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  1. #1

    JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    The lighting shooting out from the specter shrouded in evil hammered into the dimunative Jedi Master so hard, he was barely able to deflect it's raw power. Yoda was in the process of being hurled back against the wall of the ante-room when he was able to regain access to the Force and brace himself to withstand the Sith Lord's onslaught.

    Reaching out with the Force as his ally once again, Master Yoda bekoned with his three-fingered hand and called his lightsaber back to him. Igniting it, he renewed his charge against Darth Sidious. All at once the Force surged through him and he was rapidly attacking and strategically retreating almost at the same time, as if in some deadly dance with a stationary opponent. Yet with little motion and seemingly even less effort, Sidious repelled each attack and drove the tiny Jedi backward towards the turbolift shafts. One powerful Force-shove jarred the lightsaber from the Jedi Master's hands and Sidious' red blade found it's mark, slicing through Yoda's weapon.

    Suddenly JarJar Binks came bounding down the passageway. "Oh mooey-No! Da Chancellah's in twubble! Mesa save you! Mesa save you!" The Gungan was exclaiming his intentions at the top of his lungs as he hurled himself into the room and tried to leap onto Master Yoda. Spinning in midair, the Jedi evaded the Gungan's charge, only to have to leap out of the way again as his large pink tongue lashed out after him. Now JarJar was on his feet clumsily trying to catch the leaping Jedi like a boy trying to capture a wild frog. The scene might have been comical had the Gungan's entrance not interferred with the Dark Lord's rage.

    Reaching deep within himself and killing his last connections to a sense of humor, Darth Sidious accepted the irony and channeled it into just one more thing about this universe that he hated. Now he lashed out again with his lightning, faster than the Gungan could move, but not faster than his target, the Jedi Master. The lightning slammed into Representative Binks who was nevertheless almost oblivious to the fact that it singed one of his wild, flopping ears right off, and set the other one on fire. He was still leaping too and fro, tripping on the burnt halves of the Jedi's destroyed and discarded weapon and falling right into the Sith Lord, knocking him over, just as he was slicing downward with a killing blow aimed at Master Yoda.

    The Gungan shrieked as he was vertically cut in half, his eyes popping out of his head and one getting lost directly down Sidious' loose black robe. Meanwhile, reflexively, the Gungan's tongue burst out of his disconnected head in an attempt at one last scream, and lashed itself onto the Dark Lord's face, covering his eyes for a moment.

    This was all the opportunity the Jedi Master needed, as Yoda called the Sith Lord's lightsaber to him and sliced open a whole in the turbolift doors and lept through it, falling rapidly faster and faster until he gained control of his descent with the Force.

    Irrate, Sidious flung the Gungan's body halves off his prostrate form and tugged and pulled the Gungan's tongue from off his face, restoring sight to his evil yellow eyes. But the Jedi Master as well as his lightsaber were gone. Enraged the Dark Lord rushed towards the smoldering hole in the turbolift doors, only to see nothing down the dark shaft below. Catching a glimpse of his reflection in the polished metal of the shaft tube, Sidious felt pained to see that his makeup was smeered. Gone was the CoverGirl application that made him look like the kind and wise old chancellor, and now the ancient face wrinkled by evil stared back at him with those same smoldering yellow eyes. They began to be filled with tears as the Dark Lord pounded and kicked the turbolift shaft as he cried over his prey escaping him and vowed to himself it would never happen again.

    Just then he felt renewed, as if with his new resolve his manhood dropped. He thought he felt a tremor in the Dark Side of the Force. Adjusting his nylons he wore under his Sith Lord robes, Darth Sidious felt pride again - for a moment. Gripping a large bulge in his private region, the Dark Lord gasped again as it popped out and fell through a hole in his pantyhose and rolled on the floor and out of his dark robes: the Gungan's other eyeball!

    "Aaaargggh!" The Sith Lord screamed in rage and the Dark Side filled him as lightning shot from his hands and lashed out around the room, setting the environment as ablaze as Sidious' anger! "Some day the Last One will drop!" he swore.
    Last edited by Tycho; 02-08-2005 at 03:47 AM.

  2. #2

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    If I hadn't read it on "Hyperspace" first, then I never would have believed it.

    I dunno Tycho, I'm with you up until the part about the Emperor's... umm... "parts." I could even see the cross-dressing thing working, giving Sidious a kind of "Buffalo Bill/Silence of the Lambs" quality.

    "It rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the force-lightning again."

    Geez, kind of makes me wonder if Mel Brooks is going to do a prequel version of Spaceballs?
    Last edited by plasticfetish; 02-08-2005 at 04:55 AM.

  3. #3

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    Uhhhhh........ I dunno, I really hope this is just some cruel hoax.....

    And I'm with PF.... the last 2 paragraphs seem like someone changed the channel while we weren't looking..... LOL that is some funny stuff
    Something about him reminds me of my older brother, Rex.

  4. #4

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    Assuming that this is REAL for a second --

    What a GREAT way to get rid of JAR JAR !!

    I do not believe I could have imagined it to be any better than that.

    ..."The Gungan shrieked as he was vertically cut in half,..."

    This is outstanding !!!

    Ahhh -- who am I kidding -- it has to be fake
    JediBoulton --
    Collecting SW Since 1978. -- Still going strong......

  5. #5

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    Obviously false.

    Where did you get that ?

  6. #6

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    You are asking the guy who can write pages explaining how Han Solo is a clone where he got this one from?

    I have some theories of where it came from, but I can not share them here.
    Back and more bearded than ever before

  7. #7
    Guys, I made this story up! It was a joke.

    Do you think Lucas would have Palpatine wearing CoverGirl and Pantyhose or have dead-JarJar's eyeball land in the Emperor's underwear?

    (Stillakid, do not answer that)

  8. #8

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    Regardless of how it happens (and this sounds fake to me), if Jar Jar really does die, the cheers in the theater will be louder than anything we've heard in a Satar Wars movie, louder than when Vader finally appears, and even louder than the boos that came down before Ep. I when the scrawny face of DiCaprio appeared on screen during the promo for "The Beach."

  9. #9

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    LOL, that was a good one.

    If Jar-Jar dies in EPIII it should be a totally meaningless death from a stray blaster bolt in the middle of a battle. He is not worthy of a death at the hands of a powerful Sith Lord.
    May the force be with you.

  10. #10

    Re: JarJar Dies Trying to Save Palpatine???

    Quote Originally Posted by plasticfetish

    "It rubs the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the force-lightning again."

    Holy s**t I am urinating in my pants. That was hilarious.
    thanks Chux Turbo LBC Bobafrett Mtriv73 Rjarvis JF96 JT JMG FB Rogue2 Tycho Slicker Deoxy Caesar JontheJedi JJReason Brandon Solo JMS UK for great deals.
    SSG Pro Football Pick em and Bowl Pick em Champ 2006. 2007 NCAA Bracket Champ
    #24 - Gone but not forgotten


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