I need advice

[Dar' Argol]

and yes I am turning to the vast, mature, collective knowledge of the SSG crew. . . . . this is such a bad idea . . . .

Here's the thing, back last Memorial Day my wife and I quit smoking. We'd been smoking for about 12-14 years or so. We used the gum and both quit the same day. I have been smoke free since then, not a single cigarette since then. JP can vouch for me, during the entire weekend I spent with him I didn't smoke once.

But my wife on the other hand is a different story. She has not told me she's still smoking . . . I figured it out. My first clue to this was about 3-4 months ago. While talking to her on my cell (and she was on her's) she was telling me about a bad day she was having. If you have ever talked to a smoker on the phone, you know when they are smoking while talking to you. You hear a intake, and then an exhale. Well I heard that and my first response was "Are you smoking??" to which she replied "NO, why?". I told her it just sounded like she was and continued on.

Then I noticed her going outside for wierd reasons. Now its a fact that our cell phones get no signal in our house and we need to go outside to use them. But then it seemed like she was going out to make a call a lot. And sometimes she'd go out and not call anyone. Also he younger sister still smokes. She comes over quite a bit, which is not a problem cause I really get along with her younger sister (she's the same age as my sister). But she would join her outside for long periods.

Occasionally I would catch the scent of smoke. Either outside or as she walked past. Then last night, while it was snowing and she was outside looking at it I walked out to join her. In our small enclosure on the front porch I caught a STRONG scent of cigarettes. I didn't say anything but it stayed with me. After she went to bed I checked her coat pocket and found a lighter. That didn't strike me odd at first. I didn't find anything and sat back down to watch the show I was watching. The more I thought about it I found it odd to have a lighter in her pocket. I haven't carried a lighter since I quit . . . why was she? I got up and checked her jacket again . . and then I caught the scent again. So I then went to her purse.

Now before I go on, my wife has no weird thing about me going in her purse. There have been several times I've had to go in there with no problem. So I unzip a section (cause this thing had like 400 zippered sections to it ) and nothing. So I decide to only look in one other place . . I mean I'm not going to tear her purse apart looking for something that mght not be there. And I wasn't even really looking . . . not digging, just looking at the section without disturbing anything. So I unzip this second section and I move her glasses case out of the way and there is a pack of Basic Menthol Lights . . what e use to smoke. Imagine my shock. So I open the pack and there are only 6 cigarettes left in the pack.

I am to say the least disappointed. After seeing my Grand-Father in the hospital suffering from a stoke that was caused by the 20+ years of smoking I thought we both decided we were through. I mean we discussed ways to quit and the fact that we both would quit as to not tempt the other. I've been going around for almost a year now and when people ask me for a smoke or did I quit (these would be people I/we know) I tell them that we BOTH quit almost a year ago. I now feel like an idiot because I'm saying we both quit and the may see her still smoking. But then I think, what if this is an old pack that she kept in here for emergencies and she just hasn't taken it out yet. So I let it go.

Then I just checked again, about an hour ago. And now there is only 1 cigarette left in that pack. And she was home all day due to the snow we got. So it's not like she gave them to someone. Throughout the day today she smoked 5 cigarettes. And since "WE" quit I have not smoked once, not even half of one. It's been tough and its a MAJOR life change to quit but I have not faltered once. And there have been several time I have made mention about "US" quiting or I was glad that "WE" quit to her several times and she has yet to say anything about it.

I don't know if I'm upset that she is still smoking, or if she has't come clean to me about it. I'm not going to force her to quit, but in the same respect I do not want to see her laying in the hospital because of it. I always knew it wasn't good for us to smoke, but I never had physical proof, I guess I'm trying to say, of just how bad it can be. So know I am torn. Do I let it go and let her tell me about it eventually . . . or not. Or do I confront her about it . . . or another choice . . .

I guess more then anything else I just need to talk to someone about it who is outside of this. And who is more caring and understanding then the SSG crew . . . he he he

[bobafrett]

Perhaps you could slip her a note in one of her packs you find the next time you go through her purse. Something to say "Hey, I know your still smoking, can we talk about it?". If you don't nip it now, it will get harder to get her to attempt to quit.

I have a son who smokes, but he denies it. I've been trying to catch him, but I think he's become wise to it, and hides it better. I lost my mom to cancer, probably not from smoking as it wasn't lung cancer. But my mom did smoke for many years before she finally gave up cold turkey, no gum, no patches.

[Kidhuman]

Replace her ciggarettes with a black lung.

[Jedi_Master_Guyute]

Lace her smokes with angel dust so she'll freak out and trip and NEVER want to touch them again!

seriously, I do like KH's idea. Toss in a picture of a black lung in her pack. Best of luck!

[Kidhuman]

I wasnt talking about a pic, I meant the real thing.

[Jedi_Master_Guyute]

I wasnt talking about a pic, I meant the real thing.

and how he would go about obtaining one, Mr. KH!? I don't think they sell those things at retail, in aisle 7, next to the mac n' cheese!

[Kidhuman]

Ebay or take one of mine on a loaner plan.

[mabudonicus]

Frett's "Busted" is the way I would go, I think, DA.

Can't think of anything that would be less confrontational and still have a chance of producing results. Make sure that you know your position well, tho, when discussion occurs- she is likely embarassed (at least) and it could turn pretty nasty FAST is you aren't careful to avoid being seen as "rubbing it in" or somehow effecting any sense of moral superiority (I know it ain't like that, but I know a LOT of other stuff too about things in general) I dig that you feel betrayed to some extent, but as you suggest in your post, LAST thing on her mind in this was to hurt you (thus the sneakery)
So that's my :ducks: on this one- Good Luck whatever happens, man Isobaws&

[Kidhuman]

Even better Dar, ask her for a smoke one day.

[El Chuxter]

You could try the guilt trip route, telling someone else when she's around how proud you are that she's been almost a year smoke-free. Only problem is, if she's not being forthright about it now, that may not work either.