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JEDIpartner
04-29-2008, 09:56 AM
"It's Jesus Day and I'm not wearing a bra!!!!"

This is a true story. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent.

Last Saturday was my niece's last church class before her first communion, which is Saturday, 3 May. Morgan and her mum, my sister-in-law Bonnie, got up and rushed her to the church. Bonnie had gotten up and just threw on an old pair of cut-off sweat pants with bleach spots on them, an old tee-shirt, no bra and just pulled her unwashed hair up in one of my nephew's baseball caps.

When they got to the church, Morgan asked Bonnie why she wasn't coming inside. Bonnie asked her why she needed to come inside. Morgan responded, "It's 'Jesus Day' and all the kids are supposed to have their parents with them!"

Needless to say, Bonnie had a panic attack. She and Morgan had a rather loud volley of "I can't come in, Morgan! Look at how I'm dressed!!" and "But mum!!! You have to come in! You have to!" This, of course, got the attention of all the other kids and their parents as they were walking up the path to the church.

At that same time, Bonnie's friend came by as her daughter was also attending the class. She heard the conversation and took a look at Bonnie and said, "Oh, honey! You can't go in there looking like that!!!"

Bonnie told her friend to take Morgan inside and that she'd call her husband, Greg, at work and ask him to go to the Jesus Day assembly whilst she went home to clean herself up. On her way home, she rang Greg. In Bonnie's mind, she'd thought she explained everything clearly to Greg. What Greg got on his end was Bonnie, in a manic voice saying, "Greg! Go to the church! It's Jesus Day and I'm not wearing a bra!!!!"

Greg's only reaction was, "What the Hell are you talking about??!!"

After explaining the situation to him, Greg agreed to leave work and attend the festivities. When Greg arrived at the assembly hall, he was unable to find Morgan amidst all of the other children. He started asking the teachers to help him find his daughter. One woman, giving him the evil eye, came up to him and said, "You don't know what your daughter looks like?!"

Embarrassed, Greg responded, "Erhm… I didn't dress her this morning. Erhm… I'll call my wife."

He turned around and dialed Bonnie up to find out what Morgan was wearing. By the time he'd ended the call, the 200 children had put on the Jesus Day t-shirts they were given and that made things even worse. Finally, one man came up to Greg and told him that the children were separated into groups by the class they were in. He and a couple other sympathetic teachers asked Greg who Morgan's teacher was. He had no clue.

Even more embarrassed, he turned around slowly and said, "Erhm… Let me call my wife again." The teachers and some of the parents were clearly unimpressed with the apparent lack of interest Bonnie and Greg had in their child's religious development.

Greg rang Bonnie again. This time she'd had it with Jesus Day and all the interrupting phone calls that prevented her from getting herself cleaned up and put together. When asked who Morgan's teacher was, she yelled into the phone, "How the Hell should I know what her name is??!! All I can tell is she's kinda fat…!!!!"

Greg quickly shut the phone off and turned to face the angry mob who'd obviously heard Bonnie's response to his question. One woman stepped up and scolded Greg. "Your daughter has been in this class for six weeks! You don't know who her teacher is and all your wife knows is that the teacher is 'kinda fat'!!!!" Greg pretty much wanted to die right then and there.

He was eventually able to locate Morgan and at the end of the assembly, he hugged her and told her that he had to get back to work. Morgan burst into tears and said, "No! No!! You have to stay for the party! All the other parents are staying for the party!!!!" This, of course, drew more stares from the parents who, by this time, had already gotten wind of the comments Bonnie had made about the teacher after refusing to attend the assembly and party.

Greg looked at Morgan and said, "I'm sorry. I have to get back to work but mummy will be here in a little bit to pick you up." He left with his tail between his legs and went back to work.

Bonnie's sure the church is going to call them up this week and tell her that Morgan can't take communion 'cos she and Greg are bad parents.

jedi master sal
04-29-2008, 10:18 AM
Heh, seems par for the course in comparison to my old church days. I don't go to church anymore and this is one of those examples why.

It was a good read though JP.

JEDIpartner
04-29-2008, 10:26 AM
I was on the floor p*ssing myself when she told me this. It sounded too much like an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" or something.

bigbarada
04-29-2008, 11:26 AM
What's "Jesus Day?" I've never heard of that.

Great story though.:D

JEDIpartner
04-29-2008, 11:43 AM
I have no idea. I'm not Catholic. I'm sure it's just some theme thing they concocted to tie into the first communion thing as part of their pep rally/graduation for the kids.

Tycho
04-29-2008, 03:05 PM
Good story. Now no offense to JP, I just felt like taking the time out to see if I could do THIS:

"It's Sith Lord Day and I'm not carrying my lightsaber!!!!"

This is a true story. The names have not been changed to protect the murderous.

Last Saturday was my apprentice's last trial before his first exhaltation, which is Saturday, 3 May. Darth Junior and his Jedi Master, my next victim, got up and rushed to the Jedi Temple. Master Dufus had gotten up and just threw on an old pair of Jedi robes with bleach spots on them, an old tunic, no food capsules, no aqua breather or grappling hook and just pulled his unwashed mullet up in a training helmet with the blast shield down.

