There's one in every crowd

[stillakid]

I'm fond of saying that "there's always one in every group that ruins the fun for everyone else. If you don't know who that person is, that means that it is you."


Maybe it's just me, but I've found that the above is true. No matter the size of the "group," there seems to always be at least one person who ruins the experience (whatever it may be) for everyone else. Why is that? Am I the only one this happens to?

[jjreason]

Hmmm... I've had lots of group experiences that weren't ruined by anyone. I guess if I started feeling like my group experiences were being ruined 100% of the time, I'd find another group.

[Slicker]

Stilla should've added that if you're in a crowd and you don't have a "that guy" then "that guy" is you.


I've noticed this and it's completely true. I just thank god that I've never been that guy as far as I know.

[CaptainSolo1138]

If you don't know who that person is, that means that it is you."

Stilla should've added that if you're in a crowd and you don't have a "that guy" then "that guy" is you.

I think the southern hemisphere is playin' with your mind, holmes.

[Jargo]

i guess it depends how you see life. obviously a quiet group doesn't need a boistrous person who's loud and vice versa.
conservative and uptight people don't need a radical thinker or a wannabe comedian .
anorexics don't need a fat glutton.
I think it's up to the group to say something to the 'one' and if the 'one doesn't pay any attention then steps should be taken to remove the 'one'.
or exclude.
although sometimes behaviours belie the truth of a person. and extra inclusion into the group dynamic can reveal someone entirely different beneath the 'opposite' persona.

maybe I'm not the best person to be commenting. I've always been on the periphery of groups. never a complete outsider but rather drifting between groups and being involved just enough to stay beneath the radar. and sensitive enough to know when i'm in danger of becoming the 'one' and moving on.

though I sometimes feel I missed my cue with this site. Many times.

I think i prefer to try to understand the guy who becomes 'that' guy. try to understand and if possible attempt to explain why he's 'that' guy to him and try to make suggestions for fitting in better and not alienating others. I'm the quiet guy that people listen to normally anyway. i don't tell people what they want to hear. i just tell it like it is. and I don't give up easily.

[Blue2th]

Somehow I am reminded of SNL's Debbie Downer.

I think I could be categorized as the "one" depending on the crowd I'm in as Mr. DP alludes to.

I tend to gravitate toward the social misfits anyways.

Besides isn't it these kind of people that are creative geniuses anyways?
Or are they just pariahs?

Aren't these kind of people phsychotic movie stars? Lead singers of rock groups? Or ones chosen as commanders of armies because they have different visions of things, and don't fraternize with the crowd?

Though everyone wants to belong to some crowd. It's just finding where one fits in. Which is a tough thing to do sometimes.

[Jargo]

something that just ocured to me. Often the people who are sticking out like a sore thumb are the ones who refuse to be someone other than who they are on principle. which is fine. principles are good. however no-one is ever really asking anyone to be someone they aren't, just chill out a bit and tone it down or liven it up a little. just a bit of effort. a little compromise.

group dynamics are weird. constantly shifting anyway. people phase in and out of popularity. there's always a clique within a group even if it's just three people. ego clashes and power struggles. maybe on the subconscious levels but it all affects a group. which is why tv shows like big brother and survival and shipwrecked and so on are popular. people intrinsically find the group dynamic fascinating. it's what life is all about and how most of us learn to survive life.

[stillakid]

something that just ocured to me. Often the people who are sticking out like a sore thumb are the ones who refuse to be someone other than who they are on principle. which is fine. principles are good. however no-one is ever really asking anyone to be someone they aren't, just chill out a bit and tone it down or liven it up a little. just a bit of effort. a little compromise.

I think you hit the nail on the head with that. In my experience, "the one" tends to be that person who refuses to downshift on their personality even a little bit if it means compromising their own strong opinions and behaviors, even if it means that the group will work better. Being who we are is fine, but when we have to interact with others, be it just one other person or a group of fifty, there aren't very many good reasons to be the assertive "bully". People like that tend to be the ones who are less confident with themselves so they try to make up for it by being the pushy one in the crowd.

[Tycho]

I think I'm "That One!"

In my experience, "the one" tends to be that person who refuses to downshift on their personality even a little bit if it means compromising their own strong opinions and behaviors, even if it means that the group will work better.

People like that tend to be the ones who are less confident with themselves so they try to make up for it by being the pushy one in the crowd.

- This is possible, too. But it ironically winds up making one become a rather unexpectedly successful leader-type, too. One of those strange group dynamic things, as well.

In that situation, a person can quiet down to not be "the one," struggling silently with their own social anxieties, and then when they're really impassioned about something, they assert themselves (because that's within them too - they're not introverts - and it seems like they are coming from left field and it definitely challenges who's ever been holding a leadership role before if the new interloper is headed in a different direction).

"The One," can also get very bored with the group, but try to liven it up even at their own expense (negative attention seeking). In an indirect way, this is an insider who sees himself as an outsider, but is loyal to the group after all, and just won't let it get boring.

Besides isn't it these kind of people that are creative geniuses anyways?

You have to get creative or else you remain bored. You might create entertainment at even your own expense, or everyone else's. It's more cruel if you focus on just specific people though (that would be personal attacks, excluding self-depreciating humor).

Or are they just pariahs?

That would vary with different people's opinions. "The One," makes some people laugh or they understand that person's humor and it's fine if it doesn't become old or tiresome. Other people either don't get it, or don't find it funny. Online, tone is very hard to discern, and I think consistency is hard to achieve as well, as ALL a person's posts can't be serious or instead, sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek. Further, a single post might contain both tones, and I think that can make it really hard to follow for people who like things simpler. Yet other people still will "get" that.

Aren't these kind of people phsychotic movie stars? Lead singers of rock groups? Or ones chosen as commanders of armies because they have different visions of things, and don't fraternize with the crowd?

Can be. I was elected the President of the Mouse Droid Sniffers' Association. I also think I was the only one who voted

But (seriously) in my pre-illness, professional life, I knew how to present myself minus many radical ideas I might have and got elected to a public position where having some objectivity and insight could help me make a difference. Here online, I think I utilized that aspect of my personality to poll the figures that were not yet made by Hasbro.

I think it's up to the group to say something to the 'one' and if the 'one doesn't pay any attention then steps should be taken to remove the 'one'.
or exclude

I don't have confirmation I'm SSG's "One," and I know if I was "One of the Ones," I wouldn't be "the only One." That being said, I have been offered some advice, but (this would be your own personal opinion) maybe not enough advice. I could be receptive to some more advice, but it would not rectify any moments of painful boredom I might find in which my "One personality" I may have, re-asserts itself.

Now if I am "a One," or not, you might see why I would think that I could be.

I am not so arrogant or clarevoyent to think that this thread was started about me. Since it was Stillakid who started the topic, I don't think it was about me. (Stillakid's known me for a long time now and has met me personally. I think he understands me. So I'd suspect this was a topic he started that was perhaps inspired by someone else he might have run across). But my insight into this topic does draw on personal experience and I thought that sharing that could offer another perspective.

[Mad Slanted Powers]

In my case, it's usually that the group is ruining the experience for me.