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  1. #1

    The sequels that NEVER happened

    I don't mean sequels that were planned but got cancelled at some point. I'm talking about the horrible sequels that, as far as you're concerned, took place in a completely alternate world from the original and therefore are incorrect.

    Most sequels are inferior to the original, but some are still pretty enjoyable. Here we (dis)honor those that aren't.

    Oh, and even though this is a SW board, no one is allowed to say "The Phantom Menace" or "Attack of the Clones." Or even "Revenge of the Sith." Okay, you can use the names, but actually bringing them up as choices gets this out of the "Other" category.

    (Sorry, stillakid. )

    First up is what has to be the worst movie of all time, sequel or not: Highlander 2: The Quickening. I can live with Highlander 3. I haven't seen Highlander: Endgame, but can live with it as long as they fudge some reason so there can be only two, or if Connor beheads that pansy from the TV show. But what the hell was this crap? Everything from the original is thrown out, and suddenly the immortals are from space, and they always knew it? And Sean Connery's not dead? Jeez, I need to stop talking about this, or I'll get so mad over the time I wasted watching it that I'll have a heart attack! "Turd" doesn't even begin to describe this one.

    Almost as bad (it would be the worst movie of all time if there were no Highlander 2) is Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. The first wasn't exactly Oscar calibre, but it was a fun movie (and had that hottie from Billy Madison in it). This wasn't. In addition to just making it a series of useless cameos of all the characters from the games (the first at least tried to make it look like they had a story), it had some terrible special effects. I wasted money to see it on the big screen, and--no exaggeration--I could see almost every pixel. And, besides, if you get rid of Veronica Vaughan and Connor McLeod and replace them with (other, lesser known) hack actors, and you kill Johnny Cage in the first act, you have a mess. The only semi-redeeming feature was that the guy they cast to play the centaur (the character's name escapes me) looked exactly like Dave Grohl, so every time he appeared I could ease the pain of watching by pretending it was a Foo Fighters video.

    Batman and Robin is another strong contender for worst movie period. The first two were classic (JT, keep the anti-Batman Returns comments out of this one ), and Batman Forever was pretty fun (though it gets worse with every viewing instead of better). But when Bane is reduced from super-genius to slobbering idiot, and he isn't even a real character, Batman fans get ticked. And I don't know how many people actually walked out when "Batman" whipped out his American Express. This was so bad that I hated George Clooney with a passion until I saw O Brother Where Art Thou and realized it wasn't entirely his fault. I guess the blame falls on Schumacher, who said in an interview at the time, "Batman's been haunted by the murder of his parents for fifty years. It's time he got over that." It boggles the mind that the same guy could direct Falling Down.

    Jurassic Park III. Anyone who's been here for a while has doubtlessly read some of my many rantings on what's wrong with this "movie." In a nutshell, there's no story, they kill the real hero of 1&2 (the T Rex) the first time he shows up (and in a method that was scientifically impossible), the effects sucked for the first time in JP history, and the new "director" and "writer" dispensed with all paleontology to make this. Oh, and the Carnotaurus cameo was a waste, too.

    Short Circuit 2. Can someone please explain to me why a guy who says in #1 that his family is originally from Pittsburgh has to get his American citizenship? And why is Johnny (who falls only after R2-D2, Bender, and Optimus Prime in the robot hall of fame) wearing that stupid bandana? And where's Ally Sheedy? Oh, that's right. She recognized this was crap even by her exacting standards.

    I didn't see The Blair Witch Project 2, but don't get me started on everything that's wrong with this idea. To start with, I'm still not even sure The Blair Witch Project needed to be released to theaters! It was pretty decent, but not something you can watch twice.

    Any Disney sequels except for The Rescuers Down Under and Toy Story 2. Walt Disney himself was against sequels, and these are without exception rush jobs with shoddy animation. I saw a few minutes of Atlantis 2 once, and it's enough to make one vomit. However, I'll reconsider if they want to make Dinosaur 2 using the same techniques, or The Nightmare Before Christmas 2 as long as Tim Burton's aboard.

