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Brave Sir Robin
03-01-2002, 11:11 AM
"Was president Lincoln okay?"-Ralph Wiggum
"The robots of Battlestar Galactica vs. the gay robots of Star Wars!"-Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con Announcer
"Why must you turn my office into a house of LIES?!"-Dentist
"Hasta la vista, Abey!"-Bart
"Welcome to an evening of history and picking up after ourselves!"-Principal Skinner
"It shows parts of the body which, necessary as they are, are evil!"-Maud Flanders

Wolfwood319
03-01-2002, 11:29 AM
Oh, just about every episode has some good ones. Off the top of my head though;

"I have seen plays more exciting than this. Honest to God, PLAYS!"

"Great Merciful Crap, My Car!"

"Outta my way, Jerkass!"

"Oh, I have wasted my life..."

"A little late for Lenny..."

There are literally hundreds of great ones, those are one's I use on an everyday basis though.

El Chuxter
03-01-2002, 12:10 PM
Tons upon tons of them. . . . Here's a couple:

"Why'd y'all hafta bring yer parents along? We's wasting valuable makeout time!"
"Now, Cletus, they's yer parents too!"

Moleman: "Oh, my brain!"

Sideshow Bob: "Guess who?"
Bob's Brother: "Merris?"

"It says I choo choo choose you--and it's a train! That's funny!"

"There's the rock where I see the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things."

"A Simpson on a t-shirt? I never thought I'd see the day."

"There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: World War II, the American Revolution, and the Star Wars trilogy."

mabudonicus
03-01-2002, 12:30 PM
how bout "there's no emoticon for how I feel right now"
"up yours, children"
"arrh, the hot pants"
or IMHO the funniest exchange ever- "but didn't your country break up" "THAT is what we wanted you to think"
(sorry if they're not bang on, I'm sure they're close)

2-1B
03-01-2002, 01:14 PM
Play along chubbsy, there's a pie in it for you!

You sir, are worse than Hitler.

Back up a bit now, when are the pancakes coming in the mail?

Did anyone ever see Tron?

It says let's be friends and there's a picture of a bee.

You made me bleed my own blood!

Well, it's not so much what he said, but the way he said it.

master jedi
03-01-2002, 01:40 PM
Yeah, but what are you going to do? -Homer

We need more secret sauce. Set this mayonaise out in the sun. -Zitty nerd (I forget his name)

Lord Tenebrous
03-01-2002, 01:52 PM
Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. "Bart is a vampire." "Beer kills brain cells." Now let's go back to that...building...thingy, where our beds and TV...is.


Homer: Donut?
Lisa: No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.


Bart: Look, if you ignore me and I die, you'll get in a lot of trouble.
Mrs Krabappel: Read page six of the school charter.
Bart: "No teacher shall be held accountable if Bart Simpson dies."
Mrs Krabappel: We're also absolved if Milhouse gets eaten by the school snake.
A Milhouse-shaped lump in the snake: Hey, cool! There's a rabbit in here!


Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

SithDroid
03-01-2002, 02:29 PM
Ralph: Tastes like Burning.

Jedi Teacher
03-01-2002, 03:24 PM
My all time favorite Simpson's quote--

(while Homer's driving with the family)

Homer: "D'oh"
Marge: "A dear!!"
Lisa: "A female dear!"


2nd to that is the entire Planet of the Apes musical.

Rollo Tomassi
03-01-2002, 04:28 PM
I can't believe nary a one of you mentioned "I bent my wookiee."

My personal fave:

"Go banana!"

El Chuxter
03-01-2002, 04:43 PM
Arrrrgh! I forgot one of my all-time favorites:

"Hot stuff, coming through!"
"Dad, why'd you bring me to a [deleted] steel mill?"
"I don't know. I don't know."

"This looks like a job for Thundra, Green Lantern, or possibly Ghost Rider."
"What about Superman?"
"Puh-leeze!"

And of course, anything said by Ralph Wiggum:
"Sleep? That's where I'm a pirate!" :Pirate:

Jek Porky 2002
03-01-2002, 05:00 PM
When Lisa plays her sax without a reed:

Groundskeeper Willie: Ooh it sounds like that Gofer I got caught in my lawn mower

"We can see birds anytime this is our chance to see cars driving!"

When Homer is throwing lego bricks at Lisa from the Lego Land river

Steward: Hey boat number 29 stop splashing!

