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  1. #1

    Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    Wow, I can't really technically provide a link to this "www" page at "thebestpageintheuniverse" which resides not at a .com or a .org, but the other thing that also is used to catch fish.

    I also can't tell you to add the following after putting in that last part about the fish catcher: /c.cgi?u=episode3

    Because I can't provide a link, I also can't reprint what is there which is this guy's opinion about Revenge of the Sith. I think that he's pretty much right on in his own unique style.

    But I wouldn't dare invite anyone to visit such a site as it contains graphic words that are too intense for young viewers.

  2. #2

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    Funny you mention it stillakid, because QLD showed me that very same link last weekend and I laughed my butt off at the end when the author said that Sith is as crappy as the other 5 films . . . yes, he said OTHER 5 FILMS which includes not only The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, but also your beloved A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi as well.


  3. #3

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    Yeah, he's right about the wanton slaughter of children being the highlight of any movie

    He did make a good point about the overuse of special effects:

    They're not "special effects" anymore when they're found in EVERY SCENE. Lucas has done the seemingly impossible: he has made something that was once so unique that people called it "special" by name, and turned it into something so ordinary that nobody raises an eyebrow...
    Last edited by Ji'dai; 06-08-2005 at 01:53 PM.
    Weird War Tales: Featuring the Creature Commandos #105 November 1981 (DC Comics)

  4. #4

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    Quote Originally Posted by Caesar
    Funny you mention it stillakid, because QLD showed me that very same link last weekend and I laughed my butt off at the end when the author said that Sith is as crappy as the other 5 films . . . yes, he said OTHER 5 FILMS which includes not only The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones, but also your beloved A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi as well.

    At least he's consistent.

  5. #5

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    That was a pretty good read!

    Although I disagree with his saying ALL the other 5 of them sucked, he points out some of the same problems I had with EPIII - although in a much more vulgar and demeaning way! Funny nonetheless. I was entertained...

  6. #6

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    The rant about Cameron Diaz is hilarious!!!!

  7. #7

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    At the request of management, here is a PG-ish version of what I referred to above but didn't advocate for young children of Puritans.

    Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    I didn't think it was possible to be more unimpressed with Star Wars. Today, I stand corrected. If you were unfortunate enough to hear your stupid co-workers yammering on about Lucas' latest sh** burger, you might have heard them saying something like "I didn't like the first two, but this one was good!" When I ask why, these people have trouble responding because it's hard to talk with George Lucas' flaccid pen** in their collective mouths. Perhaps the question I should be asking is "why didn't you like the other two movies if you liked this one?" Nothing has changed. You have the same vacant-looking actors running around, aimlessly bumping into things, an army of stupid, sensitive robots, and dialogue clumsy enough to warrant putting a handicap sticker on George Lucas' car.

    To Lucas' credit, he was tacitly shamed into not giving Jar Jar any talking lines in this movie. With Jar Jar's character no longer speaking to annoy you, Lucas filled the void by giving every robot in the movie stupid toy noises. So instead of doing something cool like having the robots chase after screaming children, they bit** and moan and say things like "ow" when they get their prosthetic limbs chopped off. Even worse are the idiots who scarf down these sub-childish morsels of comedic relief, playing into Lucas' shallow theatrics so easily that you could sell these people h00kers in a vag**a storm.

    Before I go on, I have to address something that all you stupid Star Wars nerds are probably thinking right about now: "But Maddox, it's a movie made for kids, what do you expect?!" Even Lucas stated in an interview with the BBC that:

    The movies are for children but [the fans] don't want to admit that."

    Oh really? It just so happens that this "children's movie" has a scene where a guy gets his hands chopped off, a graphic decapitation, the wanton slaughter of children (the highlight of any movie), and the coolest scene in any space action movie starring Ewan McGregor: Anakin getting his legs chopped off as his stumps catch fire while his face melts. By the way, if you haven't seen this movie yet, don't read the previous sentence.

