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View Full Version : The Script to Hasbro's Episode Four: A New Resculpt - Special Edition! (continued)



El Chuxter
08-21-2001, 05:44 PM
(This'll probably get moved, but this is the category it was under in the old forums.)

This is a continuation of the story of Star Wars: A New Hope told through the eyes of the figures. When Tycho created the thread, he set up some much more detailed rules, which I don't feel like retyping. :) Basically, in Star Wars: Episode One: The Resculpt Menace (http://209.197.112.151/thread.html?dom=ss&TID=17&PID=2944), the Power of the Jedi Line was created. Vader and the Emperor rule the galaxy, but the Rebels want justice for the aliens who will never be produced otherwise.

The story continues from the thread from the old forums (http://209.197.112.151/thread.html?dom=ss&TID=27&PID=3744) as Luke and Ben have just left the cantina. . . .

Han enters the hangar bay, ducking to avoid banging his head on the Millennium Falcon. He sees Jabba yelling at the Falcon.

"Solo! Solo! I know you're resculpted, Solo!"

Mandalorian Candidat
08-21-2001, 06:40 PM
"Cripes," thinks POTF CT Han. "I can't get my pistol out of this stupid holster. That screwy QC inspector didn't check to see that the pistol was permanently glued to it. I guess I'll have to BS my way through this one."

"My only hope is that the Boba Fett in this scene is the original one and not the 300th edition with rocket firing backpack or even the Deluxe version with the mother of all rocket packs."

"Jabba, even I get resculpted now and then. I've got a sweet job that'll pay the debt in full. But there's no way I'll pay more than the extra 10%. I was a pegwarmer for a long time so there's no need to pay you a scalper's ransom."

After climbing over Jabba's plastic wagging tail, Han climbes in to the Falcon which has miraculously been resculpted to a much better detail than he can remember.

jedi master sal
08-21-2001, 06:55 PM
but it's still a piece of junk.

Bel-Cam Jos
08-23-2001, 05:44 PM
Ben and Luke leave a Mos Eisley speeder lot, handing credits to, well, no one, because the Seller Alien hasn't been produced yet.

Ben: "You'll have to sell your Vintage speeder."
Luke: "Didn't we just hand him our money? Oh well. Since the POTF2 version came out, the old one's just not in demand anymore."

Garindan notices the two heading towards a docking bay. Since he's the "hologram" version, instead of the Freeze Frame one, no one noticed him at all. He talks in his COMMtech Reader.

Ben and Luke meet up with R2 and Threepio. Chewie leads them into the docking bay. Since this is R2 w/ Holo, his articulated ankles let him descent the steps. Luke realizes this is the POTF2 Falcon that had been jammed in the bottom shelf of Toys R Us for a year and a half.

Luke: "What a piece of junk!"

Mandalorian Candidat
08-24-2001, 04:06 PM
"...It's full of dust and it looks like it has been broken into. Where's the floor plate and radar dish?"

Han: Never mind that kid. Someone broke into the box to pilfer it for parts for their vintage Falcon. By the way, which Luke are you? I know you're not the original 1977 Luke because you don't have a lightsaber growing out of your arm and not the OC 1995 Luke because you are punier than a midget standing in a hole.

Luke: Well I was floppy hat Luke a little while ago and I will be Helmet Luke in a few minutes. Gee, I don't know. Maybe there's one more resculpt of me to be made.

Just then a rabble of Stormtroopers break into docking bay 99 and begin firing.

Han: Damn! I still can't get this pistol out of my built in holster! Chewie, hurry up or we're going to get resculpted really fast!

CTC Han miraculously becomes resculpted to OC Super-buff Han and with a mighty yank, dislodges his holstered pistol. Amazed at the size of his bulk, the wimpy POTF GC Stormtroopers scurry away.

[External view of Mos Eisley spaceport. Two sandtroopers; one from the POTJ line with binoculars, the other a lowly non-FF sandtrooper look on as the Falcon takes off...

El Chuxter
08-24-2001, 04:36 PM
Look! Over there! It's the Green Box Outrider. Awww, ya blinked!

Cut to the interior of the Falcon.

Luke: It's awfully cramped in here.
Han: Here, come up into the CD-ROM cockpit. It's much roomier, and apparently the floor tiles do stuff in conjunction with a computer keyboard.
Luke (in his best Cartman voice): Sweet!

Interior of the vintage Death Star playset.

Tarkin: Look, Your Highness. It's your Complete Galaxy playset.
CTC Vader: Tell us where the Rebel Base is located or it is cancelled!
POTJ Bespin Escape Leia: No! Think of all the unproduced Alderaanians there! Tycho Celchu, Winter, Carlist Riekkan, those silly kids from the Galaxy of Fear series!
Tarkin: Perhaps you can suggest a better target--a pegwarming target.
Leia: Sigh. Complete Galaxy Dagobah. They're on the Complete Galaxy Dagobah playset.
Tarkin: Excellent. Signal the Death Star Gunners that they may cancel when ready!
Leia: What?!?
Tarkin: You're far too common, Bespin Escape Leia. The Complete Galaxy Dagobah has flooded the market for years now--cancelling it won't prove anything. But cancelling your Complete Galaxy may eliminate a common Hoth resculpt of you. Hmmm. . . . Perhaps we'd better cancel your Flight Deck Diorama as well.
[The Death Star Gunners cancel both playsets.]
Leia: You stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Holo Sticker!
Tarkin: Try that on Harrison, pegwarmer. Take her back to her cell and contact the Fan Club--I'm sure they'd love to scalpt that Hoth resculpt!
Leia: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Bel-Cam Jos
08-24-2001, 05:01 PM
Death Star Troopers croutch in the DS Chasm playset, because that's their only pose, as the beam fires on the Complete Galaxy Dagobah playset.

Interior Millenium Falcon:
POTJ Ben Kenobi: "Ooh!"
Helmet Luke: "Ben? What's wrong?"
Ben: "I felt as if millions of Force Fires were sent out with spelling errors, then suddenly changed to .0004 versions. I feel as if something terrible has happened. You should continue to be discounted."
Smuggler Pack Han (entering): "I told you I could get yet another resculpt."
Sound of crickets
Han: "Don't everyone buy me at once."
C-3PO and Chewie are playing his Dejarik gameboard.
C-3PO: "Now be careful, R2. These pieces are molded, and if you break them, the Wookie will no longer be mint."
R2 makes some mouse clicks.
Chewbacca: "Grrowl!"
C-3PO: "He made a fair bid. You're only worth $6 by now. Screaming about it won't help you."
Han: "You'd better take his 'Buy It Now.'"
C-3PO: "But, sir. No one worries about bidding on a pegwarmer."
Han: "That's because scalpers will keep submitting them for bid, if you don't."
C-3PO: "I still don't see your point, but let the Wookie win the auction."
Chewie (surprise!) puts his arms up behind his head.