"Silly customer, you cannot hurt a twinky!" (The twinky pops right back into shape)

Jek Porky 2002
03-01-2002, 05:05 PM
Oh and how could I forget, the best line ever in any episode of The Simpsons

Kent Brockman: You join us now for hour 57 of our live coverage of Simpsons estate, be sure to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of the day's events including: When the trashman comes and When Marge Simpson puts the cat out, maybe because it was harrased we don't know.

Also from the same episode

"I don't know Homer Simpson, I've never met Homer Simpson, but (breaks down into tears)
"That's alright your tears mean more than real evidence ever could"

Jek Porky 2002
03-01-2002, 05:42 PM
Oh wait there's more,

"I'm seeing double heer, four Krustys"
"Drunken behaviour, violence are these the things we see when we think of the Irish"

buba-fatt
03-01-2002, 05:57 PM
"i sleep in a drawer"

Barney's film had heart...but football to the groin had a football to the groin"

"my ballony has a first name.. it's H O M E R. my ballony has a second name...it's H O M E R!"


"I heard were going to ape island to capture a giant ape...i wish we were going to candyapple island"
"Candyapple island...whats there?"
"Apes..but there not so big."

Lord Tenebrous
03-01-2002, 06:00 PM
Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's
problems!"

Homer: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"

Homer: "Marge, you're as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda."

Homer: "Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything
from that guy who gives those sermons at church?
Captain whats-his-name?"

Homer: "All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

Homer: "Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."

Homer: "Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

Rev. Lovejoy: "And now for today's hymn, entitled 'In the Garden of Eden' by I. Ron Butterfly."

Homer: Here are your messages:
"You have 30 minutes to move your car",
"You have 10 minutes",
"Your car has been impounded",
"Your car has been crushed into a cube",
"You have 30 minutes to move your cube".

Bel-Cam Jos
03-01-2002, 07:11 PM
"No, Maggie. Lemur. Lemur!"

"Okay, Mr. Burns, I just need your first name." "I don't know..."

"D' up, Marge! I'm goin' to the hole!"

"I think I'm coveting my own wife."

"Who or what is 'Santos L. Halper'?"

"Now make like my pants and split."

"I want some taquitos..."

jw_bryant
03-02-2002, 12:13 AM
it was something along the line of "We resent the term 'Urine-soaked hellhole' "

Bel-Cam Jos
03-02-2002, 09:04 AM
Forgot some more...

"The Internet? Is that thing still around?" and along with this: "Lisa! Monkeys!"

"You tried, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."

"Homer, are you going to eat that sandwich?" "... Yes."

"Oh, a dog like that you have to feed every day."

"Lisa, I tho-o-o-o-ought you lo-o-o-o-ved me! Lo-o-o-o-ved me!"

"Homer, did you ask violent mobsters to beat up people to get rid of my competition?" "In those exact words? ... Yes." (or something close to that)

"It's a felony to tease the clown head, sir."

Jek Porky 2002
03-02-2002, 09:14 AM
"This is like Speed 2 but with a bus and not a boat"
"Trying is the first step towards failing"
"We resent the term Urine soaked hell hole, you could have used the words Pee-Pee soaked Hek hole"
"When I heard Marge was joining the Police Accademy I thought it was going to be funny like that movie... Space Balls"

jw_bryant
03-02-2002, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by Jek Porky 2002
"We resent the term Urine soaked hell hole, you could have used the words Pee-Pee soaked Heck hole"

thats it!!

Mandalorian Candidat
03-02-2002, 11:08 AM
Originally posted by El Chuxter
And of course, anything said by Ralph Wiggum:
"Sleep? That's where I'm a pirate!" :Pirate:

Actually, I think it was "That's where I'm a Viking."


The best ones are from Apu:

"You will all have a chance to be gouged."
"Silly customer, you cannot hurt the Twinkie!"
"Ooh, ooh, no time to wait. It will have to plump in my stomach."
"Don't worry, I'll tell everybody you were untouchable."
"Mr. Homer, a Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle."
"May I playfully squirt you will my hose?"
"Please do not feed my god a peanut."
"Please sir, pay for your purchases, get out, and come again!"
"Oh, the sweet kiss of hot lead. How I've missed you."

and let's not forget that classic line...

"We're putting that bi*** on ice."


I also like Moe's comment "If you're going to beat up my friend in my bar there's a two-drink minimum."

