View Full Version : Porkins gets no respect, I tell ya!

09-04-2001, 09:58 AM
I recently unearthed my Star Wars comic collection (all 125 issuees and three annuals from Marvel) and will now set about the daunting task of rereading the entire lot. Anyway, we all know that Jek Porkins fills out the old orange flight suit quite a bit more than most X-Wing pilots. And of course he got quick fried to a crispy crunch. And it took over 20 years to get an action figure made. And he went on to play the obnoxious Lt. Eckhart in Batman. But the biggest insult? His death in the Marvel Comics adaptation (Star Wars #1-6) of A New Hope.

There is little real difference at firts. He's there at the Death Star run, he gets blowed up real good. But here's the rub. If memory serves it is Biggs who is depicted with a thought bubble as he flys by in his X-Wing following Porkins' demise, thinking, "You'll be avenged, fatty."

What was that all about?! Are we meant to feel better about Biggs' impending demise because of that underhanded declaration of vindication?


El Chuxter
09-04-2001, 11:39 AM
Originally posted by JediCole
If memory serves it is Biggs who is depicted with a thought bubble as he flys by in his X-Wing following Porkins' demise, thinking, "You'll be avenged, fatty."

Jeez! I think Jar Jar said it best: "How wude!" It almost makes you wanna cheer when Pretty Boy gets blown to bits a few minutes later. (Seriously, I know Biggs is supposed to be a nice guy, but doesn't he look like the sort of pretty boy jerk you want to punch if he comes within a mile of your sister?)

09-04-2001, 12:40 PM
"You'll be avenged, fatty.."!!!!??? :eek: LOL! What the heck?
Is that for real? I mean thats just wrong...and yet I can't help but laugh.

Biggs always seemed to have a darker side to him...I mean look at how he influenced Luke. Luke probably was a grade A student at Tatooine high. As soon as he met Bad A** Biggs, life went downhill for the little moisture farmer.

Uncle Owen: "Luke I need you to clean the droids!"

Luke: "You don't own me old man!" (speeds off in his speeder)

Beru: "*sobs* whats become of our Luke?"

Owen and Beru spent the rest of the night sobbing and wondering where they went wrong...

09-04-2001, 01:48 PM
Wow! Thanks for dredging up that "fatty" reference there Cole! I remember reading that as a kid and thinking... "Jeez! That's REAL nice of you Biggs!"

We ALL know why he said that... Biggs was kinda feeling inadequate seeing ol' Jek in the ready room showers. Jek was sporting himself a big ol' Force Pike and Biggs barely had himself a Gimer Stick. :rolleyes:

It's all in your Galactic Psychology 101 books. :D

09-05-2001, 02:35 AM
Originally posted by JediCole
"You'll be avenged, fatty."

I now have more respect for Jek Porkins after reading that,Biggs I hate even more now...

09-05-2001, 09:07 AM
No no, you guys don't understand, this was a scene filmed, but later cut due to time constraints! I have the dialogue right here:

Porkins' X-wing crashes into the surface of the Death Star, erupting into a mighty fireball. All is eerily quiet over the radio until...

BIGGS: You'll be avenged, fatty.

The pilots all begin chuckling.

LUKE: Haw haw, good one Biggs, that was a good one! It's funny 'cause he was fat, right Biggs?

WEDGE: Hope you're up there in fat-man's heaven, at a big buffet eating everything in site and never getting full.

RED LEADER: Hee hee! I think I just saw one of his sandwiches floating by.

TIREE: Goodbye, ya tubby schmoe!

GOLD LEADER: I told you Dutch! I told you that hutt-in-a-flightsuit wouldn't do Red Squadron any good; that's five credits you owe me, and don't think when we get back to Yavin base you'll get out of paying up on the bet!

RED FOUR (JOHN D): Ah ha ha! So I guess all those pizzas he killed are now avenged!

The rebel pilots continue to laugh at Porkins' death. Red Four even goes so far as to make a crude drawing of Porkins exploding on his helmet. The battle then continues.

As you can see, this is the real reason why Lucas cut all of John D's scenes out, since that Porkins drawing on the helmet would have made no sense in his scenes after this. Marvel had already drawn the comic panels for this sequence when Lucas cut this scene, so Marvel removed most of the panels and changed Biggs' word bubble to a thought bubble.

