View Full Version : Yoda VS. The Emperor

08-28-2001, 10:04 PM
Who do u think would win in a battle between Yoda and the Emperor??

Hmmm...i guess the emperor has the upper hand....your thoughts?

08-28-2001, 10:19 PM
Well, Lobito....go watch ESB, and see what Yodas awnser was, when confronted by Luke with a similar question.

08-28-2001, 10:34 PM
Yoda. I think this will be confirmed if we see him in action in E2.

08-29-2001, 12:15 AM
Emperor Palpatine would win since he has electric bolts that can come out of his hand plus the dark side is strong with him!

08-29-2001, 07:44 AM
Size matters not. We have yet to see what Yoda can really do. He is not the Master of Jedi Masters. I will go with Yoda.

08-29-2001, 07:49 AM
Its a hard choice.I would go with Yoda on this one but I'm not to sure that Yoda would survive the battle,maybe die after like Vader.

Rollo Tomassi
08-29-2001, 08:15 AM
Well, the Emperor would get all uppity and then Yoda would tell him to go back to his mark. Then Yoda would say 'ACTION!" and Steve Martin and Michael Caine would start their scene and the Emperor would walk up and say his line and Yoda would yell "CUT!" and go over and slap the Emperor around some for not getting his line right and ruining the shot. Then they would do it all over again. I think Yoda definitely had the upper hand in that situation...

(Dirty Rotten Scoundrels...)

08-29-2001, 10:08 AM
If the Emperor has bolts of lightning that come out of his hand, imagine what Yoda must have. I mean, he's only been using the Force for what, 800 years LONGER than Palpatine. C'mon people, think! Palpatine at the most trained for 90 years. Do the math. Yoda could probably fart at the Emperor and make him keel over.

El Chuxter
08-29-2001, 11:08 AM
If you buy into EU, Tim Zahn describes a battle between Yoda and a Dark Jedi that lasted days and devastated a good portion of Dagobah. I'd go with Yoda.

08-29-2001, 11:18 AM
Whats the name of that EU book El chuxter?? Is it a book or a comic book??

El Chuxter
08-29-2001, 12:08 PM
I'm not sure which it's in, but it's one of the following novels:

Heir to the Empire
Dark Force Rising
The Last Command
Specter of the Past
Vision of the Future

It's a really short account, since Luke's hearing about it second-hand, but I'd love to see Zahn expand on it, maybe in Star Wars Tales.

Mandalorian Candidat
08-29-2001, 12:41 PM
I'm sorry guys, but I really have to laugh at this conjecture. This question reminds me of the classic superhero debate of "Who's faster, Superman or the Flash?"

It's almost like the Trekkies arguing over who would win in a fight, Kirk or Picard. Who cares? Just enjoy the movies and don't sweat it. :)

Just for the record, the Emperor would win due to his nasty old man smell.

08-29-2001, 01:34 PM
The Flash is faster! j/k Mandalorian Candidat, it's not like we're discussing it rudely, it's all in good fun. I personally don't care THAT much who would win, it's just fun to speculate and discuss it with fellow SW fans. :D

08-29-2001, 02:50 PM
The Millenium Falcon is faster than the Flash and Superman, hehehe...

Seriously, this question as my friend Fulit wrote before, is just to speculate and to have fun with the discussion, its one of those questions u have to ask.

I dont know about u guys, but now that El Chuxter has told us about that episode between Yoda and the Dark warrior, i'm hoping that Tim Zahn expands this topic in a full story. Lets just hope!!

The 'Xir
08-29-2001, 09:27 PM
No way you're all wrong!!! With the most powerful tool in the known universe, his ring, Green Lantern could blow away Superman, The Flash, and The Falcon combined!!! :p

The 'Xir
08-29-2001, 09:30 PM
Ooopppsss, I forgot..... My money's on Yoda!!! :D

master jedi
08-29-2001, 09:56 PM
I'd say Yoda would win. Just look at my avatar.

08-30-2001, 01:41 AM
Originally posted by Mandalorian Candidat
I'm sorry guys, but I really have to laugh at this conjecture. This question reminds me of the classic superhero debate of "Who's faster, Superman or the Flash?"[/SIZE]

I think Superman would win :)

Master Jedi,Your Yoda is on drugs!