When they got to the Temple, Darth Junior asked Master Dufus why he wasn't coming inside. Dufus asked him why he needed to come inside. Junior responded, "It's 'Sith Lord Day' and all the kids are supposed to kill their Jedi Masters they bring with them!"

Needless to say, Dufus had a panic attack. He and Junior had a rather loud clash of Force lightning and exchanges of "I can't come in, Junior! Look at how I'm dressed!!" and "But Master!!! You have to come in! You have to!" This, of course, got the attention of all the other kids and their Masters as they were walking up the path to the Jedi Temple.

At that same time, Dufus' friend came by as his apprentice was also attending the class. He heard the conversation and took a look at Dufus and said, "By the Force! You can't go in there looking like that!!!"

Dufus told his friend to take Junior inside and that he'd call his former Master, who was on a mission for peace and justice in the galaxy and ask him to go to the Sith Lord Day assembly whilst Dufus went home to clean himself up. On his way home, he contacted his former Master on the Holonet. In Dufus' mind, he'd thought he explained everything clearly to Master Dum-Dum. What Dum-Dum got on his end was Dufus in a manic voice saying, "Master! Go to the Temple! It's Sith Lord Day and I forgot my lightsaber!!!!"

Dum-Dum's only reaction was, "What the Hell are you talking about??!!"

After explaining the situation to him, Master Dum-Dum agreed to leave his mission to bring forth peace and justice to the galaxy and attend the festivities. When Dum-Dum arrived at the assembly hall, he was unable to find Junior amidst all of the other children. He started asking the teachers to help him find his apprentice's apprentice. Jocasta Nu, giving him the evil eye, came up to him and said, "You don't know what your apprentice looks like?!"

Embarrassed, Dum-Dum responded, "Erhm… he's not really my apprentice. Erhm… I'll call my former padawan."

He turned around and made a commline connection to Dufus to find out what Junior looked like. By the time he'd ended the call, the 200 children had all gotten their faces decorated with Sith tattoos and that made things even worse. Finally, a Clone Trooper came up to Dum-Dum and told him that the children were separated into groups by the class they were in. He and a couple other sympathetic teachers asked Dum-Dum who Junior's teacher was. He had no clue.

Even more embarrassed, he turned around slowly and said, "Erhm… Let me call my former padawan again." The teachers and some of the Clone Troopers were clearly unimpressed with the apparent lack of interest Dufus and Dum-Dum had in their child's training progress.

Dum-Dum rang Dufus again. This time he'd had it with Sith Lord Day and all the interrupting phone calls that prevented him from getting himself cleaned up and put together. When asked who Junior's teacher was, he yelled into the phone, "How the Hell should I know what his name is??!! All I can tell is he's kinda some fat Twi'lek…!!!!"

Dum-Dum quickly shut the phone off and turned to face the angry mob who'd obviously heard Dufus' response to his question. One Clone Commander stepped up and scolded Dum-Dum. "Your apprentice has been in this class for six weeks! You don't know who his teacher is and all your former padawan knows is that the teacher is 'kinda a fat Twi'lek!!!!" Dum-Dum pretty much wanted to die right then and there.

He was eventually able to locate Junior and at the end of the assembly, he hugged him and told him that he had to get back to his mission. Junior burst into Force Lightning and said, "No! No!! No!! You must die! All the other Masters are traitors!!!!" This, of course, drew blaster shots from the Clone Troopers who, by this time, had already gotten wind of the comments Dufus had made about the teacher after refusing to attend the assembly and execution of the rest of the Jedi Masters.

Dum-Dum looked at Junior and said, "I'm sorry. I have to die now but your Master will be here in a little bit to kill you and slay all of them." He indicated the other Sith apprentices and Clone Troopers and then he died and went back to The Force.

So Dufus was not Dum-Dum after all but he's sure the homing beacon in the Temple is going to call him up this week and tell him that Junior can't take complete his Sith Trials 'cos he hasn't been murdered in cold blood yet.

JEDIpartner
04-29-2008, 06:14 PM
You're a sick, sick man, Tycho... you and your crazy son, Buboicullaar Weiselberg.

Dar' Argol
04-29-2008, 10:05 PM
JP called me and told me this story . . . which is more funny to hear it told then to read it. I was in my car but thankfully I was not driving. The whole "Kinda fat" thing had me rolling . .. I don't think they can kick thm out for that comment though . . . aren't they suppose to forgive??

bobafrett
04-30-2008, 06:07 AM
My mom, shortly after her divorce from my dad, found religion with a group called "the Way". She thought we should all go to luthren school instead of public school, and one day while waiting outside the school for mom to pick us up, my sister said, "Where's mommy" and I said "maybe she died" as my explanation for why my mom was late picking us up. I got in a lot of trouble for that.

JEDIpartner
05-02-2008, 12:08 PM
My sister said, "Where's mommy" and I said "maybe she died" as my explanation for why my mom was late picking us up. I got in a lot of trouble for that.

Add the vanilla, stir and remove from heat.

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET :thumbsup:


RE: Tycho's post. You're still a sick man... but let me just say-- "I like it!"