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  1. #1

    Fun facts about Zorba the Hutt!

    Zorba the Hutt is Jabba's father. He was introduced in a particularly godawful series of six young reader books that came out around the time of the original Zahn trilogy, though clearly aren't set in the same future. (Which hasn't stopped Lucasfilm from trying to force the two together.)

    In fact, only three good things came from this series: beautiful covers by Dave Dorman, beautiful interior pictures by Steve Leialoha (one of which is currently my avatar of Big Sexy himself), and Zorba the Hutt.

    Zorba has a beard, despite it not making any sense whatsoever for a slug to be able to grow hair, and ends all his sentences (which are never in Huttese) with "HAW HAW HAAAAAWWW!!"

    Here's some cool facts about Zorba that you may not know:
    • Zorba grew up on the mean streets of Nal Hutta. As a very young Hutt, he built a crystal radio for a school project. Thanks to his pointing it at a wormhole, it somehow broadcast a cryptic message from the future of a galaxy far, far away, in which a mysterious child named "Snoop" said he wanted to grow up to become "a mother****ing hustla, and betta ax somebody." Inspired by this dialogue, he decided to devote his life to pimping. He wasn't quite sure what the "French braids" were that the broadcast referred to, but figured it must mean a braided beard.
    • To grow his beard, young Zorba had to sell his entire family into slavery. He used the proceeds to buy several tons of Rogaine.
    • Hutts are, despite rumors to the contrary, not asexual. Most of them are nerds, though, and can't get women. Is Zorba? Well, we'll put it this way: how many Hutts can you name who can provide proof (as in a child) of their getting bizay?
    • Zorba was supposed to appear in The Phantom Menace, voiced by Barry White. The MPAA informed Lucas that his mad pimping skills would not fit into a PG-rated kids' movie. Lucas decided to cut him when he realized that it was illogical that Padme would visit Tatooine and fall for Anakin instead of Zorba. He removed the braids and said the Hutt was Jabba. That's why Jabba looks wrong in TPM.
    • Zorba seems to be an outcast among the Hutts. The truth is, they're jealous of his mad skills with the ladies. See, Hutts typically love to look at scantilly-clad human females. Before Zorba came along, they were happy to just look at dirty magazines. Women just tore their clothes off around Zorba. They couldn't help it. He was a total pimp. Not wishing to be one-upped by Zorba, the other Hutts started kidnapping women and forcing them to wear metal bikinis. Zorba knew it wasn't the same. Even as slaves, these women wouldn't give the other Hutts the time of day.
    • Zorba joined both the Bloods and the Crips. He likes to keep his bases covered.
    • Zorba was imprisoned on the prison world of Kip during Return of the Jedi. This is because he would shoot anyone who didn't address him as Pimp Daddy Z The Hutt. When he killed a legion of Stormtroopers who disrespected him, Palpatine personally sent him to prison. He would've escaped in five minutes, but he discovered that, due to a clerical error, he'd been sent to a women's prison planet. He only left five years after Jabba's death when he considered all the inmates (and staff) to be "used up."
    • Zorba once trained an otherwise boring young Jedi Padawan named Kit Fisto in the ways of love. Years later, realizing he wouldn't be a young pimp forever, he took on an apprentice named Lando Calrissian. Lando wasn't as smooth as Zorba was, or Kit had been, but he made up for it with his awesome cape.
    Last edited by El Chuxter; 01-31-2008 at 11:42 AM.
    That's my jacket!

  2. #2
    Man, this thread is awesome.

    I'm not conceited or nothing.
    That's my jacket!

  3. #3
    TeeEye7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Somewhere between the delta and the core
    Quote Originally Posted by El Chuxter View Post
    Zorba once trained an otherwise boring young Jedi Padawan named Kit Fisto in the ways of love.
    Now we know why Kit is smiling.
    ¡Que la fuerza te acompañe!

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by El Chuxter View Post
    Man, this thread is awesome.

    I'm not conceited or nothing.
    Nobody likes a necro-poster.
    Up, up, and OKAAAAY!!!

  5. #5
    Senator Bel-Cam Jos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Where "text" & "friend" are (n) & "fail" is (v)
    Quote Originally Posted by Slicker View Post
    Nobody likes a necro-poster.
    I do. I care. I don't know; what'd you think about a hutt and guy like-
    From Star Wars Episode VII: the Broadway Edition... FN and the Amazing Technically-Poe's Dream Jacket.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    hanging out at the circle K
    zorba's all about the chicks.

  7. #7
    That was not only informative but entertaining Chux. However, isn't the first one about getting his inspiration from Snoop common knowledge?

  8. #8
    Zorba needs to be made.

    If the upcoming Jabba set goes on clearance, I will buy a second one and make Zorba.

    That's my jacket!


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