08-30-2001, 06:53 AM
Yoda has the patience, but Palpatine has the treachery. I think Yoda could simply let Palpatine do his stupid Dark side crap for a few hours, then rush the little green guy, trip over him, and fall to his death down some giant pit that he should have put railing around but neglected to. ;)

Superman is faster than the Flash; Picard would win in a fair fight against Kirk, but Kirk would probably cheat to win; the Falcon is slower than the Enterprise; the Enterprise could stomp a Star Destroyer; and Green Lantern would lose to a lemon. ;) "Aaagh! Aaagh! First you disable my powers with your wicked color, then you got citric acid in my EYE!!!"

08-30-2001, 07:42 AM
My money is on Superman,Picard,And the Enterprise.

Rollo Tomassi
08-30-2001, 09:56 AM
Which Flash? Barry Allen? Wally West? Golden Age Flash? I think Flash could beat Supes in a race. The Falcon is "the fastest in the galaxy." and could get from Tatooine to Alderaan in hours. The Enterprise has trouble flying across a FOURTH of the galaxy (Alpha Quadrant) in DAYS. Even at Warp speed. So the Falcon wins that race. And what was that crap about the Enterprise defeating a Star Destroyer? In a race? Probably. But in combat? Don't be silly. The SD's 200+ Turbo Lasers would punch thru the Enterprises shields in about .05 seconds either demolishing the ship or disabling it enough for the tractor beam to kick in and bring it onboard so a platoon of Death Head Stormtroopers could pile through the airlock and whup serious Federation booty. Stormtrooper armor may suck against blaster bolts, but phasers only tickle the Imperial War machine. Pretty soon Vader is on the bridge, asking about stolen plans and poppin' the vertebrae in Picard's/Kirk's neck. Booyah! Imperials:1

El Chuxter
08-30-2001, 12:00 PM
Wally West and Superman actually had to race at the request of Mr Mxyzpltk a few years back. Um, JT, I hate to break it to you, but the Flash won by just a couple of seconds.

As for the Enterprise, check outStar Wars vs Star Trek (http://fan.starwars.com/elchuxter/files/warsvtrek.htm). :D

08-30-2001, 12:16 PM
Sounds like you're just playing favorites there Rollo. ;) Lucas' science is fairly weak, he used the science as little as possible and didn't think too much of it through, but Trek's science is extrapolated from current theories and hypotheses.

The Falcon can go point-seven past lightspeed, the Enterprise can go Warp 9.9, which is an exponential number around 100 times the speed of light. While the Falcon is "the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy", Star Wars takes place in an entirely different galaxy, one that's far, far away.

The Star Destroyer's weaponry is laser- and accellerated-gas-based, that's all they've got except for ion cannons. In Trek history, lasers and physical-discharge ship-to-ship weapons are about 200 years out of date, the shielding on the Enterprise is designed to not only withstand, but actually deflect that type of weaponry with a minimum drain on power systems. Since Star Destroyers only have a thin shielding, the Enterprise's photon torpedoes and shipboard phasers would obliterate a Star Destroyer's shields in under 3 phaser shots, and one photon torpedo with a maximum-yield setting to a shieldless ship's main body would blow it to smithereens. As for the SD's ion cannons, they're simply a dispersable energy, we've seen such things get absorbed by the Enterprise's shields before, it's not a spectacular drain, certainly nowhere powerful enough to halt the firing of phasers and photon torpedoes. (I'm being kind and not even mentioning the Enterprise-E's quantum torpedo, which is far more destructive than the regular photon torpedo.)

Chux, I don't care if DC's writers have gotten stupider since the restart, Superman - the REAL supes, got stronger and stronger as he stayed under the Earth's yellow sun. If they want to limit Supes, they better give some DAMN convincing reasons why the Flash's chemically-altered human body can go faster than a solar-battery space alien with amazing healings powers so his muscles don't tire the same way. Stupid DC restart.

As for your Trek vs. Wars page, it's woefully ignorant of Trek and simply uses the most basic of Trek stereotypes as it's basis of battle. Nothing personal Chux. :p

El Chuxter
08-30-2001, 12:31 PM
Originally posted by JediTricks
As for your Trek vs. Wars page, it's woefully ignorant of Trek and simply uses the most basic of Trek stereotypes as it's basis of battle.

Thanks! I pride myself on being woefully ignorant of Trek! :p

Mandalorian Candidat
08-30-2001, 12:56 PM
OK. What about Worf vs. Chewbacca? Or how about Data vs. C-3PO? OK, I guess that one would be over in about a millisecond with threepio in about 25 pieces all over the ground and a comm badge shoved in his mouth. Wait a minute. Maybe the other way around. C-3PO would automatically shut Data into "Boredom Mode" with his asinine drivel before Data gets a hand on him.

Another good topic we could discuss another time could be 'Counselor Troi and POTF Leia: Will the real Monkey-face please stand up.'

08-30-2001, 02:42 PM
I'm gonna go over this point by point since I'm a fan of both:

- Round One: The Hero
Luke Skywalker vs. James Tiberius Kirk
Here, you made the mistake of having Kirk be the only hero of Trek. He's the hero of pre-TNG Trek, but the only major "hero" constant in Trek, since it's canonical history is VASTLY more expansive than Star Wars' canon, is Starfleet itself. However, we'll dispense with the philosophical problems of your point since you were merely trying to be "cute" about this whole thing and get down to the brass tacks (especially since I consider Obi-Wan to be the "hero" of all of Star Wars).

You've picked Jedi Knight Luke, who we see the least of in the series (and you even go EU on us here which is just reaching IMO), against Kirk from TOS when he was at his least fleshed-out. Gee, that's not stacking the deck or anything. ;) You mention nothing of the real battle, where Luke rips Kirk's phaser from his hand but also knocks his own lightsaber to the ground because of his whiny emotions, Kirk uses his patented white-man-pseudokarate chops to the base of the neck to knock Luke down a notch, then goes for the two-handed fist-smash into Luke's chin. Luke recovers, pulls his lightsaber to him, and in a fit of dark side rage, cuts Kirk in the arm (which is a glancing blow since Kirk is unarmed and moves away). Kirk runs off and Luke thinks he's won, but Kirk "changes the rules" and makes a gun out of a treestump, a small rock, and some moss and shoots Luke in the arm. Both fighters whine about the pain, but Kirk forgets his line and takes longer to complete the whining. By the time Luke realizes that he could have simply stabbed Kirk all along with his saber, he's lost his dark side rage and vows that he cannot strike an unarmed man, all the while Kirk has gotten amnesia, wandered off, found his communicator, regained his memory, and beamed back up to the Enterprise. WINNER: None

- Round Two: The Starship Captain
Han Solo vs. Jean-Luc Picard
Picard, being unsure as to why he'd even bother being in a fight with this unknown guy, tries to make allies with Solo. Unfortunately, Solo has been wimpified by the Special Editions and refuses to shoot his enemy, even though he's standing right in front of the corellian and has even put away his phaser, making his only weapon his bald head. Solo and Picard talk, talk, and talk some more, Picard - ever the diplomat - calms Solo down several times. Just as it's about to be called a draw, Janeway comes out shooting and pretends to be all tough, but even the wimpy Han whips out his blaster and starts plugging away. Picard has a "plan", taps his badge and tells the Enterprise to fire a torpedo directly onto his commlink coordinates in 10 minutes if they don't hear an "all clear" signal. He then announces this to the other 2 captains who are too pigheaded to stop shooting. Solo musses up Janeway's hair and she shoots Han in the foot, a great special effect that has no outcome on the battle. 9 minutes later, Picard gives up, deactivates the torpedo and beams back up to the ship. Janeway and Solo immediately start running around once Picard leaves and the shots get even more wild. Finally, Solo has a stealthy vantage point and is about to kill Janeway when he's shot in the back by Captain Sisko (pre-wormhole alien). WINNER: Sisko Sisko is annoyed with Janeway's presence and shoots her too, then beams back to the Defiant.