Lman316
03-02-2002, 06:51 PM
I happen to like:

Grampa: "My Homer is NOT a communist. He maybe a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star!"

Barney (while holding Maggie): "Ooh ooh. Somebody smells stinky! *sniff sniff* Oh, it's me."

Episode where Homer becomes a body guard:
"Hey, that's my picture next the pepper steak, you know!" (or something close to that).
"You're all talk, Hamil. You didn't even finish Jedi school."

But honestly, there are way too many to mention. But these are some good ones :D

Lowly Bantha Cleaner
03-02-2002, 10:50 PM
(These quotes are paraphrases and certainly not word-for-word)

Homer: "And then my dad Tom Bossley . . . "

Marge: "Homer, that was Happy Days!"

Homer: "Oh Marge, they weren't all Happy Days."


Homer: (reminiscing about his younger reckless days) and we never drank again, psshht (opens a beer can and drinks)


Ned: But Homer, you don't remember you your plowing business. It was called Mr. Plow. In fact you are wearing the jacket right now!

Homer: Oh Flanders, I thik I know my own life! (sings to himself) That name again is Mr. Plow


Old Fakir: The monkey's paw is cursed!

Homer: That's bad!

Fakir: But it come's with a free frogurt!

Homer: That's good!

Fakir: But the frogurt is also cursed

Homer: That's bad!

Fakir: It comes with a choice of free topping!

Homer: That's good

Fakir: But the topping contains Sodium benzonate!

Homer: Ahhh, can I go now?

LTBasker
03-03-2002, 03:18 AM
Homer running around lost:
"aah!" (When seeing a sign that says DIE)
"AAHHH!" (When seeing the sign get a tree blown to the side and revealing it says DIET)

"Hello is Al there? Last name; Cholic."

Jek Porky 2002
03-03-2002, 09:49 AM
Originally posted by Lowly Bantha Cleaner
Old Fakir: The monkey's paw is cursed!

Homer: That's bad!

Fakir: But it come's with a free frogurt!

Homer: That's good!

Fakir: But the frogurt is also cursed

Homer: That's bad!

Fakir: It comes with a choice of free topping!

Homer: That's good

Fakir: But the topping contains Sodium benzonate!

Homer: Ahhh, can I go now?

I couldn't resist correcting you on this one:

F- The Doll is cursed
H- That's bad
F- But it comes with a free frozen yogurt, I call it Frogurt
H-That's good
F- The frogurt is also cursed
H- That's bad
F- But it comes with a choice of free topping
H-That's good
F- The topping contains Sodium Benzonate
Homer stairs blankly
F-That's bad
H-Can I go home now

Sorry had to do that, it's such a classic

Lord Tenebrous
03-03-2002, 11:17 AM
Homer (singing): When I was 17, I drank a very good beer.
I drank a very good beer I purchased with a fake ID.
My name was Brian McGee.
I stayed up listening to Queen.
When I was 17.

Jek Porky 2002
03-03-2002, 11:43 AM
"I can't believe Darth Vader is Luke Skywalkers father"

Bel-Cam Jos
03-03-2002, 01:31 PM
Mr. Burns: "Let them have their tar-tar sauce!"

Bart: "I'll keep my crappy sponges, thank you."

Homer: "My tattered rags are caught on your coffee table..."

Lisa: "I'll be in my room in case anybody needs me." Homer: "Sheesh! What kind of a tagline is that?" (I used this as my signature for awhile)

And while it's not really a "quote," I always like the crow cawing whenever you see the nuclear power plant. Speaking of which, "It's nuke-u-lar." :p

mabudonicus
03-03-2002, 02:27 PM
Marge - "what exactly does your internet business do?"
Homer- "I dunno, this business moves so fast it's hard to say"
or another classic "where did you get this number?"
Homer-" Shut up!"

JEDIpartner
03-03-2002, 04:47 PM
"Oooh... are you going to wear that blue thing with the... things???" Homer to Marge before they get intimate.

"D'I have hair!" Homer when he used the hair restoration liquid

"MMmmmmm... urinal fresh"

LTBasker
03-03-2002, 05:21 PM
"All my toys are sticky..."

"Loneliness and cheeseburgers do not mix..."

"oohehheehe" (Homer doing one of his weird laughs)

"First of all; it's par-tay, and we would not par-tay with you."

"What's the meaning of life?"
[commercials play]
"And that's the meaning of life."

