View Full Version : Job Opening: Sith Apprentice - now hiring

11-18-2003, 01:46 PM
++++++++++++++++++++ Funny-Bone ++++++++++++++++++++

Position Available Immediately
[Dark Side Consulting Group]:
Apprentice Sith Lord

An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting
Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this
position would like galactic travel and possess a complete
understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate
a willingness to learn. Duties include: Performing competitive
intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith
Master's planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy
widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons
and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of
the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the
Force or hand weapons. Qualified applicants would possess good
communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing
whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk
takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark)
is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with
advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from
the University of Coruscant.

Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection
equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license (for all
classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to
their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind
tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to
speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this
position would also have no children or other living relatives
who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be
given several weeks to meet this requirement.)

Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience,
and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a
generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored
clothing allowance. The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works
closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small,
team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master's
plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see
the future before it happens. Applications will be accepted until
the end of August. Transmit them to jobs@darkside.com.

************************************************** ***

Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused organization, founded
a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Our core values reflect
the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power
and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide
direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management,
incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise. Our
partnered organizations include the Imperial Senate, the Hutt
Gambling Collective of Tattooine, and many large software companies.

Dark Side CG (tm) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft.

Reprinted from: http://lists.spunge.org/funny-bone/...e/msg00485.html

11-18-2003, 01:49 PM
I applied, and I'm prepared to become a target.

Who else applied?

I guess you guys who also go for this slot should be aware that it's a lethally competitive position.

Please post your home and work addresses so I can get back to you if I have something more to offer.

El Chuxter
11-18-2003, 02:42 PM
Ha ha! I think your response is better than the actual listing, Tycho.

But the whole thinks reeks of mouse droid fumes to me. :p

11-18-2003, 02:45 PM
That one reminds me of this one that I found a few years ago and saved as a PDF to ensure it would live on...

Exhaust Port
11-18-2003, 02:50 PM
Thats really funny billfremore! :D I like that they list "kicking ewoks" as a perk.