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  1. #1

    Talking The Script to Hasbro's Episode Four: A New Resculpt - Special Edition! (continued)

    (This'll probably get moved, but this is the category it was under in the old forums.)

    This is a continuation of the story of Star Wars: A New Hope told through the eyes of the figures. When Tycho created the thread, he set up some much more detailed rules, which I don't feel like retyping. Basically, in Star Wars: Episode One: The Resculpt Menace, the Power of the Jedi Line was created. Vader and the Emperor rule the galaxy, but the Rebels want justice for the aliens who will never be produced otherwise.

    The story continues from the thread from the old forums as Luke and Ben have just left the cantina. . . .

    Han enters the hangar bay, ducking to avoid banging his head on the Millennium Falcon. He sees Jabba yelling at the Falcon.

    "Solo! Solo! I know you're resculpted, Solo!"
    That's my jacket!

  2. #2
    "Cripes," thinks POTF CT Han. "I can't get my pistol out of this stupid holster. That screwy QC inspector didn't check to see that the pistol was permanently glued to it. I guess I'll have to BS my way through this one."

    "My only hope is that the Boba Fett in this scene is the original one and not the 300th edition with rocket firing backpack or even the Deluxe version with the mother of all rocket packs."

    "Jabba, even I get resculpted now and then. I've got a sweet job that'll pay the debt in full. But there's no way I'll pay more than the extra 10%. I was a pegwarmer for a long time so there's no need to pay you a scalper's ransom."

    After climbing over Jabba's plastic wagging tail, Han climbes in to the Falcon which has miraculously been resculpted to a much better detail than he can remember.
    "I'm just a YES man trying to make my way in the universe." - Jango McCallum

    "Good dialogue and smooth editing are no match for a good YES man by your side, kid." - George Lucas

  3. #3
    Registered jedi master sal's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
    The deep dark recesses of my brain.


    but it's still a piece of junk.

  4. #4
    Senator Bel-Cam Jos's Avatar
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    Where "text" & "friend" are (n) & "fail" is (v)
    Ben and Luke leave a Mos Eisley speeder lot, handing credits to, well, no one, because the Seller Alien hasn't been produced yet.

    Ben: "You'll have to sell your Vintage speeder."
    Luke: "Didn't we just hand him our money? Oh well. Since the POTF2 version came out, the old one's just not in demand anymore."

    Garindan notices the two heading towards a docking bay. Since he's the "hologram" version, instead of the Freeze Frame one, no one noticed him at all. He talks in his COMMtech Reader.

    Ben and Luke meet up with R2 and Threepio. Chewie leads them into the docking bay. Since this is R2 w/ Holo, his articulated ankles let him descent the steps. Luke realizes this is the POTF2 Falcon that had been jammed in the bottom shelf of Toys R Us for a year and a half.

    Luke: "What a piece of junk!"
    From Star Wars Episode VII: the Broadway Edition... FN and the Amazing Technically-Poe's Dream Jacket.

  5. #5
    "...It's full of dust and it looks like it has been broken into. Where's the floor plate and radar dish?"

    Han: Never mind that kid. Someone broke into the box to pilfer it for parts for their vintage Falcon. By the way, which Luke are you? I know you're not the original 1977 Luke because you don't have a lightsaber growing out of your arm and not the OC 1995 Luke because you are punier than a midget standing in a hole.

    Luke: Well I was floppy hat Luke a little while ago and I will be Helmet Luke in a few minutes. Gee, I don't know. Maybe there's one more resculpt of me to be made.

    Just then a rabble of Stormtroopers break into docking bay 99 and begin firing.

    Han: Damn! I still can't get this pistol out of my built in holster! Chewie, hurry up or we're going to get resculpted really fast!

    CTC Han miraculously becomes resculpted to OC Super-buff Han and with a mighty yank, dislodges his holstered pistol. Amazed at the size of his bulk, the wimpy POTF GC Stormtroopers scurry away.

