There's not really in fighting. It leads up to the fighting which will be in the next ish.
There's not really in fighting. It leads up to the fighting which will be in the next ish.
Had to post this up, for those folks of you that read Ultimate X-Men. It's supposed to be a review, but the reviewer actually ended up just writing alternate dialogue for the book to be funny. I think it's pretty damn hilarious myself. Enjoy. :)
Ultimate X-Men #40 Review
Posted By Matt Morrison on 12.18.03
Send me an Angel…
Reviewer: “Starman” Matt Morrison
Story Title: New Mutants (Part One)
Written by: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciled by: David Finch
Inked by: Art Thibert
Colored by: Frank D'Armata & Morry Hollowell
Lettered by: Chris Eliopoulos
Editor: Ralph Macchio
Publisher: Marvel Comics
SCENE: The Worthington Mansion
Xavier: So what you’re telling me is that the boy lives here alone because his parents find him… distasteful?
Butler: Indeed, the boy wants for nothing financially as my masters are your atypical WASP scumbags who cannot cope with anything outside their own viewpoints of normalcy but neither can they bring themselves to disown the boy outright.
Xavier: So you want me to take him out of their bigoted hands in exchange for a huge sum of money?
Butler: That is the offer, yes.
Xavier: You insult me, sir. I take all young people with mutations into my school based on need, not on financial reward.
Butler: So you won’t be needing the check for several million dollars?
Xavier: (grabbing the check) Not NEEDING as such… but advanced holographic technology doesn’t pay for itself… YOINK!
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants : The Pool
Xavier: I’m sorry to interrupt the 1 pm sunbathing and lounging around class, but I wanted to introduce our newest student. This is Warren. He never wears shirts.
Kitty: Oooh! I wanna sink my teeth into that! I don’t care if he’s Kosher or not…
Storm: Kitty, you’re 13 or something. Granted, we’d never know if from that swimsuit or the way your body is drawn in the long shots…
Rogue: Hold on… isn’t that kinda weird? I mean, he looks like an angel… and then we have demons walking around with us…
Rogue: I mean, its all Biblical, right? Sign of the end times? The forces of good and evil standing among us, working in plain sight?!?
Nightcrawler: Uh.. hello? Standing right here?
Xavier: Now, Rogue. Kurt is not a demon. Apologize to him.
Rogue: I’m sorry I called you a demon, Kurt.
Nightcrawler: That’s okay. I’m just happy to see someone else is getting the dialogue with the heavy-handed religious commentary
Rogue: Well, I’m just glad to be able to say “I” instead of “Ah” and “sugar” instead of “sugah”.
Xavier: I do understand your concerns and we will be discussing the religious implications of mutation later. Not now.
Rogue: When will we be discussing it, Professor?
Xavier: Off-camera. There’s no way I’m going to **** off the Christian Coalition by touching this subject with a 10 foot poll in any story that will see print.
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants : The Next Day
Pro-Mutant Protestors: God is a mutant!
Anti-Mutant Protestors: God hates mutants!
Xavier: Before I ask which one of you is responsible for the crowds of zealots outside the campus, I would like to point out that I a) am not stupid b) am a telepath c) already know the answer and d) know that one of you has a history of saying things he shouldn’t to people about the inner-workings of our semi-secret school of superheroic celebrities… HANK?!
Beast: What? I just posted it on a few websites… along with those naked pictures of Storm.
Storm: You son of a-
Xavier: You can electrolicize the hair off of him later. Right now, I want you to go find Warren.
Storm: Why me?
Xavier: Because he likes you.
Storm: You read his mind to find that out?
Xavier: No, I found the pictures bookmarked on the computer in his room.
SCENE: A Cliff.
Warren: Wow, I finally get some dialogue of more than like three words in a book that’s all about me.
Storm: We want you back.
Warren: So you can laugh at me some more?
Storm: We weren’t laughing. Well, Bobby was but we try to ignore him. All the girls think you’re gorgeous and want you to take them to heaven and back.
