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jedi master sal
12-07-2001, 01:01 PM
Why did the Jedi cross the road?


To get to the darkside.


Any others?

Fulit
12-07-2001, 02:10 PM
I don't know any real jokes per se, but here's a couple of URL's to some "You might be a redneck Jedi if....." jokes. It's all I could find. It gets pretty corny.

http://www.aoc.nrao.edu/~jogle/jedi.html
http://www.merrywing.com/jokes9.htm

Fulit
12-07-2001, 02:14 PM
Sorry, I think those are two links to the same jokes.

jedi master sal
12-07-2001, 02:23 PM
very cool but I think most of those were the original redneck jokes with jedi to replace the word redneck.

Fulit
12-07-2001, 02:56 PM
yeah, those kinda suck, I used to have a link to another one that had a whole bunch of them that were better, but I lost it. If I find it , I'll post it here.

Rollo Tomassi
12-07-2001, 03:49 PM
Two Jedi walk into a bar...third one ducks.:D

jedi master sal
12-07-2001, 03:53 PM
Boy did I LOL on that 1. How corny! You think they could have felt the bar in the way!

Is that your saber or R U just happy 2 see me?

Riddle: What has a jedi got in his pockets?
(adapted from the LOTR trilogy)

GNT
12-07-2001, 08:47 PM
Originally posted by jedi master sal
Riddle: What has a jedi got in his pockets?
(adapted from the LOTR trilogy)

A big surprise! :) :D

Rollo Tomassi
12-08-2001, 09:13 AM
The DUMBEST JOKE IN THE WORLD adapted to Star Wars:

First Jedi: Ask me if I'm a tree.

2nd Jedi: Are you a tree?

First Jedi: No.


This actually gets laughs if you do it with a straight face. Try it out! I kid you not....

JediTricks
12-09-2001, 05:49 AM
------ Here's a little corn for ya ------

How many Sith does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

"Always 2 there are, no more, no less."

------ Thank you, Master Yoda! ------

Rollo Tomassi
12-09-2001, 09:07 AM
Originally posted by JediTricks
------ Here's a little corn for ya ------

How many Sith does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

"Always 2 there are, no more, no less."

------ Thank you, Master Yoda! ------

Yoda: "Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here on Dagobah for 20+ years. Try the root leaf."

JediTricks
12-09-2001, 09:22 PM
"Like me, if you did, then Yoda, I am. Like me, if you did not, then Mace Windu, I am. Eh heh heh heh!"

Brave Sir Robin
12-10-2001, 04:09 PM
Ok, so Darth Vader and Luke are having a duel. Darth Vader says "Luke, I know what you're going to get for Christmas." Luke says "Noooooo! That's impossible! How could you know that?" And Vader says "Because Luke...I felt your presents"

Rollo Tomassi
12-11-2001, 08:34 AM
Originally posted by Brave Sir Robin
Ok, so Darth Vader and Luke are having a duel. Darth Vader says "Luke, I know what you're going to get for Christmas." Luke says "Noooooo! That's impossible! How could you know that?" And Vader says "Because Luke...I felt your presents"



GRRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN:rolleyes: :cry: :rolleyes: :cry: :rolleyes: :cry: :rolleyes: :(

master jedi
12-11-2001, 04:28 PM
Vader: What's the difference between toilet paper and my cape.

Luke: I don't know.

Vader: So you're the one.

Bel-Cam Jos
12-11-2001, 06:41 PM
Did Darth Maul make the basketball team?
No, he got cut.

Why did Han Solo always fail his math tests?
His teachers never told him the answers to the odds.

Gotta find the SW Open Mic thread...