    [External view of Mos Eisley spaceport. Two sandtroopers; one from the POTJ line with binoculars, the other a lowly non-FF sandtrooper look on as the Falcon takes off...
    "I'm just a YES man trying to make my way in the universe." - Jango McCallum

    "Good dialogue and smooth editing are no match for a good YES man by your side, kid." - George Lucas

  6. #6
    Look! Over there! It's the Green Box Outrider. Awww, ya blinked!

    Cut to the interior of the Falcon.

    Luke: It's awfully cramped in here.
    Han: Here, come up into the CD-ROM cockpit. It's much roomier, and apparently the floor tiles do stuff in conjunction with a computer keyboard.
    Luke (in his best Cartman voice): Sweet!

    Interior of the vintage Death Star playset.

    Tarkin: Look, Your Highness. It's your Complete Galaxy playset.
    CTC Vader: Tell us where the Rebel Base is located or it is cancelled!
    POTJ Bespin Escape Leia: No! Think of all the unproduced Alderaanians there! Tycho Celchu, Winter, Carlist Riekkan, those silly kids from the Galaxy of Fear series!
    Tarkin: Perhaps you can suggest a better target--a pegwarming target.
    Leia: Sigh. Complete Galaxy Dagobah. They're on the Complete Galaxy Dagobah playset.
    Tarkin: Excellent. Signal the Death Star Gunners that they may cancel when ready!
    Leia: What?!?
    Tarkin: You're far too common, Bespin Escape Leia. The Complete Galaxy Dagobah has flooded the market for years now--cancelling it won't prove anything. But cancelling your Complete Galaxy may eliminate a common Hoth resculpt of you. Hmmm. . . . Perhaps we'd better cancel your Flight Deck Diorama as well.
    [The Death Star Gunners cancel both playsets.]
    Leia: You stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking Holo Sticker!
    Tarkin: Try that on Harrison, pegwarmer. Take her back to her cell and contact the Fan Club--I'm sure they'd love to scalpt that Hoth resculpt!
    Leia: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!
    Last edited by El Chuxter; 08-24-2001 at 03:45 PM.
    That's my jacket!

  7. #7
    Senator Bel-Cam Jos's Avatar
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    Where "text" & "friend" are (n) & "fail" is (v)


    Death Star Troopers croutch in the DS Chasm playset, because that's their only pose, as the beam fires on the Complete Galaxy Dagobah playset.

    Interior Millenium Falcon:
    POTJ Ben Kenobi: "Ooh!"
    Helmet Luke: "Ben? What's wrong?"
    Ben: "I felt as if millions of Force Fires were sent out with spelling errors, then suddenly changed to .0004 versions. I feel as if something terrible has happened. You should continue to be discounted."
    Smuggler Pack Han (entering): "I told you I could get yet another resculpt."
    Sound of crickets
    Han: "Don't everyone buy me at once."
    C-3PO and Chewie are playing his Dejarik gameboard.
    C-3PO: "Now be careful, R2. These pieces are molded, and if you break them, the Wookie will no longer be mint."
    R2 makes some mouse clicks.
    Chewbacca: "Grrowl!"
    C-3PO: "He made a fair bid. You're only worth $6 by now. Screaming about it won't help you."
    Han: "You'd better take his 'Buy It Now.'"
    C-3PO: "But, sir. No one worries about bidding on a pegwarmer."
    Han: "That's because scalpers will keep submitting them for bid, if you don't."
    C-3PO: "I still don't see your point, but let the Wookie win the auction."
    Chewie (surprise!) puts his arms up behind his head.

    Luke and Ben and still doing lightsaber exercises...
    From Star Wars Episode VII: the Broadway Edition... FN and the Amazing Technically-Poe's Dream Jacket.

  8. #8
    The Falcon comes out of hyperspace in the middle of the Target toy aisle.

    "Where are we?" whines Luke.

    "Some kind of fingerbike collision!" exclaims Han. "It's not in any of the Tomarts! We're in the right place, just no exclusives."

