PDA

View Full Version : Man, some people are stupid



El Chuxter
12-24-2006, 04:16 PM
So I have to go and run some errands earlier, and I come home to find a sign advertising 1-800-SPA-SALE stuck in my yard. Not in the common area, but in my yard. So I toss it in the garbage, and then call the number.

First the dude just answers as "Hello," sounding half-drunk.

"Yeah, is this 1-800-SPA-SALE?"

After a pause, he says, "Uh, yeah."

"Y'know, I came home today, and I found a sign in my yard from your company, and I really don't appreciate it."

"Come again?"

"There was a sign from your company placed in my private property sometime this morning--

"Excuse me?"

(And obviously, I'm getting a little irritated at this point.) "Look, your sign was in my yard today. I've got family coming up for Christmas, and I don't want them to see junk in my yard."

"What?"

"Look, I'm not repeating myself again. Please tell whoever places your signs to make sure not to put them in people's yards. It's trespassing."

(And I hung up.)

Thirty seconds later, the phone rings from a number I don't recognize. I'm not stupid; I know who it is. So I answer the phone.

"You know that sign that was in your yard? What you need to do is roll it up real tight, and shove it up your ***."

"Yeah, real creative, buddy." (Click.)

It boggles my mind that idiots with their own business, who have the resources to put up all these signs, don't have the frigging common sense to just politely say, "Okay, I'll tell Garry (or some other made up name) to be more careful."

'Cause this dumbarse doesn't know if I need a spa or not. But I'm sure as hell going to tell everyone I can that the company's run by a jack***.

BTW, I searched online to find info on who's behind the company. Apparently they're notorious for this over the entire nation, and pass the buck whenever confronted with silly things like trespassing and litter laws.

But, hey, my number is unlisted and restricted to caller ID. So this moron wasted his money with *69.

If you have a blocked number, give this dork a call and bust his chops, 'kay?

:)

Ji'dai
12-24-2006, 09:23 PM
Make a complaint to the state attorney general's office. They may already have an open file on this particular business.

Tycho
12-24-2006, 11:39 PM
I think I'll call them. I'll do my retard voice and I'll ask them if I can buy a spy if they're still on sale. I'll make up a bunch of perverted reasons why I need a spy, such as that I think my pet cats are extra-terrestrials in league with Tom Cruise to take over the planet earth, and see where the conversation goes. Hehehe. I'm so SNARKY sometimes.

And yes, I know the sign said "SPA Sale," but my impression of an illiterate might make you believe I truly think it says "SPY Sale."

2-1B
12-25-2006, 09:16 AM
Chux, I have an old calling card with unused minutes on it...I'll dial through that so it's not traceable, and I'll hammer away on these guys for you. :)

Jargo
12-26-2006, 11:22 PM
wish i could afford a spa. wish I could brainwash Richard Branson into giving me his island too.

LusiferSam
12-26-2006, 11:38 PM
I think I'll call them. I'll do my retard voice and I'll ask them if I can buy a spy if they're still on sale. I'll make up a bunch of perverted reasons why I need a spy, such as that I think my pet cats are extra-terrestrials in league with Tom Cruise to take over the planet earth, and see where the conversation goes. Hehehe. I'm so SNARKY sometimes.

And yes, I know the sign said "SPA Sale," but my impression of an illiterate might make you believe I truly think it says "SPY Sale."

That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. You have to tell us how this goes when you call.

darthvyn
12-28-2006, 11:20 AM
huh... analog spam.

seems that they somehow actually GOT customers, but then didn't give them satisfactory service:

http://www.saltlakecity.bbb.org/commonreport.html?bid=22012809

i would log a complaint with the BBB of salt lake city...

El Chuxter
12-28-2006, 11:26 AM
Salt Lake City, huh? That's interesting. When the guy called back to offer his amazing insight, the area code was from Wisconsin. That's a hell of a commute.

darthvyn
12-28-2006, 11:36 AM
interesting... well, that's the only listing a search for "1-800-spa-sale" on BBB.org brought up.

he might have a wisconsin cellphone in SLC, UT as well... i know i still have a raleigh phone number living in brooklyn. that's quite the commute, too! i can also have any phone number in any area code i want with my vonage phone... so i wouldn't assume the guy was actually IN wisconsin when he called you...

Tycho
12-28-2006, 01:01 PM
That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. You have to tell us how this goes when you call.

I've been preoccupied and I have to invent my whole routine, that's why it hasn't happened yet.

I do plan to use a Southern accent with my feigning illiteracy. That way they might be polite with me as they try to wrap their head around the fact that I pronounce "spy" as "spa," and I hope they'll stay on the phone with me long enough that I get some laughs out of what I want my spa to do.

I'd love it if they tell me that "You sit in a spa and relax," and I respond in my Southern Hill-Billy drawl that I'm not homosexual and don't want to sit anywhere near my spy (pronouced spa).

The trick is not to laugh, but be totally serious - I'll have to tape record this so I can later retype the transcript for you as it'll take a lot of effort just not to laugh. Then kill them with kindness so they ought to respond with professional courtesy.

JEDIpartner
02-06-2007, 01:17 PM
Caller: "Hi! I have a billing question."

Me: "What is your account number?"

Caller: "14-___-___."

Me: "One moment... how may I help you with your account?"

Caller: "Do you print for Saint Luke's church in Raleigh, North Carolina?"

Me: "Let me take a look... mmmm, I'm afraid that's not one of our accounts."

Caller: "Okay. On my current account, is that still running on the back page?"

Me: "I'm afraid I don't have that information. I'll have to connect you to the art and advertising department."

Caller: "Oh, okay... can you do that?"

Me: "It will be my pleasure to connect you..." *transfers call and looks at the receiver* "What about your call was a billing question??!!!!!!"

