Any of this sound like you?
When you find that exclusive MOMC do you fear . . . . well read number nine.
1. Section organization obsession/compulsion: Feeling the need to organize
the specific section in the toy aisle of the line(s) you collect, sometimes
with the fantasy that the stockers will notice either the number of pegwarmers
and put them on clearance or there is available space on the pegs and order
new product. Examples of this behavior are putting all of one action figure on
one peg, and sorting action figures by waves or using some other
2. Collection presentation visitation anxiety: Feelings of fear present when
individuals who are NOT collectors observe your collection at close
proximity that they will clumsily bump into your shelves/etc. creating a catastrophic
domino effect with your loose action figures.
3. Toy Production Fantasia: Wasting one's mental energy and time thinking of
things for toy companies to produce that have not yet been made and you are
NOT an employee of that company involved in the decision-making process.
4. Completist Irrational Self-Defeating Resentment: Feeling anger toward a
toy company for your purchasing an item you do not want because it has perhaps been re-issued in different packaging but feeling a compulsion to purchase it because having an "incomplete" collection creates feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction.
5. Collecting-Related Self-Induced Sleep Deprivation Disorder: Making
yourself get up at ridiculous hours to search open-24-hours toy markets or to be in the toy aisle when the store opens to have a chance at the first fruits. Can
be measured in degrees, with most severe cases feeling a compulsion to do
this almost every day, even when experience has shown stores do not stock every day.
6. Collecting-Hypocrite-In-Denial Syndrome: Feeling superior to other toy
collectors because in your mind, what you collect is more "cool" than what they
7. Toys-As-Drugs Significant Other Avoidance Syndrome: Feeling a need to
hide your new acquisitions from disapproving significant others (romantic
partners, parents, co-workers, etc.) to either avoid confrontation (i.e. "You spend too much money on toys!") or ridicule.
8. Inanimate Object Irrational Anger Displacement: Cursing/screaming at
loose action figures that will not consistently stand up and sometimes fall down,
knocking over other loose action figures in close proximity. Sometimes
involves "threatening" the offending action figure with the oven, dismemberment, etc., if it keeps falling down and informing it that it can be easily replaced by another from Ebay or some other toy source.
9. Pre-Purchase Damage-By-Cashier Anxiety: Feelings of fear that the cashier
will crease the card/crush the bubble during the process of scanning and
bagging your mint-on-mint-card action figures.
10. COMPETITIVE COLLECTING REACTION: A feeling of urgency and a quickening of movement when entering the toy aisle and noticing another person ogling the
section you have come to investigate, emotional experience and behavioral
reaction made more intense by noticing new product on the pegs/shelves. Sometimes results in grabbing behavior.
11. COLLECTOR CAPITALIST RESENTMENT SYNDROME: Nurturing a mortal hatred of individuals, commonly dubbed scalpers, who purchase new toys and then attempt to sell them at inflated prices to others. Another syndrome that can manifest in degrees, from mild annoyance to murderous inclinations.
12. PREJUDICIAL PACKAGE DAMAGING COMPULSION: Affects some loose collectors, involves deliberately damaging carded action figures in the store, presumably so carded collectors will have to pass them by and they will remain in the store for either loose collectors or, in rare cases, children. Motivated by a
PSEUDO-MORAL COLLECTING DELUSION that loose collecting is somehow more ethical than carded collecting.
13. AVARICIOUS COLLECTING DELUSION: The belief that all these mass-produced toys that tons of people now collect will someday be worth significantly more
money than they are today.
14. IRRATIONAL PACKAGING SEPARATION ANXIETY: A feeling of loss or intrinsic
"wrongness" in throwing away packaging of a toy that has been opened. Sufferers of this disorder sometimes have closets full of empty boxes and
carefully-sliced open cards with minimal damage.
