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View Full Version : Someone Stole My Underwear!



Tycho
07-01-2006, 06:01 PM
This thread is not a joke. I'm missing about 15 pairs of underwear.

I think I last saw them on my couch as they finished drying in the dryer when I didn't have time to fold them and I just tossed them there to be put away later.

I think on Tuesday when my housekeepers came, they might have tackled that as they attempted to organize my place while cleaning it.

Maybe they threw out my underwear by mistake?

I will update you all when and if I find my old underwear.

Meanwhile, I have about 15 more clean pairs I just took out of the wash, but I like to have more underpants in case I go on vacations, swimming, I work out, shower then change, etc.

So I may have to go to the store and buy new underwear now.

2-1B
07-01-2006, 06:19 PM
Maybe you should go and accuse one of your neighbors of stealing it. ;)

JimJamBonds
07-01-2006, 08:08 PM
Comando time!lol

El Chuxter
07-01-2006, 08:35 PM
No joke: about a month ago, some arse broke into our house and stole our computer, our camera, a lot of jewelry (including Mrs Chuxter's wedding rings, which she's not been able to wear lately as she's expecting Chuxter Jr to be showing up in a few months), and almost all our videogames.

Almost as bothersome as all the stuff above, and in some ways worse (although not monetarily comparable) was that they stole some of her underwear and two cartons of orange juice from the fridge.

2-1B
07-01-2006, 09:09 PM
Wow Chux, that's horrible. :(

I hope the perp dies a violent and painful death. :mad:

Jargo
07-01-2006, 09:24 PM
Pondlife. grrrrr. hate thieves. I'm training my dog to go for the 'nads if we have intruders.

Darth Jax
07-01-2006, 10:30 PM
those darn underwear gnomes strike again

JediTricks
07-02-2006, 01:12 AM
www.TychosUndies.eww

:eek:

:Par:

:Pirate:

Darth Cruel
07-02-2006, 01:18 AM
When I was in the Marines, I lived with my (then) girlfriend in Fallbrook. I was overseas and while she was at work someone broke into the apartment, stole all of her underwear, washed the dishes and did a few other things that pertained to cleaning the apartment...then set all the clocks to 12:00 and disabled them by removing batteries or unplugging them. And it happened again...so my girlfriend had to start storing her clean underwear under the mattress. After she did that, they were never stolen again. About two years later we were living in San Clemente, and there was a story on the news that the police had arrested a guy and they found 80 of the big paper grocery bags of women's underwear in his garage. They said on the news that he was suspected of many robberies in a few surrounding and nearby communities, but we never got any calls to go and identify panties so I don't know how that ever worked out.

Kidhuman
07-02-2006, 01:22 AM
You sure you didnt sell em for mouse droids Tycho?

Tycho
07-02-2006, 01:35 AM
Darth Cruel, I checked under my matress and didn't find my shorts, but I DID find more pairs of your girlfriend's thong underwear. ;)

Funny because I don't remember those nights.

Kidhuman, I think it was President Reagan that said, "I will not trade Mouse Droids for underwear!"

Caesar - I did consider my neighbors as suspects and ya know what? If it's not 'the blacks' it's 'the feminists.' Now that I think about it, the girls across the hall from me might have taken my underwear! Only so could have the ladies I employ to clean house here.

I have this suspicion that I hid my own underwear because when I was having my girl over (Thursday night), I very hastily picked up the place and as I said, I didn't have time to fold the clean wash.

That being said, I lost my underwear somehow between last Tuesday and now.

Luckily, I had 15 spare pairs I am able to utilize now. But I like having twice that amount when it comes to socks and especially underwear.

JediTricks
07-02-2006, 01:41 AM
Watch, Tycho accidentally put them in someone else's dryer and is going to accuse everybody of his mistake... again. :p

Tycho
07-02-2006, 01:46 AM
That would be kind of hard to do. Each unit where I live in now has its own washer and dryer. Now when spending the night, I've been known to bring one or two pairs of underwear over with me to a friend's, but never would I need 2 weeks worth for one evening!

Hey - maybe YOU took my underwear!

2-1B
07-02-2006, 11:12 AM
Tycho, why do you have a housekeeper in the first place ? :confused:

Slicker
07-02-2006, 11:30 AM
Tycho, why do you have a housekeeper in the first place ? :confused:Duh. It's because he lives in California. Do you really think those people will lower themselves to doing the menial tasks of a normal man?

Tycho
07-02-2006, 11:59 AM
Tycho, why do you have a housekeeper in the first place ? :confused:

Actually, the agency usually sends over 2, and once 3. They don't live with me, if that's what you were thinking.

The main reason is that I'm a bachelor. As such, I have no help cleaning a large 2 bedroom apartment (with cats that shed fur and such). Prior to my aneurysm, I was not overly talented at housekeeping (I'm a perfectionist - which means that I need to set a whole day aside to do every room at once, often with a lot of alcohol employed at the time, or a little daily routine doesn't get done beyond the dishes, laundry, litterboxes, and shaving my face - I hate routines and love entertaining myself - even now eating breakfast seems boring when I could be writing about something new on the internet.).

My Uncle who still has executive authority over the estate left to me by my father and passed through his sister (my mom, obviously) still wants to determine exactly when I get a large 5 bedroom home (which I want to build my Star Wars dioramas in). Such as that is, he wants to see I can handle an apartment in a better manner than I handled my last place (Star Wars toys boxes piled floor to ceiling - ask SirSteve or Stillakid - they stayed with me or at least visited me at my old place). So when I was in the hospital, my uncle had all my SW packed up and put in storage, the cats (temporarily) boarded at a veterinarian's (I have them back now), and he wanted to see me live - like he does to be most accurate I guess (except the guy's a multi-multi-millionaire and can buy or do whatever he wants).

[Part of this is also he's a financial expert and ran a large firm which includes real estate transactions and he's timing the market before he'll loosen control over tens of thousands of dollars to let me make a downpayment on a place I'll probably have a $3,500 a month or higher mortgage on, as it's smarter to do that than buy the place outright considering how the market fluctuates - I'm trained in this field, too ya know. Or we'll just sell one of the rental properties I inherited or make a tax-free real estate exchange so I'll own the place I live in.]

I don't often brag, or want to sound like it (aside from finding new toys), but there doesn't seem to be a modest way to discuss this and I'm tired at the moment anyway. But I really found out that it's true what they say, "that you could have the money but if you don't have your health...."

But I also have to have a kidney transplant, and until that's over with, I don't wind up dead, and I can handle living in a 2-story place again, it's best for me to have a level living quarters with elevators to the underground parking, etc. as I'm not going to be in great shape for another year or more. Plus I plan on building my own gym out of one of the rooms in my house. Lucky for me I had my aneurysm at my college's gym because I worked out there to check out all the girls - thus someone was able to call 9-1-1 when they say I collapsed bleeding out my eyes, nose, ears, and mouth (freaky - but I don't remember anything - so that's hearsay as far as I'm concerned).

In any case, one of my ex-girlfriends (yes, JT, it was Nicole telling me what to do again *sigh*) forced my hand (as she knew I could afford the service - it's only about $60 or so a cleaning anyway - and my place is really clean to begin with) and she set up the first cleaning appointment (and I was home to train them not to mess up my plasma TV or screw with my Unleashed figures or Transformers I brought out of storage (and now SideShow's Anakin Skywalker figure). I usually have the cleaning ladies in twice a month, and before and after I have company staying with me, a party, or whatnot.

I make life as convenient as possible for myself now, because with the personality I have, I'd stress over everything, and that doesn't help a person with high blood pressure (hypertension) due to their kidney disease, personality, or probably both.