Jek Porky 2002
03-03-2002, 05:40 PM
Carl: Hey Homer I thought someone with two wives would have been happy
Lenny: No youre thinking of someone with two knives
Moe: (Holding 2 knives) I gotta tell you guys this is great

Jek Porky 2002
03-03-2002, 05:44 PM
Chief Wiggum: No sorry this is 912

Jek Porky 2002
03-03-2002, 05:46 PM
Grampa wakes up with Homer's Vegas wife

Vegas Wife: We didn't sleep together did we
Grampa: We nearly didn't but you can't take I can't for an answer

Lowly Bantha Cleaner
03-03-2002, 05:47 PM
Originally posted by Jek Porky 2002


I couldn't resist correcting you on this one:

F- The Doll is cursed
H- That's bad
F- But it comes with a free frozen yogurt, I call it Frogurt
H-That's good
F- The frogurt is also cursed
H- That's bad
F- But it comes with a choice of free topping
H-That's good
F- The topping contains Sodium Benzonate
Homer stairs blankly
F-That's bad
H-Can I go home now

Sorry had to do that, it's such a classic

I am so horrible at repeating stories, telling jokes, or repeating quotes as evidenced above. I usually butcher them very badly. That is why I put the disclaimer above my post. It is a problem of mine that I hope to soon correct. :crazed:

Jek Porky 2002
03-03-2002, 05:48 PM
I feel as warm and fuzzy, I'm in love, no wait it's a stroke

Homer: Hello Springfield
Bono: What the bloody hell
To an english person this sounds so funny

Jek Porky 2002
03-04-2002, 05:20 PM
Homer puts police tape around Flanders' house
Ned: Oh lord, something terrible has happened
Homer jumps out
Homer: Got ya, ha ha, you thought your family was dead, didnt you

jw_bryant
03-04-2002, 07:00 PM
*lisa shows up with a bunch of apples*
Homer: Oh boy!!! buffalo testicles!!
:D my fav one. thats the best episode ive seen.

El Chuxter
03-05-2002, 05:26 PM
Apu: "Mr Simpson, for insulting my religion I will have to ask you to please leave my store. And come again!"

Homer: "Let that be a lesson to you. Never love anything."
Lisa: "Not even you?"
Homer: "Especially not me."

Homer: "If that horse doesn't win, we're taking a little trip to the glue factory. And he can't come!"

Quimby: "And may the Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Quimby: "Weren't you the kid on Little Rascals?"

Homer: "Urinal cake eroding. . . eroding. . . GONE!"

Guy from Cypress Hill: "We have a lost child here. If she's not claimed in fifteen minutes, she becomes the property of Blockbuster Entertainment."

Homer: "Dying would be a stone groove! Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?"
Vet: "Yes. 'Pick up your puppy.'"

Commercial 1: "We took our best hamburger, topped it with rich creamery butter, ham, bacon, and a fried egg. We call it our Good Morning Special."
Homer: "Rich creamery butter. . . . Agahahagahgahga. . . ."
Commercial 2: "We took our best chocolate bar, topped it with rich creamery butter. . . ."

Homer: "Marge, where's the, um, thing, you use to. . . [pantomimes scooping]. . . dig?"

Homer: "Mmmm, chocolate. D'oh! Mmmmm, chocolate. D'oh! Mmmmm, chocolate. D'oh! Hey, Marge, we need some more chocolate-vanilla-strawberry ice cream!"

Homer: "Me lose brain? Why me laugh?"

Homer: "Never trust anyone over thirty! And now, Peter Frampton!"

Linda Ronstadt: "Barney, I'm thinking of a Spanish version of your jingle on my next album. 'Senor Plow no es macho. Creo que es un boracho!'"

Or how about Homer singing?

"Simpson, Homer Simpson.
He's the greatest guy in history.
From the town of Springfield
He's about to hit a chestnut tree. Aaaaaah!"

"Call Mr Plow, that's the name
That name again is Mr Plow."

"Oh, Margie
You came and you found me a turkey
On my vacation from working
Margie"

"I am the champion, my friends
Doo doo doo doo doo
No time for losers
'Cause I am the champion
Of the wooooooorld!"

Jek Porky 2002
03-05-2002, 05:59 PM
Some great quotes!

mylow thehutt
03-05-2002, 07:18 PM
:) Bart:Hay dad can i use your gun to knock over the bank?

Homer:If you clean your room.


Margi:NO! no one gets the gun!:crazed: