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  1. #1

    What could save the GIJoe movie?

    1) Prominent role played by Polly.
    2) Snake Eyes breakdances.
    3) Heavy Duty says, for no apparent reason, "Mister Body Massage machine, go! Body massage!"
    4) Opening is a shot-by-shot live action remake of the "Battle for the Statue of Liberty" opening to the original GIJoe: The Movie.
    5) Cows. Lots of them. Being thrown into buildings. (Hey, it was the only saving grace in Stephen Sommers' last piece of crap movie, Van Helsing.)
    6) Two words: Sergeant Slaughter!
    7) Footage of Yul Brenner from various old movies digitally spliced onto a bodybuilder's body to appear as Doctor Mindbender.
    8) Duke killed in action. Scarlett and Hawk cry loudly, and are poorly overdubbed saying that he'll be okay. Another poor overdub, of Doc, over the final scene, saying that Duke has come out of his coma.
    9) Tomax and Xamot played by Cheech and Chong. Cue the Corsican Brothers references!
    10) Renegade SAW Viper misinterprets an order from Cobra Commander and kills the entire Joe team, as well as the film crew.
    11) Bill Ratner appears as Flint in a post-credits PSA, warning kids not to hide in abandoned refrigerators.

    Feel free to add more.
    That's my jacket!

  2. #2
    pbarnard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    w/Capt Kirk F. on the starship Hawkeye
    12) Thermonuclear war: annihilation all movie theaters.
    13) Habro's CEO grows a set and pulls the plug.
    14) After initial showing, even the most ardent Joe fans storms the theaters and saves the rest of us from watching.
    15) Choosing instead to watch monkeys fling feces at each other as foreplay in an animal behavior study.
    Star Wars & GI Joe Customs
    HAVES: HK-50 Head, Capt Typho & GI Joe fodder available still
    Wants:L8-L9 Head, YVH-1 Complete (as possible),R7-T1 Complete (as possible),R7-Z0 Complete (as possible)

  3. #3
    16) Shia Labeouf!
    17) Sarah Michelle Gellar joins the team as her Buffy the Vampire Slayer alter ego to help combat Cobra-summoned demons and nosferatu.
    18) Michael "Midas Touch" Bay.
    19) Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, and Geoffrey Rush play pirates who help the Joe team fight Cobra when a Cobra experiment sends everyone back in time.
    Weird War Tales: Featuring the Creature Commandos #105 November 1981 (DC Comics)

  4. #4
    Re-boot or do a prequel from the WWII time period, use old hardware, and GI Joes looking for the new Nazi Flying Saucer Project.
    Get a stolen Nazi Jet in there (there are flying ones still)
    Nazi subs escaping to Antarctica at the fall of Germany with the saucer technology, the armed forces sending in a huge fleet to shut them down, getting miserably defeated losing a few ships (there is some documentation that this actually happened but..) then they have to get the GI Joes, Sergeant Rock, Indy or whoever to go in there.
    "Ohh, maxi big da fish! Well dat smells stinkowiff"

    "No time to discuss this as a supercommittee.... I am not a supercommittee!"

  5. #5
    The GIJoe team helps Tom Cruise come up with a strategy to kill Hitler.....
    "You know I love the guy but I swear he writes like freaking Yoda."-Dean Winchester
    R12:2-Be Transformed

  6. #6
    22) Reese Witherspoon plays Ripcord's girlfriend, Candy Appel, alias Bongo the Balloon Bear. When wearing her bear suit, she tries to perform various feats in Manhattan, such as getting a hug from a stranger, hailing a cab, changing a $10 bill, and entering an adult theater, all while David Letterman comments on her success or lack thereof.
    23) You thought Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander was cool? Wait until you see the well-kept secret of Cobra-La when Serpentor (John Lithgow), the Nemesis Enforcer (French Stewart), and Pythona (Kristen Johnston) show up to make things really bad for the Joe team! Best of all, there's even a cameo by William Shatner as Golobulous!!
    That's my jacket!

  7. #7
    24) Five words: Pauly Shore and Carrot Top.
    [FONT=Book Antiqua]He passes to Moses - He shoots, he scores![/FONT]
    Mummy of the raincoat is a gigantic trollop.

  8. #8
    25) As the inevitable, predictable final battle looms, entire cast breaks into a shot-by-shot remake of the Thriller video instead of fighting. Everything seems okay, until the final shot of the movie, where Ripcord looks at the camera and we see he has yellow cat eyes.
    That's my jacket!

  9. #9
    Scarlett/Baroness love scene!
    May the force be with you.

  10. #10
    mabudonicus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Protecting my secret identity
    26- last thing that happens in the film is a fade-in from black, a guy who looks like Duke actually should wakes up to the sound of a claxon and suits up then runs through a few hallways into a control room where several people dressed like the actual JOE team are watching the REAL Cobra Commander (with the real Destro at his side) on a monitor announcing the rollout of the MASS device and Duke utters some line like "I just had the strangest dream" then (ideally Roadblock) says "This ain't no dream duke, them snakes are at it again" and then Wild Bill says "Looks like we're gonna have to give them a mustache ride they'll never forget"....
    Then a group shot of the assembled Joes with a US flag somehow billowing behind them as they all yell "YO JOE"- fade to black, cue original theme and the phrase "Next Summer, it begins
    Something about him reminds me of my older brother, Rex.


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