View Full Version : What's the Story: Lanny Mulletman!

El Chuxter
05-25-2007, 02:23 PM
This thread is similar to the "What's the Story" on starwars.com, only this is free.

Herein we examine the rich history of the unsung hero of Rogue Squadron: Lanny Mulletman (http://www.rebelscum.com/c4/c4hasbroredos/image31.asp). Please contribute backstory and further adventures as you wish.

Lanny was born during the early years of the Clone Wars on the planet Mebbeducks. His parents were killed when his father decided to take his Z-95 Headhunter around the corner to pick up some beer, and crashed into the family's trailer. Lanny and his fourteen brothers and sisters were henceforth raised by his aunt, Lurlene.

Fast forward years later. During the era of the Rebellion, Lanny was arrested for shooting at Jaxxon while hunting, not realizing Jaxxon was a bad*** bounty hunter and not just potential vittles for himself, his gal Mary Lou, and her six kids (only the oldest and youngest being his own). Lanny was drunk at the time, and sentenced to 90 days on Kessel. He escaped by hiding aboard the Millennium Falcon, and found his way to the Rebellion. Being an outlaw, he decided to join up.

Lanny flies a custom Y-Wing fighter (which is about the equivalent of a battered 1985 Dodge Charger). Among other after-market modifications, his craft has lifted landing gear, Yosemite Sam mudflaps on its ion engines, and a bumper sticker featuring the silhouette of a naked woman and the text, "Gas, grass, or a**: no one rides for free."

05-25-2007, 02:39 PM
What was supposed to be a monumental day in Lanny's life was a tragic one. It was the induction ceremony for Lanny and his fellow pilots into the Rogue Squadron. Lanny was so excited. He had picked out his best outfit to wear: his tuxedo t-shirt, jean shorts from the px at the local alliance base, and his famous penny loafers. He was all set to go.

However trouble began when Lanny was en route to the ceremony. He had not eaten any breakfast, and he was famished. He decided to pull his Y-wing fighter into the local Phillips 66 to grab a quick bite. The only thing he could afford was a nice pack of fishsticks from the vending machine. He quickly paid the credits, got his food, and ate as he made his way to the ceremony.

Things were going fine at the Academy, and Lanny was almost up to get his medal for being inducted. As he was about to take the stage his stomach began to make a horrible noise, and Lanny knew that he was in trouble. He could not avoid what he knew would be a certain visit to the bathroom. He tried to stick it out long enough to get his medal, but he could not avoid nature's call.

While Lanny's name was called to come forward and accept his prestigious medal for induction into the Academy, he instead was in the bathroom making beef stew all afternoon. Poor Lanny.

"I know one thing, never eat fishsticks from the vending machines at Phillips 66", Lanny later said in an exclusive interview. "That stuff is messier than a brothel on Kashyyk."

But the moral of this chapter in Lanny's life is that he did get his medal and acceptance..he just had to have it delivered via carrier to his residence. Lanny was bedridden for the next 3 months.

05-25-2007, 10:08 PM
Quick facts:
- Loves Cheese.
- Favorite movie: The Princess Diaries
- Favorite cd: Anything by Shania Twain
- Has no idea what Myspace is.
- Unable to do basic multiplication.
- Once won 3rd prize in a pie eating contest.
- Favorite alcoholic beverage: Zima.
- Has only 2 pair of underwear (one has the name "Slimmie" written in them).
- Worked at Subway for 6 hours before being fired.
- Accidentally became a Buddhist.
- Has 9 toes (only 8 of which are on his feet).
- Has high score in Frogger (uses name "SEX").
- Went to prom with his mom.
- Always has a 4 of clubs in his pocket.
- Smells like sausage.
- Wears a size 9 shoe on his left foot; 11 on his right.
- High school nickname: Pooky.

05-25-2007, 11:12 PM
During his early childhood, Lanny and his brother Clarence were fond of eating paint chips and the game of "dewback tipping". In his teen years, he contracted six types of STDs, which he spread among his family members. This could have contributed to his aunt's debilitating alcoholism, along with the fact that four of his sisters became pregnant before the age of fourteen. Lanny's uncouth behavior led to him being sent to a rehabilitation facility on Endor. The rehab program, called "Scared Straight", was led by Ewok tribesman Chukha-Trok. Lanny's life was turned around by this experience, and he decided to go back home and start over. It was here that he met Mary Lou. They had an outdoor wedding with a cake made of Twinkies and Hostess Cupcakes.

EDIT: It should also be noted that Lanny participated in the Battle of Endor in his Y-Wing. As we all know, during this battle an unlucky Rebel exclaimed "She's gonna blow!". What you didn't know was that immediately after this, Lanny eagerly replied into his headset "Who?!? Is she that easy?!!? Do I have to buy her a drink first?!"

El Chuxter
05-26-2007, 12:39 PM
Lanny refused to fly a B-Wing. It was less an attachment to his Y-Wing, and more a bigotry against Sullustans. "I ain't flyin' with some alien!"

05-26-2007, 02:06 PM
It's my former roommate and best man at my wedding.

Rogue II
05-26-2007, 02:23 PM
There is a bumper sticker on Lanny's Y-Wing that reads "Born on a backworld, work like a slave. Huntin' and fishin' is all I crave."

05-27-2007, 07:05 PM
Hey, don't they call mobile homes "caravans" in merry Old England? I would bet our newest pilot is an englishman. I think it is therefore proper to say he is visting Mary Jane's Caravan.

05-29-2007, 09:53 PM
Where does Lanny mount his gun rack in his Y-Wing? :confused:

05-29-2007, 10:47 PM
Lanny owns a droid called RU-18. He found the droid behind a Piggly Wiggly. It is believed that it is a bootlegged astromech, but Lanny won't comment.

06-01-2007, 12:51 PM
Lanny flies a custom Y-Wing fighter (which is about the equivalent of a battered 1985 Dodge Charger). Among other after-market modifications, his craft has lifted landing gear, Yosemite Sam mudflaps on its ion engines, and a bumper sticker featuring the silhouette of a naked woman and the text, "Gas, grass, or a**: no one rides for free."

in addition, he has a bumper-sticker that reads "my other ride is a corellian corvette" but it's not true.

he DOES, however, have a "project" starfighter on cinderblocks on his front lawn, a classic N-1 naboo starfighter that he's trying to restore. he's not sure whether to paint it the rare "plum crazy" option, or the more standard "lemon twist".

06-01-2007, 01:41 PM
By the looks of him in the picture, I'm almost positive Lanny is one of my neighbors. If it's the same guy, then I have a few facts on him, but really very little considering.

Plays bass
Beats his wife
Goes through 15 cases of Busch Lite a week, recycles every single can (needs 3 recycling bins as opposed to the standard 1)
Pinches his 14 year old daughter's arse in an inappropriate manner far more than any father should (which is never)
Used to have a ponytail
Used to have a mustache
Used to have a job
El Camino looks great in the driveway, but never moves an inch (great cover for the never opened garage door that hides the Y-Wing I guess)
After restraining order, wife replaced him with an exact replica, only heís ten years younger

I havenít seen Lanny in a few months. I think he finally figured out what a restraining order actually means. Man, the Alliance is really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

06-01-2007, 03:42 PM
I think he was the guy at my high school who was supposed to have graduated in 1988, but was still in the 9th grade.

El Chuxter
12-11-2007, 03:14 PM
Lanny Mulletman was busy sledding on a garbage can lid during the Battle of Hoth. He was left behind during the evacuation, and had to hitch a ride with a local trucker en route to Bespin. He was actually incarcerated on Bespin during Han and Leia's stay there. It seems that he made a racial insult at the man who came to greet the truck, not knowing he was the Baron Administrator.

Luckily, he was freed by the Empire due to a clerical error. The paperwork listed him as "Lenny Mulletman," and all charges were thrown out by the 1,138th District Court. He stole Luke's X-Wing and made it back to the Alliance just in time for Endor. However, he'd smeared Cheetos all over the interior of the cockpit, as well as repeatedly pulled his own finger during the long voyage, so Luke didn't want it back.

12-12-2007, 03:03 AM
Lanny was origially incarcerated for stealing ice cream makers on Bespin. The racial slur was just Lanny's way of saying "hey!".

El Chuxter
01-30-2008, 11:40 PM
<bump> in honor of the similar Zorba thread I'm about to post. :thumbsup: