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  1. #1
    Registered Tycho's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
    San Diego, CA
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    Do You Think It's Better To LIE, Or Just Be Real?

    I have to go through the yearly evaluations to make sure I'm suitable for a kidney transplant. While it appears that I'm very fortunate to have a living donor that will save my life, I probably need to remain qualified to have the surgery preformed and get to keep my life.

    That being said, I have to fill out a questionaire about "how happy I am (or not)."

    Well, I can LIE, and respond to all the questions in such a way that I'd be telling everyone what they want to hear.

    Or I can answer truthfully. The last time, it was recommended I be evaluated by professional counseling (though that probably was a standard proceedure).

    Now having a debilitating and possibly terminal illness IS something to be depressed about, I believe that only when one gets better, is that something to be happy about.

    I don't want the interference of a counselor who's advice is going to be "accept what you've been dealt and be happy about whatever it is that you've got left." You know, for $150 an hour (albeit largely paid by my insurance), I don't need to hear that.

    Then there's the lack of a real girlfriend in my life (my pseudo-relationship with the old girlfriend I frequently date not withstanding.) One either has someone who means that much to them in their lives, or they can try and take steps to find someone. Paying a counselor to "talk about it," or "adjust to being happy in one's loneliness" are stupid wastes of time and money almost any time you ask me.

    You know, years ago I beat a police lie detector test while screening to get into police academy, and I told my interviewer what I knew they wanted to hear. What is the point of telling the truth now? A counselor cannot help me. Only changing things in my life will do that.

    Almost all I have left that I can count on is setting up my dioramas. Almost everyone off this website would never understand that anyway. So I want to live to at least see the way to completing that. And I might become a published author along the way.

    But I cannot be HONEST. I cannot tell the truth about how I feel - and even on this site, it's difficult to tell the truth about what I believe. If it doesn't jive with whatever the majority think I should feel or believe, it's terribly sinful.

    But you know, I played the political game for a few years. That by itself tells me the answer. I must be a LOW DOWN DIRTY LIAR and not reveal how I feel, what I really believe, and just suck it up.

    When someone asks, "how am I?," I should just respond, "I'm fine," not "I need an AK-47 so I can start blasting things."

    My conclusion here is that we are ALL part of a dishonest society where LYING is the social norm and our illusions are bought and sold.

    So now that I've ranted, I'll get back to LYING: "Hope you have a wonderful day!"

  2. #2
    Registered jediguy's Avatar
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    Oct 2006
    Des Moines Iowa USA
    that is sad to learn, I hope all goes well for you

    I have enjoyed reading your posts, and I for one know that I would miss them if you weren't around

    back in 1995, I almost died from pneumonia
    I had accepted the fact that twilight was upon me, and soon night must fall
    but my friends wanted me to stay alive, so I put up the pretense that I wanted to as well

    and then some things really odd happened:

    the Star Wars Special Editions came out as I was recovering, the POTF2 figures started hitting the market, and soon the prequels came along as well

    I made almost a full recovery, and I credit to my love for all things Star Wars

    so, in relation to your current situation, I lied to my love ones until I found the reason for me to keep going, and now I don't have to lie any more

    as for lying, please consider this:

    be true to yourself, and the rest will follow

    my sincere best wishes for you
    [FONT=Book Antiqua]You must train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose
    great traders: jedigeorge6; jedi master sal; ncbarret; darkjedi5; cookiemonster; phantom-like menace


  3. #3
    Society teaches us to lie.

    There are degrees of happiness. Are they asking you on a scale of one to ten? Or as compared to who? A person in a third world country in the same situation with no hope whatsoever? Obviously you would be happy you are not him.

    I think that you have a remarkably positive attitude considering your circumstances.

    All answers can't be answered in absolute yes or no (only the Sith deal in absolutes)
    "Ohh, maxi big da fish! Well dat smells stinkowiff"

    "No time to discuss this as a supercommittee.... I am not a supercommittee!"

  4. #4
    Registered Tycho's Avatar
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    I think they are "ratings questions," such as "on a scale from 1-10."

    Thanks for the kind words. Sorry I'm such a cynic, but that's just who I am.

  5. #5
    In this case, I would definitely say lie. Not just because it's easier, but because it's probably the only way to not get into a bunch of them getting uptight about transplating an organ if the person might kill themself even post-surgery, but it's really not a fair test. Obviously even with a glimmer of hope in sight, at this point you're going to be cynical, but of course nobody likes that because they have to believe what they do makes people all happy and profound and hallmarky. The big Medical decision-makers are fake like that.

    On the plus side though, you could at least live up to the lie after getting the transplant by being less cynical about things, and going back to some sort of normality.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vic Odin View Post
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    If it makes you feel any better, your avatar makes me want to yell, "OH JESUS CHRIST!" And pray that I never have to look upon it again.
    "Hokey packaging and ancient gimmicks are no match for good detail on your figure, kid."
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    "We came, we saw, we conquered... We, woke up!"

  6. #6
    Tycho, you just have to do what you feel is best. There are some situations where you almost have to lie. For instance, there is a fellow teacher at my workplace who will talk your ear off if you enter a conversation. I am talking at least 30 minutes....I don't like that, so I usually say I am busy if she wants to talk or whatever. That may be mean, but I am not for that stuff, and I would literally be sitting there just going "yeah", "okay", or "that's right".

    Then again, honesty is a great policy. In my civics and US history classes, I like to keep it real. Things can get ugly...history IS ugly. We do not sugarcoat things...we look at it the way it is. If someone's feelings get hurt, well so be it.

    The PC viewpoint our society has taken on some things makes me sick.

    So, I guess there are occasions that call for blunt honesty and then there are occasions that call for being untruthful. It is upto you to figure out which is which.

    I tend to keep it real most of the time though..I just like it that way.

    After all, we can never be afraid to stretch the truth, but we probably shouldn't learn to make a habit out of lying!!
    "You know I love the guy but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda."-Dean Winchester
    R12:2-Be Transformed

  7. #7
    scruffziller's Avatar
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    Apr 2002
    The frozen tundra of Scandinavia
    I would say take a look at the silver lining to things and find happiness in the midst of all of this. Then you wouldn't have to lie. You need to find it for other reasons besides just getting the green light for surgery. But that would be the paramount goal.
    No matter how I die, even if there is a suicide note; it was murder. Cheers!

  8. #8
    Registered jedi master sal's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
    The deep dark recesses of my brain.
    I'd opt for the truth Josh. Certainly when it comes to talking with a therapist. It does you NO good at all to "dupe" someone who is trying to help you. In fact you may end up receiving BAD advice that was based off of what you told them. Then if you acted upon that advice, YOU yourself would be solely responsible for what happened to you as a result of that bad advice.

    By telling the truth, if you take someone's advice and their advice turns out to be bad, you then have everyright to throw some blame their way.

    As far as a girlfriend goes, bud, I'm your friend so I'll talk this straight to you...

    You've posted countless times how you view relationships and women in general. While you may need someone to be by your side, I DO NOT think it should be someone of a girlfriend type status. You HAVE had plenty of opportunity to have a girlfriend and make a real relationship of it. For whatever reason YOU have chosen not to. So with respect, you've put yourself in this position so don't cry about it now. Harsh response? YES. But that is what telling the truth is about bro.

    You've got us to listen to you. Whether we agree or not really isn't even important. But what IS important is that you DO sound off to someone about how you feel about things in your life. If it's us GREAT if not, so be it.

    And PLEASE don't think because you need to see a therapist for any reason that that is a bad thing. In fact it's better to admit it. Again that's telling the truth. We certain don't think less of you for that. We all know you're going through a very hard time physically in your life. If that means you need to see someone to talk it out and help you through the pain and how to deal and understand it, again so be it.

    one thing I will say is don't take the woes-is-me attitude. If anything look to that one professor who had a terminal illness and passed away. he didn't **** away the remaining days of his life. In fact he embraced them. That's NOT to say you're on your way out bro. What I'm saying is make the most of ALL your days. Yes it's tough, yes it's not fair, but you DO have things going for you that others don't. Without going into details, you've made it known that you're not neccessarily hurting for money. Think about how hard this would be had you been poor.