Luke and Ben and still doing lightsaber exercises...

El Chuxter
08-28-2001, 02:41 PM
The Falcon comes out of hyperspace in the middle of the Target toy aisle.

"Where are we?" whines Luke.

"Some kind of fingerbike collision!" exclaims Han. "It's not in any of the Tomarts! We're in the right place, just no exclusives."

"They've been cancelled," says Ben, ominously.

"Impossible!" shouts Han. "The entire Fan Club doesn't have that kind of power."

"What about collectors preferring vintage playsets and thus killing demand?" asks C-3PO.

"True," says Han. "Hey, that clearanced off-scale TIE Fighter there is heading toward that small He-Man playset."

"That's no He-Man playset."

Han hesitates for a second before realizing there's no slot in the playset for a power sword. "Chewie, turn us around--I have a bad feeling about this."

The ship refuses to turn around.

"We're caught in a scalper beam!" Han reaches into his holster and pulls out a tiny gun. "Prepare to re-release in bulk. It'll kill our value, but I'm not gonna be scalped without a fight!"

"There are alternatives to being scalped," says Obi-Wan.

"Quit with the riddles, Yoda!" yells Han. "Give me a straight answer before we're all pegwarming!"

Obi-Wan points to the floor panels. "Scalpers rarely look for hidden figures," he says with a smile.

Bel-Cam Jos
08-29-2001, 05:01 PM
Vader: "Her resistance to the resculpt focus groups is strong."
Tarkin: "I don't understand; she's the only female character. Why won't she allow the Really All Absolutely New Sculpt! or Disco Outfit?"
Intercom Voice: "Sir?"
Tarkin: "Yes?"
Voice: "We've captured a Millenium Falcon. It matches the one we 'accidently' damaged and tried to remove the sticker sheet."
Vader: "They must be trying to get their money back. Leia may yet be of use to us."

The Falcon passes through the store 'theft protector' into the toy department, and a SpaceTrooper watches it, from his $50 Star Case.

Stormtroopers search the ship for any figures. Of course, there are Malakilis, Chocobi-Wans, and Tatooine Anakins, but these are not the figures they're looking for.
Officer: "Lord Vader."
Vader: "Did you find any Droids figures? Vlix maybe?"
Officer: "No. The sticker sheet is missing, as well as the catalog. We believe they may have played with this 'toy' right after the store."
Vader: "I sense something. A present I've not felt since..."
Vader turns around like he was on a Land Of The Jawas playset spinner.

Where were our heroes?

Bel-Cam Jos
09-03-2001, 02:06 PM
Luke: "It's a good thing you had these Last Action Hero toys."
Han: "I've been a scalper before, but I'm not used to hiding myself. Look, we'll never get past that Rent-A-Security-Guard at the entrance."
Ben: "Leave that to me."
Han: "D*mn fool! I knew you'd say something like that!"
Ben: "Who's more foolish; the scalper or the buyer who pays scalper prices?"

Death Star Trooper: "COMMtech Stromtrooper; why aren't you on the shelves? CTC Trooper; come in."
The trooper looks into the back stock room. He sees several case assortments that should hold CTC STs. An employee is tapping the box while holding CTC Greedos and Jawas in his hand. The DS Trooper understands.
DS Trooper: "We've got a dealer. I'll see what I can do."
As the door is opened, 12" ChewbaccaMcBeal hits him in the face. Han crumples the blister bubble on another DS Trooper, rendering him un-purchasable.
Luke: "What with his crappy sculpt and your overproduction it's no wonder we're pegwarmers!"
Han: "Bring 'em on! I prefer occasional resculpts to all these shipping delays."

R2-D2 makes a startling discovery...

El Chuxter
09-03-2001, 06:00 PM
C-3PO: They're going to dump millions of her rarest sculpt onto TRU shelves for $1.97!

Luke: We can't let that happen?

Han: Why not? Better her pegwarming than us!

Luke: It's a beautiful sculpt.

Han: So are most of my recent sculpts, so NYAH!

Luke: She's valuable.

Han: How valuable?

Luke: She's a discontinued Fan Club exclusive. Her value's got to be. . . . well, more than any of your resculpts will ever be priced at.

Han: I don't know. I can put whatever price tag I want on my card.

Luke: Yeah, but she'll actually sell at such prices.

Han: Okay, but only because otherwise we'll just be sitting here, missing the best parts of the movie.

Luke: Okay, here's an idea. . . .

El Chuxter
09-05-2001, 07:24 PM
"Let's resculpt ourselves as a TRU exclusive! Here, Chewie, I'm gonna put these twist ties on your feet so you'll--

"RAWR!"

"Um, Han, you put the twist ties on him."

"Hold on, Chewie, I think I know what he's getting at."

A few minutes later. . . .

bigbarada
09-05-2001, 08:25 PM
The TRU exclusive trio make they're way down the Death Star corridor.

Luke: "Man I swear we keep passing the same bulkhead over and over again."

Han: "That's because it's the same twenty feet of Death Star repeated over and over! Hasbro never made an elevator! Oh god, why can't we be in the vintage Death Star playset?"

Luke: "I just wish I could lower my arms, I'm starting to chaffe."

Han: "Yeah, me too. Damn action poses! Hey look over there, it's the Detention Cell Playset, but how are we going to get to it?"

Bel-Cam Jos
09-06-2001, 12:21 PM
Dozens of DS Troopers, Captain Pietts, DS Droids, CTC Stormtroopers walk by. Luke, Han, and Chewie can barely contain their desires to grab as many of these highly-sought after figures. Luckily, they notice that a TRU ladder was left in the department, so they can reach the Detention Cell Playset on the top shelf afterall.

A Vintage Imperial Commander approaches.
IC: "Where are you taking this... thing?"
Luke: "Toy recall. No choking hazard label, code AA-23."
IC: "I wasn't notified. I'll have to clear it."
Another DS Trooper approaches, in his crappy crouching pose. Realizing their time is up, Luke and Han react.
Han: "Oh no! The figures are opened and loose!"
Luke: "It'll plummet in value!"
Finally getting all the twist ties off, the trio pull the laser cannons off the Detention Cell Playset, since they're so flimsy, and crumple the bubbles on the remaining DS Troopers.
Han: "Let's find out where this Fan Club Exclusive princess of yours is. Okay, aisle 38."
Luke heads off to find her while Han deals with their situation...

Mandalorian Candidat
09-06-2001, 04:38 PM
Luke opens the door to Princess Leia's cell and suddenly freezes in his tracks realizing he's found the red-carded Monkey-Face Leia instead of FF New Sculpt Leia.

