The Guardian Rams of Palm Springs!

**El Chuxter** · 10-31-2004

I went to Palm Springs (about two hours east of LA, and best known for electing Sonny Bono as mayor years ago) this weekend, and I discovered a potent and previously unknown force of the supernatural:

The Guardian Rams!

They are eighty statues of bighorn rams, identical in shape but widely varied in color. Some have mountains painted on them, some are metallic, one that I saw (and I'm pretty sure it whispered to me, "What a long strange trip it's been" as I passed) appeared to be tie-dyed.

They all have very large. . . well, let's just say they have no reason to be embarassed in front of the other sheep statues in the locker room.

They stand sentinel throughout the city, guarding against some impending danger. What sort of danger? I don't know, but I suspect it must be aliens.

They first began appearing overnight a few years ago, when Horace T Snodhopper noticed one standing in his rosebushes one morning. Over time, more have appeared until all eighty stood guard over the city. (The city has stated they are works of art, which is no doubt merely to appease the tourists, who would quake if they knew the horror which only the Guardian Rams' presence keeps from ensaring the earth.)

There is rumored to be an 81st Guardian Ram, which is named Herbert and lives within an upside-down aluminum teepee at the center of the earth. Herbert is made of pure plutonium, except for his horns, which are adamantium, and wears a mohair suit. There is no evidence to support the existence of Herbert aside from the testimony of the employees of Papa John's on 6th Street, who claim to deliver him a large extra-cheese pizza every evening at 7:30.

When danger strikes the city, the Guardian Rams join their mystical powers to. . . create the illusion of an 80-story ram, which will immediately frighten any evildoer. Except for the IRS agents, which is why I suspect the Guardian Rams were not placed here to protect us from the IRS.

Here are images of a few of the Guardian Rams:

Foxy, the Shy One (fellow Guardian Ram Englebert can be seen in the background)

Here, Steve and Elizabeth Hawthorne can be seen after putting muddy handprints all over Norbert, whose temper is legendary. Seconds later, Steve and Elizabeth vanished in a massive explosion of light and REO Speedwagon music.

An unknown tourist poses with the flamboyant Enrique

Three other Guardian Rams (Gary, Lurlene, and The Eviscerator) can be seen on the cover to this magazine which included an article about the supposed art exhibition.

**JediTricks** · 10-31-2004

Several cities have had art projects like this, here in LA we had those silly angel statues, and I've heard of other cities with different ones, each with crazy paint jobs.

**InsaneJediGirl** · 10-31-2004

We had something like the art Rams around here,only they were Horses because my county claims its "Horse Captial of the World"

I dont really get it,the money from the auctioned art horses went to charity,but wasnt worth all the chaining and guarding downtown had to do

**Kidhuman** · 10-31-2004

I want one for my yard. These things are cool

**TeeEye7** · 11-01-2004

Two years ago, Catalina Island had something similar with buffalo statues gracing the streets of Avalon. This, in honor of the animals Mr. Gazillionaire Wrigley (of gum and Chicago Cubs fame) brought to the island early last century

**El Chuxter** · 11-01-2004

No, no, no, NO! You people are all buying into the hype! It's obvious this is not really a city beautification project!

I expected this from JediTricks, a known DoomBot who therefore has reason to fear the Guardian Rams and wants to spread the disinformation, but am disappointed in the rest of you. Well, except for kidhuman. I want one of these things on my lawn, too, preferably with a painting on his side of Spider-Man riding a Harley in a cave while wearing a sombrero and doing that Isaac-from-Love-Boat snap-point thing.

These Guardian Rams are not merely there to be admired. Their awesome power is to be respected. But they should not be feared, unless you are a bad guy, for they are here to protect you. And every now and then, they like you to drape leis around their necks and leave them tasty Filet-O-Fish sammitches.

You should all show the Guardian Rams more respect. Keep in mind that, without their ever-watchful watching, you would be a slave in the Crispix mines of Xandar IV.

**JediTricks** · 11-01-2004

I thought the mighty buffalo of Catalina (whose herd has to be thinned every year to avoid overpopulation, which is what brings us those buffalo burgers every once in a while) were brought not by Wrigley and his big league chew, but by some movie production who used them for the film and just left them there, where they were able to live peaceful, happy lives without being shot and carved into stuff. And this is why those with freezers enjoy buffalo year-round.

PS - art sux... and this project is barely art!

**2-1B** · 11-02-2004

My sister lives in a city called Sturgeon Bay and every summer they have these HUGE Sturgeon statues on on the streets. Pretty cool to see while visiting but if I lived there, I'd probably see it as an eyesore.

**mabudonicus** · 11-02-2004

A couple years ago Toronto had full-size moose statues in the same kind of thing, some of the paint jobs were downright ridiculous

**TeeEye7** · 11-05-2004

Right you are, JT. I stand corrected. After a little research, I found out that the buffaloes were used in the filming of "The Vanishing American" in 1924. I was always under the impression that Wrigley brought them there, just like Hearst had his exotic animals at San Simeon. Pets for gazillionaires.....