So I pay people to clean my home, wash my car, hehe - even other girls for other things sometimes.

I may not have a lot of time left (you never know) so I'm now into making sure I'm living the life I have to the very fullest. That means some decadence beyond belief!

But that doesn't change the fact that somebody stole my underwear!

maatu
07-02-2006, 03:24 PM
hey tycho,
i have not been here really that long. but i know who you are from all the stories and information you have passed. but please take care of your self. i know you have to find humor in everything that you have gone through. your underwear can be repalced. but you can't. i hope you don't have to wait to long on the surgery.

Tycho
07-02-2006, 04:03 PM
Thanks Maatu. How did you get your screen-name? Let us in on a little piece of your story.

Banthaholic
07-02-2006, 10:25 PM
I'm sorry I'll give them back now.

El Chuxter
07-02-2006, 10:37 PM
Oh no!

Someone stole Slicker's mom!!

InsaneJediGirl
07-02-2006, 10:43 PM
Someone stole Slicker's mom!!

Why?She was cheap to begin with:D

Tycho
07-03-2006, 12:32 AM
That's the way I like her! :thumbsup:

Anyways, I am glad to bring you this exciting news: I bought 14 pairs of new underwear today.

I'll keep you updated if I find my old ones (won't be gross - they were fresh out of the washer / dryer when I last saw them).

If I do find them, I'll then be up to having a month and a half's worth of clean underwear! Isn't that exciting?

Darth Jax
07-03-2006, 07:22 AM
If I do find them, I'll then be up to having a month and a half's worth of clean underwear! Isn't that exciting?

i think i can speak for everyone when i say that you are the only one that finds that news exciting.

bobafrett
07-03-2006, 07:50 AM
That's the way I like her! :thumbsup:

Anyways, I am glad to bring you this exciting news: I bought 14 pairs of new underwear today.

I'll keep you updated if I find my old ones (won't be gross - they were fresh out of the washer / dryer when I last saw them).

If I do find them, I'll then be up to having a month and a half's worth of clean underwear! Isn't that exciting?

I've only got 1/2 a weeks worth of underwear, and I do my laundry once a week. :lipsrsealed:

CaptainSolo1138
07-03-2006, 08:20 AM
That took me a sec, frett. :D

Sorry about your undies, Tycho. What style were they? Nut huggers? Boxers? Bikini briefs? Man thongs? Something I've never heard of?


Almost as bothersome as all the stuff above, and in some ways worse (although not monetarily comparable) was that they stole some of her underwear and two cartons of orange juice from the fridge.I think I have some ideas about who it could've been. Were their any red hairs left behind?

El Chuxter
07-03-2006, 09:30 AM
I think I have some ideas about who it could've been. Were their any red hairs left behind?

No, but there was an odd message scribbled on the mirror: "Is anywan drenking any aronge juic? U r not be caus I tooked it! LOL! Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!!!!"

Rogue II
07-03-2006, 10:10 AM
Oh no!

Someone stole Slicker's mom!!

It must have been David Copperfield. Who else could make an elephant disappear?

scruffziller
07-03-2006, 12:19 PM
You sure you didnt sell em for mouse droids Tycho?

No what Tycho doesn't realize is that the mouse droids are more powerful sniffers than Tycho himself. So basically what happened his mouse droids came and devored his undies through their nasal cavities.:D

Tycho
07-03-2006, 12:28 PM
Scruffilizer might be on to something there: perhaps my Mouse Droids did inhale my underwear?

Its their revenge for all those years of me shoving them up my nose!

However, truth be told, all my Mouse Droids are in storage. Most have probably long lost their potent scent.

I'm actually sniffing new figures like Commander Cody (I recommend his removeable helmet).

But then did Cody steal my underwear? Palpatine must have given him a new order: "Execute Size 36!"

CaptainSolo - in answer to your question - that's not for you to even wonder about and for only hot super-model chicks to find out :D

bobafrett
07-03-2006, 03:05 PM
Perhaps your missing underwear can be found here.....


http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=25505367

The scary thing is, this guy lives two towns over from me.

Slicker
07-03-2006, 05:22 PM
Oh my God. That has to be the BEST Myspace site EVER!!













And you knew it was comin' Frett. How exactly did you come across this space?

Tycho
07-03-2006, 06:05 PM
That was so funny Frett! Did you guys read his blogs about boogars and eating poop sandwiches? Ugggh!

Plus the warped pictures of hillbillies who were no doubt warped to begin with.

Thanks for the laugh!

El Chuxter
07-03-2006, 06:08 PM
I had a friend in high school who filmed himself scooping poopie out of a cat box, then mushing it up in a plastic bag and spreading it on two slices of bread. Then it cut to him eating a potted meat sandwich and saying, "Man, that's some good ****!"

Slicker
07-03-2006, 10:06 PM
I had a friend in high school who filmed himself scooping poopie out of a cat box, then mushing it up in a plastic bag and spreading it on two slices of bread. Then it cut to him eating a potted meat sandwich and saying, "Man, that's some good ****!"Are you sure it was friend and not a brother?

El Chuxter
07-03-2006, 10:09 PM
No, he probably would've eaten the poo by mistake and then realize what he'd done and start yelling ridiculous homophobic slurs at everyone in earshot.

Tycho
07-03-2006, 10:13 PM
Ah-hah. My Gaydar almost went off but then I realized you were describing the guy in the video as a False-Poo-Eater!

bobafrett
07-04-2006, 01:34 AM
Oh my God. That has to be the BEST Myspace site EVER!!

And you knew it was comin' Frett. How exactly did you come across this space?


Would you believe that someone from that guys friends list contacted me via the "Friend Request" area. I checked her site, and found that strange guys face in her "friends" section, and curiousity over this mans strange looks lead me to click on his picture. When I saw the line "The underwear bandit" I thought of this thread, and wala!

El Chuxter
07-04-2006, 08:50 AM
Let me guess: he has a get-rich scheme. Phase one, collect underpants. Phase three, profits.

Tycho
07-04-2006, 11:36 AM
What was Phase 2? Stain them? :D

Darth Jax
07-04-2006, 11:48 AM
What was Phase 2? Stain them? :D
no one knows what phase 2 is. they just assume collecting underpants will lead them to phase 2 and from there profits.

DarthQuack
07-04-2006, 12:03 PM
Were they thongs or tighty-whiteys?

Tycho
07-04-2006, 03:49 PM
Were they thongs or tighty-whiteys?

I answered that already: "that's for the ladies I choose to find out.":tired:

Tycho
07-08-2006, 06:43 PM
In a totally exciting update, I was doing some action-packed house cleaning and I heroically moved my couch cushions. There it all was - like pirate treasure: I found my missing underwear! I'd hidden it when I didn't have time to fold it so that the discerning eyes of my part-time girlfriend wouldn't think I was a slob. My disguise worked, yet I forgot I'd been operating undercover. But in a triumphant quest to clean my apartment, my super-human domestic abilities located my underpants!!!

This has been the highlight of the day.

Paired with my new underwear purchases, I now have enough clean underwear to go a month and a half without having to wash all my shorts (not that they'd all fit in one load, I'd suspect). However, this has been thrilling news. Had I discovered the underwear earlier, say Tuesday, there might've even been fireworks!

Slicker
07-08-2006, 06:52 PM
See!! All that early finger pointing got you no where.


I fully expect to see an apology thread.:yes:

El Chuxter
07-08-2006, 06:57 PM
Thanks, Tycho. You referring to your "part-time girlfriend" has gotten that ridiculous Stevie Wonder song ("Part-Time Lover") stuck in my head. :mad:

Kidhuman
07-08-2006, 06:58 PM
Well Tycho, next time you want to start a thread like this, please do so ONLY after searching everywhere.

