Please stop embarassing yourself.
Seriously. It's time to throw in the towel. I don't mind if you go back into the studio to record new Stones stuff occasionally, but please don't record any of your solo drivel. And, for God's sake, never ever appear in public again.
Your place in history is assured. You will never reach the heights of classics like "Sympathy for the Devil" and "Paint It, Black." And you can rest easy knowing that very few people will attain such greatness.
But when you drag your half-rotting carcass onto stage and give limp performances of that stupid "Start Me Up," which is beyond cliche now, and further make "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" overplayed, you're a Pete Townsend-class embarassment to yourself and humanity in general.
If you must be seen by your fans, please lose the orthopedic shoes and old man sweats. Your British Invasion anthems demand a well-dressed deliquent, and you've been neither for years. Decades, even. We all considered putting you in a retirement home when you recorded "Miss You," and "Anybody Seen My Baby" actually made us go in to sign the papers. But even they refused to have you when you sold out completely and allowed Queen Elizabeth to dub you a knight. Sir Mick Jagger? That's just wrong, man.
So, in summation, please spend the rest of your days as a happy old hermit and don't besmirk the name of the Stones further. If nothing else, by remaining out of the public eye, you'll not have to be seen wearing the inch-thick bifocals you no doubt are wearing to read this message.
El Chuxter, on behalf of Rolling Stones fans everywhere