Warren: Okay. So I am going to have a lot of gorgeous and in the most case legal-age girls fighting over me…but people think I’m this thing I’m not.
Storm: So go show them what you are. Look, I write and nobody knows I write and nobody thinks of me as a writer, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a writer.
Warren: … what?
Storm: I don’t know. It’s news to me too, but it’s a lot more characterization than I got when Mark Millar was writing this book.
Warren: Well.I guess I can get all those nuts off the lawn, at least.
SCENE: The Xavier School For Mutants
Warren: I’m not an angel. I’m a mutant. I don’t have any message from any God, but I think that fighting over the whole thing is pretty silly and that we should all be good to each other despite our differences.
SCENE: A Diner
Hank: (reading from newspaper) Angel Sightings are Mutant Hoax on Page One…. Dick Cheney’s Oil Company overcharging customers on page 20.
Shadowy Figure: Rather a mess, isn’t it?
Hank: Who are you?
Shadowy Figure: Darned if I know. Allow me to say something cryptic to lead into the next part of the story.
Wolverine: Hey! I didn’t show up once in this book! Call my agent!
The 411 .::. A nice character issue with some good humor and good illustrations. I’m not a big X-Men fan, but even I could start reading this book on a regular basis.
MTFBWY and HH!!
Jar Jar Binks
that was quite funny. I liked it.
To keep with the topic subject, this weekend i'm picking up U6 part 5.
Time to rejoin this thread. :)
I picked up for two weeks, and got some back issues, so here's my haul for 12/18/03:
New X-Men #150: DANG! Not what I expected, but what I feared. However, the final showdown between Wolvie and Magneto was worth the $3.50 alone!
Uncanny X-Men #434-435: What is this, weekly? Haven't read 'em yet, but I see Jubilee's in them, so they'll be awesome.
Transformers Armada #18: Kind of a letdown. Unicron shows up, and they whomp him easily. At least the stupid kids look like they're going to be long gone now.
GIJoe/Transformers #4: Haven't read yet. I've not cared too much for this series overall. It's very difficult to follow. But the art is gorgeous.
Transformers: The War Within II: The Dark Ages #3: Andrew Wildman is the greatest comic artist ever!!
GIJoe Frontline #18: Last issue? WTF? :mad: The last two issues of his have been excellent, better than Special Missions back in the 80s. The cover of a carded Roadblock as TV Show Host resculpt is one of the best covers of all time.
SW: ROTJ Infinities #1: See my comments in the other thread on this one.
SW: Republic #58: Excellent read overall. Rather shocking to see how Ani picked up the choking trick, and to speculate on his thoughts when he finds out the greatest Tusken Jedi of all is a great healer. Not sure what happened to Luminari, or when Barris became a Master. The end with Asajj and the imprisoned "bring in the gimp" Obi-Wan was uber-lame, though.
Wolverine #9: Haven't read yet.
1602 #5: Haven't read yet. Yeah, I know. Blasphemy.
Superman/Batman #2-4: Haven't read, but I had to pick up after reading #1.
Supreme Power #1, 3-5: Man! With all the recommendations I've heard for this, I still wasn't ready for how good it turned out to be. I want #2!
I snuck into a previously undiscovered comic store (found about 1/2 an hour south of me) and bought 3 comics today (got in crap, too - but that's another story!).
Supreme Power 5
Thor: Vikings 5 (can't read until I get my #3)
The Truth #2, so I can now read this alternate Cap story.
My regular books are piling up at the local store, won't be able to empty them out until January I don't think. Yikes.
Uncanny 435 (What is this? Weekly?)
New X-Men 150
Teen Titans 6
Ultimate Six 5
Emma Frost 6
Untrue? That was odd....anyway. I forgot to grab Transformers/GiJoe 4. Or thought that I already had it. So that will be on next weeks purchase.