Hee hee, ok maybe not, but that is one cold piece of writing by Marvel! ;) What is it with Lucas anyway, did he just hate fat people or something? I mean, he calls him "Porkins" then gives him the first - and dopiest - death of all the pilots; he shoulda just named him "Fatty Fat Fatterson", gave him a couple of sandwiches and burgers in his cockpit, and gotten it all out of his system at once. :D

09-05-2001, 10:32 AM
I think Porkins WAS avenged! Look at Uncle George and Aunt Rick! Hardee Har Har!

p.s.- I have no issue with large folks... seriously.

El Chuxter
09-05-2001, 11:32 AM
Actually, Marvel misspelled it. Biggs actually said "Phatty," which is quite different. :D

09-05-2001, 11:37 AM
With that moustache, Biggs reminds me of the redneck with the trick truck that hung out in front of the 7-11 and beat the crap out of us when we were kids. I could totally see this guy sporting a mullet if he lived here on Earth. If you've ever seen "Dazed and Confused", he would be one of the guys with the paddles waiting for freshmen to exit the building after school.

09-05-2001, 02:59 PM
That is actually pretty funny, you will be avenged fatty. :D

09-05-2001, 04:50 PM
Originally posted by evenflow
That is actually pretty funny, you will be avenged fatty. :D

I am thinking about using it as my favorite Star Wars quote to date on the thread that asks us for such a quote. It has certainly stuck with me for over 20 years. It bugged me as a kid and still does to this day. I will see if I can scan the panel this week and add the image to this thread.

09-05-2001, 06:16 PM
Please do! I must see this for myself...man such a horrible, horrible and yet quite funny phrase! :D

I'm still laughing at the idea of this....

09-06-2001, 12:12 AM
It appears that my faulty memory and time have conspired to have left me with the wrong impression of Biggs' line. I have, after over 20 years, finally opened Star Wars #6 and discovered the ACTUAL lines...

"So long, Piggy."
"You will be avenged!"

Not as bad as I recalled, but yet there's just not a lot of heart in "So long, Piggy" either.

I have reproduced the panel for the enjoyment of all...

09-06-2001, 08:00 AM
Piggy? Oh man thats...not as bad really...aw well. Still we all had a good laugh at "You'll be avenged, Fatty!"

Eh hee hee that sounds like something the Honeymooners would say, "One of these days Alice, you'll be avenged Fatty!"

Hrrmm...well maybe not. HEY! Maybe we can insert *you'll be avenged fatty* into our favorite lines from movies! It'll be funny! :p

El Chuxter
09-06-2001, 10:09 AM
Awww, man! Here I had my heart set on "Fatty." I had a mental image of one X-Wing crashing into the Death Star surface and another one flying just above with the thought bubble of questionable taste just below that X-Wing.

I had this whole thing going in my head where everyone called Porkins Fatty, Luke was Wormie, Wedge was Wedgie, and Biggs was Poophead, and Tiree was Stinkus T Benjamin Hornblower MacDougal III. I think I'll draw the panel as I imagined it whenever I get time and post it here.

Was Jek's name in the comic Piggy? I seem to remember hearing that this was his name somewhere?

09-06-2001, 10:43 AM
I thought it was nice that Biggs said his farewell and planned on avenging his fellow pilot.Glad he got blown up!

09-06-2001, 11:13 AM
But wait, there's more! Some captioning around the panels in question refer to "Piggy" Porkins as Tono Porkins, not Jek Porkins as we know him today. Someone had credited the role playing games with this name, but it appears to go all the way back to 1977 and the Marvel adaptation! I believe from the earlier post referencing the name game with Porkins, it was the Decipher CCG that brought us the name Jek. Well, there it is, more on the sad history of Rebel pilot Tono Jek "Piggy" "Fatty" Porkins. Of course the name Tono Porkins is rather rude in its own right, as if Porkins isn't a bad enough name for one of the three big people in Star Wars (excluding Heater), he gets saddled with a first name that excentuates the last name. As if Lucas, in his younger, thinner days, was calling "Piggy" there Ton O' Porkins! Biggs was still a jerk, too.
Bubba Fatt has proposed the ideal solution to this problem and in time we may shoot some footage for his idea, "Star Wars: The Big People's Edition". Recasting the entire saga with larger actors (in this version, Porkins is scrawny).

09-07-2001, 05:56 AM
So in this supersized Star Wars, how will Jabba be portrayed, and will he still be thinner in ANH? ;)

09-18-2001, 04:08 PM
Ok, Porkings started missing respect in ANH, but after that the ones that always made jokes about him were the Toyfare staff, u ever saw the issue when he ate Yoda???:D