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Beast
06-06-2002, 04:21 PM
Rules for Touring the Midwest - America's Heartland

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Kansas, Iowa, Colorado, or Nebraska, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mindset, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice cubes.

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, youre a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways--Interstate 55 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit.

JediTricks
06-06-2002, 06:47 PM
Wow, it must be "intolerance day" on the forums because I have been logged in less than half an hour and have already read 4 different threads where bigotry and stereotyping are being brandished like a machine gun in Afghanistan. This thread's content is demeaning to people from both the city AND the country.

Beast
06-06-2002, 06:55 PM
JediTricks, you are jumping to conclusions. It's a lighthearted joke that a friend of mine received in an email. Pardon me for trying to bring some lightheartedness to the forums. It's actually the opposite of intolerent, if you will notice it paints people that are normally ignorently regarded as hicks, in a good light. As well as giving a humerous wake-up call to the people from the city. But, you are the PC police, so you obviously know how it was intended. Please close the thread, if you think it was meant to be serious. :(

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

bigbarada
06-06-2002, 07:06 PM
For the record, I thought it was pretty funny Jar Jar.:)


Until I read your sig line.:rolleyes: Where'd you get that from, anyway? And what exactly is a Babel fish? Not angry or insulted about it, just interested in what it is supposed to mean and where it came from. I could go on to explain why the first quote is wrong, but this is not the place for that. PM me if you are interested.

Beast
06-06-2002, 07:09 PM
Originally posted by JediTricks
Wow, it must be "intolerance day" on the forums because I have been logged in less than half an hour and have already read 4 different threads where bigotry and stereotyping are being brandished like a machine gun in Afghanistan. This thread's content is demeaning to people from both the city AND the country.
And I must object to your machine gun and Afghanistan comment. Since that is very intolerant of people from Afghanistan. Not everyone over there brandishes a machine gun. Looks like your objection to the thread, was a case of the pot calling the kettle black. :D ;) :rolleyes:

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

Beast
06-06-2002, 07:12 PM
Originally posted by bigbarada
For the record, I thought it was pretty funny Jar Jar.:)
Until I read your sig line.:rolleyes: Where'd you get that from, anyway? And what exactly is a Babel fish? Not angry or insulted about it, just interested in what it is supposed to mean and where it came from. I could go on to explain why the first quote is wrong, but this is not the place for that. PM me if you are interested.
Thanks bigbarada. Glad someone enjoyed it, and took it as was intended. Just somthing to have a chuckle over. Nice to see JT complains about this thread, then runs to the redneck Jedi thread and posts a funny comment there. As for the signiture, I really should put a small tagline where that is from. I just got the DVD of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and that is one of my favorite quotes from the BBC mini-series. Just wanted to celebrate the fact it was finally released. :)

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

Dryanta
06-06-2002, 07:16 PM
yeah I've heard a number of jokes like that.Of course about Mainers.Once upon a time we were famous for our attitude towards "out of Staters" No harm meant or taken.IMHO.
But then again those whina$$ flat lander city folk are probably offended ;)

I HAD to do that.

Jason B
06-06-2002, 07:17 PM
its from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

bigbarada
06-06-2002, 07:23 PM
Originally posted by JarJarBinks

Thanks bigbarada. Glad someone enjoyed it, and took it as was intended. Just somthing to have a chuckle over. Nice to see JT complains about this thread, then runs to the redneck Jedi thread and posts a funny comment there. As for the signiture, I really should put a small tagline where that is from. I just got the DVD of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and that is one of my favorite quotes from the BBC mini-series. Just wanted to celebrate the fact it was finally released. :)

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

Ah.

Who wrote the Hitchhiker's Guide anyway? I always thought it was the same guy who wrote the Illuminatis Trilogy (which was interesting and confusing at the same time), but I'm not sure.

Beast
06-06-2002, 07:34 PM
The late great, Douglas Adams. I'm not sure if he is the same person that wrote that. I don't think so, but then I am no Douglas Adams expert. :)

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

JediTricks
06-06-2002, 07:36 PM
JJB:

1) Intentions don't mean squat, especially on the forums. I'm fairly confident that you had no "intention" to spread intolerance with your post, but that doesn't mean it didn't.

2) Your faux-bristling to my Afghanistan comment holds NO water since we have so many military personnel there who are quite well-armed.

3) Well, I wouldn't have gone directly to the redneck jedi thread if it hadn't been the VERY next thread in line after this one; if I were to rely solely on your actions here, it'd seem as if you'd rather pick someone else apart rather than look at your own motivations.

4) Next time you accuse me of being the "PC police", remember that your thread is still here rather than half-way to hell via the moderator's "Delete Thread" key. Or maybe I should just live up to your nasty little barb and simply delete your threads whenever it falls into my role as the "PC police".