Tycho
07-08-2006, 07:02 PM
Thanks, Tycho. You referring to your "part-time girlfriend" has gotten that ridiculous Stevie Wonder song ("Part-Time Lover") stuck in my head. :mad:


Sorry. She's not the blonde that you and your wife met at Comic Con. She's a new girl I've been seeing for a couple months now. (brunette streaked with a lot of blonde) We like each other. She sleeps over. We don't discuss our relationship. So I don't know what it is. That being said, I'd see someone else too if I had the time - but it would be hard for any other girl to compete with this little 19 y.o. hottie!

Slicker - I'll have to review this thread, but I don't think I accused anyone here of stealing my underwear. If I am mistaken, I'll start another thread "Slicker Did NOT Steal My Underwear" soon, ok?

Tycho
07-08-2006, 07:04 PM
Well Tycho, next time you want to start a thread like this, please do so ONLY after searching everywhere.

I thought I did look everywhere. Come on, KH - who else here puts their underwear under their couch cushions?

Slicker
07-08-2006, 07:06 PM
About your neighbors

I did consider my neighbors as suspects and ya know what? If it's not 'the blacks' it's 'the feminists.' Now that I think about it, the girls across the hall from me might have taken my underwear! Only so could have the ladies I employ to clean house here.

About Jeditricks

Hey - maybe YOU took my underwear!

About the poor defenseless mouse droids

Scruffilizer might be on to something there: perhaps my Mouse Droids did inhale my underwear?

Tycho
07-08-2006, 07:19 PM
You're right Slicker.

I do owe some appologies. As to the girls across the hall and my housekeepers? Well they never knew I suspected them of stealing my underwear. It's not like I knocked on the girls' door and said "Alright! Where's my underwear?!" That might've sounded strange. Besides, it's more likely that they left - well never mind.

As to JEDITRICKS: dude - I'm so sorry I thought that you drove all the way down here from LA just so you could steal my underwear!

And Slicker is right: As the President of the Mouse Droid Sniffers' Association, I must ensure that our organization values justice and due process with a fair trial for any Mouse Droid accused of a crime or inappropriate behavior. I appologize to all Mouse Droids everywhere. I hope that by appointing Slicker as the Sergeant at Arms Parlimentarian of the Mouse Droid Sniffers' Association I am taking steps to recify this situation and prevent it from happening in the future. For the record, I reitterate that to my knowledge, no Mouse Droid has ever stolen anyone's underwear anywhere.

darthvyn
07-09-2006, 11:01 AM
Slicker - I'll have to review this thread, but I don't think I accused anyone here of stealing my underwear. If I am mistaken, I'll start another thread "Slicker Did NOT Steal My Underwear" soon, ok?

just by the very fact that this thread is entitled "Someone Stole My Underwear!" the thread is, in itself, an accusation of someone.

JediTricks
07-09-2006, 03:49 PM
How did you not notice you were sitting on 15 pairs of tighty-whities? That has to affect the way the couch feels! Tycho, you been smoking crack again???

Tycho
07-09-2006, 04:44 PM
Like a lot of people, I have a favorite chair - or in this case - position on my couch - that nearest the quickest route to the refrigerator of course. My underwear was under the cushion on the far side and I almost never sit there. Additionally, when my girlfriend is over, she sits right next to me, rather than the far side of the couch. Therefore this valuable treasure went undiscovered for over a week!

Every so often I remove the couch cushions and use one of my vacuum tools to clean under them just in case I am ever eating and food crumbs fall down there (but I almost always eat at the kitchen table - I mean that's what it's there for, right?) Still, I have to use those vacuum tools for something too.

And that, Lasers and Gamorreans, it the tale of how Tycho rediscovered his underwear!

maatu
07-09-2006, 06:33 PM
vacuum tools come in handy for alot of people. it just depends who is using them.