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View Full Version : Things NOT to do at the Return Of The King Premiere - SPOILER ALERT



jeddah
12-03-2003, 08:11 AM
My personal favourties are 2 and 6.

:D

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone
says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
8. Dress up as old ladies and re-enact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
11. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
13. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
14. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
15. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theatre during the Shelob scene.

jeddah

Anakin2121
12-03-2003, 10:21 AM
At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

That's actually a spoiler. Be careful in the future.

And I'd promptly kick the *** of anyone that did, like, any of those things you listed. :p

Exhaust Port
12-03-2003, 10:23 AM
9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
That's my favorite. :D

Jargo
12-03-2003, 10:33 AM
Theatre? ROTK? Seats? Ohnononononono. That would entail being near other people in a crowded space. No, wait until the DVD comes out and watch the whole movie properly on home cinema screen. That's the way to see the movie. Not mingle with plebs and commoners in a dank dingey fleapit theatre riddled with lice and disease.

I suppose then if I were to go I'd go in a plastic bubble with breathing aparatus to purify my air and have it set to make Darth Vader-esque noise. Then re-enact a scene from 'Killer bees' and make like there's a bee in my bubble and run around swatting at it and screaming hysterically every time Liv Tyler is on screen and talking quietly.

And every time Gandalf mumbles something I'd stand up and shout "I'm going for popcorn, anyone want anything while I'm there....?"
Or you could go dressed as a tree and sit in front of a crowd of friends and block their view by wavingmanically whenever the Hobbits are on screen. And shout in Jerry Springer show way "Go Frodo go Frodo go Frodo..."

stillakid
12-03-2003, 10:54 AM
My personal favourties are 2 and 6.

:D

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theatre while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone
says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
8. Dress up as old ladies and re-enact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
11. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
13. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
14. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
15. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theatre during the Shelob scene.

jeddah

Hmm, is there a similar "Rocky Horror" type list for The Phantom Menace yet? I mean, usually it doesn't take long for bad movies to hit the midnight "cult" circuit and it's surprising that it didn't happen yet. Guess Showgirls will have to fill the time instead. :p

jeddah
12-03-2003, 11:12 AM
That's actually a spoiler. Be careful in the future.

I didn't know that, I've just waited to see the films, not read the books so now I've amended the title of this thread.

jeddah

Jedi_Master_Guyute
12-03-2003, 11:17 AM
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
14. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
jeddah

What's great is that every time i watch FOTR or TTT at home, i have to add in "Mr. Anderson" nearly every time Elrond says something. That or we say, "Mr. Baggins". hehehehhehehee We also tried to start an orc sing along while sitting in line for TTT, but nobody caught on.

As for #14, that would be beyond hilarious to see that happen. Great list!! :D

Kidhuman
12-03-2003, 12:53 PM
Great thread. Awesome list of things.

plasticfetish
12-03-2003, 03:16 PM
That's the funny stuff! Very, very funny.
"That's what I'm Tolkien about!"
Hahahahahaha!!!


That's actually a spoiler. Be careful in the future.
Errr ... 50 years ago that might have been a spoiler.

El Chuxter
12-03-2003, 03:20 PM
The Mr Anderson thing reminds me of the Official Rules for Watching a Movie With Keanu Reeves (TM):

After every line he says, you have to add, "Dude."

Okay, the other was funnier. :)

How about, near the end of the movie, shouting, "Where's that damn scene with Gandalf playing chess with Captain Picard that was in the commercial? I've been waiting three stinkin' hours for that!!"

Mandalorian Candidat
12-03-2003, 06:29 PM
My #16 would be "Don't spill your pee jar when the movie is over" (cause see it's so long and some people have small bladders, heh)

Anakin2121
12-03-2003, 08:15 PM
Errr ... 50 years ago that might have been a spoiler.

Not everyone has read or followed the books, you know. ;)

LOL! My sister, the other day, was anticipating what would happen to Gollum at the end of ROTK, and she was like, "It turns out that Gollum is the true master of the Ring and he gives it up and goes back to being a hobbit again!" So I was like, ".....Right." And then she's like, "Oh my god I KNEW IT! I am SOOO smart at this kind of stuff."
:rolleyes:

:D

Jedi_Master_Guyute
12-03-2003, 08:23 PM
hehehehehehehe you should've told her that Return of the King is based off the fact that Gollum claims his right to the Kingship and rules all the lands. :crazed:

Mandalorian- i love your comment!!! I got tickets for "Trilogy Tuesday" so my arse is going to be in a theater for like 15 hours, a pee jar sounds like a good idea!!! :D

darthzirock
12-04-2003, 12:58 AM
Long-haul truckers will use either adult diapers or "leg bags." I take a pill for high blood pressure that contains a diuretic, so I'm going every 2 hours. Forget 15 hours in a theater without any frickin' intermissions! I'll wait for the DVD, too.

jeddah
12-04-2003, 04:52 AM
I got these emailed to me privately (for some perverse reason)

During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

Wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of
California.

Shout out "Shampoo. Rinse. Repeat" whenever Aragorn appears on
screen.

Make light saber noises during fight scenes.

jeddah

odb
12-05-2003, 03:49 PM
My personal favourties are 2 and 6.

:D

6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger
14. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

jeddah

The worrying thing is that I already do both of them at work with my colleagues :sur:

Worrying eh?

You could add:

Repeat all the Orc lines 10 seconds later in a bad Dick Van Dyke style cockney accent

When someone gets impaled or cut by a sword shout out 'Tis but a flesh wound'

Whenever an elf is on screen crack endless poor elf jokes

If Christopher Lee shows up, endlessly recycle Bond Villian quotes such as 'No Mr Bond I expect you to die'

And Finally make Sauron's eye talk using a Dr Evil voice, guaranteed to lighten the mood.

And just remember he's not the Dark Lord, he's a very naughty boy. :crazed:

kool-aid killer
12-06-2003, 02:45 PM
I pity the fool who sits close to me and does any of these things. He had better like the taste of Dr. Pepper.

Anakin2121
12-06-2003, 03:17 PM
He had better like the taste of Dr. Pepper.

Or a knuckle sandwich. ;)

hango fett
12-06-2003, 09:35 PM
4 and 14 are my favorites. thats great! can't wait to try those....NOT!
oh, and on another note, i had a substatute a few weeks ago at school that was a LOTR fan and he said that he had already seen ROTK. he said he knew someone in the producing (sp?) area and let him see the dvd of the movie...could this happen or is he a lying sack of crap?
h

plasticfetish
12-07-2003, 02:00 AM
...could this happen or is he a lying sack of...
It's possible. I'm not sure that he'd get his hands on a "DVD" this early, maybe a video tape that's been sent out to the press or something like that. Sometimes movies get passed around to people that work for a particular studio, copies get made and passed around, etc. So, like I said, it's possible ... but I doubt it.