Jason B
06-06-2002, 07:38 PM
0wned. :D

Beast
06-06-2002, 07:51 PM
JT:
1. No, I didn't intend to spread intolerance on the forums, and I said if it was really that big a problem with you, to delete the thread or close it. You are reading to much into it, most of these are positive, if you take 3 seconds to think about them. I could try to explain them, but when you have to explain a joke to someone, it ceases to be funny.

2. It holds water, because you are doing the same thing you are accusing me of. And I was blowing your comment out of preportion, because you blew an obviously humerous thread totally out of preportian saying that it was intolerent. It's called a sense of humor, try it sometime.

3. Yes, but instead of complaing about that thread, you made a joke in it about a replacement arm being made out of beer cans. As BigBarada stated over there.. "That's being tolerant?" Yes, I am picking you apart, cause you went after a post, that was meant to be funny, taking it serious. What were your motivations, are a better thing to look at.

4. As I said before, if it was that big of a major offense to your innocent sensibilites, please close or delete it. It's no skin off my nose, but it shows that you cannot take a joke. God forbid you ever saw a Jeff Foxworthy performance, I think it would send you into fits. :D

MTFBWY and HH!!

Jar Jar Binks

LTBasker
06-06-2002, 08:41 PM
I thought it was darn funny. And so true on some points... Like the caviar and sushi thing. :D

It's not bigotry, it's just jokes. Like the whole redneck thing is a stereotype but the "might be a redneck" is a series of jokes, they're pretty much on the same levels.

TVCat
06-06-2002, 08:53 PM
Originally posted by JediTricks
Wow, it must be "intolerance day" on the forums because I have been logged in less than half an hour and have already read 4 different threads where bigotry and stereotyping are being brandished like a machine gun in Afghanistan. This thread's content is demeaning to people from both the city AND the country.

Give me a break! Intolerant??? Good lord! The biggest problem with this country today is that we have lost our sense of humor. You can't open your mouth without someone saying "That's intolerant" and running for a lawyer and a sympathetic judge.

His honor the moderator, and unfortunately, a great many others in this country need to get a sense of humor. Life is far too short to be so god awful picky. I enjoyed the humor and passed it along to others who I'm sure will equally enjoy it.

The network I work for put me in Texas for a while and I can assure that 99% of the people I met and worked with there will love it as well. No, it may not sit well with the liberal editorial staff on the Dallas Morning News or the Austin American Statesman, but they are also in bad need of finding a smile.

It is sad to think that a simple bit of humor (that is amazingly close to the truth I might add..) can cause this much of a stir.

mylow thehutt
06-06-2002, 09:23 PM
Originally posted by TVCat


Give me a break! Intolerant??? Good lord! The biggest problem with this country today is that we have lost our sense of humor. You can't open your mouth without someone saying "That's intolerant" and running for a lawyer and a sympathetic judge.

His honor the moderator, and unfortunately, a great many others in this country need to get a sense of humor. Life is far too short to be so god awful picky. I enjoyed the humor and passed it along to others who I'm sure will equally enjoy it.

The network I work for put me in Texas for a while and I can assure that 99% of the people I met and worked with there will love it as well. No, it may not sit well with the liberal editorial staff on the Dallas Morning News or the Austin American Statesman, but they are also in bad need of finding a smile.

It is sad to think that a simple bit of humor (that is amazingly close to the truth I might add..) can cause this much of a stir. AHMEN :D

RooJay
06-06-2002, 11:29 PM
:D

JediTricks
06-07-2002, 03:05 AM
Originally posted by TVCat
The network I work for put me in Texas for a while and I can assure that 99% of the people I met and worked with there will love it as well. No, it may not sit well with the liberal editorial staff on the Dallas Morning News or the Austin American Statesman, but they are also in bad need of finding a smile.

It is sad to think that a simple bit of humor (that is amazingly close to the truth I might add..) can cause this much of a stir. Nope, no furthering of stereotypes in this thread. :rolleyes:

derek
06-07-2002, 06:08 PM
jeditricks,

i'm curious, who do you think is sterotyped in jar jar's post, the rural or the city people?:) or both?

JediTricks
06-07-2002, 08:39 PM
See post #2 for my answer.

SithDroid
06-07-2002, 10:30 PM
I'm from the midwest and I thought it was funny. Not all of it is true, but some of it is.

jeddah
06-08-2002, 05:31 AM
JT, I've known you since 1997, but I don't think I've ever seen you so riled up and out-of-character than you appear on this thread. :confused:

Is there some background to this? JJB's intention was clearly just posting a funny email fwd, with no malice or agenda.

Please can we have smiley-JT back, please :happy:

jeddah :kiss:

edit: this (http://www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm) is doing the rounds on the RPF at the mo'. It made me laugh and may be the antidote to your ire. :)