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  1. #1

    If Georgie Boy made LOTR

    After reading the thread about GL being jealous of PJ, I got a tremendous feeling of releif and here's why: What if GL had got his grubby mits on LOTR before PJ and New-Line did? Can you just imagin the horrible PC gibberish the LOTR mivies would have been filled with? Thank God PJ and the countless others who made the LOTR did what they did. Sure there are some things that I would have liked to see done better but overall I think all 3 films conveyed the spirit of the book. Even though a lot of the actors and writers personally had no clue about the depth and meaning to a lot of the themes in LOTR, they were still present in the movies because they stayed close to tolkien's work. I shuder to think of some of the changes the bloated one would have made in the interests of his "grand vision". PC casting, Arwen as a member of the fellowship, Gandalf nor anyone else not smoking (or quitting in the middle of the films), terrible dialogue, replacing the use of the words "mankind", "man" or "men" with "people", women warriors, terrible costume/set design, some sense that democracy is the only way to govern, (like Aragorn gets elected King in the end). Gollum having a musical number and NOT falling into the cracks of doom, but returning to his old hobbit-like self when the ring is destroyed. The list goes on and on, I can't bear to think about it.......
    Hating aurra sing since 1999.

  2. #2
    Three words:

    Frodo bit first!
    That's my jacket!

  3. #3
    Registered Kidhuman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Dr. Ventures Yard Sale
    How can you be sure GL would of muffed it up? I think he could of done a really good job on it. It all matters what roads you take and all. He could of muffed it, he could of done better.
    thanks Chux Turbo LBC Bobafrett Mtriv73 Rjarvis JF96 JT JMG FB Rogue2 Tycho Slicker Deoxy Caesar JontheJedi JJReason Brandon Solo JMS UK for great deals.
    SSG Pro Football Pick em and Bowl Pick em Champ 2006. 2007 NCAA Bracket Champ
    #24 - Gone but not forgotten

  4. #4
    mabudonicus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Protecting my secret identity
    Interesting thing to entertain, to be sure... hmmmmmmmm

    well, On the plus side, with GL at the helm, ROTK would have been the strongest movie, as GL would not listen to any input for the first one, and he would make it according to his famous "vision"....
    I bet in GL's FOTR, Aragorn would be more dark and anti-heroic, maybe even slap a hobbit around a bit or something, and after every line of dialogue he would do that knowing arching of the eyebrows, like Chris Lee in Clones, that "is he evil or just eccentric" kinda deal. He would fix him up to "ken-doll" woodenness by the 3rd film.

    Also in GLFOTR, at least 45 minutes would be taken up by Tom Bombadil, and GL would add a romantic plot between Aragorn and his wife (hollyberry?? I forget, it was so boring)... whatever, it would be mega confusing, and really make the audience think he might be a bad guy

    I'd like to imagine that the destruction of Isengard would take place in a montage with "burnin down the house" playing, and more close ups of merry and pippin rocking out and dancing on corpses and stuff, laughing with giddy mirth (on a similar note, I think "inner circle" would perform a new version of "bad boys" for parts with saruman and the orcs)
    Sauruman coulda been a rastafarian, that would have made him more menacing to GL, at least....

    And as Aragorn oversees the counting of the votes in the previously mentioned "democratic election" (funny stuff) there'd be another crappy tune playing, maybe that song "ordinary people", with all the cold-war symbolism of that mixed-anthem solo coming right as the results are announced and Aragorn allows himself to be carried on legolas and gimli's shoulders, all giddy and laughing and pointing at people like they all just told funny jokes.

    Oh,and Liv tyler woulda been in it, but she would be the actual most convincing actress in the film..... Oh, and forget Aragorn, a GL original character, played by Tyler, would get elected at the end...

    AND lastly for now, the actors would all seem right jacked up on some kind of prescription drugs OR black market stimulants of some kind (no slam against anyone or anything, but somehow most actors/actresses in GL movies seem stoned, maybe it's just me)
    Something about him reminds me of my older brother, Rex.

  5. #5

    That's all well and good Mab,

    But Galadriel would be Kick***


  6. #6
    Yeah I forgot about Bombadil, he's be the JarJar or the fellowship (of which he would be part). He would always be stepping in troll crap and accidentally destroying Oliphants and siege engines. Also, Borromir would't try to take the ring from Frodo untill Frodo (hopped up on the ring) attacks Boromir first. (Lucas wouldn't want to confuse the audience by having Boromir act in a way that would be inapropriate for a man of Gondor).
    Hating aurra sing since 1999.

  7. #7
    Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Lucas would alos explain that Sauron went bad because the Valar somehow scewed him over. To quote GL: "Nobody is really evil, Sauron just made choices that any of us would have made if we were in his place. He's really just mis-understood."
    Hating aurra sing since 1999.

  8. #8
    At least the Hobbits wouldn't be so damn annoying if George made LOTR. Talk about hollow characters, PJ nailed it along with those 4 hams who he hired to "act" as hobbits.

  9. #9
    mabudonicus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Protecting my secret identity
    Ohhh yeah... Sorry, Jeddah, Galadriel would have been AMAZING, the whole scene with her would have some kind of hip-hop music and have lots of flashy edits...

    Nice touch, Bosskman, the Jar Jar bit... adding on that, in the second film, bombadil would have a really secondary role, for no apparent reason near the beginning he would be called off by some sort of messenger and communicate in "spirit form" for the remainder of the films.. this would be described as having been "the plan" all along, and not some attempt to soften a really bad decision.....

    Also, in GLTTT, gollum would be 100% cg and would be done extremely badly. GL would play this down, but would also switch to having gollum played by Jake LLoyd in ROTK, and explain this by saying it is the "evolution" of the character,representing spooky familiarity to the audience

    And one of the bigger changes... near the opening of FOTR, gandalf would take the Ring off to some apothecary, played by Brent Spiner, who would analyze the Ring and make an observation that it had the highest "Morgon" count he had ever seen.... Gandalf would subsequently poke Frodo with a dart (Caesar, imagine the "hurt" reaction, could be almost 5 minutes of doe-eyed quivering) or a dagger or something, to get a blood sample, and would find that Frodo, ALSO, has an unusually high "Morgone" count (BTW- "morgones", "morgonics","morgonisms", you name it; you would never really be sure what they were saying as the actors wouldn't be all that swift)
    There would be many mentions of these "morgons" throughout FOTR, but in TTT it would be like they never happened, except for some character saying something about "remember when we thought morgones were responsible for all this trouble??" and the audience (in both the theatre and the film itself) would bust up in gales of laughter
    When asked about "morgones" GL would snidely make that "where do I start, it's all so grand and wonderful and these peons wouldn't even understand it, let alone care" face and then with that wistful grin would murmur something intellectually insulting about "paradigm shift"
    Something about him reminds me of my older brother, Rex.

  10. #10
    If Lucas made LOTR Frodo would be wearing flannel shirts and Sam would follow him around saying stuff like "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE" and "Meesa you humble servant."
    "I'm just a YES man trying to make my way in the universe." - Jango McCallum

    "Good dialogue and smooth editing are no match for a good YES man by your side, kid." - George Lucas


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