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View Full Version : Thinking of having a baby. Any thoughts on the matter?



Turbowars
12-21-2003, 02:03 PM
Let me say, I have never liked kids much, but I do love my 5 year old cousin. Cool little dude. I see him and wish I had a little boy to call son. I think the big thing that gets me scared, is am I going to be able to give him or her what they need it life? I'm not talking about love, I know my child will get that, but what about college and a car? I didn't get those things from my parents, I got them for myself. The problem is, is that I see my friends and family buying these things for their kids and I don't want to let them down. I know this is thinking ahead, but it's one of those things that pops up in my mind. To be honest, I'm flat out scared about the whole thing. I know my wife wants a baby and she thinks I don't. If I say something, I know she wont stop talking about it until she gets one.:)

stillakid
12-21-2003, 07:17 PM
I've got two of my own.

While mine is just one opinion, I'd have to say that there will never be a good time. Unless you manage to hit the Lottery or have a financial windfall of some sort, you'll never seem to have enough money, or time, or space. We are relatively young parents, yet most of the other moms and dads that we know who are older still deal with the same things we do. For one reason or another, their financial situations tend to be a bit more secure as they didn't take on the burdens early on in their careers like we did. On the plus side, we'll still be semi-young when they're out of the house, so as we begin to build wealth, we'll still be able to go out and enjoy it from somewhere other than the Shuffleboard game on the leto deck.

If you want a child, make sure you're not absolutely scraping by first. After that, go for it.

bobafrett
12-21-2003, 07:44 PM
Also, you want to make sure you have health insurance, and I'd check what kind of things they cober in regards to childbirth, and prenatel (sp?) appointments. I was not married when I had my son, and I don't have a lot of money now, nor have I ever really have. My sons mom dumped me when he was two, moved to Florida when he was 5, and now at age 12, he is living with me. As long as you and your wife are going to love the kid, and your working, then I say go for it!

derek
12-21-2003, 08:49 PM
don't! :)

but if you do, don't ever buy them a car. i can understand sending your child to college, but i think it's a huge mistake for a parent to buy their kid a car......and that's coming from someone who did have their parents buy them a car....a new mustang at that. i wasnt ever spoiled, but my parents "gave" us too much when instead they should of made us work for it. i think the last thing a 16 or 17 year old kid needs is a car, especially if they can't pay for it themselves or pay the insurance.

Turbowars
12-21-2003, 09:05 PM
First of all I'd like to say thanks for the honest replies. Stillakid, I'm 28 and my wife is 36. I kind of would like her to have a baby before she gets any older. BobaFrett, I'm sorry to hear about her leaving. My ex did the same to me, but we didn't have any kids. I do have great health insurance from the Carpenters Union. It's a PPO. I just hope it stays a PPO. Derek, I'm with you on the car issue. I paid for my own car and insurance. Back in the day my whole life was my 67 Mustang. 90% restored and then I sold it for my Ram. If my parents would have bought it for me, I probably would not have taken very good care of it. Anyways, why do you say NO? LOL

derek
12-21-2003, 09:13 PM
Anyways, why do you say NO? LOL

that's just me. lol if i were happily married i'd probably say otherwise. both my brothers are married and have little kids, and while i love my 2 neices, i just don't want the responsibility of raising children right now (and i'm a few years older than you). i like being able to do what i want and answer to no one and have no one depend on me, but then again, if i were married i'd probably sing a different tune.:)

plasticfetish
12-21-2003, 11:19 PM
To be honest, I'm flat out scared about the whole thing.
Oh, you should be scared ... very, very scared!!!

No seriously, it's pretty scary, but people have been doing this whole having kids thing for a long time, and it usually tends to work out well enough. As long as you can be there to be a father and to love the kid, that's all that matters. The money stuff works itself out. There's plenty of people in this world that are probably a lot poorer than you are right now, that have kids and are perfectly happy. It's all about perspective and trying not to get too hung up on how you "think" it should work out, or how other people want to tell you to live your life. Having your own kid gives you a chance to make an important decision on your own. You get to decide how you think this little person should grow up to be a member of society. I mean ... you get to make a person. Everything else that's happened in your life up until that point becomes completely insignificant after it's happened.

And yeah, have some health insurance before the baby is born. Those medical bills can be crazy.