- Round Three: The Humanoid Robot
C-3PO vs. Data
Data, using his survival instincts, phasers C-3PO in the face till he melts the droid's head. -or- Data, unarmed and threatened with the knowledge that C-3PO somehow poses a threat to humanity, dismantles the protocol droid in 26 seconds, but makes sure that 3PO's brain is intact in case they ever need this enemy as a villain in a future episode. WINNER: Data

- Round Four: The Semi-Psychotic Alien Sidekick
Chewbacca vs. Worf
*Unarmed: Chewie has the reach and the claws and this ends up being the deciding factor over Worf's warrior training and ferocity.WINNER: Wookiee

*Armed: Worf's speed gets him out of the way of the bowcaster. Once Worf gets close enough, he uses his Bat'leth sword to hack the bowcaster to pieces. After a long, brutal battle of grunting, a bloody Worf is the victor, holding the scalp of his wookiee foe. WINNER: Klingon raised by Humans

- Round Five: The Heroine
Leia Organa vs. Uhura
Dunno where you get the idea that Uhura is "the heroine" of Trek, that'd be Counsellor Troi of TNG or Janeway of Voyager or Col. Kira of DS9, but we're stuck with the silly matchup you've gotten us into.

If you've seen Uhura mad or vicious like in Star Trek 3, she'd be a good match for Leia. Both are nasty little creatures when they have to be, but know how to wear sexy clothes too. Carrie Fisher, being in the "Leia" years, would be drunk and hopped up on goofballs, so she'd be a sloppy fighter, but her hangover would make her crabby. Uhura, being a Lieutenant in Starfleet, would use her superior training as an officer and construct a crude communicator which would get her beamed back up to the Enterprise while Leia was throwing up behind a tree. WINNER: Leia only because she gets to kiss 2 of the most eligible bachellors in the galaxy, while Uhura is stuck kissing Kirk. Oh cruel irony!

- Round Six: The Father
Darth Vader vs. Sarek
Ok, any old random Trek father will do, even if Captain Sisko spent 7 years showing us what a cool dad he is on DS9 while Sarek had a handful of eps and movies.

However, we're still stuck with this fight card, so let's try the first approach...
* Indirect - Sarek, a pure-blooded Vulcan, sees no point in fighting Lord Vader and ends up staying home. Sarek lives for another 200 years after Vader is killed by his own son. WINNER: Sarek

* Direct - Vader would move with the Force and Sarek would use that untapped Vulcan mysticism. Vader would eventually break through and begin choking Sarek, but Sarek would transfer his katra to Vader just before death. WINNER: Sarek who gets the last laugh as Vader is driven insane by the second conciousness in his head.

- Round Seven: The Surrogate Starship Captain
Lando Calrissian vs. Commander Riker
This crazy, one-sided game of cards you have them playing is NOT how it would go down. Both characters are master card players in their own rights, so they'd just go back and forth forever, throwing phoney "charming" lines and looks at each other now and then. Eventually, Riker would hit Lando over the head with his trombone, Lando would retalliate by ripping the sensor dish off the Falcon and smacking Will Riker upside the head with it, but Riker's twin from the transporter accident - Thomas Riker - would show up as a deus ex machina and the Riker boys would have to "learn to work together", eventually beating Lando at cards, then killing each other in an argument over whether suicide kings are wild or not. WINNER: Lando by simply letting Riker kill himself.

- Round Eight: The Short, Wrinkled Alien
Yoda vs. Quark
AKA - the battle of absolutely nothing to do or see. Eventually, Quark would try to get underhanded and sneaky and try to trick Yoda into taking a drugged drink so he can steal Yoda's wallet, but Yoda uses the Force to switch glasses, then kicks Quark off Dagobah. WINNER: Yoda who doesn't see it as a victory, simply a chance to learn.

- Round Nine: The Shapechanger
Senator Palpatine/Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious vs. Odo
Palpatine underestimates Odo's capability, lets his guard down just as he's about to win, and Odo changes into a puddle of goop which Palpatine slips on, sending him toppling into an open pit that Palpatine specifically had the railing removed from. WINNER: Odo who changes his shape to resemble the Emperor and rules the galaxy with a new focus on law and justice.

- Round Ten: The Beloved Spacecraft

The Millennium Falcon vs. the Enterprise

Ah, here's where the real fun begins... BTW, Picard's been a captain longer than Kirk, but Kirk is more daring. Also, unlike a stupid-*** Star Destroyer, every Enterprise has WINDOWS and a crew who occassionally look out them, so the Falcon would never be able to land on the saucer section... well, they could try, but even if the deflector shields were down, they'd be vaporised by the phasers directly underneath the Falcon

