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View Full Version : Tell Us About The Last Time You Were Turned Down By A Girl



Tycho
11-27-2011, 12:40 PM
I found a vent thread.

OK - there's not much to this one, but I've liked this girl for 3 years and have even asked her out while dating other girls (though the one I'm speaking of shouldn't know this). She'd been "busy" but finally said she wan't interested. Not that I asked her out often - maybe once every 3 to 6 months or so - at least because if a girl tells you she's busy - she might actually be busy versus uninterested.

But my dating anyone else aside, (and again, she should not know anything about that), I think she might only want to see:

- another Asian (she is part or all-Chinese American I think - though I'm not sure - and she might be Phillapino-American)
- another girl (she broke up with an Asian guy she'd been seeing and has not had a boyfriend for some time)
- a pot smoker (I don't smoke weed. I'm not against it. I don't have time to lose getting stoned. I'm iust very driven to keep doing stufff, but I think that's a highlight of every week for her.)

Don't think she's really my best choice, but I never got to really know her - if there's anything to know. I wonder sometimes if some people even have personalities.

However, my physical attraction to a girl is the deal-maker, and this girl is very fine.

Bel-Cam Jos
11-27-2011, 05:00 PM
I will attempt to keep my spirits up and memories positive and decline to respond to this thread, sorry. :(

JimJamBonds
11-27-2011, 08:19 PM
I will attempt to keep my spirits up and memories positive and decline to respond to this thread, sorry. :(You mean besides the above post? :rugby:

Tycho
11-27-2011, 09:00 PM
Well this is a venting thread and an appeal for sympathy From all the other guys who have to go through the same thing, usually through no fault of our own.

I mean the time I told a girl I was a star wars collector, I knew I wasn't gonna get a date then. There's no forgiveness for those of us who have this hobby. We're not allowed to be happy.
Only in this particular story there's no way the girl knows I have a collection, however I'm not offering her weed . Perhaps that's all she's interested in. Can't help it if I'm attracted to her because she's attractive. But I guess I get more out of my hobbies and interests.

LTBasker
11-28-2011, 01:06 AM
I still have yet to be presented with an opportunity to be turned down by a girl, I've never asked one out on a date or anything. The closest I've come so far is telling a girl that I like her, but she was/is in love with someone else. I figure it doesn't count, though, since I knew she was in love with someone else and I was telling her solely for my own peace of mind. And she said she knew already. Craziness.

sith_killer_99
11-28-2011, 02:01 AM
Freshman year in High School. This hot red head turned me down, which is fine really, because as we all know gingers have no soul.

It sucks though because she has the second most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, my wife being #1.

True story...keep in mind I have been married now for 11 years...going on 12!

Tycho
11-28-2011, 03:35 AM
Sith_Killer: real red heads can be very hot! I'm sure they have a soul. Maybe the devil's soul in them. But nevertheless, a soul. (as the expression goes, not referring to any supernatural / religious concept).

There's another girl I like who had her hair (dyed?) red. She's blonde now. I don't know what her natural color is. But she looked great as a red head with flowers in her hair.

Basker: first you did great by telling a girl that you liked her. If you don't have any immediate ideas, funds, or especially time (at that particular moment) to take a girl out, you might have at least intrigued her. The next step is to follow up. She's at least curious then. If the opportunity is right then, or later (maybe days later even), you have to ask if she wants to grab a cup of coffee (or a different drink), or if she just wants to walk around or sit down with you. Then start a random conversation - about TV, movies, books, whatever. If she doesn't like what you like, ask her what she likes and why she's into it. Maybe you'll learn all you never wanted to learn about Twilight and Harry Potter, or the Kardashians, but at least she's enjoying talking to you. People like to talk about their interests (just tempt me enough and I'll turn this whole thread into some huge presentation about the American Civil War, or an expose on the 2010 San Diego Padres). In any event, while you might learn things about her that don't interest you, or that may cause her to lose esteem in your eyes, you might also learn what you have in common (favorite authors, school subjects, etc.). Or you might find out that you feel she isn't worth going to jail over drug charges you get hit with because of trying to procure unnecessary entertainment for her.

Well, now you see. This is what I really wanted for this thread. To be an advice thread, a support thread, and a venting thread.

It seems to be working.

