View Full Version : The "Random Silly Things We've Said Today" Thread...

08-19-2005, 09:24 AM
Me: "Mom and I are going out to Olive Garden this evening for my birthday before my gig. *makes gagging face*"

Jen: "Oh, come on! I know it's the ghetto of the chain restaurants but at least it's consistent!"

Me: "I know... but Lou really hates it 'cos it's really not REAL Italian and you know he's all about the real Italian..."

Jen: "Oh, I know!!! I love the commercials where they take the old Italian grandpa and he's like... *makes kissing 'finger blossom' gesture* It reminds me of the old country!!"

Me: "Olive Garden is about as authentic Italian as Taco Bell is authentic Mexican. The only way they could make it LESS Italian is by putting it on a stick!"

08-19-2005, 09:52 AM
Christa: "I don't see how Rumer Willis can look so unattractive with such attractive parents!"

Me: "It IS rather unfortunate, isn't it."

Christa: "She needs to lose like 20 pounds from her face and maybe she'd be fine... but what kind of crunches can you do for your face?"

Me: "Apparently the only crunches she's been doing are Nestle's Crunches!"

08-19-2005, 10:09 AM
I think we're gonna have to separate you three. Yes, I think that's for the best.

08-19-2005, 10:45 AM
I dropped my Wookie....--Ralph Wiggum.

08-19-2005, 12:12 PM
I dropped my Wookie....--Ralph Wiggum.I bent my Wookie.

08-19-2005, 12:19 PM
JP who are these girls?? I would love to hang out with the three of you, seems like nothing but laughter.

I hope you keep adding stuff cuz those 2 bits of dialogue made me laugh so hard!! thnx :thumbsup:

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

08-19-2005, 01:07 PM
Christa: "Whatcha drinking there?"

Me: "Iced tea..."

Christa: "That's a pretty huge glass of iced tea!!!"

Me: "I know. It's my third one this morning! I've drunk so much tea that I could start my own Indian Reservation with all the tea-pees I've been making..."

08-19-2005, 01:11 PM
Carol F.: "What the hell's wrong with you??!!!"

Me: "Wha..? Well-- nothing except for the fact that you just ran up here, yelled 'what the hell's wrong with you' and I might have just peed a little 'cos you scared me..."

[edit]...these are all co-workers, by the way.

08-19-2005, 01:40 PM
Me: "I know. It's my third one this morning! I've drunk so much tea that I could start my own Indian Reservation with all the tea-pees I've been making..."This should not make laugh as hard as I am. JP you're something else.

08-19-2005, 01:59 PM
I have good writers... ;)

08-19-2005, 02:30 PM
Jen: "So, what are you guys doing for the weekend?"

Me: "Gads! Full house here. Penny's coming in from Vegas for her 20th class reunion at Rocky River High School but is staying with us and Garth is coming in from Cuyahoga Falls and Stephen, Steven and Pete are in from Columbus..."

Jen: "Wow!! Are they here for your birthday?"

Me: "*sigh*...yeah. The only thing is, the guys really like Penny and Penny likes to steal everyone's thunder so I think I'm gonna be 'Molly Ringwalded' for my birthday evening out on the town."

08-19-2005, 02:39 PM
You are far too funny Dale. How do you guys even get work done while cracking all these jokes? ;)

08-19-2005, 03:17 PM
I get to sit WAY far away from everyone else so that's probably our saving grace.

You know how witty "my people" are... ;) I have to live up to the standard. I'm LPi's own personal Will Truman!

Dar' Argol
08-19-2005, 03:24 PM
After getting a bottle of water out of the fridge crisper drawer . . .
Me: These bottle are not all that cold hon . .

Wife: Well, move them up then.

Me: But the water sure is crispy :D

Wife: Your a dork!

08-21-2005, 08:21 PM
:D Lol!!!!!

08-24-2005, 01:32 PM
Debbie: "Well, I'm sure the reason they haven't reported on all the flooding in Toronto is because they are so busy reporting about the gas prices."

Me: "That's hardly news! You'd have to be driving around headless not to notice the gas prices."

Debbie: "Yeah. I am tired of hearing from all these people with SUVs complaining about how expensive it is to fill their tanks! Uh-- hello?!!!"

Me: "Yeah-- one guy was complaining about how it cost him almost $120 to fill his Hummer. Duh! Not only do these guys have shrivelled intellects and wee-wees... now they have shrivelled wallets to match!"

08-24-2005, 02:15 PM
I don't knmow how you remember the conversations you have JP, I have trouble enough remembering what I am typing right now. My son calls it "Old Timer's".

08-24-2005, 03:15 PM
I've always had a rather retentive memory. My mom marvels at how I can get around in foreign countries where I haven't been in years and tell her exactly where everything is and how to get there. I can also finsh multiple ideas and thoughts to conclusion without getting them all mixed up. I just have a real 3-D mind! LOL

08-24-2005, 09:57 PM
Perhaps you're just weird ;)

Heres a conversation. Note,I got my glasses stuck in my hair :crazed:

Me : I think my glasses got stuck in my hair

Joey : Really? (pulls on stuck glasses)

Me : No,I just always wanted them to look this way

Joey : Cool,its like a ghetto holder.At least they'll never be lost.

Meanwhile,my other brother is laughing.What help they were. Glad to report everything is fine now :D

08-25-2005, 02:55 AM
The think with me is that I don't have funny conversations I'm just a one liner. I'll just start snapping off jokes and jokes and jokes like no other.

I'm quite the smart a@@ too. It takes a minute to get used to my style.

08-25-2005, 11:27 AM
Not necessisarily funny but...

Picture it- 12:40 this morning - stupid neighbour "kids" and their friends roll up to the house catty corner from ours. Music blaring. Loud talking. They usually lay on the horn until their friend comes out of the house.

I get out of bed...

Me: "Cut the volume you stupid a**es! It's after midnight!!!"

Morons: (chanting/rapping something unintelligible)

Me: "Right then... I'm sorry your p*nises are small too!!"

10-22-2005, 12:04 AM
Joey (my brother) and I tonight at dinner :

Joey : You know,I have a girlfriend.

Me : Really?

Joey : Yeah,you've meet her.(Pause) Her name is Compaq

Crazy stuff :crazed:

10-25-2005, 02:26 PM
Lol!!!! :D

10-27-2005, 10:04 PM
At my pizza delivery job, we have a couple of 18 year olds that work there, 1 male and 1 female. They started dating about a month ago, and they always kiss and hug and do the "newly in love" stuff that kids do. Anyway I am down at the end of the counter and I say:

Me :"before you know it, the two of you are going to be making love in the cooler"

female:"Oh yeah, will just go do it right on top of the sausage"

Phone starts ringing *ring ring* female starts to pick up the phone to answer

Me:"Then you'll get twice the meat"

Female" Hello Na......" bursts out laughing couldn't take the call.

10-28-2005, 10:23 AM
:D I love it!!!!

10-28-2005, 11:19 PM
LOL :D That was a good comment frett

Dar' Argol
11-04-2005, 08:48 PM
This past week my wife made me proud. I was speaking to my Aunts husband about his computer problems:

ME: So what Operating System are you running then?

Him: Windows Millenium

(me staring at him)

My Wife: You know you just cursed at him in Geek Speak right?

She didn't miss a beat on that one :D

11-04-2005, 08:59 PM

Windows ME...cursed him in geek speak! LOL That's a good one!lol

11-09-2005, 09:12 PM
Me: "Karl! Erhm... you've got a wet spot on the front of your trousers..."

Karl: "Oh, crap!"

Me: "Actually... I think it's the other thing."

01-05-2006, 11:23 AM
Just now:
"I got a credit card bill and I don't know who (your company) is..."

Wished I could answer:
"Gee... who do you think sent you that statement for advertising last month, you ignorant butt!!!!"

01-06-2006, 07:29 PM
Forgot about this thread. He's a little gem from today

Joey(eating Batman-shaped spaghetti) : Now Joker,you must die!

Me : Cleaning up Gotham one bite at a time,huh?

01-06-2006, 11:56 PM
An employee at Wal-Mart had a bobber attached to her cell phone, and when another employee asked her why, she proceeded to tell us that a few days prior as she was getting up off the toilet and going to wash her hands, she flushed the toilet, and her cell phone fell out of her pocket and into the toilet and washed down with the rest of the toilet water.

I laughed and said, "So if I call your cell phone, I'll get potty talk?" and couldn't stop there, I went on "I bet your phone is getting crappy reception" and later on at second break, we all were coming to sit down, and I said, "I can't sit by you, listening to your toilet talk".

Okay, I thought that was pretty funny, but it was funnier seeing this large flourescent bobber attached to her phone.

01-07-2006, 10:02 AM
LOL!!!! That's great...!!! :lol:

01-08-2006, 09:18 AM
Good stuff there Frett! :thumbsup:

Dar' Argol
01-09-2006, 05:34 PM
I went with my wife to her WM Christmas party the other night. They usually give out door prizes to the employees and guest there. They draw your name out of a box and then you go and pick a number chip and that determines your prize. ok, enough explaining. Anywho, this guy named Peter Grey got his name picked and they announced it. My wife says to me and those at our table:

I like Peter, he's good to work with.

I damn near choked on my Ice water . . . and so did everyone else at the table . . .

01-09-2006, 11:19 PM
I like Peter, he's good to work with.

ROTFLMAO!!!! :D :D :D :D

01-10-2006, 12:06 AM
Thats great. Work with Peter....hahaha

El Chuxter
01-10-2006, 12:25 AM
Soundwave works with Peter.

02-16-2006, 12:11 PM
So, today was our potluck and everyone was making fun of Chrissy's punch (just to be weird).

Me: "Hey, Chrissy! Your punch is really good! I don't know why everyone said it was so horrible!"

Becky M.: "Uh, Dale-- you've got something brown on the end of your nose."

(the room laughs)

Me: "Do I? I must've rubbed onto me when I was kissing YOU!!!!"

Becky M.: "Why would you be kissing me? Don't you only kiss men?!!!"

Me: "Well, apparently you must've fit the bill today!"

(the room erupts in fits of laughter)

Me: "Yeah, baby!!! That's right... it's potluck throwdown today!!! Bring it!!!" :twisted:

Dar' Argol
02-19-2006, 10:03 PM
Potluck throwdown!!! That's great JP!

02-19-2006, 10:54 PM
I am driving home tonight with the kids in the car and an Onstar commercial comes on the radio. It is the one in which the womans three year old kid locked himself in the car. so, the conversation goes like this...

KH: Haha, your kid locked himself in the car.

Sarah: How do they get him out?

KH: You throw the 4 year old through the car window

Sarah: You're mean..... what if you dont have a 4 year old?

Jacob: You borrow the neighbors

Too funny

02-20-2006, 08:29 AM
Tony: I dont want to be on register

Me: Im not telling you to eat pancakes with chopsticks..

02-20-2006, 12:13 PM
Soundwave works with Peter.
Damn, how did I miss that post?!:D

02-21-2006, 11:11 AM
Potluck throwdown!!! That's great JP!

natch'! :lipsrseal

03-02-2006, 10:05 PM
Me : My favorite DC comics character? Superman

Nick : Mines Batman,he's got the money,the brains and the chicks unlike Superman

Me : Did you forget about Lois Lane?!?!

Nick : Oh yeah...HER

09-27-2006, 11:05 AM
Tommy (on the phone): Hey-- I'd like to talk with Charlie!

Me: Oh, I'd love to let you speak with him but he's gone to lunch.

Tommy: What's that guy doing-- going off like that and eating lunch??!!!

Me: Erhm... to-- make poop for later?

Tommy: *laughs heartily*

Me: Well, how was I supposed to respond to a question like that?

Tommy: *still laughing* Admittedly, it was a stupid question.

Me: Admittedly, you got a stupid answer!

09-28-2006, 10:01 AM
I'm hoping for another shot like this today. :)

10-01-2006, 10:44 AM

The weirdest people call into your work JEDIpartner ;)

10-15-2006, 10:41 AM
How about random STUPID thing someone ELSE said as they walked past, leaving you to question mankind:

"Germany and Britain are the same to me."


10-16-2006, 02:21 PM

The weirdest people call into your work JEDIpartner ;)

I know... :)

10-16-2006, 04:13 PM
Heres one from a few days ago,from a friend

"One minute you're playing Batman in the backyard,the next your catching up on the Net"

10-17-2006, 02:28 PM
LOL!!!!!! That is hilarious!!!

10-25-2006, 11:43 AM
Becky: Ugh! I've had this sore throat for weeks and I'm just waiting for it to turn into something!

Me: Like... an electric skillet? A year's supply of Rice-a-Roni? How about a brand new car!!

Becky: Oh, ha ha. That's funny. I'm all gross and phlegmy back there?

Me: Can you put it on a cracker?

Becky: Okay... that's totally gross!

Me: Well, yeah... but you're the one with it in your mouth!!

10-26-2006, 02:34 PM
Where I work we have a Fantasy Football leage and last week the guy I was playing asked me to sit everybody so he could win (he isn't doing that hot). He went on to tell me he isn't that good to which I responded "That is why you fail."

Of couse he then went on to kick my butt.

10-26-2006, 07:18 PM
You shouldnt have benched everyone.


12-14-2006, 12:16 PM
One of my friends sent me this e-mail that she got from a guy at MySpace and I really had to laugh. I checked out his profile and wrote back to her. It's not a silly thing we "said" but more of a silly "exchange".

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Brian
Date: Dec 14 2006 3:43 PM

32 fairborn giognt hru divorce with two kids, like your pictures

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: (Stephanie)
Date: Dec 14 2006 3:45 PM

Is this even English????


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: (Dale)
Date: Dec 14 2006 3:49 PM

Well, he's not completely UNattractive but he looks a little "basic" and "not for you". I think the two mystery words are in Wookiee. Hold on...

Yeah... it means "I'm not bad looking but I'm not exactly literate" or, depending on how long the "o" was held in the first word, it could mean "I have horrible constipation-- get me a medic!" Either way, I think you need to avoid him.


12-28-2006, 08:54 AM
LOL, Thats great :) Heres something that I had with my brother Nick at Christmas dinner

Me : We have two kinds of butter, Irish butter or regular

Nick : Whats the difference?

Me : One is from Ireland, one is not

Nick : Oh

12-28-2006, 10:55 AM
So, the Irish butter had alcohol in it right?

01-04-2007, 01:44 PM
:p :p :p :p :p :p

01-06-2007, 10:45 PM
Of course, loads of alcohol. It was actually quite nice, super rich.

El Chuxter
01-07-2007, 01:50 AM
Butter with alcohol in it? What will they think of next?

10-08-2008, 09:12 AM
One of the sales reps brought in a homemade sour creme cake. He was standing in the vestibule with the cake in one hand and an umbrella in the other hand and waiting for me to release the door for him so he could get in.

I couldn't resist: "Did someone leave the cake out in the rain?"

It's not very often one can reference "MacArthur Park"!!!! We laughed.