    Speaking of Burton, we can't forget the sequel to his first film, Big Top Pee Wee. All the nerd, none of the charm. Earth-shatteringly bad, even with the great Mr Reubens as the star.

    Poltergeist 2 & 3 weren't terrible movies in the way some of these are, but they were still pretty rancid. The original scared the beejesus out of me (admittedly, I was still a little kid), but these were laughable instead of scary when I wasn't much older.

    Barry Sonnenfeld should be shot for Men in Black II. I didn't see it either on the principle of the thing. The first ends with Tommy Lee Jones back in a normal life, and Will Smith teamed with Linda Fiorentino. But where's the lovely Ms Fiorentino this time around? A mockery this is.

    For the same reason, I can say that Darkman 2-50, The Substitute 2-12, and The Arrival 2 have to suck as well. Replacing Tom Berenger with Treat Freakin' Williams? What the hell are you thinking?

    I know there are legions upon legions of other dogs out there like these. Help me out, guys.

    Edit: Criminy, I forgot Terminator 3! I know some of you folks like it, and it may be a decent movie, but the second one ended perfectly, with there no possibility of Skynet ever existing. Especially without James Cameron's involvement. C'mon, just leave well enough alone for once!

    I also forgot Alien 3 and Alien: Resurrection. Resurrection wasn't bad--not up to par with the first two, but not bad. However, in my view it never happened, because it picked up where Alien 3 left off, and Alien 3 was such an incredible piece of tripe that, given the (somewhat) happy ending that Newt and Ripley experienced in the wider galaxy at the end of Aliens, there's no way Resurrection could take place. I much prefer the earlier Dark Horse comics, about a grown up Newt kicking Alien butt! Movies are canon over comics my butt.

    Another I forgot and that I've not seen is Eddie and the Cruisers 2: Eddie Lives! I've spoken with all five people who saw this, and they all agreed: this was a pig terd of amazing proportions.
    Last edited by El Chuxter; 10-06-2004 at 02:23 PM.
    Tommy, close your eyes.

  2. #2

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    Ghostbusters 2, Scream 2, Alien: Resurrection, Terminator 3,
    Vegas Vacation, Highlander 2, Jason Goes to Hell, Halloween 6, Hannibal, Batman Forever, Speed 2, Superman III, The Godfather III, Austin Powers 2, Gremlins 2, the Exorcist 2, Blair Witch 2. Uggh, some of these were so bad I didn't even see them.

    I think all three Jaws sequels were terrible, but Jaws 4: The Revenge has to take the cake in our bad sequel competition, tagline - this time its personal. Yes, it makes sense that a shark would try to get revenge against the family that killed it in all prior Jaws movies.
    Last edited by Droid; 10-06-2004 at 03:19 PM.

  3. #3

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    You think Ghostbusters 2 and Austin Powers 2? Really? I actually really enjoyed both. I even thought Austin Powers 2 was better than #1, though Heather Graham is no Liz Hurley. Ah well, we'll agree to disagree on those.

    Gremlins 2 was pretty bad. It wasn't even the same type of movie as the first. At least it had a couple of good one-liners. Although thinking back, I can't recall any, so I guess they must not've been too good.

    Luckily Christopher Lee went on to play Saruman and Dooku. It'd be sad if that was his last movie.

    However, by bring up Superman 3, you remind me of Superman IV. Superman 3 was too lousy to even call crap, but Superman IV made it look like Citizen Kane! It was so bad that Superman Lives (or Returns, or whatever it's called this week) has been delayed for over 15 years!
    Tommy, close your eyes.

  4. #4

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    Weren't there sequels to Tremors? I've never seen them, but I remember seeing commercials/trailers for one. . . maybe more?!?!? I've never seen them. . . but simply from the premise, they can't be good.

    Is that Blues Brother's nonsense (I can't remember the actual name) with John Goodman a sequel? If so. . . that was also crap, and deserves a mention here.

    I have to mention American Wedding here, too. Yeah, the movie was funny, but c'mon. I just can't deal with the fact "best buddy" Oz isn't invited to the wedding, and there is no explanation of why? The movie basically boils down to Stiffler being ridiculous. His occasional antics worked in the first two, but this one had Stiffler overload.

    I'm sure there are thousands more taht we are all forgetting.
    Star Wars : The Arcade Game (Atari 2600) World Champion

  5. #5

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    Blues Brothers 2000, good call. What a horrible idea.

    Yes, Superman IV is horrible. However, I tried to limit my comments to just the first really bad sequel in a series because I cannot think of very many series that had a terrible, horrible movie and then got things on track again. (I do think the first Star Trek and Star Trek V are bad, while Start Trek II and VI are good, but I do not think Star Treks I and V are bad on the level we are talking about here).

    I hated Ghostbusters 2 for reasons I outlined in another thread, the one about Ghostbusters action figures I think. I won't take the time to retype that rant. (Really hated them starting it out with Peter and Dana breaking up and her having had a baby with someone else, the fact that she started working in a museum rather than orchestra because it helped them with the plot, and don't get me started on them making the Statue of Liberty walk through New York using slime. Now look, you got me going).

    As far as Austin 2, I really hated what they did to Liz Hurley's character. Made me hate the movie from the start. I also hated them having two Austins at the end, when you just knew they'd never explain that if they made a third movie. I thought the body humor was over the top, Austin drinks poo, etc. I hated so many things about the movie that some great bits like Minnie Me couldn't save it for me.

  6. #6

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    LOL!!! I forgot about Weekend at Bernies 2 , one of the most ridiculous concepts in movie-making history.

    Speed 2 was poodoo as well.
    Star Wars : The Arcade Game (Atari 2600) World Champion

  7. #7

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    ooooooo. . . I can't wait for this sequel!!!! It will easily move to the top of my "Sequels that Never Happened" list:

    Dungeons and Dragons II
    Star Wars : The Arcade Game (Atari 2600) World Champion

  8. #8

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    I agree with Chux that Ghostbusters 2 was good, not as good as the original but still enjoyable, and Austin Powers 2 was far superior to the first film for me.

    Funny when I saw this thread title Highlander 2 was the first film to come to mind for me as well. It completely took the story in the wrong direction and hurts many plot points established in the first film so it doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned. Actually I'd probably say the same thing about everything associated with Highlander beyond the original.

    I agree with most of the choices already made, except for the 2 mentioned earlier and Hannibal. A few I'd add to the list are:

    -Caddyshack 2
    -Conan The Destroyer
    -Die Hard: With a Vengance
    -Airplane 2
    -Escape From LA
    -Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
    -The Crow: City of Angels
    -Jewel of the Nile
    -Robocop 2
    -Resident Evil: Apocalypse
    Talk Show Host Interviewing Joker: Your said to have only killed about 600 people Joker. Now dont take this the wrong way but I think youve been holding out on us.

    Joker: I dont keep count. Im going to kill everyone in this room.

  9. #9

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    Quote Originally Posted by bobafett07728
    Weren't there sequels to Tremors? I've never seen them, but I remember seeing commercials/trailers for one. . . maybe more?!?!? I've never seen them. . . but simply from the premise, they can't be good.
    Oh yeah, there were sequels and they were really bad. Farting alien bi-peds are not good material for sequels so save yourself from watching that. Of course with a six pack and a group of friends they can be very entertaining if you proscribe to the theory that "Bad is Good" for movies.
    "No one helped me so why should I help you?" - College professor circa 1999

    By choosing not to decide you still have made a choice.

    I'm in love with the women of Univision.

  10. #10

    Re: The sequels that NEVER happened

    Chux , you didnt like Poltergeist 2? I love that movie.

    Rocky IV and V
    Weekend at Bernies 2
    Highlander 2
    Lethal Weapon 3 and 4
    Die Hard 2 and 3
    GOdfather 3
    thanks Chux Turbo LBC Bobafrett Mtriv73 Rjarvis JF96 JT JMG FB Rogue2 Tycho Slicker Deoxy Caesar JontheJedi JJReason Brandon Solo JMS UK for great deals.
    SSG Pro Football Pick em and Bowl Pick em Champ 2006. 2007 NCAA Bracket Champ
    #24 - Gone but not forgotten

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