Snowtrooper
11-28-2011, 12:03 PM
The last time I was turned down was not too long after I got out of college. I'd been seeing this girl off and on for about a year. It wasn't a very serious relationship but I did like her. She eventually stopped wanting to go places with me and was dating another guy not too long after that. I met my wife soon afterwards, so it all worked out for the best. Years later, I saw the girl I'd been dating before my wife and we talked for a bit. I honestly don't know what I saw in her back then. I do know that I ended up with a better deal.

LusiferSam
11-28-2011, 09:41 PM
Actually the last time was a friend of my sister. My sister has been trying on and off for a couple of years to hook me up with one of her friends. Having been single for a while I thought why not. So I called her and talked a bit. I found out we really couldn't do anything for three weeks because she had a road trip planned and then I had to be away. But we agreed to meet up after our trips. So three weeks pass, I try calling her again and never heard back from her. Turns out she meet another guy in that time period and started seeing him instead. Hindsight it's probability better this way. The girl maybe cute and very sweet, but there's not much for brains. Think Brian and Jillian from Family Guy.

El Chuxter
11-29-2011, 12:10 AM
Part of my parole requirements restrict me from telling you anything. I'll just say I wouldn't go digging at random in the pine barrens of New Jersey anytime soon. :evil:

Mad Slanted Powers
11-29-2011, 02:26 AM
I never really made an effort, so, like Basker, I've not really had a chance to be turned down. I was turned down in junior high a couple times, and since then pretty much just admired women from afar. In 2007, I met a woman through eHarmony, but she was in California. We have been good pen pals, and met in person three times, but she started seeing someone last year and I realized that she wouldn't have been a good match after all.

After that, I managed to date a couple people, but nothing came of that. Then I met someone through a dating site this summer. I wasn't too hopeful at first, because she has four kids and is going through a divorce, and I wasn't really interested in someone with kids. But, it seemed that she was just interested in being friends, so I took a chance and continued to respond to her. When we finally met, we hit it off pretty well. We've gradually gotten closer, and she has become rather smitten with me, and I with her. She doesn't mind my Star Wars collection. She also happens to be a red head.

Tycho, I think it would be better to focus on finding someone that you can have a connection with rather than focusing too much on physical attractiveness. I'm not saying to ignore appearance entirely, but to be open minded about someone that doesn't quite live up to your ideal of the hot young women you seem to prefer. When I think of the images I have had in my mind of the sort of person I would be interested in, I don't think I imagined someone that looks like the woman I am seeing now. However, she is definitely not someone that I would think, "No way." I find her plenty attractive, and the better we get to know each other, the more attractive she seems to me.

LTBasker
11-29-2011, 03:04 PM
Basker: first you did great by telling a girl that you liked her. If you don't have any immediate ideas, funds, or especially time (at that particular moment) to take a girl out, you might have at least intrigued her. The next step is to follow up. She's at least curious then. If the opportunity is right then, or later (maybe days later even), you have to ask if she wants to grab a cup of coffee (or a different drink), or if she just wants to walk around or sit down with you. Then start a random conversation - about TV, movies, books, whatever. If she doesn't like what you like, ask her what she likes and why she's into it. Maybe you'll learn all you never wanted to learn about Twilight and Harry Potter, or the Kardashians, but at least she's enjoying talking to you. People like to talk about their interests (just tempt me enough and I'll turn this whole thread into some huge presentation about the American Civil War, or an expose on the 2010 San Diego Padres). In any event, while you might learn things about her that don't interest you, or that may cause her to lose esteem in your eyes, you might also learn what you have in common (favorite authors, school subjects, etc.). Or you might find out that you feel she isn't worth going to jail over drug charges you get hit with because of trying to procure unnecessary entertainment for her.

Thanks for the advice, I hope to be able to do that at some point in the future. I've known her since 1999 but we've never met in person since she's always been on the other side of the world (in Australia). She's been living in Japan since the last couple of years and has recently become fairly successful, so it's unlikely we'll meet anytime soon. She's pretty incredible, unfortunately we don't get to talk at all anymore aside from the occasional message on facebook due to her being really busy with her own music e-magazine. She's pretty incredible. We have a ton of similar interests, most notably are Star Wars and Stargate. She doesn't like Star Trek, but she loves D&D, which I don't really care for but I like that we have our individual fandoms that still kind of a have a common ground in the geek zone. She really grew from being pretty cute (we were both 12/13 in '99) to stunningly beautiful over the years, especially when she smiles which I swear I'll always be able to visualize in my head for the rest of my life. She's an incredible singer, her voice can make the world fade away, and she has some excellent writing skills (hence the e-magazine). The one thing I've always enjoyed about her, though, is her wit. Throughout the years I've happily considered her as my foil since she's always been able to manage a superior quip whenever we get into exchanging witty banter, and they can be harsh but have never come across as spiteful or condescending. Simply put, she's a fun lady and I really hope that one day I can spend time with her without an ocean, and a few pesky states, between us. It sucks to think if it ever does happen that it will certainly be years until then, but it's somewhat easy to be patient since, in all honesty, I have a lot of personal growth to do before dating anyone.

