View Full Version : Flatulence Excuses.

02-03-2003, 05:28 PM
We've all heard it..... "DANG THERM BARKING SPIDERS!!!!!"

Then I discovered another animal yesterday. The CARPET FROG!!!!

And while I was hanging with the homies there were a few other obscure animals lurking about.



Have you found any obsure creatures lurking about???????

Rogue II
02-03-2003, 06:39 PM
Blame it on the dog.

02-03-2003, 06:53 PM
So you say the dog has a TALKING TICK problem..........
hee hee hee hee hee:D

Rogue II
02-04-2003, 08:07 AM
I was at work one day, and there were 3 of us sitting around a table, we had just finished a little meeting. Well, one of the guys lets one go. It was loud and kind of sputtered. The other guy goes, "Hey, that sounded like popcorn." This wierd lady that worked in our office was in her cubilce, probably half-listening to the goings on, says, "Ohhh, popcorn! I like popcorn, can I have some?"

It was funny.

Get it? She thought the fart was the sound of microwave popcorn.

I guess you had to be there.:rolleyes:

By the way, that guy that farted is the only person that I ever met that could predict the sound his fart will make. It was truly amazing. Yes, I'm easily amused and like the occasional fart joke, is that so wrong?:confused:

Patient Zero
02-04-2003, 09:10 AM
One of my kittens actually does get gas from time to time.

No, seriously! It wasn't me! I swear!

02-04-2003, 09:16 AM
"Oops, trouser cough!" (Not to be confused with the deadly Trouser Snake.)

"Not bad for a 1/4" speaker."

"Stepped on a duck!"

"Oh, listen....Mr. Bumhole doesn't think so, and neither do I."

"Damned bumhole talking behind my back again. I hate that."

Wakka wakka......

02-04-2003, 10:39 AM
There can be no excuses in the presence of a child. It doesn't matter where you are, when there's a three year old around, anyone's flatulence is subject for full disclosure. Even if you try to avoid it. Example:

<<flatulence occurs>> (could be you, your kid, the person in line next to you, etc.)

child: "What was that?"

you: "Nothing/I don't know"

child: "No, that was _____, farting!"

Never fails to elicit laughter/embarassment. :)

02-04-2003, 07:15 PM
Flatulence is funny. I am forever farting on my 5 year old.

I have heard it refered to as geese flying south and numerous others that have been mentioned.

02-05-2003, 12:54 AM
Kids are the funniest....no matter WHAT smells bad out in public, my daughter will ALWAYS chime in with "Daddy, your toot's STINKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" complete with the nose plugged and rolling eyes. It's perfect.

02-05-2003, 07:57 AM
I don't need to bust out the story of the "fart tape", do I? Emperor Howdy knows exactly what I'm talking about. Surprised not to see him in this thread.

02-05-2003, 01:41 PM
Someone need to submit a sound byte for us to listen to.
I'll never forget on Mancow he had "THE FART SHOW" one time and for 5 hours he did nothing but play one Loooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg gggggggggggggggg................... tape of farts. You could tell who was listening to the show because people were vearing off the road.:D

El Chuxter
02-05-2003, 02:10 PM
As Eddie Murphy once said, "It's the fart game, son. You'll play one day!"

What is a fart? Naught but the cry of an imprisoned [pig] terd.

Best excuse: "My butt itched. . . on the inside!"

11-24-2008, 12:14 PM
I haven't shaved today. When my skin is smooth I get the best suction when pressing against my cheeks so as to blow out of my mouth and make the loudest flatulence.

If I didn't have to shave frequently - at least every other day - I'd make more fake farting sounds much more often.

As it stands, I make the best, loudest, juiciest ones right after I've shaved my face.

Oh, I fart for real too - it's just not that loud unless I am sick. Then I like to make everyone around me suffer, too. When I don't need to lie down and I have to fart a lot, I like riding in my building's elevators.


Did you hear that?

11-24-2008, 01:09 PM
I (along with Cappy) have always had some WICKED gas. I never complain about it though...although everyone around me does...

What's best is to fart into the air intake for the air conditioning fo rmy shop. You can literally smell it all over.

11-24-2008, 05:09 PM
Shaving and farting, hmmmm, well I used to shave my butt crack every now and again, but my wife loves playing with my crack hair, whatever. I at least try not to fart on her if at all possible.

11-24-2008, 06:16 PM

Hell, grab a lighter and form the blue angel and fill the room with AWE
:beard: Iso&Baws

Please note that I in no way endorse this behaviour and actually advise against it (especially if you're unclothed) ... but it is awesome

11-24-2008, 09:28 PM
Ah, yes. The old light a fart on fire thing.

I hope that RB and Cappy chime in here so they can laugh about the "Eternal Flame" fart. That one'll live on til the end of time.

11-24-2008, 09:45 PM
¿Pedos flameantes? :eek:

11-24-2008, 10:40 PM
Arrested for farting?!?!?

Student arrested for 'passing gas' at Fla. school
4 hours ago
Loading... Must Read?Thank YouYes 18

STUART, Fla. — A student at a Florida school has been arrested after authorities said he was "passing gas" and turned off his classmates' computers. According to a report released Friday by the Martin County Sheriff's Office, the 13-year-old boy "continually disrupted his classroom environment" by intentionally breaking wind. He then shut off some computers other students were using.

The Spectrum Junior-Senior High School was arrested Nov. 4.

A school resource officer placed the boy under arrest after he confessed about his behavior, according to the report. He was charged with disruption of school function and released to his mother.


Information from: The Stuart News, http://www.tcpalm.com

11-24-2008, 10:58 PM
Ah, yes. The old light a fart on fire thing.

I hope that RB and Cappy chime in here so they can laugh about the "Eternal Flame" fart.That was the first thing I thought of when fart lighting was brought up.

That one'll live on til the end of time.I hope so or it wouldn't be eternal!

11-24-2008, 10:58 PM
My grandma use to always try and blame it on the dog. Even after the dog died.

11-25-2008, 10:47 AM
My 15 month old rips some pretty good ones and is already trying to lay the blame elsewhere. Every time he cuts the cheese he pats his stomach and says "burp." It's really cute ina disgusting way and makes me laugh a lot.

El Chuxter
11-25-2008, 01:19 PM
Next time, just say, "If that had remained inside, existence as we know it would be doomed. Be thankful to smell the ripeness, instead of being reduced to a singularity."

11-25-2008, 08:35 PM
My daughter asked me to pull her finger the other day.

That was one of the proudest moments of my life.

11-25-2008, 09:19 PM
My daughter asked me to pull her finger the other day.

I hope you didn't do it. It's a trap!

11-25-2008, 09:37 PM
I hope you didn't do it. It's a trap!
Are you kidding? I almost tripped over myself in a hurry to oblige!

11-26-2008, 06:52 PM
bottom burps. i never try to hide mine. unless i'm in an elevator. i'm quite proud of being known as a trouser trumpeter. I'm training myself to be more musical with the farts. muscle control and pitch. deep bursts are impressive but the funniest ones are higher pitched.

11-27-2008, 02:17 AM
My fake ones are the really loud, juicy ones that echo! :D

11-27-2008, 08:08 AM
if you try to blame it on the dog, make sure the dog is actually in the vicinity