Tycho
02-06-2007, 05:26 PM
I was stupid today.

I mean by that, one extra instance of being more stupid than usual.

Or maybe I wasn't stupid at all, but precoscious or something else.

I was waiting in line at the grocery store (one of the only lines open) while the cashier went through marking each of the lady-ahead-of-me's 30 coupons. *sigh* (bored).

I usually read the tabloids at this point to occupy my mind if there's no girl to hit on or at least oogle in my line of sight.

I was actually past the tabloid rack at this position in line however. Darn - no Weekly World News about 3 headed babies!

So I watched the clerk, who looked like she was a bulldog Lesbian (short hair, spiked on top of a crew cut, dyed bright blonde, heavy-set, with two gold stud earings, one in each ear).

When it finally got to my position in line, she asks me:

CLERK: "How are you?"

Now I think that's just her retail training. She doesn't actually care how I am. She cares about when she gets off work, gets a break, and how much she's getting paid, whatever her plans are when she gets away from this store, maybe whatever crisis or positive thing is going on in her life. But she doesn't care how I am. I know they just ask that as a courtesy.

I have 4 items: a yogurt smoothie, two large Ocean Spray Cran-Tangerine juice bottles, and some coffee ice cream. The first item was an impulse buy since I need something cold now (it's a hot day in Southern California) and my juice won't be cold for a while (it's in the fridge now). The last item was a substitution as I did plan on buying pudding, but decided to try coffee ice cream instead.

I decided that this would be an excellent topic to bring up while I was waiting for the endless pile of coupons to conclude.

So when the clerk asked me how I was, I responded:

TYCHO: "I'm trying coffee flavored ice cream for my first time."

The clerk seemed surprised for a minute that I told her that.

I continued:

TYCHO: "I often liked iced mochas, and I'm going to try this instead and save myself a future trip to Starbucks or something - just for a change."

CLERK: "It's good," she replied with absolutely no smile, and no False-Enthusiasm.

I bet she might think twice about asking how anyone else is for the remainder of the day.

I will start a new thread shortly, reviewing my opinion on Haagen-Daas coffee ice cream. Please wait for it with extreme anticipation!

Slicker
02-06-2007, 05:45 PM
I was actually past the tabloid rack at this position in line however. Darn - no Weekly World News about 3 headed babies!

It's no good this week anyways. It's just about alien terrorist training camps. (seriously...)

Tycho
02-06-2007, 05:54 PM
The real news about that astronaut woman, Captain Nowak, is funnier!

JEDIpartner
02-07-2007, 09:37 AM
Talk about one spaced-out betch!

CaptainSolo1138
02-07-2007, 02:05 PM
I feel that I'm over courteous when I talk to cashiers and such. Instead of giving the usual answer of "Fine" to their rehearsed question of "How are you?", I will usually say something like "Spectacular! How are you?". If they respond (it's a habit to ask and receive the same answer) it takes them a second to comprehend the fact that I answered in a manner different from the norm.

I have 4 items: a yogurt smoothie, two large Ocean Spray Cran-Tangerine juice bottles, and some coffee ice cream.

I usually read the tabloids at this point to occupy my mind if there's no girl to hit on or at least oogle in my line of sight.I was gonna make a joke about you and the oogled female having alot in common, since you both eat the same thingss, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Oh, wait. I just did.:shocked:;)

Slicker
02-07-2007, 02:35 PM
I usually give an "I'm doing AWESOME!" If it gets a smile out of 'me then I've made there menial task all that much easier/funner.

Tycho
02-07-2007, 03:09 PM
I've made up some stuff before just to get a reaction, such as when I'm asked, "How are you?"

I respond, "Not so well. The person I just killed has bled all over the interior of my stolen car and I was planning to at least get across the state line before ditching it and carjacking another one. What do you drive?"

Kidhuman
02-07-2007, 05:03 PM
When they ask how are you, simply reply, "I am not unwell."

CaptainSolo1138
02-07-2007, 06:51 PM
I saw a Steven Wright bit a couple months ago where he said that when a clerk asks him if "that'll be all", he responds, "No,. I'd like to pay for it, too."

Tycho
02-07-2007, 07:50 PM
When they ask how are you, simply reply, "I am not unwell."

I like that. Why do I picture Mr. Spock wearing his TOS blue uniform tunic with his Vulcan ears saying that?

Yes, now I think it would amuse me to do my grocery shopping in a Star Trek uniform with Vulcan ears on.

What's funny is at the store near where they hold Comic Con (this applies to July only), I would be not be in an extreme minority.

Kidhuman
02-07-2007, 09:03 PM
It is actually a line from George Carlin, far different from Spock.

pbarnard
02-07-2007, 09:27 PM
It is actually a line from George Carlin, far different from Spock.

Not really, both have their logic.

bobafrett
03-29-2007, 10:49 PM
Just now, a conversation with my girlfriend:

Her : "We could have Kalua and popcorn"

Me : "That sounds weird"

Her : "You can use my blender" (mine burnt out the other night)

Me : "Or we could just pour it over ice like we did the other night"

Her : "Yes"

Me : "Oh Shoot, I forgot to put the ice cube trays back in the freezer"

Her : "Oh, I did"

Me : "Did you put water in them?"

She started laughing almost falling on the floor, and said "Your killing me"

Mad Slanted Powers
03-29-2007, 11:28 PM
I saw a Steven Wright bit a couple months ago where he said that when a clerk asks him if "that'll be all", he responds, "No,. I'd like to pay for it, too."

I saw that. Even better is to say, "No, these are the only things in the store that I don't want." I forget which comedian said that. I don't think it was Steven Wright, but it sounds like something he would say. Maybe someday I'll go into a store and try some Steven Wright lines such as "Do you have any maps that aren't aerial views?"