The Falcon shoots first, firing her quad lasers at the dorsal section of the Enterprise D. The Ent-D, having her shields up since yellow-alert was sounded, deflects the 4 blasts from the freighter into different directions with virtually no effort at all, since the Falcon's weapon technology is based on an old-fashioned laser/accellerated-gas system which is hundreds of years out of use for the Ent-D -- the effect is like shooting a bow and arrow against a Sherman tank. The Enterprise doesn't even consider the Falcon a threat and simply targets the ship without firing. Solo flies towards the Galaxy-class starship in the hopes of playing chicken, and out-maneuvers the larger ship. However, the Falcon doesn't out-maneuver Worf and the large amount of phaser strips all around the ship - a pinpoint blast from the lower phaser on the starboard secondary hull knocks the Falcon's main propulsion out. The Ent-D swings around to face the Millennium Falcon, who uses her last surprise, the missiles in between the mandibles. The impact of the missiles all at once knock out the forward phasers, which gets Picard mad enough to take action... by giving Worf the order to disable the Falcon some more. Worf does, but due to sparks flying all around the bridge set and the panels all blinking on and off, Worf also loads and fires a singular photon torpedo, which rips all the way through to the rear of the Falcon before it even detonates, turning the Falcon into space junk. Picard has a solemn moment, makes a pompous log report, and in a week, completely forgets about the encounter. WINNER: Enterprise who's technology was vastly superior. Thank Lucas for not paying more attention in science class.

-Alternate Scenario-

The Millennium Falcon vs. the Enterprise
Instead of the Ent-D, this battle is with the Enterprise-A under the command of Captain/Admiral/Captain Kirk. Kirk, being the egotistical jackass, has a face-off against Solo over the view screen, but stupidly forgets to order the shields raised. Just as Chekov reminds him, the Falcon lays several shots into the saucer section. The Ent-A's bridge has wires and hoses hanging down from the ceiling everywhere, and the red-alert klaxxons are yelling. Kirk has McCoy rig up the torpedo bay to manually fire, but the torpedo's yield is miscalculated since Spock was distracted with his bickering with McCoy and the torpedo detonates too soon. The Falcon fires her missiles and destroys the deflector dish. Scotty has gotten the power back to fire back at the Falcon, but the shot is not enough because Scotty warned Kirk that this type of battle would be hard on the dilithium crystals, even though they have no bearing in this technology. The Falcon turns about to make another shot and then run, but Spock devises a plan and the Enterprise goes back in time and kills Han Solo as a 3-year-old, thus preventing the battle and altering the timeline, restoring all the important people who died in the battle, though nobody cares about the hundred ensigns who bought the farm. WINNER: Enterprise who has a captain and crew cunning enough to cheat better than Han Solo.

- Round Eleven: The Incredibly Hot Babe Who Has Never Appeared in a Movie
Mara Jade Skywalker vs. Seven of Nine
The world's shortest battle. Jade, using Luke's original lightsaber, swipes at 7 o'Nine, who's Borg systems instantly adapt and deflect the impact. Mara, stunned by this action, is not fast enough to avoid 7's left hand, which grabs Mara's right wrist and shoots tubules into it. After being incapacitated for 30 seconds, Mara Jade becomes 8 of 9. WINNER: Seven O'Nine who then discusses these actions and how they helped the crew of the Voyager, even though the set her back personally in her journey to become more human. She then secretly sheds a tear and sticks her butt right into the camera as she walks away. Ratings go up.

- Round Twelve: The Cute Furry Things
Ewoks vs. Tribbles
Not much you can do here...

The Tribbles pretty much begin starving to death after eating everything on the ground, but the Ewoks starve to death as well when they find out that there's nothing to eat on the ground and they've run out of food. The tribbles turn out to have no food value and Endor becomes Tatooine. WINNER: The Audience

- Round Thirteen: The Really Annoying Character
Jar Jar Binks vs. Q
Q is "the really annoying character"? That's a pretty weak assessment, there's all sorts of better candidates, I nominate Wesley Crusher or Ezri Dax.

Jar Jar sticks his tongue out at Q, Q snaps his fingers and the tongue disappears. Jar Jar says "how wude" and Q blinks Jar Jar out of existance. Q is made an intergalactic hero. WINNER: Q who brings Jar Jar back to harass Picard in a cameo in the sequel.

- Round Fourteen: The Scary Old Guy
Grand Moff Tarkin vs. Khan
Although I agree with the winner on this one, I think the reasons why could be cleared up a little better.

