . .oh wait, you're all not supposed to know about that.

Sorry!

Nexu
11-28-2002, 10:56 PM
uh.....ok.