Luke: (thinking) Freak, I would have to find the ugly one. Where's a paper sack when you need one?

Leia: Aren't you a little short for a CTC stormtrooper?

Luke: (removing his helmet) No, I'm GC Stormtrooper Luke with the squared-off bubble. I'm here to rescue you from on-line scalpers.

Meanwhile, Han and Chewie take care of business...

(control panel beeping)

Han: Crap! I can't activate this console through this plastic bag. Why couldn't I have been CS ST Han instead of mail-away ST Han?

Upon hearing his lament, Chewie rips open Han's plastic bag.

Han: Chewie, what the heck are you doing? I'm no longer MIMP! Don't you realize my value is now a fourth of what I could be sold for on ebay?!

El Chuxter
09-12-2001, 07:16 PM
Luke: We're here with a soft-goods Obi-Wan!

Leia: A soft-goods Obi? White CommTech or Holo?

Luke: Uh. . . .

Leia: Some rescue! Gimme that gun. You need a two-handed grip and an all new likeness.

Elsewhere, Obi-Wan searches for the scalper beam controls. . . .

Bel-Cam Jos
09-13-2001, 11:06 PM
Luckily, this is Cantina Showdown Obi-Wan, so he can sneak around the Death Star Chasm playset easier. He turns off the eBay countdown clock to allow the group to escape without being tracked, but two Crowd Control Stormtroopers are left to stand guard.

ST #1: "What'd you thinks going on?"
ST #2: "Must be some kind of clearance sale again."
ST #1: "You see that new Aurra Sing variation?"
ST #2: "Yeah, the guys say it's something... what's that?"
Obi-Wan has become F/X Obi-WAn and glows his green? lightsaber to create a strange shadow on the wall to distract them. Then he leaves.

Darth Vader pauses, turns his head, and almost trips over DS Droid's mouse droid pack-in.
But back in the Cell Block...

bigbarada
09-13-2001, 11:22 PM
Our heroes have been pinned in the detention cell corridor by a platoon of stormtroopers!

Luke: "I keep hitting them but the blasts just bounce off!"

Leia: "You idiots! Those are COMMTECH Stormtroopers, only cold water will penetrate their armor!"

With that Leia pulls out.....

Bel-Cam Jos
09-15-2001, 10:35 AM
... time travel device! Because we can't miss out on one of the most classic scenes in the Classic Trilogy.

After telling Luke where Leia is being held, the Cell Block alarm is flashing.
A barely-audible, poorly constrcuted voice comes over the speaker.
Voice: "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not given you clarvoiance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fortress."
Han: "Han Solo; captain of the Millenium Falcon."
Voice: "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not given you clarvoiance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fortress."
Han: "Great kid. Don't get cocky!"
Voice: "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not given you clarvoiance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fortress."
Han: "Chewie! Get us out of here!"
Voice: "Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not given you clarvoiance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fortress."
Han (shoots the COMMtech reader): "Boring conversation anyway. They really should have produced more Imperial character chips. Luke we're gonna have some major retial dumping!"

NOW, since the scene's done, Leia pulls out...

Tycho
09-21-2001, 12:14 AM
a clearenced Naboo water blaster!

Fruit Loops Han: "Can't sell out that way"

New Likeness Leia: "Looks like you've managed to use up all the specially marked packages!"

Han: "Maybe you'd like a little bit of milk with that, your Highness?"

"Now what?"

New Likeness Leia: "This is some rescue! When you got stocked in here, didn't you have a plan for selling out? !"

Han: "He's the pegwarming red card / green card, reissue-with-a-hologram!"

Luke ST FF: "Well, I didn't..."

Leia soaks a hole in the Detention Cell Rescue Playset's thick cardboard packaging with many shots from her nifty watergun.

Han: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Leia: "These won't sell! Somebody has to make it so the stores can send them back as damaged merchandise! Into the cardboard price-guy!"

Leia crawls into the hole torn in the waterlogged box.

Han [To Chewie]: "Get in there you undersized plastic resculpt! Maybe you can ship back to Hasbro. Get in there!"

[To Luke] "Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to dump her at a garage sale, or I just might buy her. Get in there!"

They fire the rest of the water out of the Naboo pistol and soak the CommTech troopers but good, and jump into the hole Leia tore in the Death Star playset's cardboard box.

Tycho
09-23-2001, 05:17 AM
Han is last to land inside the Detention Cell Rescue Box.

He is immediately upset with the Rebels current circumstance:

HAN (to Leia): "A garbage set? What an incredibly large rocket launcher you've discovered here. Let's get out of here."

(to Chewie, by the hole in the box) "Get away from there."

Han picks up the giant double barreled missle launcher and aims a white plastic missle it at the rip.

LUKE: "No wait!"

Han fires off a a shot and the missle disapears on out of the hole.

LUKE: "I already tried! Now this playset is worthless because we've lost the pieces and broken the seal!"

LEIA: "Would you put that thing away before we all get recalled?"

HAN: "Absolutely your Worshipfulness. You know I had everything under control until you led us in here!"

LEIA: "It could be worse."

Suddenly the four of them hear footsteps approaching and they can begin to make out a large human form, wearing a red shirt, reaching out towards them.

HAN: "It's worse."

LUKE: "Is there something dead in here."

HAN: "All hope for an end to your pegwarming stagnation."

Suddenly the whole cardboard container starts shaking!

LUKE: "The walls are moving! No- it's the floor! Now it's the ceiling! Hang on, will you?"

HAN: "Where?"

LUKE: "Anywhere."

LEIA: "Don't just stand there! We're being shipped back to the manufacturer!"

"Try and escape or something!"

LUKE: "Wait a minute!"

He reaches for the comlink in his stormtrooper helmet.

LUKE: "Threepio? Threepio? Where could he be?"

__________________________________________________ __

Back in a commercial advertisement for Ultarama action figure display systems's Death Star control room mock-up, Stormtroopers burst onto the scene.

Stormtrooper1: "Take over."

Stormtrooper2 (noting a damaged Death Star Trooper): "See to him."

Suddenly they notice the droids -as if they we're bright and colorful...

Stormtrooper1: "Look! Over there!"

C-3PO: "They were mad men! I think they were headed towards the Detention Cell Rescue Playsets. If you hurry, you might catch them."

JEDIpartner
09-24-2001, 11:34 AM
LUKE (escape from DS game): Where's Threepio??

LEIA (Monkey Face): Who knows!? He hasn't been around for quite sometime other than that "naked" sculpt they put out a couple years ago.

LUKE (escape from DS game): Wha...?

HAN (Cereal Offer): One things for sure... we're all gonna be buried in the bottom of clearance bin somewhere in Idaho underneath all those Malikilis! Get on Top!

LEIA (Monkey Face): I can't!!!
-------------------------------------

Millennium Coin Threepio and "tools" Artoo show up in back at the contol room of the Ultrarama Death Star display once someone removed all the Stormies to make it look like a different scene...

THREEPIO: Oh! No one is here. I wonder where they could be! Stick one of those tools into your torso to simulate your data link!

ARTOO: Click Click Click...!

THREEPIO: The commlink? Oh! Hasbro never made one of those! Master Luke will be in serious trouble now!

ARTOO: Click Click!

THREEPIO: The glass of blue milk pack-in from Aunt Beru...? Sure! Why not? It didn't look like much anyhow! Who will notice the difference?? Curses! I can't hold anything in these hands! They should resculpt me with arms like TC-14!!!

El Chuxter
09-24-2001, 02:24 PM
Artoo beeps a sigh.

C-3PO: Good idea! We can tape over this copy of random episodes of Droids, have a bowl of C-3POs, and use the Stormtrooper head walkie talkies! [Into the immense walkie talkie.] Hello! Luke!

Luke: Shut down the stockboys in the toy aisle!

C-3PO: Shut them all down! I don't know--distract them or something!

The man in the red shirt sees another employee walking by with a case of the latest issue of Maxim, the new Limp Bizkit CD, and some Cheetos. He puts down the playset and runs after his fellow Target Team Member.

Luke, Han, and Leia climb out of the playset. Han and Luke remove their Stormtrooper disguises, and Han leaves the belt on.

Leia: Wow, Han, with that belt on, you look just like Michael Kelso from That 70s Show!

Luke: Cool! Hey, who do I look like when I put mine back on?

Han swipes Luke's belt.

Han: I'll take that. Can't have two folks running around with cool belts!

Luke: Hey! Don't make me whine!

Han: All right, kid, you can have it back when we get back to the Falcon--but only if you'll man the Gunner Station!

Luke: Okay.

Several Stormtroopers of various sculpts happen up and begin shooting at our heroes.

Leia: Why don't we split up, so we can have an additional subplot going on for a few minutes?

Han and Chewie chase the Stormtroopers down the hall and around a corner, only to find a legion of teenage girls. They take one glance at Han, say, "Ooh, it's Ashton Kuchter! He's so dreamy!" and chase Han and Chewie away.

Meanwhile, Luke and Leia arrive at the Death Star Chasm playset, take one look down at the poorly rendered pit on the cardboard floor, and. . . .

El Chuxter
10-10-2001, 03:22 PM
Luke says, "Man, I wish I had something we could swing over this with." He looks at his rapelling gun, which is a solid piece of plastic only a few inches long.

"Look!" says Leia. On a platform above them, a Stormtrooper mans an enormous floor-mounted version of an Imperial blaster. It fires a huge missile. Luckily, the missile is white and impossible not to dodge, given its low propulsion.

However, the release of the firing mechanism shakes the entire playset and a string tied to an oversized tower falls onto the floor beside our heroes. "Hey, look!" says Luke. "It's got a sorta belt tied to it!"

Luke snaps the belt around his waist and begrudgingly puts his arms around Monkey Face Leia.

"For luck," says MFL, leaning over to kiss him.

"Don't even think about kissing me, you deformed simian!"

Bel-Cam Jos
10-10-2001, 07:11 PM
Meanwhile, Han has become the new, "rare" DS Escape variant. Chewie is stuck as the DS Cinema Scene one. Han had just chased an entire case of CT Stromtroopers into the back stock room, but realizing that an illegal deal was going on at the time between TRU employees and scal- er, "dealers," he runs away screaming.

Han: "Yaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

The Troopers pursue the duo through the same Cinema Scene cardboard background. Han realizes he can just go through the side flap, and then re-seal it back up.

Trooper 1: "Close the side flap!"

Han and Chewbacca escape.

Trooper 2: "Open the side flap! Open the side flap!"

Tycho
10-11-2001, 05:05 PM
Meanwhile Obi-Wan Flashback is making his way cautiously back toward the Millennium Falcon, when he suddenly stops short.

His path is blocked by the Dark Lord of this Sh_t, himself: Darth Vader!

For the first time in almost 2 days, former master and apprentice face each other again!

VADER: It's been a long time Obi-Wan. The circle is now complete. When I left you, my new Emperor's Wrath variation was hidden by a collector. Now I have been restocked!

OBI-WAN: Only because your figures have been clearanced at Walmart, Darth!

The two change into their Power F/X variations, ignite their lightsabers, and prepare for deadly battle.

VADER: Your commercial value is mired by a weak demand.

OBI-WAN: You can't possibly win Darth. If they clearance me out, I shall come back as an Episode 2 figure, with more resculpts than you could possibly imagine!

VADER: But you'll never be on the card back!

With that the two ancient rivals attack and counterattack in a violent display of overproduction.

Bel-Cam Jos
10-13-2001, 06:41 PM
Our heroes suddenly find themselves in a repacked case: 1 X DS Escape Han, 1 X All New Likeness! Leia, 1 X T-16 Luke, 1 X Mechanic Chewie, and 4 X Malakili and 4 X Chocobi-Wan.

Malakili: "Hey, can we come too?"
Chocobi-Wan: "Yeah! Pleeeease? Nobody wants us. Even customizers!"
Leia: "No! It's too risky. Our case assortment might get cancelled."
Malakili goes away crying, and Chocobi-Wan comforts him.
Luke pulls out the scraping tool he's packed with, since he's never had a comlink.
Luke: "Threepio?"
C3PO: "Yes, sir?"
Luke: "Are you nearby?"
C3PO: "We're in the case below you, with 4 Malakilis and Chocobi-Wans."
Luke: "Oh no! Whine..."
Han: "Threepio! You tell that slimy, no good piece of worm ridden filth Hasbro, that they'll get no such product orders from us! Right?"
Chewie: "Grraaankk!"
Leia notices the beat-up box of the Millenium Falcon. "You boight that, non-MIMB? You're dumber than I thought."
Han: "Nice."

Tycho
10-14-2001, 04:08 PM
Our heroes stop arguing momentarily to glance out and survey the situation around the Falcon.

6 CommTech Stormtroopers are guarding the ship.

HAN: Weren't we just packed with this party?

CHEWIE: Aggrroooooooooh.

Leia and Luke step closer.

HAN: What took you so long?

LEIA: We were trying not to get our cards bent.

LUKE: Is the shipment OK?

HAN: Seems alright, but there's an error or Chewbacca's just not included.

LUKE [into Aunt Beru's blue milk carton]: Threepio, are you alright?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[cut to a clearence isle across from the ship]

C-3PO: I'm in a busted Minted Coin package and R2 is on a discounted Freeze Frame across from the ship.

LUKE's voice [through milk carton]: Alright. Stand bye.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suddenly the CommTech Troopers notice the lightsaber duel between the Jedi and their Dark Master. They rush to help Vader when suddenly they're overtaken by an obsessive collector!

LUKE: Look!

C-3PO [in the clearance isle]: Come on Artoo. We're going!

HAN: Now's our chance! Go!

But Luke stops short as he and the others become suddenly aware of Obi-Wan's plight.

The young Jedi Warrior and his beloved old Master's eyes meet for what they suddenly fear could be the 1 zillioneth time. Luke's mouth drops open and his face turns pale with a dorky expression. But the old Jedi Master just smiles as Vader swings his crimson blade of destruction in what would be the final kill stroke that would render worthless the old Jedi Knight's packaging.

LUKE: Yessss!!! Yahoooooo!

Ben Kenobi has turned into a blue Jello molded resculpt!

HAN: Come on Kid!

LEIA: Luke! This is turning out great!

HAN: Grab the potato chips, Kid!

Suddenly aware of the danger he's in as the Dark Warrior he'd seen nearly strike Obi-Wan down now turns on him, Luke rushes on board the Falcon with his friends.

HAN [pushing and shoving Chewie since they both can't fit in the cockpit]: Let's hope Hasbro's going to resculpt this ship, or this is going to be a real uncomfortable trip!

With that, the Falcon's engines roar to life and the ship moves at lightspeed away from the toy isle, as some kid's purchased it and even supplied batteries for realistic lights and sounds!

Tycho
10-26-2001, 06:05 AM
On board the Millennium Falcon enroute to some kid's place, safely stowed in his mother's trunk, Han smirks at Chewie, clearly gloating in their last minute triumph and daring escape from the clutches of Darth Vader.

Meanwhile, in the main hold, Leia comes to sit with Luke.

LUKE [Gunner Station Resculpt]: I can't believe they're gone.

LEIA [soft goods resculpt]: With my new, smaller figure, eating all these potato chips was fun.

Artoo moans woefully, well aware Leia is growing back into her first edition form as she speaks.

Up in the cockpit, the proximity alert alarm sounds.

HAN [to Chewie] : Looks like were coming up on some TIE Interceptor rehashes. Add the AA Alkalines and try and hold them off while I change into my Gunner Station Resculpt.

The trunk opens and 'mom' tosses in one more large Toys R Us bag with Geoffrey the Giraffe all over it and a TIE Interceptor inside of it.

MOM: And that's all you're getting for your birthday! Christmas is coming up. Now don't you want to wait so you can still get some other presents?

Han gets into his gunner chair, as does Luke, while Leia runs up to the cockpit and joins Chewie piloting the ship.

HAN: You in kid? Try and stay sharp.

LEIA: Here they come!

LUKE: There's too many Giraffes!

Suddenly the ship is wildly jolted as the birthday boy gets home and rushes up to his room and opens the boxes.

LEIA: We've lost the packaging!

HAN: Don't worry. She'll hold her value!

[to the Falcon, with stickers applied haphazzardly]: "Hear me, Baby: hold your value!"

Suddenly, the kid has the TIE Interceptor opened as well.

LUKE yells: "He got one! He got one!"

HAN: "Awww. His mom got lucky!"

LEIA: "There's still a TIE Bomber on its way out there."

And next the Falcon's guns light up as Luke scores a kill shot and the Empire's pursuit ship's wings are blown off and the kid drops the TIE on the floor.

LUKE: That's it! We did it!

LEIA (hugs Chewbacca, and now looks like him, too): We did it!

C-3PO: Help. I think I'm still resculpting! This is all Episode 2's fault!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at Target, after the Falcon had disappeared, Grand Moff Tarkin approaches Darth Vader.

Tarkin: Are they sold out?

Vader: They just left in a Honda Accord.

Tarkin: You're sure the return gaurantee was in place? I'm taking an awful risk Vader. This had better work.

Tycho
10-26-2001, 06:32 AM
In the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo joins Princess Leia, unaware of the danger they still face.

HAN: Not a bad bit of retailing. You know, sometimes I even manage to outsell myself.

LEIA: That doesn't sound so hard. They let us go. That's the only way I account for the ease of our escape.

HAN: Easy? You call clearance easy?

LEIA: They're returning us.

HAN: Not this ship, Simmian.

LEIA [shaking her head, in exasperation]: I only hope that when the day we're restocked the information in R2 is applied.

HAN: What's so important? What's he carrying?

LEIA: The hopes and e-mails from the fans, as well as my hologram and a scalper's dream value on the market. It's not over yet.

HAN: It is for me, Simmian. Look, I'm not in this for your revolution and I'm not in it for you, Princess. I'm in it for the money. I expect to finally be worth my weight.

LEIA: Well, if money is all that you love, then with a TaunTaun is the only way you'll get it.

[to Luke, as he steps in on the Princess' way out]

Your friend is quite a mercantilist. I wonder if he's ever really been worth anything - or fun to play with.

LUKE (Tatooine): Well, I'm crap.

[to Han]: So. What do you think of her, Han?

HAN: A flying Sasquatch, kid.

LUKE: Sure is.

Noticing Luke's disappointment...

HAN: I don't know. What do you think? D'you think another white with a CommTech Chip...

LUKE: No.

Sadly, Han nods in agreement.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometime later, the crew of the Millennium Falcon encounter some more Rebellion-allied action figures in the child's collection.

REBEL FLEET TROOPER [to Leia]: You're face! When we heard about your first addition, we feared the worse.

LEIA: We have no time for you to get your neck bent out of shape over that, Commander. We must acknowledge that you don't even have a neck and plan for our attack. The e-mails brought back in this R2 unit are our only hope.

Bel-Cam Jos
10-27-2001, 11:08 AM
Deep inside an attic filled with Vintage figures and Rebel Alliance vehicles...

Vintage General Madine (since Dodonna hasn't been made YET): "We have analyzed the emails and have discovered a weakness. The Empire has designed its Death Star playset vertically. It's defenses are a cannon at the top. They don't consider a small attack to be a threat. We have located a weak point, right at the bottom of the set."
Arvenid Crivelnedski: "Excuse me, sir. My name is hard to remember and pronouce correctly."
Madine: "That's okay."
B-Wing Pilot: "What good is an assualt on the bottom?"
Madine: "Like I said, the Empire doesn't consider a small attack force to be a threat. X-Wing and Y-Wing Fighters will fly down an aisle in the toy department and ram into this garbage masher part on the bottom. It will start a chain reaction that will topple the main playset."

Bel-Cam Jos
10-27-2001, 11:14 AM
Wedge Antilles (from M. Falcon carry case and Rebel Logo helmet): "THat's impossible! Even for a vintage vehicle!"
Luke with T-16 model: "That's not impossible. I've toppled the POTF2 line with my pegwarming status, and I'm not more than 2 dollars."
Madine: "Any questions?"
Arvenididileavetheironon Crivelnedskirockymountains begins to raise his hand.
Madine: "Except for Arvenididileavetheirononinmyapartment Crivelnedskiorsnowboardtherockymountains. No? Then man your ships, unless your scuplts don't let you fit inside the cockpit. And may the Power of the Force, uh, of the Jedi, be with you!"

Tycho
10-27-2001, 04:08 PM
At the same moment, back at Target, the young boy's mother has returned alone and is secretly buying her son the Vader and Tarkin figures that were once hidden under a shelf in the Barbie isle.

MOM: "Oh, aren't these a bargain? Bobby will be so surprised on his birthday! He just loves Star Wars."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little while later, in the trunk of a Honda Accord...

DEATH STAR GUNNER: "We are approaching the boy's address. The Rebel Base is in the attic at the far side."

Darth Vader strides up to Tarkin's side.

VADER: "This will be a day long forgotten. We have seen another resculpt of Kenobi, we will soon see only Leia Bespin Escape and Chewbacca Mechanic representing the Rebellion."

Tarkin gives the Dark Lord a nervous sideways glance, seeming to recall that there were resculpts of Han and Luke out there as well as one of their missing stormtrooper belts, but what the heck? There aren't any NEW characters.

Tycho
10-27-2001, 04:44 PM
Up in the attic, 'New Luke Skywalker: X-wing Pilot with Removeable Helmet' and C-3PO come up upon Han, and Han....and Han...and well - all of them.

LUKE: "So. You got your resculpts and now you're just leaving?"

HAN (on Steroids): "Yeah. That's right. I've got all these resculpts - I can take away a fortune from E-bay with this stuff."

"You're not really worth anything, but we could throw you up as a Bonus Add-In. Why don't you come with us?"

LUKE: "Come on! Take a look at the low bids around you. You know you're not up for much. They could use your Mail-Away in the clear plastic baggie. And you're taking your TaunTaun away from them!"

HAN: "What good's a Very Hard to Find Item if you don't have the User Rating to profit from it? Besides, attacking Hasbro ain't going to get you more droids and background aliens. It's more likely you'll get Expanded Universe resculpts."

LUKE: "OK. Well go Feature yourself, Han. I guess it's what you're best at."

Luke growls and shows his buck teeth at Solo, then starts to stalk off. Suddenly Han calls to him, almost regretfully.

HAN: "Hey Luke. May the Market be with you."

Chewbacca and his resculpts turn and curiously grunt at Solo.

HAN: "What are all of you looking at? I'm telling you that Flat-Tops and polka dots are in."

Chewbacca Mechanic continues to use his arc welder torch to do Chewie Snoova's hair.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the vintage toy vehicles box, Luke meets up with Princess Leia.

LEIA (soft goods collection): "What's wrong?"

LUKE: "Oh, it's Han. I really thought he'd change the line."

LEIA: "He's got to sell off his own bad batch. No kids going to want that many of him."

LUKE: "I only wish a torture rack came with him."

Leia's new sculpt kisses him. Luke blushes, smiles, and flashes his buck teeth again.

The young Jedi star pilot moves on to examine the vintage Battle-Damaged X-wing Fighter. Suddenly Biggs Darklighter catches up with him.

BIGGS: "Hey Luke! Luke."

LUKE: "Biggs! I don't believe it. They actually made you!"

BIGGS: "You getting clearanced out with us?"

LUKE: "Well, I'll sell a lot slower than you, but man have I got some bad sculpts compared to you..."

PORKINS intterrupts [so he has some lines, and since Red Leader was never made] "Skywalker!" holding out a Jedi Force File to the younger pilot while chewing on his. "Are you sure you can handle this?"

BIGGS [answers for him]: "Luke's previous X-wing pilot sculpt was one of the buff-est in the line."

LUKE [pointing to the X-wing]: "At least either of me can fit inside!"

PORKINS [eating his Force File]: "With some salt, this tastes just fine."

BIGGS: "Well Luke, when we get back, you'll have to introduce me to all your styles."

LUKE: "Hey Biggs - it's just like old times!"

BIGGS: "They'll never sell us!"

Luke approaches the vintage X-wing to which he's been assigned.

REBEL FLEET TROOPER: "This X-wing of yours looks a bit out-dated. You want a new one?"

LUKE: "One with realistic deco and real movie sounds!"

C-3PO approaches noticing that now even the X-wing has been resculpted from the vintage line...

Bel-Cam Jos
10-28-2001, 01:03 AM
Meanwhile, on the Death Star playset:

Voice: "Death Star will be produced in 30 months."
All Imperials laugh.
Voice: "No, seriously. Within 30 months."
Imperials laugh harder.
Tarkin: "I think you over-estimate the chances."

---------------------------
The Rebels approach the playset in their vehicles. The Death Star is right now visible as the MicroMachines set.
Wedge from Rebel Pilots Cinema Scene: "Look at the size of that thing!"
Jek Porkins (with munching sounds in background): "Cut the chatter, you! All wings report in."
Wedge: "Red Two."
Porkins: "Rmrld Smph."
Luke: "Red Five standing by."
Biggs: "Red, uh, 43?"
Silence.
Voice: "B-Wing Pilot."
2nd Voice: "A-Wing Pilot."
3rd: "Arvenididileavetheirononinmyapartmentupstairs Crivelnedskiorsnowboardtherockymountainhighcolorad o."
Nen Nunb: "Oogah boogah hahaha."
5th: "Sullustan Pilot."
6th: "Rebel Y-Wing Pilot."

Luke: "That's it? We're no Rebel fleet. We're no better than the Last Action Hero line!"

--------------------------
Imperial Officer on Death Star: "We'd like to count 30 ships, Lord Vader. Snub fighters. But there's hardly any of them out there. Might be scalpers hoarding them somewhere."
Vader: "You, and you. Come with me."
Voices: "Yes, sir."
A TIE Bomber Pilot and TIE Interceptor Pilot follow Vader, although they seem to be the same figure.

Tycho
10-28-2001, 04:17 PM
On board his X-wing fighter, Luke seems to here Blue-Plastic-Jello Ben Kenobi's voice,

BEN: "Luke, the Market will be with you."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Rebel Base, Princess Leia monitors the battle.