Turbowars
12-22-2003, 01:05 AM
Thanks again guys, keep them coming. You guys are bringing up great points and I greatly appreciate it. I don't know why I feel like I want a child. I have never felt this way before. I kind of figured I would have one by now, but with my first marage down the drain, it set me back. I know I'm only 28, but it would be great to be a young dad and do the things my dad did with me. I'm an only child (maybe that has something to do with it) and my family is pretty small. My 5 year old cousin is the only kid in the family. I'm not getting pressure from my mom (very surprising), but she did say she would love to have a grandson or daughter. Oh I don't know why I'm telling you guys this, but thanks for reading.:classic:

jjreason
12-22-2003, 01:19 AM
Imagine laughing with someone peeing right in your face. That's having kids. Think sleeping less, worrying more, having less time to yourself, and being out of money 15 minutes after payday. 100% percent worth it in every aspect, but it's a 100% change in lifestyle. Nothing stays the same. The first 6-8 weeks after having a kid are incredible, you're so tired and they do very little to make you feel like it was a good idea. They sleep, cry, eat, pee and poop. That's it. It wasn't until mine got to be about 2 months old - when they start having awareness - that I really felt the bonding begin. As they get older (mine are 4 and 1.5 right now) it just gets better. I love them more each day. People ask if I'd go back to University or whatever, and I always say not without the "restore" button - to bring me back to where I am right now. If you and your wife are both thinking in the same direction, I'd really recommend you put aside an evening and have a big long talk about it, possible pros and cons, effects on your personal lives, work lives, etc.

Tonysmo
12-22-2003, 02:59 AM
I think your the perfect age for it. Go for it. As stated before, its a life changing event thats worth every penny. Imagine though, a sack of about a billion dollars. Thats your sack. you'll never let that sack out of your sight. That sack is your kid - priceless. The world today.. My kid is never out of my sight. seriously.
Anyhow - think of the arguements you'll get to have with your child once they are older.. No, were NOT going to Toys R us for YOU! were going to Toys R Us for ME! Fun stuff.. fishin buddy, campin buddy, toy huntin buddy, you'll get to take on roles you never though of, scout leader, PIE, etc etc.. time? youll have no time.. Muwhahhahhahaha!!

I wouldnt trade him for anything else. yup. even a fully funtional Tie Fighter..

kids are a wonderful thing.

kool-aid killer
12-22-2003, 10:34 AM
I would make sure you and your wife have done the things youve wanted to for a while (such as going on a cruise, to another country, etc.) before any child comes around. My brother and his wife are both very young and have two children already, which leaves them little time for going to movies or having a social life.

stillakid
12-22-2003, 11:12 AM
I would make sure you and your wife have done the things youve wanted to for a while (such as going on a cruise, to another country, etc.) before any child comes around. My brother and his wife are both very young and have two children already, which leaves them little time for going to movies or having a social life.

For the most part, our family is around one another all the time. I'll go away on business for days at a time, so they are sometimes without me. But once last summer, they all left for a few weeks while I stayed home. It was strange. Besides work, everything changed. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. I could watch whatever I wanted on the tv whenever I wanted. I could go to a movie in the evening (most of them start just around the kid's bedtime). Suffice it to say, I didn't know what to do with myself. So much of my time at home either revolves around, or is decided by, the wife and kids. I actually called my single friends and asked them what the hell they do with themselves all day? Why anyone without kids can't find time to write the great American novel or build monuments is beyond me.

derek
12-22-2003, 04:14 PM
My brother and his wife are both very young and have two children already, which leaves them little time for going to movies or having a social life.

that's funny, because everytime i go to a movie, rude parents don't let their crying, talking, blabbing children get in the way of their social life. :( i hate it whan parents are so rude that the don't think twice about bringing noisy children or crying infants to movies. they are almost as bad as movie cell phone talkers. :evil:

kool-aid killer
12-22-2003, 08:04 PM
I guess it depends on the parents. Though usually what annoys me at movies are groups of high school age friends.

bobafrett
12-26-2003, 11:26 AM
I just want to make one more point if I may, make sure you are having a baby for the right reasons. My girlfriend in 1990, and I were going through some pretty rough situations. My family did not like her at all. I thought that having a baby would change things. I was young and stupid. I told her that if we had a kid, maybe my family would like her. I didn't think anything of it, after I told her that. About three months later, our relationship was heading for the rocks again, I started dating another girl. Then imagine my surprise when she walked into my workplace announcing that she was pregnant. My jaw almost hit the ground. Make sure that you really love your wife, and know in your heart that you want to be with her for the rest of your life, and that she feels the same. I made the mistake of having a child with a woman, just because I thought it would make things better. Now she lives in Florida, I live in Illinois, and my son spends time with each of us. Would I change it now, knowing what I do? No. I love my son, and he makes my life much better, and I could not imagine what my life would be like without him there. But make sure it feels right in your heart.

