View Full Version : Best News Story. EVER.

El Chuxter
02-05-2007, 11:35 PM
Words totally fail me.

From AP via Yahoo! News (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070206/ap_on_re_us/astronaut_arrested;_ylt=ApgFyI_8qrSoLO4MNXX5if.s0N UE;_ylu=X3oDMTA2Z2szazkxBHNlYwN0bQ--):

On second thought, I'm not even going to quote it here, because you have to see the picture of the lady. It totally makes an already absolutely ridiculous story even better.

02-05-2007, 11:47 PM
WOW!!! Who would have thought of something that crazy?!?!?!?!?!

02-06-2007, 12:11 AM
First the Chewie headbutt, now this!


02-06-2007, 12:23 AM
If you had told me about astronauts fighting over Tang, this is not the first thing that I would have thought you were talking about...

02-06-2007, 02:59 AM
That was the dumbest news story. Ever. Chewie was more entertaining than this.

02-06-2007, 07:04 AM
She's an astronaut, eh? on the moon, she would be spanked with moon rocks.

02-06-2007, 08:59 AM
I just saw this article in the paper myself and was coming here to post on it, but you beat me to it Chux. It's absolutely ridiculous!

I am constantly proven right when I demonstrate how people go desperate for sex and love and do all kinds of things - like make decisions in absolutes such as "they are absolutely gay," or they absolutely must get married or they won't "keep" one of the entirely few people in their lives that "service them." :rolleyes:

Relationships are pathetic.

In this case, Capt. Nowak decided that Cmdr. Oefelein was absolutely the only man for her. I'm sure they had an affair, or he's more well-to-do than she is, or her marriage sucks and she wants out of it. Well, these would be some obvious guesses. If she had a sexual encounter, or a few with this guy, then maybe she ruined her own marriage and thinks that her sacrafice earns her the prize. (People cannot "own" each other - that's not how healthy relationships work).

This would be worse if there was no intimate contact between them, and they were IM chat buddies. :rolleyes: (That could be due to the long distances they seem to live from each other.)

(I love analyzing people. It goes with my interest in being a writer and giving my characters causes for their actions).

The other insight is that she could be terribly religious, and that psychosis-of-God phenomenon would urge her on to claim her partner in adultery while she sought forgiveness because "he is her soul-mate."

Whatever. Does anyone doubt that this is her mid-life crisis?

There usually isn't "ONE" out there for each one of us. Some of us get lucky, but most couples have one or both partners out for some ulterior motive. Often just trapping the other partner in marriage is the common case.

But there you go.

Remember high school biology - the 5 basic life functions that define a lifeform:

1) birth
2) eat
3) sleep
5) die

The translation is that everything that you do when you are not eating or sleeping, has some relation to sex. So of course whatever psychosis you might suffer from, fits in that category somehow.

A simple example is : you work at a job. In addition to paying so you can eat and sleep, you're the bird creating a nest to attract the partner you desire into (clothes, car, house, etc.) Star Wars collecting relates to sex because it is a distraction when you are too frustrated or burnt out to bother with sex. This could be because you just had enough sex, or because you failed to be satisfied with your last attempt to enjoy sex and getting a $7 action figure is easier (or your toys are easier to put up with than your wife / girlfriend).

Anyway, people live in so much denial. I'll let the BLIND post for a while now. Blind like an astronaut, eh? Hehehe.

02-06-2007, 09:04 AM
You can't help but laugh and feel sorry for people like this.

El Chuxter
02-06-2007, 09:34 AM
No one's commented yet on her wearing diapers so she didn't have to stop on her 900-mile drive? That was my favorite part of a story full of amusing craziness.

02-06-2007, 01:02 PM
Yeah, I was gonna mention the diapers thing. That little tidbit made the story. I wonder what she was going to do with that rubber tubing and garbage bags?

02-06-2007, 01:03 PM
No one's commented yet on her wearing diapers so she didn't have to stop on her 900-mile drive? That was my favorite part of a story full of amusing craziness.

Does that require a comment? You already wrote the word "craziness."

A connotation would be "psycho." I don't even think it requires that to get the idea across. You just have to read it and laugh.

Qui-Long Gone
02-09-2007, 05:54 PM
This story will be the best Lifetime movie they've ever made....can't wait, get me TiVo

02-09-2007, 07:15 PM
Or she contracted a rare psychosis in space? They are going to study her and come up with a new disease: PTOSPS Post Traumatic Orgasmic Space Psycho Sickness. I wonder if she might have had sex in outer space with the other Astronaut, and gotten PTOSPS? and is it a sexually transmitted disease or a psychosis brought on by the orgasm in space? Did a funny thing happen in her brain in 0-Gravity? Or am I wildly speculating :ninja: Hmmm

02-09-2007, 07:22 PM
She and the other astronaut were never in outer space together at the same time. But I don't think she was ever on earth at the same time as the rest of any of us, either.

02-09-2007, 07:53 PM
What I don't get it, she had to stop for gas anyway, so why not just use the bathroom then?

02-09-2007, 09:01 PM
I saw this pic online and had to share it. :)

02-09-2007, 10:30 PM
I saw this pic online and had to share it. :)

Dude that's halarious!

02-09-2007, 10:38 PM
Your picture suffered from the wrong product placement.

Here: I corrected it for you! :D

02-09-2007, 10:40 PM
Thanks for fixing that Tycho.

02-09-2007, 11:12 PM
But rejoice!

This adventure has given James Cameron an idea with which to return to the movies!