Bel-Cam Jos
12-11-2001, 06:49 PM
Well, it's a little different than I remember it but... Take my bantha, please... (http://209.197.112.151/thread.html?dom=ss&TID=7&PID=4426)

How can you tell a Jedi's been in the room?
You don't need to see his identification. :p

Rollo Tomassi
12-11-2001, 09:44 PM
Don Knotts: Oh mannn..:(

Yoda: What?:confused:

Don Knotts: My girlfriend just dumped me.:mad:

Yoda: Why?:)

Don Knotts: She said I wasn't packin' enough...:eek:

Yoda: Well, you know what I say...:evil:

Don Knotts: What?:stupid:

Yoda: Size matters, Knotts...:rolleyes:




I know, I know...BSLOS. "That kid is (something something) I've never seen him fall. That deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure plays a mean Pinball..."

GNT
12-12-2001, 12:09 AM
Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Yoda: Size matters, Knotts...:rolleyes: [/SIZE]

Oh brother :rolleyes:

Rollo Tomassi
12-12-2001, 03:33 AM
Originally posted by GNT


Oh brother :rolleyes:



HEY! I posted a pre-emptive BSLOS on that one, so lemme 'lone.:(

Bel-Cam Jos
12-12-2001, 06:14 PM
Why do Biker Scouts always cheat off Stormtroopers' papers in statistics classes?
Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.

How are insects expected to dress when approaching Endor?
Fly Casual

How do you keep an Ugnaught in suspense?

...


...



...



...


:confused:


Well?


...



????

El Chuxter
12-12-2001, 06:24 PM
Q: What did Anakin Skywalker say when they ran out of toilet paper?

A: Mom! We're out of toilet paper!

Brave Sir Robin
12-13-2001, 11:56 AM
Here's a joke for all you Trekkies out there!

Why is the U.S.S Enterprise like a wad of toliet paper?
It flies round Uranus and wipes out the Klingons! unk unk unk!

Jargo
12-13-2001, 02:07 PM
Hmmm,

An exotic alien walks into a cantina with different smaller creature on a leash. The smaller creature drops a big pile of poo on the floor and walks off, the owner not noticing or caring.

a few seconds later Jar Jar walks in and slips on the poo landing flat on his tush. he gets up and begins to clean the poopy off his feet.

Just then Anakin walks into the cantina and slips on the poo landing flat on his tush. Jar Jar says "Meesa justa duds that." So anakin leaps up and rubs Jar Jars nose in the poopy... :rolleyes:


I apologise, okay? :crazed:

Bel-Cam Jos
12-13-2001, 05:49 PM
When Rebel pilots consider working at the same discount store or moving onto another one, what do they do?
Stay on Target

What other drink can you serve with blue milk?
Whine

According to Yoda, why can Luke never become a doctor?
"The boy has no patients"

GNT
12-13-2001, 09:01 PM
Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
HEY! I posted a pre-emptive BSLOS on that one, so lemme 'lone.:(


Talk about Corniest Star Wars jokes :rolleyes:

Darth Cruel
12-14-2001, 07:50 AM
Maybe I need a life because I liked the one about Darth Vader knowing what Luke got for Christmas.

JediTricks
12-16-2001, 06:42 AM
DC, I liked it too, but it was a bit dopey. ;)

Bel-Cam Jos
12-16-2001, 10:06 AM
You've gotta say this first one fast, like Rodney Dangerfield, I tell ya!

So the Empire starts hiring Wampas for guard duty. Han Solo's ship gets caught, but he hides out under the floor. When they decide to get out, he calls down to the guard, "Hey down there! Can you give us a hand?" And so the Wampa does.

Moff Jerrjerod is making a list of American religions, but there's one he can't remember that's from Utah. Which is he missing?
He needs Mormon.

The Emperor is trying to decide which Star Trek actor to kill first, the guy who played Sulu, the guy who played Wesley Crusher, or the lady who played Capt. Janeway. How does he carry out the death order?
"Fire at Wil, commnader!"

jedi master sal
12-20-2001, 03:14 PM
during the saber fight on cloud city Vader says to Luke

Who's your daddy?

ba da bump (symbol crash)!!!

Bel-Cam Jos
12-23-2001, 12:29 PM
Did Admiral Motti hit the game-winning field goal at the end of the football game?
No, he choked.

Did Admial Ozzel hit the game-winning basket at the end of the basketball game?
No, he choked.