TACTICAL: "Standbye alert! Death Star approaching. Estimated time to firing range 30 minutes."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Up in the attic space, the Rebel flight teams are honing their strategy:

PORKINS: "I'm going to cut across the attic, and try and draw some French fries."

LUKE: "This is Red-5. Count me in!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On board the vintage Death Star playset.

Darth Vader and two TIE Pilots launch in their star fighter crafts.

VADER: "Several fighters have broken off from the main group. Follow me. Track any Happy Meal Formation."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Red Squadron has located a discarded ancient bag of fast food products laid to rest in the attic.

PORKINS: "There's a lot of dead cockroaches around the far side of that Quarter-Pounder."

BIGGS: "Yuck. I see them. Cover me. I'm dining in!"

PORKINS: "Right with you, Boss!"

Reds 6 and 43 grab some old green hamburger meat from a strafing run over the dusty floor.

PORKINS: "Wait a minute. I think I ate some bad moldy stuff in here."

BIGGS: "Eject! Spit up!"

PORKINS: "No I can hold it... RRrraaaaaaa-lppphhhh. Uhhhggg!"

Porkins vomits inside his removeable helmet and spits up green chunky stuff and parts of his Force File he ate earlier. The goo completely covers his front windshield and unable to see where he's going, his X-wing plows into a mouse hole in the side of the attic. We last see Porkins being chewed on by a hungry house rat that was at least smart enough to stay away from the green hamburger.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the Rebel Base,

TACTICAL COMPUTER: Standbye alert! Death Star within firing range in 15 minutes.

REBEL FLEET TROOPER [to Luke who has now become Red Leader]: "Red Leader, this is Base One. We've picked up a new group of signals. The Empire's got several Exclusives heading your way."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In space:

LUKE: "My scopes negative. I don't see anything."

WEDGE: "Pick up your Toys R Us fliers. But they're still hard to find!"

SULLUSTAN PILOT: "I'm hit! Aaarrgghhh!"

Without a ship to protect him, the tiny rebel alien made an easy target for the new TIE Bomber -what with him just running at the Death Star on foot.

BIGGS: "Luke, you've picked one up!"

LUKE: "I can't believe it!"

BIGGS: "It's an exclusive TIE Interceptor."

LUKE: "I'm hit, but not bad. Artoo - see what you can do with it."

R2-D2 [translated with subtitles]: "What the heck do you want me to do about it, Ace? You got me smushed down in this thing trying to keep the wings open, don't you realize I'm already busy? I told you to take the F/X X-wing. But did you listen? Noooohh! Dumb-stupid-wanna-be-hero-retarded-farm-boy!"

LUKE: "High Bidders where are you?."

"I can't shake him!"

WEDGE: "I'm on it Luke."

Wedge hits the Interceptor with a Featured Item and re-edits it as 'Very Hard to Find.'

A die-hard collector finds the ship from Bobby's brother's E-bay ad, and the ship gets scooped up just in time.

LUKE: "Thanks Wedge."

BIGGS: "Nice editing, Wedge."


Y-WING PILOT [to Fleet]: "This is Gold Leader. We're starting our attack run!"

The Target Exclusive Y-Wing, the A-Wing, B-Wing, and Nien Numb running on foot and trying to keep up, all make their run straight toward the Death Star.

Darth Vader, a TIE Fighter, and the TIE Bomber are in close pursuit!

Bel-Cam Jos
10-28-2001, 11:37 PM
Vader gives advice to his 2 wingmen.
Vader: "Aim for any accessory or small part. Without a bomb, side engine, or cockpit hinge, they'll be "loose, non-mint" and no longer valuable."
TIE Pilot 1: "Yes, sir."
Vader takes out A-Wing Pilot's clear canopy, which also loses his gun.
Vader takes out A-Wing Pilot's clear canopy, which also loses his gun.
Vader takes out A-Wing Pilot's clear canopy, which also loses his gun. (Had to make it seem like a true battle went on, by repeating the task)
Luke: "There's just too many of them!"

--------------------
On Death Star:
Voice: "Yavin base within 15 days production."
Officer: "Okay, your first time was a joke. NOW you're getting nasty!"
Officer beats up voice until he sounds like a COMMtech chip: "Marggle nargle vas."

Tycho
10-29-2001, 04:38 PM
GOLD LEADER: "Red 5, can you see those fighters?"

LUKE: "Wait. There's far too few of them shipping. Wait a minute. They're coming in before Christmas."

GOLD LEADER: "I saw the advertisement. Target in range. Just hold them off until I can get to Walmart and Toys R Us."

B-WING PILOT: "They're right behind me. If you can't pick them up, you better scalp 'em loose. I can't hold them any longer! ---gaaaaggghhhh!"

The TIE Bomber launches its torpedos and knocks the B-wing off course. It hits the wall and damages its remote wing operation, thus impairing its resell value.

GOLD LEADER: "Almost there. Almost there...."

"I'm away!"

Gold Leader jumps out of his Target Exclusive Y-wing and sends his ship on a direct collision course into the Death Stars main supporting trash compactor!

YAVIN BASE: "Is it a hit?"

GOLD LEADER [running on foot] "Negative. It didn't do it in. It just bounced back off the surface."

LUKE: "Gold Leader, we're right above you. Try running and kicking in the cardboard control panels. We'll cover for you."

But Vader is swooping down on the Rebel in his personal TIE.

GOLD LEADER: "Negative. I've just got a green plastic missle stuck between my legs. It's really upsetting. This is no longer any fun!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the Rebel Base,

TACTICAL: "Death Star approaching. It will be within firing range in 5 minutes."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In space:

LUKE: "Biggs, Wedge, let's close this item out. We're going to need Bobby's brother."

WEDGE: "Let's draw him out!"

BIGGS: "Luke, is that what we really need?"

LUKE: "It'll be just like E-bay scalping back home!"

Tycho
10-29-2001, 05:18 PM
BIGGS: "We'll stay back, far enough to to artificially inflate the auction. But we won't be able to cover it."

WEDGE: "My scope says the vintage Death Star is valuable. Are you sure Bobby's brother will put it out to bid on it?"

LUKE: "You'll monitor the auction. I'll worry about getting Bobby's brother!'

"Artoo? See if your F/X version and our ship's sound effects will be enough to attract his attention. He's just downstairs from here."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Death Star's Control Room,

DEATH STAR GUNNER: "The Rebel Base is in Range"

GRAND MOFF TARKIN: "You may tell all the stormtroopers carrying this thing they can retire when ready."

DEATH STAR GUNNER: "Commense Primary Recognition. Anything else - Don't Buy!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the Rebel Base,

REBEL FLEET TROOPER: "The Death Star is in range."

C-3PO: "Now I'm really holding out for Episode Two!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Space,

DARTH VADER: "I'm on the leader!"

