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View Full Version : When I rule the world... A thread of hypotheticals.



Jargo
02-28-2006, 10:49 AM
Ok so here's the deal. Imagine that for some reason beyond imagining you actually gain control of governing the entire civillised and uncivillised world. What would your dictates be? How would you institute law and order? What or who would you rid the world of and what would you create and instigate that you deem to be of benefit to humanity?
Feel free to go wild as this is purely a hypothetical thread and no possible consequences could come of it besides showing up bigotry or sexism or any other ism. so I guess we should try not to libel individuals but there are ways of saying things without saying them. which is the beauty of the english language.

People, go wild. you rule the world. :whip:

stillakid
02-28-2006, 12:26 PM
Bwah ha ha! :bandit:


The very very very first thing we need to do as a species is recognize and accept that not everyone is created equally. Just as some people are more athletically inclined, we have to accept that some people are just dumb and will never have the mental capacity for common sense or the ability to grasp reality. Those people need to be culled from the herd. Details on the process of finding them to follow at a later date.

A-Class Jerkoffs need to go as well. Those people who just roll through life with blinders on as if they were the only one's who matter. These losers are easy to spot and will be terminated immediately.

The willfully ignorant have a choice: get with the program or catch a ride on the next ship to the Sun. While religion does play a sometimes useful role as a social control agent, it seems to create more trouble than it solves. Those who choose to believe that their chosen book of worship is historical fact get kicked off the island. They should have nothing to fear from this as they should be confident that the place they're going is better than the one they're leaving. Testing centers to find these people will be set up in the vestibule following services each week. Disposal of their earthly shells will continue as needed.

Taxes will be paid not on what you earn, but rather on what you spend. All "staples" of life will be categorized uniformly and set prices will be established. All other things will be considered luxuries and taxed accordingly. In other words, everyone is free to be successful and earn as much as they want and can. And everyone will be able to afford the basic necessities of life. Anything purchased above and beyond the basics will be taxed at ever increasing rates depending upon how much it is not a necessity. Money will be uniform all around the world.

Alternative forms of energy will become a priority immediately. There is abundant wind, rain, sun, and "gravity" that we should be able to create enough energy without having to dig and burn stuff.

There will be no private schooling allowed anymore. All schools must be funded uniformly and standards set. Children will not advance according to age but rather they will advance in each subject in their own time. And all will wear uniforms. Teachers will be paid like rock stars.

The internet will be free and accessible to all. There will be a free press accessible to all. At no time will ideas or information be suppressed, EXCEPT when said idea runs counter to facts backed up by good science and/or common sense. For instance, there will be no racism tolerated nor any more nonsense about the world only being 10,000 years old. Only true information is allowed to be disseminated and taught to impressionable naive children (and vulnerable adults).

We will make it a priority to advance science to the stage when we are capable of travelling to and populating another celestial body. A certainty is that one day, hopefully far into the future, this planet will die. If we want humanity to survive, we need to get to work on this seriously some time soon.

It will be very difficult to get married, but very easy to get divorced.

:whip: :whip: :whip:

El Chuxter
02-28-2006, 01:03 PM
Anyone will have the power to, without fear of repercussions, b-slap anyone with a lower IQ than themselves for saying or doing something stupid.

Deoxyribonucleic
02-28-2006, 03:16 PM
Make everyone follow taoists principles and get rid of the rest of the religions. All other religions...GONE! People can obviously still believe in a higher power or whatnot, but everything else about organized religion will be terminated!

stillakid
02-28-2006, 03:27 PM
Captain Crunch will be reengineered so that it can't tear up the roof of your mouth.

Slicker
02-28-2006, 03:28 PM
Damn, Stilla. That list is nearly perfect. But I'd like to add a couple to it.


No more socks with flip flops
If your car is more than 40% bondo then you need to buy a new one

Rocketboy
02-28-2006, 10:06 PM
Anyone over the age of 19 will not be able to wear pants with stuff written on the butt.

Certain clothes will have limits, such as age and weight.

El Chuxter
02-28-2006, 10:50 PM
Unless the butt says "Wide Load," right?

I think no belly should ever be exposed unless it belongs to Giada deLaurentis or Meadow Soprano. Or Barriss Offee, but that would require the genetic engineering of hot green women. Come to think of it, I'll get my people on that right away!

Bobby Fett
02-28-2006, 11:35 PM
Why put up with anybody? Kill everyone but me. Okay, everyone but me and the guy with the keys to Disney World. Okay, everyone but me, the guy with the keys to Disney World and a good cook.

JimJamBonds
03-01-2006, 12:50 AM
Long posts would be no more. :D

Jargo
03-01-2006, 08:58 PM
*cough cough*

When I rule the world, first thing is to create the dumbness test. to wheedle out the terminally dumb of the world. Under this law dumb people will be detained and kept well away from society. Probably they will be held in Australia. America will be given over to breeding grounds where women will be held. Although only those of breeding ability. The other women will perform service occupations. If they're so damned clever and smart and know the answer to everything they can solve the problem of keeping the world clean.