Did Captain Needa make the put on the 18th hole to win the golf tournament?
No, he choked.

Did Admiral Piett hit the game-winning homerun in the bottom of the ninth inning?
No, he plummeted to his death into the 2nd Death Star.
:D

Obi-Don
01-01-2002, 01:17 AM
How many Jawas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, They can't reach the light.:(

I know it was really bad,but I couldn't help myself.:rolleyes:

Emperor Howdy
01-01-2002, 02:45 AM
Luke: "R2!....R2!"

Yoda: "Am not! Am not!" :eek:



Greedo: "Acupa ven chulo Nantuko..." (There once was a girl from Nantucket...)


First guy: "Wow, that was awesome!"

Second guy: "Definately!...I'm telling everybody about the Phantom Menace!"

First guy: "Yeah, and that Jar Jar was cool too!!"

Second guy: "............"

:crazed: :crazed: :crazed: BWAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAA!!

mylow thehutt
01-01-2002, 06:06 PM
:)How does Padmay die in ep3?????????Jar-Jar slips her the toungh :eek: :crazed:



Chewy came to earth for the first time and was greeted by two men in black suites

:eek:


How did Jabba realy die?????Han put salt on him:crazed: :rolleyes:

master jedi
01-01-2002, 08:06 PM
Originally posted by mylow thehutt
:)How does Padmay die in ep3?????????Jar-Jar slips her the toungh :eek: :crazed:

Yeah, right after she slipped me the toung.:) :)



When Gollum(sp?) saw Star Wars he knew he had found Yoda, his long lost brother.:Pirate:

JEDIpartner
04-17-2002, 02:23 PM
Where did Luke go right after he lost his appendage...?


To the second HAND store!


B'doom CHHHHHHH!


Hey what would we have been left with if the Death Star II would have blown up Endor...?


ENDUST!


B'doom CHHHHHHH!

Thank you ! Thank you! You've all been great!


okay... the idea is to ADD to these awful jokes... c'mon! I know you can do it! You're all bright and creative people...! :rolleyes:

Brave Sir Robin
04-17-2002, 02:40 PM
Why did Darth Vader cross the road?
TO GET TO THE DARK SIDE!

Mandalorian Candidat
04-17-2002, 03:02 PM
I don't know any SW jokes off hand, but I do know you're a redneck Jedi if you have your landspeeder up on blocks sitting outside your trailer. :)

Dar' Argol
04-17-2002, 03:04 PM
I found this list a few years ago and saved it. I still laugh my butt off to some of these!! :D

1.) Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

2.) You use your lightsaber to open a non-twist-off bottle of Bud.

3.) There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

4.) You use your lightsaber to pick your teeth.

5.) At least one section of your X-Wing is Bondo colored.

6.) You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

7.) You can't describe the taste of an Ewok without using the word chicken.

8.) You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

9.) You think that Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.

10.) A peaceful meditation is one without gas.

11.) You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.

12.) Your master/mentor ever said "Hey, pull my finger..."

13.) Your X-wing is up on blocks in your front yard.

14.) You lost a hand during a lightsaber fight because you had to spit.

15.) The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

16.) Wookies are offended by your B.O.

17.) You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

18.) You use your lightsaber to clean fish.

19.) Your father said to you, "Shoot, son come on over t' the dark side... it'll be a hoot."

20.) You use your R-2 unit's self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

21.) The moonshine still you built on Endor is hidden so well even the Ewoks can't find it.

22.) You have a stuffed womp rat over your fireplace.

23.) You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

24.) You think the symbol for the Rebel Alliance should be the Confederate flag.

25.) More than half the droids you own don't function.

26.) The number of blasters you own exceeds your I.Q.

27.) You wonder why Luke and Leia never got married.

28.) You used a carbon-freezing chamber to store the 78 Wampas you shot while on vacation on Hoth.

29.) Your moonshine is really made on the moon.

30.) You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket.

31.) Sandpeople back down from your mama.

32.) You've ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.

