Associated Press: Christina Aguilera who's always sworn she was not competative with fellow ex-Mouskateer Britney Spears has been infuriated by Britney's surge in the press lately.
Spears has become impregnated by a back-up dancer who is engaged to marry another woman he already has a child with, and who is also pregnant with his second one. This comes after Britney had a marriage that lasted less than 24 hours after a crazy fling with one of her old high school friends.
Meanwhile, rival baby-banger Mary-Kate Olsen has developed a new way to rival the diva media attention by becoming a cocaine addict and developing malnourishment and annorexia disorders.
While the public awaits to see what twin sister Ashley Olsen will do for this, and while the Bush twins graduate with degrees in in-toxicology and Chelsey Clinton has cosmetic surgery to cope with personality disorders, Christina Aguilera has hit upon the greatest publicity stunt. The singer who now likes to be named as X-Tina, will have a sex change operation later this month. Using her reportedly extensive knowledge of human geneology, X-Tina will choose a new name that's more appropriate: Y-Tina which "he'll" then change to Y-Tommy when the surgery is complete.
Champion of traditional rights and family values, President George Bush was called on to comment: "X-chromosomes and Y-chromosomes? Did Saddam also have these in his arsenol? This could symbolize a new threat to national security. I think I better call Donald. Excuse me. Presidential duty calls."
John Ashcroft actually died when he heard the news. His political advisors say that his corpse will be running in a rematch to try and win the Senate seat he lost in the 2000 election to another dead guy.
Meanwhile, Y-Tommy plans to hit the streets and campaign for bi-sexual rights and to help make men more aware of breast cancer.
When reached for comment, the pregnant rival pop-diva Britney Spears said, "Hold on - I think I'm going to be sick." But Spears' press secretary may have come out with a new topper: Madonna is the father of her child - it all happened back at the music awards.
Meanwhile, Janet Jackson offers a breast to rest on in these troubled times for her fellow celebrities.
Only time will tell about what will happen next and Y-Tommy.