Suddenly Wedge's ship is hit by a green plastic missle!

WEDGE: "I'm hit. I can't stay with you."

LUKE (pointing toward some discarded bottles off and below to their left): "Hit that beer, Wedge. We gotta make some more noise up here!"

VADER (to his men) "Let him go. They're empty bottles and very, very old."

Wedge's X-wing smashes into an old, discarded six-pack of Miller Light left over from the last time Bobby's brother had a girl up in the attic.

WEDGE: "Sorry"

Glass shatters everywhere. A muffled voice is heard below the attic entrence.

BOBBY'S BROTHER: "Hey, what's going on up there?"

Meanwhile Biggs is Luke's last defensive cover.

BIGGS: "Quickly Luke! They're coming in much faster this time! I don't know if I can hold them."

"Quick!"

Vader's TIE (out of missles) rams Biggs X-wing causing his wings to close and he goes spinning out of control and falls through the attic opening as Bobby's Brother starts to climb up the stairs.

LUKE: "Goodbye Biggs, Old Pal."

Suddenly Luke hears the voice of Ben-blue-plastic-Jello-Kenobi's resculpt # 2.

BEN: "Luke, use the Market. Let go. Luke, trust me."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the Rebel Base, Luke's attack computer signal's been cut off.

REBEL FLEET TROOPER: "Luke, you switched off your computer. What's wrong?"

LUKE: "Nothing. This isn't my F/X X-wing. I don't have a computer."

TACTICAL: "Death Star within firing range!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the Death Star, all the Rebel action figure characters are being reviewed,

"Don't Buy. Don't Buy."

It is the end of the line!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suddenly Darth Vader zeroes in on R2 with Leia Hologram!

VADER: "The Market's strong for this one!"

LUKE: "He's trying to buy Artoo! He's trying to buy Artoo!"

VADER (pulling out a trade for his 1995 long bubble, long saber card) "I have you now!"

Suddenly the Millennium Falcon appears out of nowhere, as it's crazy pilot brings the battered freighter into the starfighter fight!

VADER: "What?!"

The TIE BOMBER gets scalped immediately as it is only available in the Orient until February. The other TIE fighter collides with Vader's ship and its wings pop off. Vader's ship is sent hurtling across the attic and lands on an old Toys R Us Five-Dollar-Sale.

HAN SOLO: "Yahoooooo!......dot-com. There's more than one auction site! Now let's sell this thing and bring the unproduced Ewoks home!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the Death Star,

"Don't Buy! Don't Buy!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luke closes his eyes (and his buck teeth) and concentrates... reaching deep into the force of the Market:

Inside Bobby's Brother's head the force of the Market reaches him,

BOBBY'S BROTHER: "Wow! My vintage Death Star Playset. I could sell this thing and make enough money I could get some of the older guys to buy me beer and get Daisy up in the attic again!"

"Oh, but I promised I'd give Bobby all my old Star Wars hand-me downs. Eh, but it's o.k. Kids these days probably aren't interested in the playsets. With whatever extra money I have left over, I'll get him some Pokemon cards or something."

Suddenly, the dusty old Death Star playset is all but gone!

HAN SOLO: "Greed's great kid. For that you'll get a least one hundred seventy-five, if it's loose-mint!"

BEN (resculpted Jello) voice overheard: "Remember, the Market will be with you. Always."

Tycho
10-29-2001, 05:41 PM
When Luke returns to the Rebel Base, a hero's welcome receives him!

He spots Princess Leia All-New Likeness across the hanger running towards him.

LUKE: "E-bay!"

LEIA: "E-bay!"

Seeing Han land the Falcon and run to join them,

LUKE: "E-bay!"

HAN: "E-bay! Well, I knew that there was Yahoo and Amazon and some others. I wasn't going to sit around and let you allow Bobby's Brother to take away all the rewards!"

LEIA: "I think I could love you now that you have money!"

LUKE (noticing R2): "What now?"

C-3PO: "Sir, do you think you use the e-mails from him? If any of my pathetic resculpts are needed as evidence, I'll glady donate them."

LUKE: "The line will be alright. Let's celebrate!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, in a great ceremony, Luke in New Ceremony Attire, Han in his best sculpt from the Cantina Showdown, and Leia in her All-New-Likeness, joined by R2-D2 with Datalink, C-3PO with Minted Coin, as well as Bobby's Brother and Daisy, spent a great time with rows upon rows of Miller Light.

Their first victory won, but the war far from over, the Rebels rejoiced in the thrill of winning the fight. Climbing in and out of the newest empty bottles in the attic, and feeling mighty fine, the Rebels party through the night.

LEIA: "Hey, I think I can actually see General Reikeen in plastic, finally!"

HAN: "Hey Your Highnessness, is that dress also removeable?"

LUKE (remembering what has been won, what has been lost, and thinking about Aunt Beru, starts to sing) "And the Creeps come out at Night!"

THE END

Tycho
10-29-2001, 07:26 PM
STAR WARS Episode Four: A NEW RESCULPT

Directed by: El Chuxter

Produced by: Bel Cam Jos

From a story co-written by: Mandalorian Candidat

Screenplay adaptaion by: BigBarada

Story consultant: JediPartnr

Based on characters created by: Tycho

Sound effects created by: Jedi Master Sal

With studio release brought to you by: SirStevesGuide

and Starring:


Way too Many Luke Skywalker Resculpts to Count

"The Swinging Simmian" Princess Leia Discounted

Han Sold-Out (and re-stocked)

Chewie-McBeal

Always the Same Resculpt R2-D2

Green Japanese Variant C-3PO

Ben Over-Molded Kenobi

and Lord Darth Over-Rated (Anakin Skywalker in secret resculpt disguise kit).


With Invalid Market Research as the Voice of Darth Vader



The characters and events described in this online picture are ficticious and any similarity or resemblance to actual Hasbro Products or Marketing decisions is clearly intentional.

This picture was made on location on E-bay.


Additional footage from Toys R Us, Target, and Bobby's Attic was filmed on location.


Bobby's Brother's friend Daisy was not harmed during the making of this picture.

That happened before we got started.

Tycho
02-26-2002, 03:11 PM
For any and all fans and / or contributors to "The Scripts," I found and refreshed "Episode Four: A New Resculpt," for you.

I had to research the reason Han owes Jabba and apparently they had this scheme to scalp R2 with Leia Holos and Han used Jabba's money to buy the whole case with peg-warming versions of himself, Tatooine Luke, Greedo, and the Jawa / Gonks that are running amuck everywhere.

That explains it. Incidently, the link in "The Resculpt Strikes Back" to this thread, is not working, so there was another good reason for digging this up.