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View Full Version : The Dumbest Toy you ever saw.



scruffziller
12-30-2003, 10:18 AM
The Elecrtic playing AIR GUITAR. You heard right, an air guitar. If you are going to have a toy that imitates a more grown up thing, why would not make it as close to the real thing as possible. A toy of a fantasy, make believe real object.:rolleyes: That is like having a kid's tool belt toy tools where you use toy knife to say it is the toy of "when there is not a regular screw driver in the house."

kool-aid killer
12-30-2003, 12:03 PM
Doesnt it play the drums and keyboards too? I seen a commercial for it and wasnt impressed. That sucks. Oh well, im sure someone somewhere will find it to be enjoyable. You would have to have no shame to go out in public and play with that.

Exhaust Port
12-30-2003, 04:04 PM
Dumbest toy definately has to be Body Rap from the late 80's early 90's. The kid would attach these pads all over his body (arms, shoulder, legs, etc) that were connected together with wires. Has he hit each one it would make a sound through the small speaker they were wearing on their belt. So I guess they would attempt to rap while playing music by hitting all these different pads on their body. Stupid.

scruffziller
12-31-2003, 08:56 AM
Doesnt it play the drums and keyboards too? I seen a commercial for it and wasnt impressed. That sucks. Oh well, im sure someone somewhere will find it to be enjoyable. You would have to have no shame to go out in public and play with that.
It was an actual physical object that sort of resembled pieces of a real guitar.
It had a a thing that looked like a single section of a fret you would put on your belt and then a cord was attached to that strung to another stick that had the buttons on it. This item was also back in the early 90s.

mabudonicus
12-31-2003, 10:02 AM
At least an air guitar has something to do with being cool, however remote.....
One of the first things that crossed my mind is a toy that was available a few years ago... I'm not even sure if the name is forum-friendly despite the nature of the thing.....
Little Wetting Whizzer.... he was like a pound puppy that actually "wet"... the commercial made me mad enough to break stuff..... I pity the poor folks who got roped into plunking down money for such a weird, coarse toy....
Easy Bake ovens kinda tick me off too- whoever thought them up was a genius....

Nother dumb toy....12" Luke, the vintage one...... every figure I owned was 3 3/4 so getting that big dummy was pretty disappointing...... I mean, the only thing I could do with it was try to figure out how the lightsaber was supposed to work.... oh, and the grappling hook was fun in other scales, too, but at the time (and overall) a dumb toy from my memory

scruffziller
12-31-2003, 03:56 PM
At least an air guitar has something to do with being cool, however remote.....

I wasn't actually saying that air guitarring was dumb but the concept of the toy is. If you are going to have a toy, make it of something closest to the real thing as possible. Meaning they should have just stuck to making a toy that looked like an actual guitar. Because when you play "air guitar" you wish you had a real guitar in your hands. You don't wish you had an air guitar in your hands.:crazed: :p lol :D ;)

InsaneJediGirl
12-31-2003, 09:24 PM
Hmm.Probably that new 'Video Now' thing.For a bit more,a portable DVD player is a better option and its in color.Those Robotic Dogs are dumb too.Nothing can replace the real thing,I mean it has hearts for eyes.Polly pocket was just stupid.

On a semi-related note,Am I the only one who thinks those Bratz and Flavas dolls are ugly?

jjreason
12-31-2003, 10:14 PM
I hated trackball when I was a kid. Such huge expectations, and we couldn't make the balls go to each other worth crap. They curved like crazy, as seen on TV, but it was so random... very difficult to throw in a manner catchable by the other person. Toss in even the slightest breeze and you were hooped. The best use I've seen is the one painted silver on Ani's wall in episode I!!!!

mabudonicus
01-01-2004, 03:40 PM
ScruffZ- I know, I wasn't trying to put ya down, just a lead-in really, man... I like how the point of air-guitar is soundly defeated by having a real air-guitar... it makes my head hurt thinking about it, actually:D
JJ- that's funny, now I'll have to think harder- I've thought the same thing about Trak-Ball... I don't recall ever actually,successfully playing with them, despite the fact that they were pretty much ubiquitous in the olden days:D STRANGE... and there must be more... mebbe some of the old-timers can remember totally useless, self-defeating or otherwise impossible toy or game.... there have to be more.. stinkin trak-ball....

2-1B
01-01-2004, 05:38 PM
I had a good trackball experience last summer, it worked quite well once I got used to it.

scruffziller
01-01-2004, 06:57 PM
Hmm.Probably that new 'Video Now' thing.For a bit more,a portable DVD player is a better option and its in color.
Oh yea, how could I forget. That is a waste. Actually it was seeing that on TV here recently that led me to remember that air guitar toy.

Hey, MAUBUON....... they are selling air guitars on Ebay.:p :D

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2368195142&category=308

Turbowars
01-01-2004, 07:32 PM
Oh yea, how could I forget. That is a waste. Actually it was seeing that on TV here recently that led me to remember that air guitar toy.

Hey, MAUBUON....... they are selling air guitars on Ebay.:p :D

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2368195142&category=308 I wonder how much he wants for shipping?

JediTricks
01-01-2004, 07:54 PM
Video Now seems really annoying to me too, just as stupid as Hasbro's earlier attempt to create their own entertainment kiddie-niche market with "Hit Clips", except Video Now's screen is also ultra-low resolution and looked pretty blurry and crappy on the store display. If they wanted to impress kids, they should have created a way to turn the Game Boy Advance / GBAsp into a portable, inexpensive, kid-friendly DVD player.

Bobajames
01-01-2004, 10:40 PM
that was a real air guitar on ebay too! i think i'd go for one of those instead of the other thing you were talking about...

mabudonicus
01-02-2004, 09:46 AM
Yeah, ditto, I'd rather win a real one on ebay any day..... looks like that one would play nu-metal though, I'd want the classic version...

Do you have V-Tech in the US?? If ya don't, just quick, it's a "technology" company that makes ersatz products and sells them like they were real computers and gadgets... this "video now" thing sounds kinda similar..... the vtech stuff all had LED or LCD displays and seems to run on big ol' D-cell batteries.... my buddy and I have a joke about how they'll make a read-only e-mail service called V-mail.. it'd work kinda like a magic 8-ball, no actual connection to anything ......

On the same line, what about those "learn to read" books where a poorly synthesized voice reads certain keywords.. the ads for those things make me mad, the way they are depicted as "fire and forget" education..... I just imagine some poor person whose entire speech education was a really poorly modulated, toneless voice that couldn't pronounce a lot of important speech sounds.... then I imagine a close-up of the parents, freeze-frame, saying "What Happen?" :) (not enough AYB references around here)
More lame toys, anyone??

Kidhuman
01-02-2004, 02:11 PM
NSYNC bobblehead dolls. I saw them at the dollar store, and they were 2 for a dollar. I busted out laughing right in the middle of the store.COuldnt help it.

JediTricks
01-02-2004, 11:11 PM
Yeah, we have V-tech here, they also used to make really good cordless phones, I think they still do even.

I have an electronic magic-8-ball type thing, it's an Executive Decision Maker from the '80s and came from Radio Shack, it's got "simulated" wood paneling! I got it for free, and even then, it sucks. ;)


Here's another dumb toy I remember from a few years ago at TRU, it was an electronic fortune cookie and came in a clear chinese take-out container. You pull the "cookie" halves apart and there's an LCD display between them that supposedly says stuff, though since NOBODY ever bought 'em and they just disappeared instead of going on sale, I have no idea what they actually said.

Tonysmo
01-04-2004, 06:01 AM
Jump to Conclusions Mat..



oh wait.. that never came out.. never mind!

Lowly Bantha Cleaner
01-16-2004, 12:42 PM
Cup-in-ball or Squeezy Pork Chops.







Oh, wait a minute. Those belong in the "most revolutionary toys you ever saw" thread. :rolleyes:

JediTricks
01-16-2004, 05:28 PM
Those Scratchers dolls, the ones you twist their giant ugly heads to make cheesy wannabe DJ sounds, those are contenders!

mabudonicus
01-17-2004, 11:13 AM
what about "bop it" that stupid little thing that made a rhythm and gave commands like "twist it" and so on, and it had little gyro sensors in it and if you didn't keep up with the motions I guess you lost... whenever I saw the commercials I imagined that eventually it would say "break it"....
Like "smash up derby"... awesome toy, but I can see why I wasn't allowed to have them.. AND why adults had so much trouble with them... that "high octane" commercial which made it clear that the play pattern was to smash the heck out of the toys... "Derby" was one of those so-ridiculous-it's-brilliant kind of toys....

What about "Slime" or "magic sand"??? Two more toys that adults hated... I remember slime being a REAL hassle, it smelled terrible, was kinda yechhy to touch (no doubt the idea) and there was really nothing one could DO with it... same with "magic sand"... there musta been some kind of weird subliminal messages in the ads, cos I wanted that stuff SO BAD... it was SO DUMB.... like them little crystal-growing "magic rocks"... literally a few minutes of fun and the remainder of childhood spent trying to live it down....

Ain't seen the "scratchers".. prolly not gonna make the Canadian market, mebbe....

And as for really dumb current toys, my vote goes to "mighty Beanz".. my kid (were I to have one) would have to suffer without them... they almost made me angry when I saw them.....

Oh, and JJ, you must have more Ninja blood than me or Caesar, way to make us feel incompetent... stupid trak ball :D

scruffziller
01-17-2004, 01:18 PM
what about "bop it" that stupid little thing that made a rhythm and gave commands like "twist it" and so on, and it had little gyro sensors in it and if you didn't keep up with the motions I guess you lost... whenever I saw the commercials I imagined that eventually it would say "break it"....
:D
Yea I seem to remember middle age women getting somewhat giddy over saying its name.........:rolleyes: :p



Don't forget that idiot game Gooey Louie. Where it is a game of drawing out mucous from the nose.:dead:

RooJay
01-19-2004, 03:48 PM
My vote goes to the transforming Punisher figure Toybiz released a couple years ago. For those of you who never saw this thing, it's a Punisher figure that transforms into a pistol, but what makes this thing so crazy is that the gun barrel is actually connected right between the figure's legs making for really...unusually mid-transformation modes! It's actually even possible to leave the barrel fully...extended...while in Punisher mode! It's actually probably the most unintentionally (or is it?) funny toys I think I've ever seen, but not particularly well designed considering that it's meant to be a child's toy. :crazed:

mabudonicus
01-19-2004, 11:42 PM
Oh yeah... I tried to forget those... pretty much all of them were right ridiculous, I remember the RHINO being the only one even close to passable... I guess kids may have liked 'em, like the spider man "water wars" or whatever which were also in the same ridiculous vein... AND WWF had those "warfare" figures, with all the guns and stuff... I think there was a water-themed line of them.... there was for SURE a stone-cold with shark fins on his thighs, pretty outrageous...

OH- those "maximum sweat" wwf figs, with the crazy sculpts, that came with a wee vial that supposedly contained some iota of actual wrestler sweat..... I don't see how those got made, exactly...
Thanks for the memory jog RooJay, even if it means remembering some of the low points of some sections of our hobby.....

This list kinda makes bova fett's bounty hunter flight pack seem cooler.......

sorta :)

RooJay
01-20-2004, 12:24 AM
I also forgot to mention such Toybiz gems as "Fly-Fishing Spider-Man" and "Beach Volleyball Spider-Man". Toybiz sure has given us some good ones over the years! :stupid:

JediTricks
01-20-2004, 06:26 PM
what about "bop it" that stupid little thing that made a rhythm and gave commands like "twist it" and so on, and it had little gyro sensors in it and if you didn't keep up with the motions I guess you lost... whenever I saw the commercials I imagined that eventually it would say "break it"....Nah, that's just another ripoff of Simon, dopey maybe, but nowhere near as useless as most of the stuff here.



What about "Slime" or "magic sand"??? Two more toys that adults hated... I remember slime being a REAL hassle, it smelled terrible, was kinda yechhy to touch (no doubt the idea) and there was really nothing one could DO with it... same with "magic sand"... there musta been some kind of weird subliminal messages in the ads, cos I wanted that stuff SO BAD... it was SO DUMB.... like them little crystal-growing "magic rocks"... literally a few minutes of fun and the remainder of childhood spent trying to live it down....Whoa whoa whoa! All 3 of those are great, I had my Magic Rocks aquarium for years, it looked super neat. Magic Sand is fun and creative. Slime smells great until it dries up all over your toys or the carpet (once, I put back my MOTU Slime Pit without cleaning it up first... yowza was that ugly!).


Ain't seen the "scratchers".. prolly not gonna make the Canadian market, mebbe....Be thankful, these are some of the stupidest so-called toys I've ever seen. Oh, and I got the name wrong, they're "DJ Skribble's Spinheads", here's one of the sets that comes with a car as well as a crummy noise doll - http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00008W72L/qid=1074639510/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/104-9886820-9243943?v=glance&s=toys


And as for really dumb current toys, my vote goes to "mighty Beanz".. my kid (were I to have one) would have to suffer without them... they almost made me angry when I saw them.....You're too harsh IMO, these are slightly fun, especially the little track where you have to get the bean to stop in the center. I would have a little trouble agreeing to buy a lot of them, but if my niece ever asks for 1 or 2 sets, I've got no problem there.




Transforming Punisher... It's actually probably the most unintentionally (or is it?) funny toys I think I've ever seen, but not particularly well designed considering that it's meant to be a child's toy. :crazed:I took ToyFare magazine's advice and picked up several Red Dragon Chris Casamassa figures from Bandai's WMAC Masters line when it hit mega clearance at TRU (they're funny as heck, everybody who saw the first one I bought wanted one). When you take his sword away from him, his action gimmick is even more uninentionally hilarious than the ol' Punisher there.


You know why Toy Biz keeps releasing those 10" Spider-man figures like Fly Fishing Spidey? Because they're actually popular overseas!!! This is precisely why we can never truly coexist with foreigners. ;) j/k, it's because they don't speak our language. :D (These are the jokes people)

mabudonicus
01-20-2004, 07:05 PM
Okay, JT, I guess the BEANZ are alright... it was more the obvious licensing fee (making the price sorta outrageous given the item in question) that irked me... if they were a lot less expensive (like 4 for a dollar) it would make more sense...



And Magic Sand.... you sure we're talking the same stuff??? The coloured silicon-type stuff that you poured into water, which puportedly didn't get wet, yet sort of did in a really awkwardway, so that you had to dry the "unwettable" crud out on newspapers, which meant you'd lose some good sized amount of it all over the place?!?!?!? Sorry for all the punctuation, but if you mean that particular stuff, I'm just sorta shocked, I had a lot of disappointing experiences with it :D


Slime- BAH... just simulate it with display foam :) it's cleaner that way!!

JediTricks
01-20-2004, 11:21 PM
Yeah, the price on the Beanz is high, I can't argue there; but high price is different from being a dumb toy, it's dumb marketing. ;)

I never owned Magic Sand personally, I played with someone else's a few times, but I never had that much trouble with it either, so that probably has something to do with it. It reminds me of the reverse of the Water Wonder Worlds or whatever that stuff was called, it was a small aquarium filled with gelatine-like stuff and you shoved stuff inside wherever you wanted it to be, floating or sitting at the bottom. There was even a SW set. I never owned or even played with these, just saw 1 on display once and thought it was equally interesting and strange.

RooJay
01-21-2004, 08:44 PM
Whoa whoa whoa! All 3 of those are great, I had my Magic Rocks aquarium for years, it looked super neat. Magic Sand is fun and creative. Slime smells great until it dries up all over your toys or the carpet (once, I put back my MOTU Slime Pit without cleaning it up first... yowza was that ugly!).

I agree, all three of those provided hours of fun and amazement in my younger days. They've actually also rereleased Magic Sand under another name I believe recently, and that stuff is still as cool as ever.


Be thankful, these are some of the stupidest so-called toys I've ever seen. Oh, and I got the name wrong, they're "DJ Skribble's Spinheads", here's one of the sets that comes with a car as well as a crummy noise doll - http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00008W72L/qid=1074639510/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/104-9886820-9243943?v=glance&s=toys

We have the recent, inexplicable popularity of those dreadful Bobble Head figures to thank for this crap. Neither rank very high on my list of cool stuff.


You're too harsh IMO, these are slightly fun, especially the little track where you have to get the bean to stop in the center. I would have a little trouble agreeing to buy a lot of them, but if my niece ever asks for 1 or 2 sets, I've got no problem there.

Agreed again. While I have no intentions of ever buying any, I still think that Beanz are pretty cool little toys. They look like loads of fun, and seem much preferrable to me over Beyblade and any Yugi-Poke-Digi-Jagun crap out there.


I took ToyFare magazine's advice and picked up several Red Dragon Chris Casamassa figures from Bandai's WMAC Masters line when it hit mega clearance at TRU (they're funny as heck, everybody who saw the first one I bought wanted one). When you take his sword away from him, his action gimmick is even more uninentionally hilarious than the ol' Punisher there.


Yeah, that one seems pretty hilarious too, but I've still gotta go with Punisher and his humongous, rocket-launching...urrm, thingie. Besides, figures with that type of 'self-appreciating' action have been done plenty of times before. Not many have been done with enormously oversized-sized, missile-firing wedding tackle! Ironically fitting for such a testosterone driven character like the Punisher, I might add.