    "They've been cancelled," says Ben, ominously.

    "Impossible!" shouts Han. "The entire Fan Club doesn't have that kind of power."

    "What about collectors preferring vintage playsets and thus killing demand?" asks C-3PO.

    "True," says Han. "Hey, that clearanced off-scale TIE Fighter there is heading toward that small He-Man playset."

    "That's no He-Man playset."

    Han hesitates for a second before realizing there's no slot in the playset for a power sword. "Chewie, turn us around--I have a bad feeling about this."

    The ship refuses to turn around.

    "We're caught in a scalper beam!" Han reaches into his holster and pulls out a tiny gun. "Prepare to re-release in bulk. It'll kill our value, but I'm not gonna be scalped without a fight!"

    "There are alternatives to being scalped," says Obi-Wan.

    "Quit with the riddles, Yoda!" yells Han. "Give me a straight answer before we're all pegwarming!"

    Obi-Wan points to the floor panels. "Scalpers rarely look for hidden figures," he says with a smile.
    Last edited by El Chuxter; 08-28-2001 at 01:42 PM.
    That's my jacket!

  9. #9
    Senator Bel-Cam Jos's Avatar
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    Where "text" & "friend" are (n) & "fail" is (v)


    Vader: "Her resistance to the resculpt focus groups is strong."
    Tarkin: "I don't understand; she's the only female character. Why won't she allow the Really All Absolutely New Sculpt! or Disco Outfit?"
    Intercom Voice: "Sir?"
    Tarkin: "Yes?"
    Voice: "We've captured a Millenium Falcon. It matches the one we 'accidently' damaged and tried to remove the sticker sheet."
    Vader: "They must be trying to get their money back. Leia may yet be of use to us."

    The Falcon passes through the store 'theft protector' into the toy department, and a SpaceTrooper watches it, from his $50 Star Case.

    Stormtroopers search the ship for any figures. Of course, there are Malakilis, Chocobi-Wans, and Tatooine Anakins, but these are not the figures they're looking for.
    Officer: "Lord Vader."
    Vader: "Did you find any Droids figures? Vlix maybe?"
    Officer: "No. The sticker sheet is missing, as well as the catalog. We believe they may have played with this 'toy' right after the store."
    Vader: "I sense something. A present I've not felt since..."
    Vader turns around like he was on a Land Of The Jawas playset spinner.

    Where were our heroes?
    From Star Wars Episode VII: the Broadway Edition... FN and the Amazing Technically-Poe's Dream Jacket.

  10. #10
    Senator Bel-Cam Jos's Avatar
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    Where "text" & "friend" are (n) & "fail" is (v)


    Luke: "It's a good thing you had these Last Action Hero toys."
    Han: "I've been a scalper before, but I'm not used to hiding myself. Look, we'll never get past that Rent-A-Security-Guard at the entrance."
    Ben: "Leave that to me."
    Han: "D*mn fool! I knew you'd say something like that!"
    Ben: "Who's more foolish; the scalper or the buyer who pays scalper prices?"

    Death Star Trooper: "COMMtech Stromtrooper; why aren't you on the shelves? CTC Trooper; come in."
    The trooper looks into the back stock room. He sees several case assortments that should hold CTC STs. An employee is tapping the box while holding CTC Greedos and Jawas in his hand. The DS Trooper understands.
    DS Trooper: "We've got a dealer. I'll see what I can do."
    As the door is opened, 12" ChewbaccaMcBeal hits him in the face. Han crumples the blister bubble on another DS Trooper, rendering him un-purchasable.
    Luke: "What with his crappy sculpt and your overproduction it's no wonder we're pegwarmers!"
    Han: "Bring 'em on! I prefer occasional resculpts to all these shipping delays."

    R2-D2 makes a startling discovery...
    From Star Wars Episode VII: the Broadway Edition... FN and the Amazing Technically-Poe's Dream Jacket.


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