Khan Noonian Singh befriends Tarkin for a time while Khan's advanced clone mind has his superior clone minions stealthily take over segments of the Death Star. Tarkin is betrayed by Khan in a bold move, but sets the auto destruct and everybody evacuates the Death Star. Tarkin and Khan end up facing off in opposing Star Destroyers, and when Tarkin kills off most of Khan's men, Khan goes mad, flies a shuttle over to Tarkin's Star Destroyer, and after mindwiping several key officers into stranding the whole crew on a nearby moon, chokes Tarkin to death with his bare hands, spitting Shakespearean curses all the while. WINNER: KHAAAAAAN! Khaaaan!

- Round Fifteen: The Coolest of Aliens
Sebulba vs. Mr. Spock
Um... Mr Spock and Sebulba are "the coolest of aliens"? That's not only highly subjective, but your battle between them is highly flawed.

Sebulba gets offended by Spock for no reason except he's a bully and goes over to choke the Vulcan scientist. Spock cocks his eyebrow and gives Sebulba the "Vulcan Neck Pinch". The pinch doesn't work, so Spock cocks his whole head, says "Fascinating", then mind-melds with Sebulba to learn that Sebulba's key nerves are in an inaccessable location. Spock then breaks contact leaving Sebulba disoriented, goes to his tricorder, scans the Dug podracing champion, accesses his program, and deletes him. WINNER: Logic

- Round Sixteen: Cannon Fodder
Stormtroopers vs. Ensigns
Each regiment of battlers line up in wave after wave, the order to fire is given, and the back row of each group mows down all their own men by mistake. The stormtroopers panic, and those that don't kill themselves in fear of the wrath of Darth Vader, end up getting killed by the lowest "stun" setting on the redshirts' phasers. Shots in the shoulders and feet kill the stormies, so when there are no more enemies, the redshirts call up to the Enterprise with the "all clear" signal. However, as soon as Kirk beams down, the remaining ensigns are all killed by a poison gas cloud which Kirk is the only one to get beamed up in time to avoid. WINNER: poison gas

- Round Seventeen: The Federations
Neimoidian Trade Federation vs. United Federation of Planets
Um... the UFP never takes anybody's word on anything, so your scenario wouldn't happen that way.

After the UFP's council finds no validity in the Trade Feds' claims on the Earth moon, the Trade Federation would land their battle droids on Earth and attempt to take over that way. However, the UFP would send several ships out of spacedock orbiting the planet and distract the droid control ship, and once the frequency was located, the signal controlling the battle droids would be neutralized and a Defiant-class starship would make mincemeat out of the Trade Fed ships. WINNER: the United Federation of Planets who would banish the Trade Federation to only be able to deal with the Naussicans, who would kill most of them, and the Ferengi, who would steal them blind, leaving the surviving Neimoidians to be the galactic homeless people. Even the Bajorans will laugh at the once-mighty Trade Federation.

- Round Eighteen: The Evil Twin With a Beard
Thrackan Sal-Solo vs. Evil Spock
As mirror-universe Spock turned out to be wussy, he'd get his arse handed to him by a Solo that didn't even have the miniscule decency his "good universe" counterpart does. Solo would shoot Spock's beard right off, then would force the bleeding evil Vulcan to sing with emotion. WINNER: Evil Solo since Evil Spock turned out to be a logical peacenik just as bad as his mirror counterpart.

- Round Nineteen: That's No Moon
Death Star vs. Borg Cube
Ahahahaha! Boy have you got this one wrong...

The Death Star, being the ultimate power in the universe, decides that they want to shoot a Borg cube just to be cool. After getting a large cube's attention, Tarkin gives the order to fire. The Borg Cube, not being an orbiting planet, moves out of the way and the superlaser blast discharges into empty space. As the Death Star slowly tries to move away and recharge the mega-weapon, the Borg begin the assimilation process. After 3 days, the Death Star is finally assimilated and the Borg use this new power to finally take over the universe. WINNER: The Borg until Picard and the last free ship in the universe, the Enterprise-E, devise a plan so clever that it could only happen yet a 4th time. Picard takes the Ent-E back in time and instead of erasing the Borg at their beginning or something smart, simply places a bomb in the Death Star's main reactor right before the Borg assimilate it, thus destroying both the Death Star and the Borg.

