Nowhere in your incoherent ramblings did you come anywhere close to the answer. Thanks to you, everyone in this room is now stupider having heard you. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul. -Billy Madison-
I say do a prequel trilogy to the prequel trilogy!
Episode -3: Start with a young bullied Palpatine attending Hogwarts and getting picked on. Despite Dumbledore's attempts, the troubled youth transfers to Naboo High (as a freshman) only to be attacked by Gungans wearing skeleton costumes. Suddenly, Palps (ala "Annie") is rescued by the dark and mysterious janitor named Mr. Plague (disguising his true name of course!). Sensei Plague trains Palps in the dark side of the force by having him wax his speeder, paint his deck overlooking a Naboo Lake, and teaching him to chop flies in half with a light saber. In the final scene, the two murder a bunch of Naboo teens at the Naboo High pool (ala "Let the Right One In") and begin their long, creepy friendship into evil....in between there is a love story between Palps and some girl....
Episode -2: a now-grown Palpatine is a fully-trained but precocious Sith. He and Sensei Plague get into various shenanigans. They construct the ultimate spy droid on Naboo: R2D2. Palps later runs for office and becomes mayor of Naboo (also the name of Naboo's capital city). Meanwhile, a young Shimi Skywalker (or "Bella" Skywalker as is her nickname) is struggling to choose between two lovers, a Corellian smuggler named Edward Solo (who sort of looks like a vampire) and a Wookie named Chewjacob (prefiguring the dynamic duo of course!). The love triangle goes no where but leads to some awesome lines such as, "I love you," "I truly, deeply, love you," and "if I can't have Edward, I guess I would rather kiss a Wookie). Nothing happens in this film....NOTHING.
Episode -1: Sideous continues to grow in his evil powers and political status, while Plag is working on knocking up women from across the galaxy by manipulating the force. Sid grows tired of Plag's perverted machinations. Just as Plag declares "I did it!" (meaning knocking up ... wait for it ... Shimi Skywalker), Sid kills him near a bed (Lucas is never one for continuity details so who cares if he "kills him" in his sleep or is "killed" on a bed?)! During the baptism of his godson, Sid/Palps has all of his enemies from Episode's -3 and -2 assassinated (while he also renounces the Devil!). He also has his brother, Fredo Palpatine murdered on a boat for betraying the Palp family (all shown in flashbacks done in sepia tones). Meanwhile, back on Tatooine, Shimi is preggers and visited by moisture farmers who say they saw a star that told them where to find her. Unfortunately, this "virgence" causes love problems and both Edward and Jacob .... er ... Wookiejake leave her...I mean sell her to Watto, who is also a vampire (details to be worked out)! Meanwhile, R2D2 is now good and gets shipped to the Naboo dock yard and put into storage (as we see Queen Amidala's cruiser being constructed ala the Death Star in AOTC). Oh, wait! Shimi is being carted off to Watto's junkyard and passes by a pile of, well, junk, and we see the head of C3PO! Just as credits role, she gives birth to .... wait for it .... Anakin Skywalker (this all happens during the Sid/Palps baptism scene)...NO, WAIT! As Anakin is being baptized, Palpatine renounces the Devil and becomes Annie's godfather! YES! YES!
For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.