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  1. #1
    Banned Emperor Howdy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Atlanta, Ga.

    Weird thoughts....

    One of my employees called in today, so I worked alone. As you know, when you are one to B.S. with, you just think. Anyway, here are some of the things that crossed my mind:

    Has anyone, in the history of mankind, gone in to get a physical, and accidently gotten know.....during the exam?

    Concrete trucks look like they are driving backwards.....really...check it out sometime.

    Do women's restrooms have the same obnoxious pictures, poems, and phone numbers on the stall walls like ours?

    Who came up with the idea of rolling dried leaves in paper and smoking 'em? Probably Indians in a pipe...but why? How much nasty crap did they inhale before they got it right?

    Why wasn't Nancy Reagan at the National funeral?

    I want to make an audition tape for Survivor.

    How come the media interviews the dumbest people on earth, making us ALL look dumb? when they do random street interviews.

    I hate attention-starved, tye-dye wearing, pierced-tongue, anti-war college posers who prance around campus holding picket signs because of their pot-smoking, ex-hippie history professor.

    How come when we fa...oh..sorry..."pass gas" by ourselves, we don't even crack a smile, but if others are around, we laugh hysterically.

    Not that I would want it, but do you realize Hitler ruined that style of mustache for everyone....for ALL eternity? Go ahead and shave yours like that and watch what happens.

    Why do I find Angelina Jolie (sp?) totally unattractive, but have this weird thing for Courtney Love?

    How do we know the Taliban isn't snagging some of that food we're dropping?

    I'm sure I thought of other things, but I'm pretty sure it was mostly work-related stuff. Has anyone else had some thoughts they'd like to discuss?

  2. #2
    Banned Rollo Tomassi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    "Almost there, Almost there..."
    Is it possible to get just one herpe?

    Why does it always take longer to walk to someplace than it takes to walk back? Except when you leave the mall and think "Man. I parked all the freakin' way out there?"

    Does anybody really see constellations in the stars? I don't see anything like a bear or a lion. Except the big dipper...

    Two thousand + years ago, people were afraid of their own mortality and created all these fictional stories to explain life after death and in an endless cycle of brainwashing young children in church, these stories have endured and perpetuated for the last two millenium until people take them as fact. That is the ultimate wierd.

  3. #3

    Thumbs up

    ok here we go:

    Is it true all the things that are boradcasted in the news...(CNN, CBS, ABC...etc)???

    Do we really reached the moon???

    Are we ever going to know who shot JFK...??

    Will there be at least one year without wars in the world...???

    If we celebrate Christmas in December 25th...then why do we start the year 6 days after Ctmas...??? The count started after Jesus was born...

    Have u ever had a "Deja-vu"...and what does that mean?? (i liked the Matrix cuzz at least the gave a shot to explaining this one)

    Are humans still missing a part of evolution??

    Ok now some remarks:

    "To be or not to be"....W. Shakespeare
    "To do is to be"...some famous guy
    "Do be do be doooo"...Scooby Doo

    As always...........L

  4. #4
    '97% effective?'

    'Why am I at school in my underwear?'

    'Secret sause? Are you sure this isn't mayo that has been set out in the sun?'

  5. #5
    Why do we tell kids not to do drugs and then prescribe them Prozac and Ritalin? Are these diseases really just now appearing for the first time? Or are they just manufactured by the drug companies to create a market for useless drugs?

    Why do my co-workers give me crap for spending $100 on Star Wars figures then go and spend their entire paycheck on beer and hookers?

    Why did that truck just drive by with a gigantic missile strapped to it? (Oh yeah, they're just relocating the Air Defense Artillery Museum. **whew**)

    Why do people complain that kids never read enough, then when something like Harry Potter comes around they complain that they are reading too much?

    Did anyone ever actually buy a picture-in-picture television set?

    Why do I have so much trouble crawling out of bed at 4:30 in the morning and am tired and sluggish all day; but when it is time to go to bed I can't sleep?
    Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split. - Robert E. Howard

  6. #6
    Banned Emperor Howdy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Atlanta, Ga.
    Good ones!

    .....and how come every high school kid in our dad's yearbooks looks 40, but nowadays an 18 year old looks 13?

  7. #7
    Banned Rollo Tomassi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    "Almost there, Almost there..."
    Why are guitars all different colors, but banjos are always white?

    We look forward to sneezing, but dread coughing.

    Who decided a fork and spoon would be called "fork" and "spoon" Those are silly words.

    When accompanying images of our troops invading Afghanistan, do you hear the classic Star Wars theme or the Imperial March?

  8. #8
    If any unforeseen "excitement" occurs during a physical exam, there is a special technique which involves flicking the base of the area to get rid of said "excitement". This happened to at least 4 of my PE classmates in Jr High every year, and they always told this same story.

    Women's restrooms do indeed have graffiti in them. There are a few websites out there that have quotes from various restrooms from around the country and mention whether they're men's or women's rooms.

    Would you stop for a stupid on-the-spot news or tv interview? Most folks with a brain wouldn't, so they only get the goofs who would.

    Not everybody who protests violence and war is a hippie trying to live up to the '60s, some actually believe in peace or at least not killing millions of innocent Muslims to nab hundreds of guilty ones.

    Mob mentality makes most people stupider. Not every grouping falls into mob mentality though.

    Angelina Jolie is a freaky weirdo with nasty implants and ugly emotional and physical scars some of which involve her sex/knifeplay issue.

    "Herpes" is a Latin word, from the Greek "herpein", a verb which means "to creep".

    TV has ruined our minds, that's why we don't see anything in the stars. I too see what they're getting at with the big dipper though.

    Yes, we really reached the moon.

    We may all already know who shot JFK now, but we may never be able to accept the answer, no matter what it may be.

    Christmas comes 4 months too late, the calendar was messed up by countless things like emperors naming new months after themselves, tree-worshipping pagans having harvests and festivals at certain times of year getting their times stolen, etc..

    "Deja-vu" is a French word literally meaning "already seen", it's a sense of having seen or done something before. Some scientists believe that this is actually a biochemical reaction when a neuron misfires and interprets current events as a memory. There are other physiological, psychological, and spiritual theories on where this phenomenon comes from.

    "Secret sauce" is often a mixture of thousand-island dressing and ketchup and/or mustard.

    Prozac is a drug that shuts down certain neural pathways while locking others in "always open" status, basically turning off certain levels of emotion. Ritalin is a stimulant which was given out in the '70s like candy because it was a new drug and nobody wanted to worry about side-effects. Children are the born suckers that drug companies are looking for, since the kids haven't had enough life experience to know when they're being finagled and parents are often too worried to disagree with a Dr prescribing a drug he's been paid to use more of. Some drugs do have worthwhile purposes, but the FDA and drug companies hardly ever do enough testing on the effects of a drug product on children.

    "Beer and hookers" are somehow more societally-acceptable than toys, even though toys last longer and can allow you to access important parts of your imagination which are stunted by adult life. People would rather see their fellow man miserable than accept that they are not living life the way they would like to.

    At 4:30 in the AM, the outside world is still dark, this darkness affects the pineal gland in your head which is what controls your internal clock, which is part of your sleep cycle. Thus, when you are surrounded by natural darkness, your pineal gland says "hey, it's still sleep time!" to various other body parts as well as triggering the creation of melatonin, a hormone which triggers sleepiness. Thus, you are still sleepy until you get into the light, so you still have that pineal gland slowly turning down the "sleep, you moron, sleep!" command until it becomes daylight. Thus, you're still sleepy when you are active, and it keeps going throughout your day, but since you've finally worked all that sleepiness out by nighttime, you have geared up your body for more living, you go to sleep later, get less sleep, and start the next day at 4:30. Thus, a cycle is born. Things that help fix this are changing your eating times, what you have for the final meal of the day, having more light around you in the morning when you awaken, and getting a good start to the day with the right kinds of foods and a nice light series of stretching and exercises.

    Between hairstyles and styles changing throughout the generations, there is also the changing of perceptions in an individual making the last generation look older at your target age and the younger generation seem younger at the age. However, there is also a theory that as the human race lives longer on average, the body matures differently so certain changes may physically occur at different times, and the next generation may actually LOOK younger at the target age because their growth is changed from yours. While they may mentally mature earlier or hit puberty earlier, their looks may not mature until they hit their twenties.

    Banjos are often white because they have snare-drum style body which requires a drumhead-like skin. Since they're not a contemporary music instrument, most manufacturers don't seem interested in altering the design much.

    Coughing hurts when you let it out while sneezing usually hurts only when you keep it in.

    Spoon is from the Old English word "spon", it means "a chip of wood". Fork is from the Latin "furca" and it basically means "branching out" like a fork in a road.

    Why does thread look like one of Jerry Seinfeld's joke-writing notebooks? "...and what's the deal with strawberries?!?"
    Darth Vader is becoming the Mickey Mouse of Star Wars.

    Kylo Ren - came from Space Brooklyn, although he moved to Space Williamsburg before it was trendy.

    The use of a lightsaber does not make one a Jedi, it is the ability to not use it.

  9. #9
    Banned Emperor Howdy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Atlanta, Ga.
    Strawberries are any plant of the genus Fragaria of the family Rosaceae (rose family), low herbaceous perennials with edible red fruits, native to temperate and mountainous tropical regions. The European everbearing strawberry (F. vesca) is the only species that does not put out the stolons typical of this easily propagated genus. It has been cultivated sporadically since pre-Christian times but intensively only since the 15th cent. The common strawberry, grown in many varieties in both Europe and America, is Fragaria Ananassa, the result of the hybridization of F. chiloensis, believed to be indigenous to Chile and to the mountains of W North America, with the wild strawberry (F. virginiana) of E North America. Both species were introduced to Europe by New World explorers; the large French industry grew from a single common strawberry plant. Strawberries are sold fresh, frozen, or in preserves and are used in confectionery and for flavoring. The word Strawberry is in itself, peculiar to the English language. The name has a variety of posssible origins. Straw was commonly used to mulch the plants during the winter and as weed and soil control to keep the berries cleaner. In London children used to collect the berries, string them on pieces of straw, then sell them at the markets as "Straws of Berries". The runners which the plants produce are said to be strewn or dispersed around the plant. In some literature the fruit is called strewberry. In Latin the fruit is referred to as "Fragra" or Fragrant. Charles Linneaus gave strawberry the species name of Fragaria. In French, Italian, and Spanish the fruit is refered to as a "Fraise" or fragrant berry.The Narragansett Indians of North America called the fruit "wuttahimneash" or "heart berry".

  10. #10
    How do fish sit down?

    Where oh where has my puppy dog gone?

    Do you know the way to San Jose?

    Why is one of my ears higher than the other one while my nose is on an angle of ten degrees diagonal and my eyes are entirely different heights? OH WHY WAS I BORN SO UGLY!!!!!?

    Did Carrie Fisher have a straight moment during the filming of ROTJ? Was she off her face on drugs all - ALL the time?

    What do wasps actually do? Is there a reason for their existence?

    Why underpants? If you take the time to clean yourself then why the need for another layer of clothing? Are we just conditioned to wear them as infants? I swear I'll never wear pants again!

    Whale bones in bras, whose idea was that? How many woman have been lacerated to death by their bras? there must be some statistics somewhere.

    Oh goody - it isn't going to be sheeps offal for dinner after all......


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