Turbowars
12-26-2003, 12:25 PM
Thanks dude! That almost happened with my 1st crap assed marriage, but it wasn't me that thought of having a baby. It was her and I was like why would you want to have a baby, if you don't love me anymore? She said it might change things. One thing I know, is that people really don't change and if you think you can change someone for your benefit, forget it.:dead:

sith_killer_99
12-26-2003, 08:11 PM
Turbo, I say go for it...if you're ready.

I was 27 when my daughter was born. She will be 2 in January! Having a child is a major life change...bigger than getting married! Believe that!

When my wife and I got married our Chaplin gave us the only advice that we have ever followed. He said "Every marriage is different, and everyone has advice on how to make a marriage work, but the truth is, you have to do what works for the both of you." I would say that having a child is the same way. Everyone will tell you to do this or that, or don't do this or that, but in the end, you should do whatever works for all of you.

I am fortunate enough to be a career soldier, and my wife was active duty, we decided that it would be best for her to be a stay at home mom. We both came from single mom homes, where mom had to work, I was a latch-key kid. We wanted the opportunity to have 1 parent stay at home. That works for us, mostly because the benefits in the military and the money we save on daycare helps make up for the income we lost by her not working.

My wife got baby fever the minute we got married, I wanted to wait a year or two, but as soon as we started to try (no birth control) BAM she was pregnant. So if you decide to start trying...be ready...it happens quicker than you realize. BTW, we will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary on Feb. 29th.

I love being a father, it is the most rewarding experience of my life. It takes sacrifices, but the pay off is well worth it. I gave up smoking (after 9 years) the day my daughter was born, my wife quite when she became pregnant (I didn't smoke around her while she was pregnant). I guess after that, the sacrifices I've made seem pretty insignificant.

The bottom line is, having your own child is not like watching your niece or nephew. You will be amazed at how much it changes you, how much you can care about this little person, or how much it breaks your heart when they are in pain, how much joy you will feel when you see them do something new, or say a new word. Some people say that fades over time, but it hasn't faded for me in the last 2 years, if anything it has grown stronger.

Sure, they can drive you nuts...I don't see how single parents do it, to be honest. I have a new found respect for single parents since having one of my own.

Like I said, I love being a father...and a husband. I guess, I'm just a family guy. That's what works for me.

Best of luck to you and your wife. Let us know how it goes.

Turbowars
12-26-2003, 08:28 PM
Turbo, I say go for it...if you're ready.

I was 27 when my daughter was born. She will be 2 in January! Having a child is a major life change...bigger than getting married! Believe that!

When my wife and I got married our Chaplin gave us the only advice that we have ever followed. He said "Every marriage is different, and everyone has advice on how to make a marriage work, but the truth is, you have to do what works for the both of you." I would say that having a child is the same way. Everyone will tell you to do this or that, or don't do this or that, but in the end, you should do whatever works for all of you.

I am fortunate enough to be a career soldier, and my wife was active duty, we decided that it would be best for her to be a stay at home mom. We both came from single mom homes, where mom had to work, I was a latch-key kid. We wanted the opportunity to have 1 parent stay at home. That works for us, mostly because the benefits in the military and the money we save on daycare helps make up for the income we lost by her not working.

My wife got baby fever the minute we got married, I wanted to wait a year or two, but as soon as we started to try (no birth control) BAM she was pregnant. So if you decide to start trying...be ready...it happens quicker than you realize. BTW, we will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary on Feb. 29th.

I love being a father, it is the most rewarding experience of my life. It takes sacrifices, but the pay off is well worth it. I gave up smoking (after 9 years) the day my daughter was born, my wife quite when she became pregnant (I didn't smoke around her while she was pregnant). I guess after that, the sacrifices I've made seem pretty insignificant.

The bottom line is, having your own child is not like watching your niece or nephew. You will be amazed at how much it changes you, how much you can care about this little person, or how much it breaks your heart when they are in pain, how much joy you will feel when you see them do something new, or say a new word. Some people say that fades over time, but it hasn't faded for me in the last 2 years, if anything it has grown stronger.

Sure, they can drive you nuts...I don't see how single parents do it, to be honest. I have a new found respect for single parents since having one of my own.

Like I said, I love being a father...and a husband. I guess, I'm just a family guy. That's what works for me.

Best of luck to you and your wife. Let us know how it goes.Thank you Killer, very nice post and I'm glad to hear you are more than happy to be a husband and father.:)

InsaneJediGirl
12-26-2003, 10:07 PM
I say if you and your wife are ready and want a child/children go for it Turbowars.:DLike many others said,I thinking making sure you want a child for the right reasons before having one is the best bet.

As for college and a car,I'm 18 and my parents aren't paying for either.I dont hate them for it.I dont think I would want them to either.So,If your worried that little Timmy will hate you for the rest of his life for not paying for his things,dont be;)