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Bel-Cam Jos
01-05-2003, 02:12 PM
I (still) couldn't find a previous thread, and it's been great in the AOTC movie section, so ta dah!

ON HOTH, ECHO BASE
Voice: "The first transport, is away."
Rebel: "When did Luke Skywalker begin giving PA announcements?"

ON BESPIN
Leia: "Vader wants us all dead."
Lando: "No, he's settign a trap for someone called, uh, Starkiller."
Han: "Luke's preliminary name? You're messing with SW continuity, Lando. You're a real hero..."
Lando: "Look, I've got my own problems."
Han: "Really? Like being imprisoned, tortured, and lied to?"
Lando: "Uh, I think I left my space iron on. Bye!"

sith_killer_99
01-05-2003, 03:45 PM
Bespin ambush

Vader: Captain Solo, we would be honored if you would join us.

Han: In a pigs' eye.

Vader: What's a pig?

Han: You know, it's kinda like a Gondar without the fur.

Vader: Ah, yes, disgusting, filthy creatures. I'd have nothing to do with them.

Bespin torture

Vader: Now, Captain Solo, we will discuss the location of Skywalker.

Han: I though you were Skywalker.

Vader: What? Who told you that?

Han: It's pretty common knowledge.

Vader: No it isn't!

Han: OK, you got me. Boba Fett told me, did you know he is really a clone of some guy named Jango Fett.

Vader: We are getting off the subject. Tell me about Luke Skywalker, the guy you helped escape from Mos Eisley.

Han: Oh, you mean Commander Luke Skywalker.

Vader: Commander? So my son is a Commander. If he were in the Imperial Navy he'd be a Captain by now.

Han: Luke's your son too? I just though he was a nephew or distant cousin. You know, like Captain Antilles and Wedge, they're not really related it's just that names like Organa and Antilles are common in the Star Wars universe.:crazed:

Pendo
01-05-2003, 04:12 PM
Vader - No! I am your father... ...'s, brother's, nephew's, cousin's, former room-mate.

Luke - I thought I recognised you :)!

PENDO!

Imperial Monarche
01-05-2003, 11:01 PM
Rebel: Your Taun-Taun will freeze before you reach the first marker.

Han: Really?! (gettin off the Taun-Taun) If Luke dies, don't tell Leia. I don't want her to think I'm a wuss.

Bel-Cam Jos
01-10-2003, 07:45 PM
ON DEVASTATOR STAR DESTROYER
Officer 1: "A Rebel transport is heading this way."
Officer 2: "Boo yah! This Empire's gonna strike back right now!"

ON DAGOBAH
Luke: "Still... it seems familiar. I feel like-"
Voice: "Feel like what?"
Luke: "Like oh, my gosh! You are like, so freaky!"

ON REBEL MEDICAL FRIGATE
Luke: "Meet me at the rendevous point on Tatooine."
Threepio: "Master Luke, I thought you said you were never coming back to that planet? And I thought Master Kenobi was a liar..."
Artoo: "Bah-whoo!" (You said it, brother!)

darthvyn
01-14-2003, 01:31 PM
yoda: it surrounds us... and binds us...

luke: ahh, so it's into the kinky stuff, huh?

tagmac
01-23-2003, 11:24 PM
Vader: "We would be honored, if you would join us."

Lando: "Darth, can I offer you an ice cold, Colt 45?"

Vader: "Of course.....it's the only malt liquor I like"

Fett: <nods silently>

Han: "Got any Bud?"

Lando: "We only drink Colt 45 on Cloud City!"

Vader: "Just for that insult, we're gonna torture you and freeze you in carbonite!"

Han: "Oh.....son of a..........!"

Fett: <nods silently>

Darkross
01-24-2003, 11:52 AM
On The Falcon (Asteroid Cave)

C3P0 (Interrupting Han Solo and Princess Leia kissing)

C3P0: "Sir...sir...I've fixed the heater on the sonic hot tub and the champagne is chilling for you and Mistress Leia!"