33.) You've ever strangled someone with the force because they laughed at your accent.

34.) You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac.

35.) You've ever argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid.

36.) A Wookie has told you that you need to shave.

37.) You have ever wrecked a landspeeder while lighting a cigarette with your lightsaber.

38.) You don't think the Ewoks are primitive.

39.) You think an AT-AT looks like a giant cow.

40.) You don't think Jabba's pig guards have a hygiene problem.

41.) You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper.

42.) The Rancor monster refused to eat you.

43.) You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father, who also happens to be your brother...

Dar' Argol
04-17-2002, 03:14 PM
I though of a couple more to add to that list.

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the
cantina scene.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with
redwood deck.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that
Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to
treat his women.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you
have to get in through the window.

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

You ever fantasised about Princess Leah wearing Daisy
Duke shorts.

billfremore
04-17-2002, 03:38 PM
"Star Wars", to the tune of "Copacabana":

Her name was Leia
She was a princess
With a danish on each ear
And Darth Vader drawing near
So R2-D2 found Ben Kenobi
He'd have to put the Death Star plans
Into the rebels' hands
So Luke and Obi Wan
Had to go to Alderaan
They made a stop at port Mos Eisley
To have a drink with Han

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seena (here)
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars.....

His name was Solo
He was a pilot
With a blaster at his side
And a smile 12 parsecs wide
There with Chewbacca
He was a Wookiee
They met with Luke and Obi Wan
About the Millennium Fal-con
Docking bay 94
Storm troopers at the door
With the flash of Ben's Lightsaber
There was an arm on the floor

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seena (here)
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars.....

(Spoken by Obi Wan while Copa bridge is played)
"Mos Eisley space port, you will never find a more wretched
hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious."

His name was Yoda
He was a muppet
That old Darth Vader was so bad
And by the way he is Luke's dad
Luke kissed his sister
His hand got severed
In a galaxy far, far, away
Luke has had a lousy day
Bo-ba Fett was so mean
Jabba had bad hygiene
Why didn't they all just relax
Back on Ta-too-ine

At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
The weirdest creatures you've ever seena (here)
At the Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
Music and blasters and old Jedi Masters at the Star Wars......

(Spoken by Obi Wan)
"The force will be with you
Always."

Star Wars, Star Wars Cantina
repeated 4 times

Bel-Cam Jos
04-17-2002, 06:42 PM
Here are some links to threads in the Old Forums on Star Wars humor:
How many Endor Rebel Soldiers does it take to screw in a light bulb? (http://209.197.112.151/thread.html?dom=ss&TID=27&PID=4376)

Star Wars Standup (http://209.197.112.151/thread.html?dom=ss&TID=7&PID=4426)

I'm pretty sure we had a Bad Jokes Thread already, so I'll go a-lookin' yet again! (Oh, yeah! Found it. Ta da!) Corniest SW joke? (http://www.sirstevesguide.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2292)

I'll try one in the meantime:
What does Yoda tell his Padawans that he wants for Christmas? Everything! Ouch! ;)

Bel-Cam Jos
04-17-2002, 06:54 PM
Originally posted by mylow thehutt
Chewy came to earth for the first time and was greeted by two men in black suites

:eek:
Even if that is supposed to be "suits," not "suites," I still don't get it. :eek: :confused: :(

Why did the Sarlacc get slapped?
It couldn't keep his filthy tentacles off his girlfriend! :(
That was ma- AND pa-thetic!

Taichi
04-17-2002, 08:33 PM
Hmm

Well, I could quote the myriad Mace Windu/Pulp Fiction quotes that keep popping up, but I'd rather quote the top 10 sexually suggestive lines in the trilogy.......

however, I can't do even THAT without the permission of the moderators (I don't wanna overstep my bounds)

Dryanta
04-17-2002, 08:42 PM
Is the Chewie joke supposed to a shedding joke?
You know black suit covered with shed fur?I don't know I guess I don't get it either.Sorry I can't come up with my own right now.