Children will be held in china. There they will stay until deemed fit to join society and be a constructive unit among the real people. They will be conditioned to respect their elders and honour their peers. They will be taught that 'sorting oneself out' is better than knocking up the school bike and getting her pregnant and paying alimony all your damned life. Also physical education will be a core subject so there are no inadvertant rashes of obesity among the young. Fit and healthy will be the watchwords.

A solid education in math and english will be beaten into them with good old fashioned vim and vigour. Tolerence of difference will be taught as a core subject so there are no barriers between skin colour or personal belief systems. organised and evangelical religions will be destroyed and personal belief systems will be the replacement. With post release young being open to learning and full of individuality. Bringing a freshness and liveliness to the world. Taking us forward to the tommorrow dawning today.

The elderly will be given a choice - fend for yourselves in the wild or accept a large cash sum and euthanasia at 70. Cash can be distributed by the elderly in any way they choose but euthanasia or the wild will be their choice.

Salary structures will be scrutinised and restructured to bring more wealth to the poor and to tax the rich. thus evening out the wealth of the world. And wiping the smile right off the faces of dumb schmucks like Bill Gates and any would be Rockerfella. Watch out Richard Branson!!!

The space programme will be abolished until scientists have finished surveying the earth. From the remotest valleys and shores to the depths of the oceans.

Science departments across the globe will cease ridiculous human behaviour studies and concentrate on finding solutions to medical problems. And making the perfect teapot that doesn't have a dribbly spout cheaply enough that everyone can afford to own one.

Sports such as snooker, dressage, water polo and darts will be reclassified as 'just messing about' while real sports like spacehopper racing and boudoir gymnastics will replace them.

There will be no nuclear energy. The natural world shall provide us with energy enough. The tides, the wind the movement of tectonic plates... The generator we all live upon shall drive the light and heat into our homes and it shall feel so gooooooooooooood.

Police will not carry explosive amunition for their guns but instead powerful sedative darts. So that if a citizen of blameless nature gets in the crossfire, they will not be harmed but merely unconscious for eight hours. For sticky situations such as an in car pursuit, rocket launchers will be deployed and the police will blow that sucker to hell.

SUV's will only be issued to the emergency services, armed forces and taxi drivers.

Citizens will have an awesomely larger public transport system and more bicycle lanes than you can swing a rabid Frenchman at.

Obviously as 'High Lord Excellency - Emperor Jargovius Maximus (of all that lies before me). I shall instigate a new political regime. I win, you suck.

Televisual reruns will be kept only to alloted rerun channels leaving airwaves free for new programming only. Reality tv will be abolished as will talent shows and insulting documentaries where everything is repeated to you time and time again like you're an infant with ADD. Sport news will be limited to sport channels and news shows will be squished to the accurate timing of the stories rather than pad out news slots with unneeded commentary. and human interest stories. Video clip shows will be commentaryless, advertising will have it's own channel.

All crimes will carry the death penalty as the ultimate deterrent. Laws will be looked at in depth and some repealed if just plain stupid. Y'hear that Louisiana? mwuhahahahahahaha

Only dead animals will be displayed at zoos. Live animals will be repatriated to their wild domains or similar. Thus making close examination of animals easier for the visitor and there are enough damned animal wildlife documentaries out there to keep you going for seventeen lifetimes so what in gods name do you want to see the caged up stir crazy animals for anyway? Dead specimins for you to look at closely and old documentaries of the things running round free in the wild.

Bling bling will be confiscated and used in the world of industry and science in research. Precious stones and minerals and metals are for the good of the world not the good of your ego.

Cooking classes will be mandatory in school and junk food will be heavily taxed. Think of it as survival class and you'll cope with the change better.

Monetary gambling will be outlawed.

The United States of America and Australia will by legal deeds be given back to their native peoples. They just have to play nice and continue to share their land. It's for the benefit of the world dumb person treatment programme and global breeding programme.

The terms heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual and lesbian etc etc will be struck off the global lexicon. we shall instead all be omnisexuals and who we choose as bedfellows is entirely a matter of choice provided they are mating age and consenting with a signed afidavit from both parties stating age and eligabilty.

The colour, pink, lemon yellow and powder blue will be outlawed. I just plain don't like them.

Germans will be disallowed the right to make music and david hasselhoff will be incarcerated for his own good.

CD's and DVD's will be replaced by some form of small cartridge to end the damn scratching of disks that render them unreadable in a matter of seconds.

Cellphone users will be severly limited by new dead zones that will stop all phones from working in vehicles, cinemas, theatres, hospitals, public transport.... this is to make the world a happier less agitated place and a safer place too.

There will be a yearly contest to see which lucky souls get to join my harem of lovers. several rounds of testing will ensue until only the worthy few remain. the finale of the contest will be in the new month of Jargo which will come between june and july. At which time the real finalists will be revealed after I've had my 'fun' with the rest.

Each country will be expected to shower me with cool gifts on my birthday. This will mean that I don't release seven kinds of hell upon them.

I shall be known as 'High Lord Excellency - Emperor Jargovius Maximus (of all that lies before me)'. It is a good name and you will worship it.
Global currency will show depictions of me in strong heroic poses and some cutesy girly mag ones too. Though, only the low coinage will have the cutesy designs.

Bow before mere mortals. Worship me, WORSHIP ME!!!!!!!