Han Solo: "Thank you...thank you very much!"

C3P0: "Oh you're quite welcome!"

JediTricks
01-28-2003, 11:08 PM
From my new sig-line:

Cloud City core, after saber battle

VADER: Luke, I have no father!
LUKE: That's not true, that's impossible!!!

Bel-Cam Jos
02-08-2003, 07:16 PM
ON HOTH
Han: "C'mon kid! Gimme a sign!"
(Luke moves his hands and arms)
Han: "Okay... first word... one syllable..."

ON VADER'S FLAGSHIP
Vader: "You're probably wondering why I called you here."
Bounty hunters: "Yeah!"
Vader: "Impress me."
Bossk: "Sssshe'ssss a brick... houssssse. Jusssst lettin' it all hang out."
Vader: "You are quite posssssssssibly the worst ssssssinger in the galaxxxxy, Bossk."
IG-88: "Here in my car, I feel safest of all. I can lock all
my doors. It's the only way to live, in cars."
Vader: "Boring. Awful. Next."
Fett: "I'm burnin' up, burnin' up for your love."
Vader: "I believe I said 'no disintegrations.' You are going down in flames, bucket head."
Piett: "We'll be back, with more 'Galactic Idol' in a moment."

JediBoulton
02-10-2003, 02:14 PM
IN HOTH HALLWAY:

Han: -- "Were you afraid of me leaving without giving you a goodbye kiss?"

Leia: -- "I just assume kiss a wookie"

Han: -- "Or your brother -- you just don't care who you kiss" :kiss:

Kidhuman
02-24-2003, 12:36 AM
On Hoth

Rebel soldier: Your Taun-Taun will freeze to death before the first marker.

Han: Then I'll see you in hell

Soldier: Hell? At least its warmer than this crumby planet

Tonysmo
05-11-2003, 04:00 AM
Darth Vader took two giant strides toward the immense visiscreen that
occupied the forward wall of the bridge of his flagship Imperial star
destroyer. "We've got them now," he rumbled. Whirling on the
technicians cowering at their consoles, Vader snapped, "Tractor beam!"

"Yes, Lord Vader," replied one, bending attentively to his task. Then
he looked up hesitantly.

Vader gestured dramatically at the screen, indicating the fleeing
spacecraft. "I want a tractor beam on that ship," he declared. "Now!"

The technician busied himself with switches and dials.

"Where's that tractor beam?" roared Vader, his voice dark with menace.

The other technicians turned frightened eyes on their peer. They knew what
happened when Darth Vader's instructions weren't executed instantly.

"The tractor beam seems to be down, sir," quavered the technician.

"What do you mean down?" Vader inquired with a disturbing silkiness to
his voice.

"It's not accepting commands, sir," the technician explained. Another
technician leaned over and examined the console. "That's odd. The beam
itself is showing green," he pointed out.

"Yes, I know," agreed the first.

"But I'm not getting any acknowledgment to my 'Engage' command." He
pressed a button several times to demonstrate.

"Maybe the network's down again," suggested a third technician.

"Oh, that could be," admitted the first technician. "The network
might be down, Lord Vader," he informed the large black figure trembling
with rage.


"What network?" Vader asked ominously.

The second technician jumped in. "Since we've moved to a distributed
architecture on the Imperial star destroyers, everything is on a network.
It was felt that the direct connections were too unreliable."

The third technician added. "The tractor beam is on one of the
peripherals sub networks, with the printers and the scanners. It's not on
the main weapons network."

"Why isn't the tractor beam on the weapons network?" asked Vader, now
more puzzled than angry.

The technicians exchanged sheepish looks. It was embarrassing to have
to point out something so obvious to a superior. The second technician
cleared his throat. "Well, sir, the weapons network is a higher priority.
It makes more sense to put the less commonly used systems on a separate
sub network that has lower QOS."

