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  1. #1

    Siamese Twin Pleads Guilty to Killing His Brother!

    At the Dulles International Airport in Texas, Jack Korper surrendered to authorities when a security detection device went off allerting guards to a 12 inch tire iron that Korper was trying to conceal while boarding a plane to Mexico. The tire iron was embedded through the head of Randolf Korper, Jack's Siamese Twin brother!

    Korper, who already had garnered notice as looking a little odd, had been carrying an upside-down flower pot on his shoulder. Only it was not his shoulder, and the muddied earth packed into the pot was actually used to gruesomely offer a make-shift mobile burial plot for Randolf, Jack's attached-since-birth twin brother.

    Details about this horrible crime came out at Korper's arraignment when the suspect waived his right to a trial and pleaded guilty of his brother's murder, while in the most usual murder trial, the victim "looked on" as justice was done. The apparent motive for the murder was apparently that Randolf talked too much, and this had been a mentally torturous problem for Jack ever since he was born.

    The two brothers, Siamese Twins as reported, were two distinct individual heads, attached to the same body. Doctors had determined it was infeasible to detach them when they were born, and had considered it immoral to sacrafice one brother for the other.

    The defendant claimed life had become unbearable: Radolf was always looking on when Jack was voting. The two shared one stomach but one brother loved Mexican food, while the other said the taste of spicy foods always made him ill. Cell phone privacy issues drove both brothers mad to the extreme, especially given that Jack had been a criminal attorney and received many client calls, while Randolf was always in the way and could not allow Jack to provide true client confidentiality. To make matters worse, Randolf was a photographic journalist and Jack was sick of holding the flash for extra feature shots while he had his own professional work to do. Both brothers were of different sexual orientations, and Randolf wanted to pursue being legally allowed to marry his partner, while Jack said his relationships suffered because women he dated did not want to share him with at least 2 other unavoidable partners. This made Jack's marriage prospects look etremely limited and frustrated him to no end, since he said "he felt so extremely alone, yet he could never actually be alone."

    The brothers had only two arms between the both of them and had learned from doctors that having additional arms transplanted was not feasible given the state of current medical advances. Additionally, while cloning research has not advanced to the required level to do a transplant of this order, organ donors do not normally specify that their arms or unusual body parts are donatable, and clothing manufacturers would not be able to provide a broad enough variety of clothing appropriate to each of their professions. As it was, the two had difficulty having clothes custom tailored with either two collars, or a forty-eight inch neck size.

    Jack Korper testified that he had finally had enough. With his legal knowledge he was aware that he could dodge a muder charge for killing his brother if he too disappeared at the same time that Randolf did. This would basically contain all the damaging evidence. There would no indicators that Jack's brother had died, as long as there was nothing to be found. Meanwhile, Jack said he planned to have "his growth" sawed off by a native witch doctor in a Central-American jungle enclave, where the local medacine man also boasted credentials in exorcisms.

    Now he will have to wait for his trial to learn the fate of his brother and pay the penalty for his crime. The flower pot has been replaced with a jar of fermaldahyde that Jack wears with an over-the-shoulder strap so that he can preserve state's evidence. The jar is covered and while previously covered with family pictures at the time of Jack's arrest, now simply has a red label "Exibit A."

    We are bound to hear some unique testimony as Texas Superior Court Judge Cindy Lender decides whether to have the victim surgically removed as the defendant had planned, or if a decomposing accelerator will be used, so that Randolf falls off, only a bit ahead of the natural process. The victim's family only hopes that they will have something for a memorial service, and the mother is saving the flower pot for its possible use in the burial.
    BAD Pts Need: R5-C7 lf leg (x2), , R4-P44 right leg BAD Pts Offered For Trade: PM me - I have lots of parts now including BG-J38!. New Kyle Katarn is also available.

  2. #2
    Don't blame me! I voted for lethal injection.
    This announcement has been brought to you by a generous grant from the Ranting Jonna Foundation
    "Helping to improve your life through nonsensical ravings for over 35 years"


  3. #3

  4. #4
    No, but Next was my second choice.
    This announcement has been brought to you by a generous grant from the Ranting Jonna Foundation
    "Helping to improve your life through nonsensical ravings for over 35 years"


  5. #5
    Anyone ever see the movie basket case? WOOOOO!!!!
    "Roger Nasty Butler!"

  6. #6
    I always wondered why they're called Siamese twins when people from Siam don't look like that. But then my view of Siam is based on the musical 'The King and I' so what do I know...?

  7. #7
    Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.....

    Time to switch to 500 mg.
    "No one helped me so why should I help you?" - College professor circa 1999

    By choosing not to decide you still have made a choice.

    I'm in love with the women of Univision.

  8. #8
    Originally posted by Quite-Long Dong
    Anyone ever see the movie basket case? WOOOOO!!!!
    The best one was when they were all with the 'Family'. I think it was three, but I'm not sure.
    This announcement has been brought to you by a generous grant from the Ranting Jonna Foundation
    "Helping to improve your life through nonsensical ravings for over 35 years"


  9. #9
    Tycho,
    Wherever did you find this compelling piece of fiction?
    "Does the name "Dingo" mean anything to you?" - Jedi Boulton to DingoDad at the October Dallas ComiCon.

  10. #10
    I made it up! Like I made up the story about monkeys launching themselves into space - and people reacted to that as if they weren't sure if it was real! Har-har-har!

    Sometimes I think of really ridiculous and twisted things. Who knows if this is actually possible?

    1) There are Siamese Twins born with 2 heads and 1 body.

    2) They actually can get married, and some do: twice!

    3) They are inviduals with their own minds about things.

    4) I'm sure they have to work to earn a living, though I don't know if they can actually work in different occupations.

    5) If they have 1 stomach - I'm not sure who gets to decide what to eat.

    6) Cell phone usage would be incredibly inconvenient.

    7) There are a lot of other strange situations you could probably think of!

    So I figured, what the heck? I'll make up a crazy story about it.

    What would happen if one of a pair suffered a fatal head injury?
    BAD Pts Need: R5-C7 lf leg (x2), , R4-P44 right leg BAD Pts Offered For Trade: PM me - I have lots of parts now including BG-J38!. New Kyle Katarn is also available.

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