Uncanny. Stale follow up to the Draco. Whatever happened to the Vault? It seems like they have 20,000 super powered criminal holding facilities instead of just one. Doesn't this wreak havok on the budget?I suggest Marvel reintroduce S.H.I.E.L.D. and have them in control of the Vault and enlist all the underused support characters as new agents. Like Jessica Drew, Silver Sable and her crew, Luke Cage, etc. Plus, Dum Dum Dugan is gotta be pushing eighty, so show him as an old geezer. Nick has the infinity formula, but Dugan ain't nothing but old. give him gray hair and a cane...where was I?
New X-Men SPOILERS!!! I knew Jeannie was gonna bite it since I read Wizard last month, but WOW! What a finale! Scott releasing an optic blast point blank into Mags helmet was outdone only by Wolvie decapitating him. Holy Crow!!! Heh. Morrison brought Erik back just to kill him all over again. Sweet!
Teen Titans. Well, it's obligatory that the JLA show up in the first year of each incarnation of the Teen Titans and scuffle. This was about par for the course. I liked how Nightwing showed up and played responsible mediator. it occured to me that ALOT of people know Bruce Wayne's secret just because Dick and Tim are so loose with theirs.
Robin. A decent fresh start. Especially since I bought an issue a couple months ago and thought it was horrid. I remember Rick Mays from way back on Nomad (he followed Hawbaker on the series). I'll keep this up for the story arc.
U6. I'm gonna have to go back and read this from issue one. Its a great story.
Emma Frost. Nice closure to the story. I think it's a good place to drop this title.
Uncanny X-Men 434 & 435
Gi Joe Vs Transformers 5
Gi Joe/Transformers 2-4
Uncanny X-Men #436
Amazing Spider-Man #502
Star Wars Empire #15
Batman - This story so far has a couple of similarities to Hush. Bringing back a lot of old Bat enemies, while introducing a new one. Hmmm? It's been pretty good thus far, though no where near Hush.
Uncanny X-Men - Pretty good, could this be the beginning of a new Cain Marko?
Amazing Spidey - Awesome. Hilarious. Have to quote this "Thor, very nice guy. Wears a fifty-six long. It's snug on him, but that's how he likes it. Reads gardening magazines. And Modern Bride. I figure he's either a real romantic kind of guy, or his hammer leans a little to the left, if you know what I'm saying." Just all around excellent, with great writing.
Star Wars Empire - The attack on the Death Star from Biggs perspective. Pretty good, character story about Biggs.
JLA - First part of a new story, it's was ok.
Oh and by the way... Merry Christmas
Wonder Woman 199
Uncanny X-Men 435
Amazing Spidey 502
Transformers GIJoe 4 (So technically this one ain't new....but hey...)
Batman. So are all of Batman's rogues locked up in Arkham until they show up in a storyline and then they aren't in Arkham any longer? I get confused sometimes.
JLA. As gsr said. OK. basically I'm biding my time with this one until The Tenth Circle begins.
Wonder Woman. jabber jabber jabber. I'm dropping this after next months issue concludes the story arc. It's all talk and no fighting.
Uncanny. Other than seeing Cain shag She-Hulk, which is a funny idea, this was a hohum issue. Austen is losing that snappy jargon I enjoyed when I first started reading again.
Avengers. Seriously, I didn't care that Jack of Hearts bit it. The logic behind the entire issue was suspect. He blows himself up because he had a piffle with Ant-Man?Ironically, Ant-Man is also dead, since he bit it in the Alias comic. Continuity!!!
Amazing. I also liked the Thor crack. Pretty funny.
Haven't read Supes of TF/GIJoe.
But I did get Wizard and they had a preview of the Marvel Knights '4'. Solid writing. I'm torn since I also want to pick up Ultimate FF and my pocketbook is screaming at me. They also had the Wizard fan awards...but thats another thread I think...
Cool. I didn't think Supes 200 was coming out until next week so this is a nice suprise. However, I'm on the verge of dumping this title. The stories for the past 6 months have been ho-hum at best. And the "reimaging" that's going on where the history of Superman is being merged with the Smallville show is really starting to make some long time readers leave this title.