"QOS?" Vader queried.

"Hang on a second," said the first technician. "If the network is down,
how come we're getting a green light for the tractor beam?"

The third technician brightened. "Ah! Maybe the console is retrieving
old MIB data and displaying that."

"MIB?" rumbled Vader.

The first technician answered "We use SNMP to monitor the network
elements. When the server queries the element, it stores its current status.
If the network goes down, it can't query the element anymore, and all
you have is the latest status in the MIB." He turned to the other
technicians, musing.

"We really should have an indicator of when the last successful query was,
instead of just a green or red light."

"Good idea," said the third technician. "I'll call tech support."

"Say," said the second technician. "How about if we ping the tractor
beam? Let me bring up a telnet window."

"Telnet?" asked Vader, now obviously confused. "Ping?"

The first technician glanced briefly at Vader, a little annoyed at the
interruptions. Why couldn't this guy keep up with the service bulletins?
"The system runs Unix, but the consoles run NT 5000," he replied with
exaggerated patience. "You need a telnet window to ping the element."
He turned his attention back to the screen. "That's strange. It comes back
'active'. Listen, when you get tech support tell them we can't engage
the tractor but we can ping it."

"Right," said the third technician. "I'm still on hold."

"Here's a thought," said the second technician. "What if we just call
the guys down at tractor control and have them engage the beam manually?"

Vader seemed to brighten up at this, and swiveled his head from one to
another.

"Good idea," said the first technician. He lifted his communicator and
tapped the switch several times. "Nothing," he said.

The second technician shook his head. "Didn't we tell them we couldn't
do voice and data with that little bandwidth?"

Suddenly Vader noticed the visiscreen and let out a bellow of anger.
"They're gone!" he boomed.

The third technician looked up smiling. "Hey, I got tech support!"

Tonysmo
05-11-2003, 04:04 AM
A furious light saber duel is under way. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE
SKYWALKER toward the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off
Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs
away. He looks round, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight
down.

DARTH VADER: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."

LUKE: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

DARTH VADER: "No! I am your father!"

LUKE: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."

DARTH VADER: "Search your feelings; you know it to be true."

LUKE: "NO!"

DARTH VADER: "Yes, it is true and you know what else? You know that brass
droid of yours?"

LUKE: "Threepio?"

DARTH VADER: "Yes, Threepio, I built him when I was seven years old."

LUKE: "No."

DARTH VADER: "Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself,
no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the
swamp."

LUKE: "I worked hard on that moisture farm."

DARTH VADER: "What? Hauling buckets? I spent my childhood as a slave, then
*real* Jedi training, not 'a few days in the swamp with Yoda'."

LUKE: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"

DARTH VADER: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed
a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"

LUKE: "Well, it's not my fault."

DARTH VADER: "Oh, here we go. 'Poor me, my father never gave me what I
wanted for my birthday, boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith..
waahhh wahhh!'"

LUKE: "Shut up."

DARTH VADER: "You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had
exterminated the Jedi knights!"

LUKE: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"

DARTH VADER: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor 10 years old, winner of
the Boonta Eve Open. Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer, right here baby!"

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step toward it.

DARTH VADER: "I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are,
but you sure ain't mine."

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the
shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

DARTH VADER: "And get a haircut!"

Bel-Cam Jos
05-11-2003, 03:30 PM
I've heard that last one somewhere before, Tonysmo. But your first one's funny!

ON ASTEROID, ON M.FALCON
Han: "I just got this thing fixed; I'm not gonna let something tear it apart!" (Grabs a breath mask)
Leia: "Han!" (Grabs another mask, runs outside Falcon
Han (still inside ship): "Ha! Tricked you!"
(Leia explodes from outside pressure)
Chewie: "Huh huh huh."
Han: "She did what? Oops."