    I can only look to my own life experiences to say that being poor SUCKS. I've said it before, but I'll repeat it here. When I was 15 I was homeless. yet in all of that I was lucky enough to have my mom by side and she loved me. And that is all that really mattered. We got through that terrible time in our lives and now I'm doing fairly well for myself. Rich? No, but fairly well satisfied. I still have life goals to achieve and that is something we ALL should have. NEVER become complacent with your life. That's for everyone, not just Josh. And yes it's JOSH, not Tycho. This thread is about the REAL you, not your online persona/screen name.

    After you've had your operation and then come through it and are on your way back to health, then you should start to think about what is in the future for you. Dioramas are NOT the only thing that should be on your mind bro, and this coming from your closest diorama bud here on the boards. By all means USE the thought of building those as something to help you get through this time in your life. But I'd also recommend thinking about what type of REAL relationship you'd like to have with a woman. Will you work again? If so what field? I do suggest staying out of politics. You've mentioned writing, so DO IT. That in fact is something I'd HIGHLY suggest for you to do NOW. It most certainly will help to get your mind off things, unless what your writing about is this experience. And even THAT can be useful and good for you. Just don't sit back and expect people to give you pity. People in general just won't care. Yes, of course you'll get some of that here because we know you somewhat and know a little about your condition. But is it really PITY that you want? Wouldn't you rather have someone tell YOU the truth?

    And so the conversation turns full circle.

    Your FRIEND,
    Move along, move along

  9. #9
    Senator Bel-Cam Jos's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
    Where "text" & "friend" are (n) & "fail" is (v)
    Does Obi-Wan's "a certain point of view" line apply here? While I don't think our society teaches us to lie, I think that we are socialized to determine when to bend the truth (lying is still a no-no, we just have disagreements in semantics ).

    Here's my $.02 (which would be worth more as Euros )... if the "lie" is done for selfish personal gain reasons, laziness/apathy at not trying, or to hurt someone else, no. Do not lie in that case. If the "lie" is told to protect someone, then "it depends." (I really hate that phrase, as everything "depends" on certain situations and specifics.)

    In the end, it is you who have to live with your own decisions. I will usually tell the truth, even if it hurts me, because then I can live with myself; nothing depresses me more than letting people down (including myself). "To thyne own self be true."
    Too late; I already copyrighted these parodies: Rogue Juan, Rogue Won, Rogue Huan, Rogue Wan, Rogue Obi-Wan, Rouge One, Rogue Wand.

  10. #10
    Registered Tycho's Avatar
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    Aug 2001
    San Diego, CA
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    I really appreciate how this conversation is going. Now to Sal: I already have written an entire 505 page novel (historical fiction, partially centered on the Civil War with extensive research). I am trying to get it published now. I incorporated my attitudes and misgivings about society within the fiction of the story (by my characters' actions). Yup - it was very therapeutic and I'm going to start writing another one. I just got through Comic Con and now Slicker is in town visiting.

    So eventually, there will be more. Yeah, I'd love to make it as an author. I think I'm pretty good actually. But I wouldn't know if I didn't go for it and saw what happens.

    As to getting help with someone to talk to? Well I think you guys on the boards care about me more than a stranger who signs me up to collect payments from my medical insurance. That's what THEY care about: billing. If you think about how many patients they see, they can't afford to get emotionally involved anyway.

    And yes, I'm thankful for 'some' of my inheritance. That's a double-edged sword. I got it because my father (and later my mother) died, but I got kidney disease because that is strongly hereditary also and killed everyone on my father's side of the family. So, if I didn't have kidney disease, I wouldn't have any kind of inheritence either. But then I'd probably still have a father. I really don't dwell on this. If things had been different, my father would be expecting me to make use of my education he provided for me, and be employed regardless of whether I liked whatever it was I'd be doing.

    I'm inclined towards politics because my real interest is in social work. I just don't want my budget at the mercy of politicians but want to make those decisions myself. Anyway, I have to run and pick up Slicker. I'll be online much later, and maybe tomorrow night post some pictures of our adventure at the San Diego Zoo or something. I don't have my camera with me at the moment.


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