    The most damning thing about this epic waste of time is the piecemeal plot thatched together with just enough good will and nostalgia to pacify the average idiot (i.e., you). Besides all the jedis in the movie being morons who are unable to detect conspiracies involving the cooperation of thousands of soldiers, Lucas does his best to make this movie extra insulting to our intelligence:



    Senator Palpatine seduces Anakin to the dark side in about as much time as it takes for you to finish reading this sentence. Nevermind the fact that Anakin knows Palpatine is a Sith lord before accepting his offer, or that Sith lords are known for doing things like, oh.. I don't know, KILLING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Anakin is on a mission to save his wife, Padme, from certain death! Or at least likely death. Okay, it was a dream. But it seemed pretty real during the flashback sequence, so Anakin has no reason not to believe this dream will come true, as is the tendency of dreams.

    Near the end, Lucas takes a sh** on the script and makes his crew translate it into an ending that putters across the finish line. The product is a scene where Anakin tries to literally choke Padme using the force:



    Yes, that's right. The entire reason Anakin switched to the dark side becomes unraveled when he tries to kill Padme, who was the reason he switched to the dark side to begin with. Oops! Of course, Star Wars apologists will try to point out that Anakin was already under the influence of the "dark side" at this point. So that's why the first thing he asks as Darth Vader is whether Padme is safe, right you morons?

    Even after pointing out these serious problems with the plot, Star Wars nerds will still try to get you to admit one thing: "you have to admit that the special effects were good, right?"

    NEWS FLASH: Episode III had no special effects.

    They're not "special effects" anymore when they're found in EVERY SCENE. Lucas has done the seemingly impossible: he has made something that was once so unique that people called it "special" by name, and turned it into something so ordinary that nobody raises an eyebrow during a scene where a guy is having a sword fight on the back of a giant beast. By the way, I have to admit that the creature design was very creative in this episode; modeled after frilled lizards and ticks, Lucas tapped the well of innovation dry on this one. Congratulations Lucas, we don't care about "special" effects anymore.

    Speaking of, that reminds me of the character "General Grievous" a bad guy so sinister, his very name stands for PAIN AND SUFFERING. Nice job a**holes. Tired of thinking up awesome names like "Lord Dooku" and "Nute Gunray" for your bad guys? Why not just call all your characters "Evil" and "Bad" next time? All Grievous needed was a monocle, and a large black moustache that he could twirl as he cackled "I'll get you, if it's the last thing I do!" Ditch this bu**sh**.

    506,477 dipsh**s camped out in line for this movie only to realize that it sucks like the other 5.
    I gotta admit, I've always had trouble with Vader uttering those stupid lines about Padme at the end but hadn't yet put my finger on it. I think that Maddox summed the problem...the OBVIOUS problem...up quite well. There simply is no excuse for some of the mistakes that permeate the Prequels and Revenge of the Sith.

  8. #8

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    Yawn.

    If this guy is angling for a future job at say...the New Yorker...a rag that prides itself on slamming movies with operatic heights of snobbery, then he's going to have to buy a thesaurus and clean up that potty mouth. He's on the right track though...

    I'd take these guys more seriously if they actually paid attention to what they were watching instead of attempting to be witty & clever at the expense of someone else's efforts....

  9. #9

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    Probably a Star Trek fan anyway...

  10. #10

    Re: Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.

    If he can do better I would like to see him try. It's no east task trying to come up with something that is going to please everyone. And I completely disagree with him about the ither 5 films sucking. I think in their own way every movie of the PT and the OT are fantastic movies.
    Give in to your anger with each passing moment you make yourself more my servant. ~ Emperor Palpatine
    Every single Jedi, including your friend Obi-Wan Kenobi, is now an enemy of the Republic. ~Palpatine
    [font=arial]I have brought peace, freedom, justice and security to my new empire. ~Vader[/font]

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