DeadEye
04-17-2002, 09:07 PM
"Sick have I become. Old and weak."
"Then ease up on the root leaf."
(Oh, that one's a knee-slapper!)

"Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the dark side!"
"Feeble? You're the yellow-skinned old man. Now get your wrinkled butt over here."
"KHOO-HAHH...here is thy Prozac, my master."
(So much corn, you could fuel a car!!!) :D:D:D:D

jawaboy
04-17-2002, 09:08 PM
I think it's supposed to be the Men in Black, um, you know the movie about guys who kill aliens who come to Earth?

jawaboy
04-17-2002, 09:11 PM
"What are the odds of flying half way across the galaxy and making out with a girl that happens to be your long lost twin sister?"

"Oh, about fifty fifty."

Dar' Argol
04-17-2002, 09:16 PM
Merged the thread. I don't think anyone could handle 2 bad SW joke threads:eek:

Bel-Cam Jos
04-18-2002, 10:21 AM
Why do you want Ponda Baba, the Wampa, Luke Skywalker, or Darth Vader to help you out? They'll all give you a hand.

Could Han Solo dream up something for race horses to bite down on that doesn't give them pain? Yes. Because he can imagine quite a bit.

Why did using an old George Michael song in a popular NBC sit-com cause its ratings to drop? Your "Faith" in your "Friends" is your weakness.

Hey! Read the title? "Bad Star Wars Jokes." Bad. :( BAD. :mad: BAD! :frus: :p

(p.s. I guessed it was related to "Men In Black," but how? :confused: )

odb
04-18-2002, 03:46 PM
Luke and Ben are in a Chinese restaurant. When the meal comes up Luke picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. After five minutes Ben gets fed up with food going everywhere and says 'use the forks luke, use the forks'.

:rolleyes: Well it did say bad jokes?

DeadEye
04-18-2002, 03:58 PM
"Bad," not "Done more times than we see stomtroopers get shot." I swear, "Use the fork(s)" is like the oldest Star Wars joke of them all. No offense, though. At least you posted one.

Hmm...let's see this. "I have something for you. Your father's Life Saver. This is the breath mint of a Jedi Knight; not as clumsy or random as a Tic-Tac, and more effective than Cert's Powerful mints. An elegant treat for people with more civilized breath." :D:D:D

LTBasker
04-18-2002, 04:07 PM
How was Jango's name made up?

[One day at Lucasfilm]
George: Ok people, we need a name for Boba's father.
Employee 1: How about we take 5 for a little while?
Employee 2: Yea! Anyone want to play frisbee? *employee 2 throws a frisbee out a door* Hey Jan, go fetch!

Well that fetts. Err...fits. :happy:

odb
04-18-2002, 04:40 PM
Deadeye, I thought 'I know what you're getting for Christmas' was the oldest Star Wars joke, either way it must be close.

Well here's a few more:
What do you call a robot that always takes the longest route round ?
R2 detour

What do you call the person who brings a Rancor its dinner?
The appetizer

Two droids were talking to each other. The first one asked, "Did you beat the Wookiee at Sabacc? "The second one answered "Yes, but it cost me an arm and a leg".

Thank you and goodnight, there will be no encore!

DeadEye
04-18-2002, 05:35 PM
I know what you're getting for Christmas?

I honestly don't think I've heard that one. Do tell.:confused:

odb
04-18-2002, 05:44 PM
Originally posted by DeadEye
I know what you're getting for Christmas?

I honestly don't think I've heard that one. Do tell.:confused:

You've not heard it?:sur: You must be one of the few then thats avoided it. I think it was posted earlier in the thread but it goes something like:

Luke and Darth Vader are having a duel. All through it Darth keeps saying to Luke 'I know what you're getting for Christmas'. After about the fifth time Luke says what are you on about, to which Vader replies 'I know what you're getting for Christmas, I can feel your presents'.

You must have heard it.

mabudonicus
04-19-2002, 04:41 PM
(in the Letterman "let me get this straight" voice)
ONE WORD: MEDICLARIANTS !!!!!