15. ACUTE ACCESSORY LOSS GRIEF DISORDER: Losing/misplacing an action figure accessory that results in a profound feeling of frustration and loss and often is followed by the re-purchase of the same action figure so you have a
16. COLLECTOR IDENTITY SHAME DISORDER: Feeling a compulsion to conceal one's collecting from the general public. Sometimes results in only entering toy aisle when no one else is in the aisle and making inane dishonest comments to
cashiers like "This is a birthday present for my nephew."
17. COLLECTOR RETAIL RETURN POLICY ABUSE: Purchasing items for collecting
purposes and then changing ones' mind for any number of reasons and returning them to a store that accepts packaged returns, even if the items were not purchased there. Often accompanied by lame excuses like "I got these for my birthday and I already had them." Acute sufferers of this disorder are
scalpers/hoarders who purchase multiples of new or "rare" items and then when said items become common at retail or fail to significantly increase in secondary market value, will return hoarded multiples to a retail outlet.
18. ACQUISITIVE ARMY BUILDER MEGALOMANIA: A compulsion to purchase every "army builder" action figure you find. Very difficult to resist when said army
builders are found at clearance prices, even if action figures are not needed/wanted for a specific purpose.
19. COLLECTOR PRE-PURCHASE MANIC EPISODE: Characterized by an initial state of excitement upon finding new items at retail followed by a state of mild to intense paranoia that others will try to take your find from you, so you try to haul your stash as quickly and as discreetly as possible to the nearest check out aisle. This sometimes involves, in cases of finding multiple items at once, carrying stacks of carded action figures precariously balanced between your hands rather than leave them unattended to go get a shopping cart for fear that in the one minute it takes to go fetch a shopping cart, someone else will materialize and rob you of your find while you are absent from the toy aisle. Such an episode is often followed by:
20. POST-GRATIFICATION-TRANSFER-OF-OBSESSION COLLECTING REACTION: In which, after finding new items you have searched for, you almost immediately begin the contemplation of purchasing even newer items you have not found yet that may not even have been released to retail, that you have so far only seen loose pics of on the internet.
21. TOY INDUCED GRATIFICATION INVERSION DISORDER: The feeling of satisfaction at making a great find rapidly dissipates once the toy is placed amongst others in the collection. This leads to a dramatic let-down and feeling of gnawing emptiness which spawns the:
22. ACQUISITION ANXIETY FLUX: Once having acquired yet another 'important', 'htf' or 'grail' piece and having placed it amongst its brethren, the collector feels at once proud of the piece and resentful of it. The piece has robbed the collector of the thrill of needing and hunting for something. In a sense, this is the loss of
innocence and purpose. In desperate need of identity and meaning, the collector is driven to recapture the lost innocence. This is typically accomplished by means of:
23. SELF-INDUCED INCOMPLETION DELUSIONS: The collector convinces himself that his collection is incomplete, as a pretext to hunt for more toys. Casual glances at the collection can bring sudden feelings of self-hate, which is often mixed with self-pity. Concurrently, the collector balances his psyche by generating a visceral need for another toy to 'complete' the collection. The hunt is on, and the collector consults various on-line support groups in the quest for fulfillment. Gratification, though, is short-lived, as the Find typically leads to the TOY INDUCED GRATIFICATION INVERSION DISORDER, and the cycle repeats.
24. Pre-Order Anxiety Syndrome: This disorder is caused when viewing a shopping website allowing a "pre-order" for a toy or collectible that is very high on your wish list. The tiny thought of you not finding the item leads you into a panic, causing you to pre-order the item as well as a few other toys you may or may not have bought just to save on shipping. Which leads to the stress and frustration of actually FINDING the toy at a much better price, AND... before your item even arrives at your door.
25. COPYCAT COLLECTING DISORDER: This illness comes from seeing a friend or stranger with a COOL looking toy(s) that you never thought of collecting. You envy this person. You want to be this person. But to do that... you must OWN THAT TOY (or collection). So begins your trek of collecting the other toy line you never thought you would. This disorder is also linked to:
26. MUST BUY SOMETHING STRESS: This is when you go to any old store unsuccessful of finding anything, so you buy a completely random toy just to satisfy that inner urge to spend.