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View Full Version : I Am Going To Make My Bartenders FART!



Tycho
06-22-2009, 02:48 AM
OK, I am friends with these girls that bartend and they are from Orange County and LA.

They are Angels and Dodgers fans and make fun of me because I always come in to eat and watch the Padres (admittedly lose, a lot of the time).

What does this have to do with POOP?

Their managers are both Padres fans and side with me (the customer is always right, anyway, huh?)

I want one of their managers to help me hide my REMOTE CONTROLLED FARTING MACHINE behind the bar when they are called back to the kitchen to pick up my food order.

Then we'll see what smells funny about LA team baseball fans! :twisted:

DarthQuack
06-22-2009, 07:29 AM
Are you having another dream Tycho and sleep-typing?

Darth Jax
06-22-2009, 09:42 AM
guess that's better than trying to slip them some visine

JediTricks
06-22-2009, 03:11 PM
Someone is only 10 years old still.

Tycho
06-22-2009, 06:15 PM
Who? I'm 9. :D

JimJamBonds
06-22-2009, 10:28 PM
Better then giving them a ruffie colada.

Tycho
06-22-2009, 11:28 PM
Better then giving them a ruffie colada.

I'm not sure what that is, but if you see one of these girls, you know why I want to give her ...(well, I can't post that here)!

Blue2th
06-23-2009, 01:47 AM
Sounds like a good trick.
I'm sure the real ones happen all the time. Not that anyone can hear it in a noisy bar, and by the time it reaches the nose hairs, the perpetrator is moved to another part of the bar, leaving the party favor lingering.

Musicians carefully execute them timed to notes on their instruments, and all the bandmates look at each other in discust to see who did the rank and file. :cross-eye

Tycho
06-23-2009, 02:42 AM
Didn't you mean RANK and FOUL? :)

JimJamBonds
06-23-2009, 09:04 AM
I'm not sure what that is, but if you see one of these girls, you know why I want to give her ...(well, I can't post that here)!

That would be a date r%p# drug.

Blue2th
06-23-2009, 09:34 AM
Didn't you mean RANK and FOUL? :)

That "sounds" better. :Ponder:

Depending on how it's "ripped" though, it feels like a file, or a rasp. :Ogre:

Tycho
06-26-2009, 12:09 AM
Well I did it!

One of the s asked me "Are you 12 or something?!" but she was laughing so hard and later went to see Transformers with me that same night.

She's a LA Dodger's fan. :(

I've invited her to the game when they play the Padres over 4th of July weekend but I told her that her seat will be on the other side of the stadium! (Maybe that's why she was interested in the invitation?)

Anyway, it was too loud in the bar to hear the farts. But she notices the machine amongst her drying glassware and picks it up and says, "What's this?" and I hit the button and it "toots" right in her ear!

Other customers at the bar saw what I was doing when I was reaching over and trying to be discreet about leaving a certain item on the other side of the bar. They thought it was funny, too. One guy told me there's an "irritating intermittent noise machine" made by the same company that manufactures my fart machine. It goes off and beeps like a pager every 8 or sometimes 15 minutes. You're supposed to hide it in offices or something and interrupt everyone's work with a mad effort to find it, pretending that you don't know what it is. Hehe.

Anyway, while we were in the theater (before the movie) we tried recruiting folks to help us embarass their friends and dates with the farting machine. It was a riot. We also phoned friends to tell them to join us for Transformers and we made farting noises at whoever answered. I also used it in the men's room, taking it into a stall and letting them rip. I was laughing so hard some guys at the sink started saying "I think it's fake. He's not really $#@#ting in there." I wish I also had the Cow-In-The-Can with which I could add s-xual noises to. That would chase people out of a bathroom!

Well, the bar was a bit too loud for the device to work right so apparently I'm going to need another Air Hogs RC Helicopter. I think I could tie a bunch of those fake rubber worms used for fishing lures to it for an added effect as I know if I fly the thing at this particular bar, half a dozen people who are usually there will all look at me first to see who's doing it.

I'm going to have to come up with something more original.

Maybe fake vomit (they're rubber puke simulations). When the grl s go back to the kitchen to pick up their food orders, I'll get several of the regulars to help me toss the up-chucks behind the bar. That way when the ladies return, there will look like there's 15 puke patches behind the bar and maybe they won't even attempt to go back there but run and get the mop instead!

Yeah, that sounds like a good one. :D :D :D