- Round Twenty: The Match-Up That Makes No Sense But I Thought It Would Be Funny Anyhow
Jawa Sandcrawler vs. Humpback Whale
The sandcrawler moves to attack the whale and sinks into the sea. Dozens of drowned jawas and shorted-out droids eventually float to the surface while the whales relay this story to their friends on that other planet with the cylindrical probe.
WINNER: Humpback Whale

- Final Round: The Ultimate modern Trek vs. modern SW battle
Rick Berman vs. Rick McCallum
Rick Berman would come in and try to alienate the core audience by making sweeping changes while trying to grab any new audience he can, all the while crapping on Roddenberry's vision. McCallum would counter by kissing Lucas' butt and agreeing to stupid additions and changes to the Star Wars saga and alienate the core audience while trying to grab the lowest-common-denominator audience and the "kiddies with money" audience. McCallum has the moves of a street drug dealer, since he's been trying to hook kids into his product for years, but Berman's corporate abilities give him the power to weild Paramount/Viacom as a deadly weapon. This battle ensues for years until George Lucas passes away, and both Ricks merge to become RickRick BerMcCallman, the force more powerful than the Sith and the Borg. The ultimately ruin both Star Wars and Star Trek by creating "Star Wrek: Episode VII - The Search For Jake Lloyd". WINNER: Not the Audience

08-30-2001, 03:14 PM
I don't know how to follow a post like that. I'm not going to try.

I think my favorite one to envision was the "Shapeshifter vs. Emperor" battle.

El Chuxter
08-30-2001, 03:27 PM
I'm not sure how to respond, either. :eek:

Uh, Yoda vs. the Emperor, I think Yoda'd win. :D

08-31-2001, 11:39 AM
NOTHING?!? I spent 2 hours on that dang post, the least I expected was "What a geeky Trekkie!" or something equally charming. ;) Anyway, the real point I was trying to get across was that there really is very little basis in comparing Star Wars and Star Trek because they're so dissimilar in philosophies and executions.

I love thinking about Odo making the Emperor slip and fall into another pit, then taking over the Empire. I could see Odo doing something like that. The very idea makes me smile. :D

I also love picturing the Death Star firing its huge superlaser only to have the Borg Cube move out of the beam's way.

Mandalorian Candidat
09-04-2001, 09:38 AM
Uh, wow JT. Two hours, huh? At least you didn't waste them by researching for the cure for cancer or helping to wipe out worldwide hunger.

Hang on for a sec...

(Yes...for a whole two hours...you say you can help him?...OK, bring over the straight jacket while I distract him with condescending banter.)

OK, yeah yeah JT. Sounds great. Now what were you saying about the humpback whale and the sandcrawler?

09-05-2001, 11:21 AM
Originally posted by Mandalorian Candidat
Uh, wow JT. Two hours, huh? At least you didn't waste them by researching for the cure for cancer or helping to wipe out worldwide hunger.Actually, I was also FTPing a large amount of files for work, so I really had nothing else to do but write since my bandwidth was already being used, so phooey on you. :p

09-05-2001, 11:25 AM
Hey, that's nothing. I read somewhere that some scientists spent the past couple of YEARS researching the best way to eat spaghetti without making a mess. They studied the friction, centrifugal force and all sorts of other crap before presenting their theory and findings. If that's not a waste of time and research, I don't know what is. ;)

09-06-2001, 09:59 AM
The best way to eat spaghetti without making a mess is to put it in a blender before eating. ;)

09-06-2001, 11:45 AM
But that's not the SCIENTIFIC way. Also, you'd be drinking, not eating it, technically. ;)

Mandalorian Candidat
09-06-2001, 03:12 PM
Well JT, if you were going to work on your SW:ST opus for that long, you should have done the POTF Leia vs. Troi battle for Miss Galactic Monkey-Face.:) Or how about Red-shirted Ensigns vs. Stormtroopers: Which is more useless?

Brave Sir Robin
09-11-2001, 12:05 PM
Pah! Emperor Palpatine could do what he wants with his wussy little Pikachu gimmick, but Yoda could Force-lift and drop an X-wing on his wrinkly old a** before you could say "If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed!

05-18-2005, 01:06 PM
So... who won??? :p

05-18-2005, 02:04 PM
My opinion on this is, wait and watch ep 3.