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View Full Version : If Georgie Boy made LOTR



Bosskman
02-19-2004, 02:43 PM
After reading the thread about GL being jealous of PJ, I got a tremendous feeling of releif and here's why: What if GL had got his grubby mits on LOTR before PJ and New-Line did? Can you just imagin the horrible PC gibberish the LOTR mivies would have been filled with? Thank God PJ and the countless others who made the LOTR did what they did. Sure there are some things that I would have liked to see done better but overall I think all 3 films conveyed the spirit of the book. Even though a lot of the actors and writers personally had no clue about the depth and meaning to a lot of the themes in LOTR, they were still present in the movies because they stayed close to tolkien's work. I shuder to think of some of the changes the bloated one would have made in the interests of his "grand vision". PC casting, Arwen as a member of the fellowship, Gandalf nor anyone else not smoking (or quitting in the middle of the films), terrible dialogue, replacing the use of the words "mankind", "man" or "men" with "people", women warriors, terrible costume/set design, some sense that democracy is the only way to govern, (like Aragorn gets elected King in the end). Gollum having a musical number and NOT falling into the cracks of doom, but returning to his old hobbit-like self when the ring is destroyed. The list goes on and on, I can't bear to think about it.......

El Chuxter
02-19-2004, 03:16 PM
Three words:

Frodo bit first! :eek:

Kidhuman
02-19-2004, 04:00 PM
How can you be sure GL would of muffed it up? I think he could of done a really good job on it. It all matters what roads you take and all. He could of muffed it, he could of done better.

mabudonicus
02-20-2004, 08:33 AM
Interesting thing to entertain, to be sure... hmmmmmmmm
:D
well, On the plus side, with GL at the helm, ROTK would have been the strongest movie, as GL would not listen to any input for the first one, and he would make it according to his famous "vision"....
I bet in GL's FOTR, Aragorn would be more dark and anti-heroic, maybe even slap a hobbit around a bit or something, and after every line of dialogue he would do that knowing arching of the eyebrows, like Chris Lee in Clones, that "is he evil or just eccentric" kinda deal. He would fix him up to "ken-doll" woodenness by the 3rd film.

Also in GLFOTR, at least 45 minutes would be taken up by Tom Bombadil, and GL would add a romantic plot between Aragorn and his wife (hollyberry?? I forget, it was so boring)... whatever, it would be mega confusing, and really make the audience think he might be a bad guy


I'd like to imagine that the destruction of Isengard would take place in a montage with "burnin down the house" playing, and more close ups of merry and pippin rocking out and dancing on corpses and stuff, laughing with giddy mirth (on a similar note, I think "inner circle" would perform a new version of "bad boys" for parts with saruman and the orcs)
Sauruman coulda been a rastafarian, that would have made him more menacing to GL, at least....

And as Aragorn oversees the counting of the votes in the previously mentioned "democratic election" (funny stuff:D) there'd be another crappy tune playing, maybe that song "ordinary people", with all the cold-war symbolism of that mixed-anthem solo coming right as the results are announced and Aragorn allows himself to be carried on legolas and gimli's shoulders, all giddy and laughing and pointing at people like they all just told funny jokes.


Oh,and Liv tyler woulda been in it, but she would be the actual most convincing actress in the film..... Oh, and forget Aragorn, a GL original character, played by Tyler, would get elected at the end...

AND lastly for now, the actors would all seem right jacked up on some kind of prescription drugs :) OR black market stimulants of some kind (no slam against anyone or anything, but somehow most actors/actresses in GL movies seem stoned, maybe it's just me)

jeddah
02-20-2004, 12:46 PM
But Galadriel would be Kick***

:cool:

jeddah

Bosskman
02-20-2004, 02:27 PM
Yeah I forgot about Bombadil, he's be the JarJar or the fellowship (of which he would be part). He would always be stepping in troll crap and accidentally destroying Oliphants and siege engines. Also, Borromir would't try to take the ring from Frodo untill Frodo (hopped up on the ring) attacks Boromir first. (Lucas wouldn't want to confuse the audience by having Boromir act in a way that would be inapropriate for a man of Gondor).

Bosskman
02-20-2004, 02:32 PM
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Lucas would alos explain that Sauron went bad because the Valar somehow scewed him over. To quote GL: "Nobody is really evil, Sauron just made choices that any of us would have made if we were in his place. He's really just mis-understood."

2-1B
02-21-2004, 03:25 AM
At least the Hobbits wouldn't be so damn annoying if George made LOTR. Talk about hollow characters, PJ nailed it along with those 4 hams who he hired to "act" as hobbits. :rolleyes:

mabudonicus
02-21-2004, 08:03 AM
Ohhh yeah... Sorry, Jeddah, Galadriel would have been AMAZING, the whole scene with her would have some kind of hip-hop music and have lots of flashy edits...

Nice touch, Bosskman, the Jar Jar bit... adding on that, in the second film, bombadil would have a really secondary role, for no apparent reason near the beginning he would be called off by some sort of messenger and communicate in "spirit form" for the remainder of the films.. this would be described as having been "the plan" all along, and not some attempt to soften a really bad decision.....

Also, in GLTTT, gollum would be 100% cg and would be done extremely badly. GL would play this down, but would also switch to having gollum played by Jake LLoyd in ROTK, and explain this by saying it is the "evolution" of the character,representing spooky familiarity to the audience


And one of the bigger changes... near the opening of FOTR, gandalf would take the Ring off to some apothecary, played by Brent Spiner, who would analyze the Ring and make an observation that it had the highest "Morgon" count he had ever seen.... Gandalf would subsequently poke Frodo with a dart (Caesar, imagine the "hurt" reaction, could be almost 5 minutes of doe-eyed quivering:)) or a dagger or something, to get a blood sample, and would find that Frodo, ALSO, has an unusually high "Morgone" count (BTW- "morgones", "morgonics","morgonisms", you name it; you would never really be sure what they were saying as the actors wouldn't be all that swift)
There would be many mentions of these "morgons" throughout FOTR, but in TTT it would be like they never happened, except for some character saying something about "remember when we thought morgones were responsible for all this trouble??" and the audience (in both the theatre and the film itself) would bust up in gales of laughter
When asked about "morgones" GL would snidely make that "where do I start, it's all so grand and wonderful and these peons wouldn't even understand it, let alone care" face and then with that wistful grin would murmur something intellectually insulting about "paradigm shift"

Mandalorian Candidat
02-21-2004, 03:00 PM
If Lucas made LOTR Frodo would be wearing flannel shirts and Sam would follow him around saying stuff like "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE" and "Meesa you humble servant."

The 'Xir
02-21-2004, 04:41 PM
Come On guys, If GL actually took on something like this, He couldn't screw it up that much, seeing as how he'd have to follow the main storyline of the books! Being someone who respected the earlier works of fiction so much that it inspired him to create his own, I think he'd understand how important a project like this would be. As a matter of Fact I know he did appreciate the importance of these films, because PJ was invited upto Skywalker ranch to see what was being done on either TPM or AotC, and was shown how some of the cg work was being done, so PJ could accomplish or fix problems he was having on the cg work in FotR! This was mentioned/shown on either some tv show like ET or on the behind the scenes/commentary on one of the dvd's! So, yes there maybe some little decisions that GL would have done differently than PJ did for better or worse but, I don't think the overall project would have been of any less quality! GL would have done a good job! After all it's not his work. The whole high and mighty 'grand Vision' you guys keep referring to is because SW is his story, it is his vision! OK so it probably has changed a bit since he first started writing it back in 1974/5 but do you realize how many drafts he went through before he came up with the actual SW we know and love! I think about 4 or 5! So he's grown up a bit since then and his views have changed or mellowed. But are you guys the same person you were 30 years ago? Oh that's right most of you probably weren't even born! Hell I was only 1!! ;)

2-1B
02-21-2004, 04:49 PM
Also, in GLTTT, gollum would be 100% cg and would be done extremely badly.

He already is. :D


GL would play this down, but would also switch to having gollum played by Jake LLoyd in ROTK, and explain this by saying it is the "evolution" of the character,representing spooky familiarity to the audience

Now you've piqued my interest. :crazed: But I think Jake Lloyd would make a better Deagol.


(Caesar, imagine the "hurt" reaction, could be almost 5 minutes of doe-eyed quivering:))

I don't have to imagine it because that's what we already got out of Elijah Wood. :D
FOR 3 WHOLE MOVIES ! :mad:



If Lucas made LOTR Frodo would be wearing flannel shirts and Sam would follow him around saying stuff like "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE" and "Meesa you humble servant."

Hey, I'll take it. Sounds better than Astin's uncontrolled outbursts of "Mr. FRRRRRRRRRRRRRodooooooooooooo !" :p

mabudonicus
02-22-2004, 11:15 AM
Hey, 'Xir, if you substitute SW for LOTR in your post, you get my reasoning for why TPM should have been good, too, so all that could still be true and GL still coulda found a way to make a dog out of LOTR ;)
Seriously, this is just fun for the jaded, not to be taken seriously or maybe even read at all :D

Caesar- yes, you're right, I must dust my crystal ball so the vision can be clear....

Bosskman
02-22-2004, 06:09 PM
Rick McCallum: "Just wait till you see GANDALF THE $%#@ING WHITE!! This guy is gonna %$&^$ ROCK!!!!"

(This announcement would be followed by a clip of the completey CG Gandalf the white doing somersaults and backflips while he's fighting SAURON (The balrog having been replaced by Sauron himself so as to give Sauron more of a role), Gandalf doesn't defeat Sauron though because he escaped back to Moriador (Moria and Mordor have been made into one place so as not to confuse the audience, but necessitating much more changes to be made in plot, story aand characters) The whole thing is set to Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch's "Good Vibration")

plasticfetish
02-23-2004, 01:00 AM
I personally think that if Boy George had made LOTR, that it would have turned out to be very interesting.

Ooooh. That's not what the title says. OK.

Stemp Fester
02-23-2004, 06:22 AM
If GL made LOTR;

The DVD's wouldn't be released until after at least 2010, in order for him to make a prequel trilogy out of "The Hobbit" first.

Turambar
02-23-2004, 01:44 PM
At least the Hobbits wouldn't be so damn annoying if George made LOTR. Talk about hollow characters, PJ nailed it along with those 4 hams who he hired to "act" as hobbits. :rolleyes:

That's right. GL's hobbits would have been dressed in furry little costumes and screamed things like eecheewawa! At the finale, they would invite all to join in a chorus of "yub nub."