I went to Palm Springs (about two hours east of LA, and best known for electing Sonny Bono as mayor years ago) this weekend, and I discovered a potent and previously unknown force of the supernatural:
The Guardian Rams!
They are eighty statues of bighorn rams, identical in shape but widely varied in color. Some have mountains painted on them, some are metallic, one that I saw (and I'm pretty sure it whispered to me, "What a long strange trip it's been" as I passed) appeared to be tie-dyed.
They all have very large. . . well, let's just say they have no reason to be embarassed in front of the other sheep statues in the locker room.
They stand sentinel throughout the city, guarding against some impending danger. What sort of danger? I don't know, but I suspect it must be aliens.
They first began appearing overnight a few years ago, when Horace T Snodhopper noticed one standing in his rosebushes one morning. Over time, more have appeared until all eighty stood guard over the city. (The city has stated they are works of art, which is no doubt merely to appease the tourists, who would quake if they knew the horror which only the Guardian Rams' presence keeps from ensaring the earth.)
There is rumored to be an 81st Guardian Ram, which is named Herbert and lives within an upside-down aluminum teepee at the center of the earth. Herbert is made of pure plutonium, except for his horns, which are adamantium, and wears a mohair suit. There is no evidence to support the existence of Herbert aside from the testimony of the employees of Papa John's on 6th Street, who claim to deliver him a large extra-cheese pizza every evening at 7:30.
When danger strikes the city, the Guardian Rams join their mystical powers to. . . create the illusion of an 80-story ram, which will immediately frighten any evildoer. Except for the IRS agents, which is why I suspect the Guardian Rams were not placed here to protect us from the IRS.
Here are images of a few of the Guardian Rams:
Foxy, the Shy One (fellow Guardian Ram Englebert can be seen in the background)
Here, Steve and Elizabeth Hawthorne can be seen after putting muddy handprints all over Norbert, whose temper is legendary. Seconds later, Steve and Elizabeth vanished in a massive explosion of light and REO Speedwagon music.
An unknown tourist poses with the flamboyant Enrique
Three other Guardian Rams (Gary, Lurlene, and The Eviscerator) can be seen on the cover to this magazine which included an article about the supposed art exhibition.