Bel-Cam Jos
12-24-2003, 11:07 AM
ON HOME ONE SHIP, MEDICAL WARD
Luke: "And may the Force be with you."
(Millenium Falcon flies off, Luke and Leia stare at the swirling galaxy)
Leia: "So, now that you have that mechanical hand, I say we steal all the candy bars that didn't quite come loose from the vending machines!"
Luke: "I got dibs on the 100K Credit bar!"
Leia: "And I want a Three Mandalorians bar!"
(Luke and Leia sprint down the hallway)
2-1B: "I should've sown on a Tauntaun hand instead..."
R2: "Beep-boop-boop."
2-1B: "Yeah, or one of those."

sith_killer_99
01-07-2004, 09:56 AM
Yoda- I cannot train him. The boy has no vision.

Ghost of Obi-Wan- What? Luke's blind! When did this happen?

Luke- I have vision, Ben tell him I can see.

Ghost of Obi-Wan- Luke, how many fingers am I holding up.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Yoda- Ready, for 800 years have I trained Jedi. My own council will I keep on who is to be trained.

Luke- Didn't all the Jedi that you trained get killed?

Yoda- Well, yes, but.

Luke- And didn't Ben train Darth Vader, who turned evil.

Yoda- Well, yes, but.

Luke- So do you really trust your own council? I mean, you could have stopped Obi-Wan from training this Darth Vader guy, but you let it happen.

Yoda- Well, yes, but.

Luke- And didn't you and the Jedi Council once help and serve Palpatine, who turned out to be this bad *** sith lord who wanted to rule the galaxy with an iron fist.

Yoda- Well, yes, but.

Luke- Uh, talk to the hand.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

sith_killer_99
01-08-2004, 06:09 PM
Darth Vader: Luke you do not yet realize your importance. You could destroy the Emperor, he has forseen it.

Luke: Emperor? What Emperor.

Darth Vader: Emperor Palpatine. The ruler of the known Galaxy.

Luke: I don't remember electing him Emperor.

Darth Vader: You don't elect an Emperor.

Luke: So then how did he get to be Emperor.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darth Vader: I am the Dark Lord of the Sith, I am invincible.

Luke: You're a loon.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lowly Bantha Cleaner
01-22-2004, 11:38 PM
Vader (bowing): What is thy bidding my master?

Emperor: 15 credits? No make it 20. 25? 30, do I hear 35?

jedi master sal
01-23-2004, 03:20 PM
Leia to Han on Death Star:

Leia: You came in that thing?

Han: Hey, she's got it where it counts, still got a few surprises left in her.
------------------------------------
Leia to Han in medical ward on Hoth:

Leia: Why you stuck up half witted scruffy looking nerfherder!

Han: Well your a crack Ho!
-------------------------------------------
Han to C-3PO on Endor regarding the Ewoks:

Han: well what are they saying?

C-3PO: They say your an idiot for walking into so blatantly obvious a trap as it were.
--------------------------------------------
Leia to Luke at the chasm on the Death Star:

Leia: (gives Luke a kiss) For luck!

Luke: Whoo-hoo looks like I'm gettin some tonight!
-------------------------------------------------
Han to Leia in the trash compactor:

Han: What an incredible smell you've discovered!

Luke: Okay who farted? And what smells like fish?

Leia: Well you would too if you didn't have any douche! The Empire is ruthless in their interogation! I haven't even had a shower for several days.

Han: I know.

Chewie: Wha ha ha ha ha
-------------------------

El Chuxter
01-23-2004, 03:28 PM
HAN: Hurry up, Goldenrod, or you're gonna be a permanent resident!

C-3PO: Excellent! Now I'll get to vote in the upcoming elections!

(Oooooh, that was bad.)

----
LUKE: Han, old buddy, do you read me?

[Several second pass with no answer.]

LUKE: Han? Han? Come in, Han! Echo One to Echo Base: we have a situation. Echo Two seems to have gone missi--

HAN: Ah, don't get your panties in a bunch, Luke. I'm just busy making snow angels. You should, too. It's great fun!