Bit of random trivia, but SSG's chatroom used to be hosted on an IRC server called EchoStation. I used to frequent SSG back then, and people from another Star Wars-related room on that server would come into SSG on occasion which made me start frequenting that other room as well. It was in that alternate room that I eventually met her.

Tycho
11-29-2011, 08:45 PM
Basker, with some editing that should be obvious, you should copy-paste what you just wrote above and send it to her. With no ulterior motive, since you can't meet up right now (and no mention of you needing more personal growth time either), you could send that descriptive about her - to her - and I bet it would make her very happy. That was heart-felt appreciation versus patronizing flattery. I bet you'd do well with it! :thumbsup:

MadSlantedPowers, I get some crap for this, or consideration for a bad reputation, but I still think that the more ladies you make an effort toward getting to know - like the one you said found somebody else - the better you'll do. The truth is that the fact she met someone else is no fault of yours. And you made and met a friend - even if you later think she's not "the right one" for you. She's still someone you could have in your life - or even get a woman's perspective from. The way I see it, you benefitted from knowing her. I'm glad that things have made you optimistic about the new woman with the kids. No, I wouldn't date someone with children myself most likely, there's occasion when we meet someone that might make us rethink that. I have met several young ladies with children at my writing conferences who I really connected with. You just have to be careful that someone isn't moving forward with you fast so you'll support them and their kids they already have, or get pregnant with your own kid, so they can live off of you. Personally, I am thankful for my freedom and personal space, so I could not let it go to any live-in situation. At least I've cut my ties in the past before that has happened. No - I don't hurt the girl (you can find another way, like letting them break up with you even though the way it happens, it's what you wanted to have happen in the first place). However, we each have our priorities and the physical attraction has to be there for me. But girls I'd meet at writing conferences for example, would be both attractive, initiating my approach, and there because we have something in common. As for the girl having a child? Well, I didn't know when I met her because kids don't go with their moms to writing conferences. Boy would that be disruptive.
However, so would me if I were to ever "trade up" ladies to someone else I had a greater attraction to. Since I won't treat a girl like that, I am careful not to ever lead a girl on that I'd become physically involved with her if I wasn't ever going to be. Then if we share a lot of interests, I'd hope we can become good friends and she doesn't waste her time waiting for me to come around when she could be seeing anyone else - and I definitely don't either.

LuciferSam: I whole-heartedly don't think there's anything wrong with having a physical relationship with a girl who's that attractive but has no brains. She must test your patience in social situations, but you can limit them, so your dates are more to wind up spending the night with her after you've spent time with friends who share other interests. Many of us guys have sports and Star Wars interests that are unmatched by the ladies we usually meet. So we have these forums and our local toy store isles, conventions, stadiums, recreation leagues, etc. to meet others with those specific interests. At the same time, most human beings like someone to show physical affection to. They may not be a person who's the perfect match. I wouldn't wait to hit it whenever you get the chance. You just don't conceive a child and don't even hand over a door key. You don't have to lead the girl on, but you can avoid answering her domestic inquiries with "I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet." That answer should work for about 6 years if it has to. "But we've only known each other for less than 5 years (insert the appropriate number here)" can work for any on-going relationship that's shorter. And for those who want to be more "romantic" than I am, you can still use that. If you do wind up happily married to the girl and wait 5 or 6 years, it's not like you lost any time together. Just say what you need to say to keep her around. In your case, it winds up being very sincere because you will wind up marrying her. There's no problem there the way I see it.

JimJamBonds
11-29-2011, 10:15 PM
Freshman year in High School. This hot red head turned me down, which is fine really, because as we all know gingers have no soul.You're lucky that my hair is strawberry blonde otherwise I'd be upset with you SK! :biggrin: