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View Full Version : Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.



stillakid
06-08-2005, 12:56 PM
Wow, I can't really technically provide a link to this "www" page at "thebestpageintheuniverse" which resides not at a .com or a .org, but the other thing that also is used to catch fish.

I also can't tell you to add the following after putting in that last part about the fish catcher: /c.cgi?u=episode3

Because I can't provide a link, I also can't reprint what is there which is this guy's opinion about Revenge of the Sith. I think that he's pretty much right on in his own unique style. :)

But I wouldn't dare invite anyone to visit such a site as it contains graphic words that are too intense for young viewers. :speech:

2-1B
06-08-2005, 01:10 PM
Funny you mention it stillakid, because QLD showed me that very same link last weekend and I laughed my butt off at the end when the author said that Sith is as crappy as the other 5 films . . . yes, he said OTHER 5 FILMS which includes not only The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, but also your beloved A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi as well. ;)

lol lol lol lol lol

Ji'dai
06-08-2005, 01:51 PM
Yeah, he's right about the wanton slaughter of children being the highlight of any movie ;)

He did make a good point about the overuse of special effects:


They're not "special effects" anymore when they're found in EVERY SCENE. Lucas has done the seemingly impossible: he has made something that was once so unique that people called it "special" by name, and turned it into something so ordinary that nobody raises an eyebrow...

stillakid
06-08-2005, 04:56 PM
Funny you mention it stillakid, because QLD showed me that very same link last weekend and I laughed my butt off at the end when the author said that Sith is as crappy as the other 5 films . . . yes, he said OTHER 5 FILMS which includes not only The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, but also your beloved A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi as well. ;)

lol lol lol lol lol

:) At least he's consistent. :)

ronhudy
06-08-2005, 06:27 PM
That was a pretty good read!

Although I disagree with his saying ALL the other 5 of them sucked, he points out some of the same problems I had with EPIII - although in a much more vulgar and demeaning way! Funny nonetheless. I was entertained...

Bacta Beast
06-08-2005, 07:29 PM
:D :D lol lol lol The rant about Cameron Diaz is hilarious!!!!

stillakid
06-08-2005, 09:07 PM
At the request of management, here is a PG-ish version of what I referred to above but didn't advocate for young children of Puritans. :D


Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

I didn't think it was possible to be more unimpressed with Star Wars. Today, I stand corrected. If you were unfortunate enough to hear your stupid co-workers yammering on about Lucas' latest sh** burger, you might have heard them saying something like "I didn't like the first two, but this one was good!" When I ask why, these people have trouble responding because it's hard to talk with George Lucas' flaccid pen** in their collective mouths. Perhaps the question I should be asking is "why didn't you like the other two movies if you liked this one?" Nothing has changed. You have the same vacant-looking actors running around, aimlessly bumping into things, an army of stupid, sensitive robots, and dialogue clumsy enough to warrant putting a handicap sticker on George Lucas' car.

To Lucas' credit, he was tacitly shamed into not giving Jar Jar any talking lines in this movie. With Jar Jar's character no longer speaking to annoy you, Lucas filled the void by giving every robot in the movie stupid toy noises. So instead of doing something cool like having the robots chase after screaming children, they bit** and moan and say things like "ow" when they get their prosthetic limbs chopped off. Even worse are the idiots who scarf down these sub-childish morsels of comedic relief, playing into Lucas' shallow theatrics so easily that you could sell these people h00kers in a vag**a storm.

Before I go on, I have to address something that all you stupid Star Wars nerds are probably thinking right about now: "But Maddox, it's a movie made for kids, what do you expect?!" Even Lucas stated in an interview with the BBC that:

The movies are for children but [the fans] don't want to admit that."

Oh really? It just so happens that this "children's movie" has a scene where a guy gets his hands chopped off, a graphic decapitation, the wanton slaughter of children (the highlight of any movie), and the coolest scene in any space action movie starring Ewan McGregor: Anakin getting his legs chopped off as his stumps catch fire while his face melts. By the way, if you haven't seen this movie yet, don't read the previous sentence.

The most damning thing about this epic waste of time is the piecemeal plot thatched together with just enough good will and nostalgia to pacify the average idiot (i.e., you). Besides all the jedis in the movie being morons who are unable to detect conspiracies involving the cooperation of thousands of soldiers, Lucas does his best to make this movie extra insulting to our intelligence:



Senator Palpatine seduces Anakin to the dark side in about as much time as it takes for you to finish reading this sentence. Nevermind the fact that Anakin knows Palpatine is a Sith lord before accepting his offer, or that Sith lords are known for doing things like, oh.. I don't know, KILLING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Anakin is on a mission to save his wife, Padme, from certain death! Or at least likely death. Okay, it was a dream. But it seemed pretty real during the flashback sequence, so Anakin has no reason not to believe this dream will come true, as is the tendency of dreams.

Near the end, Lucas takes a sh** on the script and makes his crew translate it into an ending that putters across the finish line. The product is a scene where Anakin tries to literally choke Padme using the force:



Yes, that's right. The entire reason Anakin switched to the dark side becomes unraveled when he tries to kill Padme, who was the reason he switched to the dark side to begin with. Oops! Of course, Star Wars apologists will try to point out that Anakin was already under the influence of the "dark side" at this point. So that's why the first thing he asks as Darth Vader is whether Padme is safe, right you morons?

Even after pointing out these serious problems with the plot, Star Wars nerds will still try to get you to admit one thing: "you have to admit that the special effects were good, right?"

NEWS FLASH: Episode III had no special effects.

They're not "special effects" anymore when they're found in EVERY SCENE. Lucas has done the seemingly impossible: he has made something that was once so unique that people called it "special" by name, and turned it into something so ordinary that nobody raises an eyebrow during a scene where a guy is having a sword fight on the back of a giant beast. By the way, I have to admit that the creature design was very creative in this episode; modeled after frilled lizards and ticks, Lucas tapped the well of innovation dry on this one. Congratulations Lucas, we don't care about "special" effects anymore.

Speaking of, that reminds me of the character "General Grievous" a bad guy so sinister, his very name stands for PAIN AND SUFFERING. Nice job a**holes. Tired of thinking up awesome names like "Lord Dooku" and "Nute Gunray" for your bad guys? Why not just call all your characters "Evil" and "Bad" next time? All Grievous needed was a monocle, and a large black moustache that he could twirl as he cackled "I'll get you, if it's the last thing I do!" Ditch this bu**sh**.

506,477 dipsh**s camped out in line for this movie only to realize that it sucks like the other 5.

I gotta admit, I've always had trouble with Vader uttering those stupid lines about Padme at the end but hadn't yet put my finger on it. I think that Maddox summed the problem...the OBVIOUS problem...up quite well. There simply is no excuse for some of the mistakes that permeate the Prequels and Revenge of the Sith.

jedibear
06-08-2005, 09:47 PM
Yawn.

If this guy is angling for a future job at say...the New Yorker...a rag that prides itself on slamming movies with operatic heights of snobbery, then he's going to have to buy a thesaurus and clean up that potty mouth. He's on the right track though...

I'd take these guys more seriously if they actually paid attention to what they were watching instead of attempting to be witty & clever at the expense of someone else's efforts....

Rocketboy
06-08-2005, 10:12 PM
Probably a Star Trek fan anyway...

DarthAngel
06-08-2005, 11:08 PM
If he can do better I would like to see him try. It's no east task trying to come up with something that is going to please everyone. And I completely disagree with him about the ither 5 films sucking. I think in their own way every movie of the PT and the OT are fantastic movies.

stillakid
06-08-2005, 11:49 PM
I'd take these guys more seriously if they actually paid attention to what they were watching instead of attempting to be witty & clever at the expense of someone else's efforts....

Uh, he did pay attention to ROTS. What were you doing while the movie flickered on screen in front of you? :sur:

CaptainSolo1138
06-09-2005, 10:57 AM
What it sounded like to me was this guy came up with a few jokes and decided to write a scathing review just so he could use them. Funny that he points out that Dooku is a "cool" name yet turns a blind eye to Tyrannus and how "stupid" that is.

Mildly entertaining but not much else.....

jedibear
06-09-2005, 11:34 AM
Uh, he did pay attention to ROTS. What were you doing while the movie flickered on screen in front of you? :sur:

I was watching the movie thank you. Paying attention to the fact that is is called EPISODE 3, meaning there were two before it that had story elements relevent to this one....that WITHIN this movie there are scenes that quite effectively explain character motavations and the reasons, however flawed, they have for what they do.

Everyone has a right to their opinion and I appreciate a good debate as much as anyone but Maddox just seems to protest a bit too much.

Sebulba_Fett
06-09-2005, 12:50 PM
Definately a funny "review". He does raise an interesting point about Lucas claiming these movies are for kids, when ROTS is PG-13. But even though this movie is not perfect, I don't think it deserves the amount of bashing that this guy is throwing at it.

First off, his question on why the jedi can't "detect conspiracies involving the cooperation of thousands of soldiers" is explained in all 3 prequels if you paid attention. If I remember correctly there were a couple times that Yoda pointed out the dark side is clouding their perceptions. That was a good enough explanation for me. I don't really see why it would need more time spent spelling it out.

As for Palpatine's converting Anakin to the Dark Side, I thought it was done well. Anakin's motivation for joining the Dark Side in order to save Padme is not destroyed when he chokes her. Especially if you look at it the way it was laid out in the movie. Palpatine leads Anakin to believe the Jedi are corrupt and that he has been his only friend. He hints that he is the only one with the power to save Padme. Anakin crosses the line and decides to join Palpatine to gain this power. At the end of the movie, he is confronted by Padme and Obi-Wan. Not only is she with the "enemy" but she tells him that she can't stay with him. The person that he loves more than anything else, the person that caused him to do a bunch of nasty stuff in order for the chance to save, has just "betrayed" him. And in his anger, confusion, and hurt he chokes her. Not that I condone what he did, but its understandable. You've seen this kind of thing played out in movies before.

And why is it such a big deal that he asks about her one more time after the suits been put on? Yes, a couple scenes ago he choked her, but this is a character who in the course of 3 movies has been shown to lover her deeply. Is it that unbelievable that he would wonder what happened to her and show some regret?

jedibear
06-09-2005, 12:53 PM
As for Palpatine's converting Anakin to the Dark Side, I thought it was done well. Anakin's motivation for joining the Dark Side in order to save Padme is not destroyed when he chokes her. Especially if you look at it the way it was laid out in the movie. Palpatine leads Anakin to believe the Jedi are corrupt and that he has been his only friend. He hints that he is the only one with the power to save Padme. Anakin crosses the line and decides to join Palpatine to gain this power. At the end of the movie, he is confronted by Padme and Obi-Wan. Not only is she with the "enemy" but she tells him that she can't stay with him. The person that he loves more than anything else, the person that caused him to do a bunch of nasty stuff in order for the chance to save, has just "betrayed" him. And in his anger, confusion, and hurt he chokes her. Not that I condone what he did, but its understandable. You've seen this kind of thing played out in movies before.

And why is it such a big deal that he asks about her one more time after the suits been put on? Yes, a couple scenes ago he choked her, but this is a character who in the course of 3 movies has been shown to lover her deeply. Is it that unbelievable that he would wonder what happened to her and show some regret?

Excellent explaination. Couldn't agree more.

JimJamBonds
06-09-2005, 01:21 PM
Hasn't George been saying for some time that the third of the PT movie's would be dark and not all that kid friendly? That in ROTS things were going to be 'very dark', perhaps even 'too dark?' I'm pretty sure he has been tell us this since before AOTC even came out, likely longer I don't remember for sure.

Jim Jam

WangoJango
06-09-2005, 09:50 PM
Probably a Star Trek fan anyway...


Maddox hates Star Trek too.

Rocketboy
06-09-2005, 10:27 PM
Maddox hates Star Trek too.Ok then...Babylon 5?
:D

2-1B
06-10-2005, 01:29 AM
Are we talking about Greg Maddox or Tommy Maddox ? :confused:

CaptainSolo1138
06-10-2005, 08:39 AM
Neither. We're talking about Angelina Jolie's adopted son.

stillakid
06-10-2005, 09:18 AM
I thought you were talking about this guy:

http://www.cemeteries-of-tx.com/Wtx/Blanco/cemetery/Post%

CaptainSolo1138
06-10-2005, 09:50 AM
Bad Request! Bad! No Snausages for you!

:p

2-1B
06-10-2005, 12:38 PM
Neither. We're talking about Angelina Jolie's adopted son.

OH ! Maddox Bob Thornton, cute lil' guy. :)

Jediboy
06-10-2005, 04:09 PM
When I read "reviews" like this I just smile and think to mysefl in my best Alec Guiness voice "He can go about his business...move along."

Bacta Beast
06-12-2005, 11:19 PM
At the request of management, here is a PG-ish version of what I referred to above but didn't advocate for young children of Puritans. :D

You don't have to be a puritan to not want your children to read that kind of language. :rolleyes:

Bacta Beast
06-12-2005, 11:27 PM
Uh, he did pay attention to ROTS. What were you doing while the movie flickered on screen in front of you? :sur:

Maybe he was just enjoying it! :stupid:

I know there are alot of inconsistencies in the prequels that are irreconcilable with the new. But that doesn't mean an educated person can't set and enjoy them. There are still alot of cool aspects to these films. Perfect, no, complete trash, not that either. At least in my opinion. :ermm:

stillakid
06-13-2005, 08:28 AM
Maybe he was just enjoying it! :stupid:
What was the sarcastic "stupid" emoticon for? That is pretty uncalled for. Who were you calling "stupid"? That's pretty rude.




I know there are alot of inconsistencies in the prequels that are irreconcilable with the new. But that doesn't mean an educated person can't set and enjoy them. There are still alot of cool aspects to these films. Perfect, no, complete trash, not that either. At least in my opinion. :ermm:
I too sat and "enjoyed" the film "for what it was" the first time. Then I went home and thought about it. That's what educated people do. While some elements stuck out as :confused: or :rolleyes: moments, it was only after careful thought, some discussion, and subsequent viewings that an "educated" person would see the depth of the problems in the film.

This does not negate the positives of course! :) I liked Grievous the first time I saw him and still like him. It's precisely the "over the top" nature of his character that is fun. It isn't really fit into the Star Wars genre (try picturing a character like that in the OT), but I did what all the "Defenders" asked me to and "enjoyed it for what it was."

Bacta Beast
06-13-2005, 11:08 PM
What was the sarcastic "stupid" emoticon for? That is pretty uncalled for. Who were you calling "stupid"? That's pretty rude.

I wasn't using it to call you stupid, obviously you're not, even though I disagree with some of what you say, and the way you arrive at some of your conclusions, I could never think of you as ignorant (you can take that as a compliment to your vocabulary if you like)!

So why did I use it? If I were standing in front of you having this coversation that's the face I would have made. :D

Likewise I thought your response to Jedibear was unecessarily sarcastic. I have to agree with his assessment that based on the plot points Maddox picks at, he really doesn't seem to get it!

Again, I wholeheartedly agree that there are mistakes to analyze and discuss, but I feel that Maddox overlooks those harps on points that aren't hard to understand or explain.

Y'know, I always want to end these postings with an :nerv:

stillakid
06-14-2005, 12:56 AM
I wasn't using it to call you stupid, obviously you're not, even though I disagree with some of what you say, and the way you arrive at some of your conclusions, I could never think of you as ignorant (you can take that as a compliment to your vocabulary if you like)!
Thank you. :)


So why did I use it? If I were standing in front of you having this coversation that's the face I would have made. :D
Didn't your mother tell you that your face would stay that way? ;)


Likewise I thought your response to Jedibear was unecessarily sarcastic. I have to agree with his assessment that based on the plot points Maddox picks at, he really doesn't seem to get it!
But Maddox DOES get it and points out some only some of the most aggregious of problems. Obviously some people here choose to ignore disagree that there are any problems at all. With that fundamental difference of opinion, there is no room for any true discussion which tends to result in a hilarious exchange of sarcasm. :D


Again, I wholeheartedly agree that there are mistakes to analyze and discuss, but I feel that Maddox overlooks those harps on points that aren't hard to understand or explain.
Such as the point that Anakin turns to the darkside in an effort to save Padme from dying...then negates that purpose by killing her himself? You mean that one? I'm pretty sure he hit the nail on the head. There is no way to explain that one away...well, there is one way, and he addresses that pretty accurately as well. :ermm:


Y'know, I always want to end these postings with an :nerv:

Try the :ermm: or the :beard: . I prefer the :ermm: myself but others seem to have gravitated toward the :beard: for some reason. :ermm:

2-1B
06-14-2005, 01:02 AM
stillakid, would you agree that "Maddox" is choosing to ignore the quality of the OT ? lol lol lol

stillakid
06-14-2005, 11:57 AM
stillakid, would you agree that "Maddox" is choosing to ignore the quality of the OT ? lol lol lol
Well, he didn't really go into any specifics about the OT like he did for ROTS, so I don't know. But it's apples and oranges in this case. Because he had no specifics, I can only guess that he isn't a large fan of the genre anyway, or at least Star Wars. That kind of reasoning I can live with. :)

But if true, that he just doesn't enjoy the genre anyway, it doesn't negate his very valid specific story critiques regarding ROTS. I can look at a script from a genre that I don't enjoy and still find plot holes and other OBJECTIVE problems that have nothing whatsoever to do with my subjective like or dislike of the entire piece.

2-1B
06-14-2005, 12:08 PM
You might be able to look at another genre and find the problems but this guy obviously "can't" since he said ROTS sucks like the other five. So based on that, he is not saying that ROTS is WORSE then the OT (as you would say :) ), he's just saying that they ALL suck and I don't know how that is a defensible opinion for any of us to excuse the diss against the OT when he says they all suck anyway. :)

stillakid
06-14-2005, 12:53 PM
You might be able to look at another genre and find the problems but this guy obviously "can't" since he said ROTS sucks like the other five. So based on that, he is not saying that ROTS is WORSE then the OT (as you would say :) ), he's just saying that they ALL suck and I don't know how that is a defensible opinion for any of us to excuse the diss against the OT when he says they all suck anyway. :)
That doesn't negate his comments about ROTS. He may think that the OT sucks and his sole valid reason may be because he hates the genre. It just so happens that he has another reason to hate ROTS and he generously provides examples of that for us to embrace and accept into our lives. :)

2-1B
06-14-2005, 12:57 PM
I'm not trying to argue the point further :) but all jousting aside, I would like to read this guy's opinions on the OT to see exactly what he means.

But if it's as "well stated" and as "eloquent" as his ROTS diatribe, I doubt I would find his criticisms of the OT to be very convincing . . . just as I am unconvinced by this current review. :)

stillakid
06-14-2005, 01:09 PM
I'm not trying to argue the point further :) but all jousting aside, I would like to read this guy's opinions on the OT to see exactly what he means.

But if it's as "well stated" and as "eloquent" as his ROTS diatribe, I doubt I would find his criticisms of the OT to be very convincing . . . just as I am unconvinced by this current review. :)

You have to learn to look past the packaging and see what's truly within. That's a good lesson for life too. :D

2-1B
06-14-2005, 01:11 PM
So all that tawkin' you do 'bout thongs isn't really meaningful, eh ? lol

stillakid
06-14-2005, 10:28 PM
So all that tawkin' you do 'bout thongs isn't really meaningful, eh ? lol

Oh, I didn't completely disregard the packaging. :D Sometimes it's cool too. :)