View Full Version : The SSG New Stupid Cross-Over Story Thread (all can contribute)
02-13-2007, 02:31 PM
"Jabba the Hutt: I am Optimus Prime!"
The giant red and blue robot commander stormed into the corpulent crime lord's desert palace.
"I am going to process your stinking hide for methane fuel to make new energon cubes!"
02-13-2007, 02:33 PM
"Bo shuda," said Jabba. "First, you must go through my henchmen: Mr T, Grimace, a cybernetically reincarnated John Wilkes Booth, and....
02-13-2007, 02:46 PM
Jabba presses a button and the floor drops out from underneathe Optimus Prime. He lands in a pit full of dessicated corpse remnants. Then a giant steel door opens and a huge, disgusting beast on two legs enters the underground chamber. It is drooling at the mouth and has bits of red flesh stuck in its teeth.
Optimus is actually around the same size as this thing and quickly wraps it into a pretzel.
Being only barely shorter than the pit, he leaps up and climbs back out into Jabba's throne room.
02-13-2007, 02:51 PM
...thus escaping Rosie "the Rancor" O'Donnell. Prime then proceeds to rip Boba Fetts head off thus ensuring his ultimate death.
Jabba then hits yet ANOTHER secret button...
02-13-2007, 02:53 PM
...which activates his iPod. He jammed out to Deep Purple.
"Jabba the Hutt must be stopped," Prime said, transforming to truck mode, "no matter the cost."
Stan Bush's voice started singing "The Touch," and Prime ran over Ree Yees and Bib Fortuna.
He converted to robot form and stared down Jabba. "One shall stand, and--
"Actually," said Jabba, "I have no legs, and find your reference to standing to be quite offensive."
02-13-2007, 02:58 PM
Just then Mr T, Grimace, and the cybernetically reincarnated John Wilkes Booth, make their move.
Prime reverses polarity on his metal shell and all Mr.T's bling hurls him into the giant Autobot and attaches him to Prime's leg like a horn-dog.
Grimace tries to offer Prime fries and a milk shake, but suddenly Jazz appears and uses his turbo speed to run Grimace around in circles like he's back working in a drive-thru.
John Wilkes Booth loads a flint-lock pistol that fires a single shot at Prime, but suddenly Captain Jack Sparrow appears with a pistol of his own as he swings over the Rancor Pit on Wol Cabosh11te's tongue....
02-13-2007, 03:06 PM
...and the man in the back said, "Everyone attack!" and it turned into a ballroom blitz.
02-13-2007, 03:52 PM
Suddenly, Luke Skywalker entered the throne room.
Mr.T had felt homophobic, so Optimus had donned a giant metal bikini while Mr. T was still magnetically attached to Prime's leg, trapped by all his bling.
Optimus turned on his headlights to give Luke the spotlight and make people wonder whether he was actually a hologram or really all there. Anyone who saw him talking to a room full of muppets would wonder whether Luke was really all there anyway.
Luke said, "Greetings Mighty Jabba. I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, and friend of Captain Sparrow's."
02-13-2007, 03:56 PM
"Excuse me!" came a shout from outside the throne room. A scruffy man in a t-shirt burst into the room. "G*******t, I'm Michael Bay, and I've got some f*****g words for Optimus Prime here!"
02-13-2007, 04:08 PM
Michael Bay begins to explain things to the characters he's assembled there:
"You see, the Force is stored in a Happy Meal Box available at Grimace's drive-thru. He's in this picture for a reason, so Jazz, you can't just drive circles around him.
"Meanwhile, Prime, I love what you've done with the bikini. I'm going to make that part of your character from now on.
"But Jabba. I've re-envisioned your character. I've hired Oprah Winfrey here to help you lose weight. I want you to resemble Barry Manillow the next time we film this scene.
"Jack Sparrow, Booth: using single shot guns is no way to heighten the excitement factor involved with this movie. Here are a couple of pocket-Death Stars and the keys to some Metro Buses parked outside that I want you to bring into your duel."
Booth chimes in: "But I come from the 1800's and we don't know how to drive busses."
Sparrow adds, "And there's no water on this set. I'm a pirate of the Seaven Seas not the Sedentary Sands!"
Michael Bay responds, "Don't worry. I'll get Don Murphy and Steven Spielberg to spin all this so that we'll have some excuse for it to make sense.
"The fans are going to love this movie!"
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