I have to go through the yearly evaluations to make sure I'm suitable for a kidney transplant. While it appears that I'm very fortunate to have a living donor that will save my life, I probably need to remain qualified to have the surgery preformed and get to keep my life.
That being said, I have to fill out a questionaire about "how happy I am (or not)."
Well, I can LIE, and respond to all the questions in such a way that I'd be telling everyone what they want to hear.
Or I can answer truthfully. The last time, it was recommended I be evaluated by professional counseling (though that probably was a standard proceedure).
Now having a debilitating and possibly terminal illness IS something to be depressed about, I believe that only when one gets better, is that something to be happy about.
I don't want the interference of a counselor who's advice is going to be "accept what you've been dealt and be happy about whatever it is that you've got left." You know, for $150 an hour (albeit largely paid by my insurance), I don't need to hear that.
Then there's the lack of a real girlfriend in my life (my pseudo-relationship with the old girlfriend I frequently date not withstanding.) One either has someone who means that much to them in their lives, or they can try and take steps to find someone. Paying a counselor to "talk about it," or "adjust to being happy in one's loneliness" are stupid wastes of time and money almost any time you ask me.
You know, years ago I beat a police lie detector test while screening to get into police academy, and I told my interviewer what I knew they wanted to hear. What is the point of telling the truth now? A counselor cannot help me. Only changing things in my life will do that.
Almost all I have left that I can count on is setting up my dioramas. Almost everyone off this website would never understand that anyway. So I want to live to at least see the way to completing that. And I might become a published author along the way.
But I cannot be HONEST. I cannot tell the truth about how I feel - and even on this site, it's difficult to tell the truth about what I believe. If it doesn't jive with whatever the majority think I should feel or believe, it's terribly sinful.
But you know, I played the political game for a few years. That by itself tells me the answer. I must be a LOW DOWN DIRTY LIAR and not reveal how I feel, what I really believe, and just suck it up.
When someone asks, "how am I?," I should just respond, "I'm fine," not "I need an AK-47 so I can start blasting things."
My conclusion here is that we are ALL part of a dishonest society where LYING is the social norm and our illusions are bought and sold.
So now that I've ranted, I'll get back to LYING: "Hope you have a wonderful day!"