Why Do Wives Control Where People's Collections Go?

[Tycho]

Some of you fellows' posts made me angry and I need to express myself.

While I can understand doing a girl a favor and letting her set the decour for her own holiday / guest visitation plans, why would you otherwise let her control where your collection items go and where they can be displayed?

Even sharing implies that half of a home is yours to set up as you please.

Furthermore, I think that in the event you pay for most or all of the cost of the housing, especially if your girl moved in with you after you'd been in your present place, you get to decide what goes where.

Remember, that without your earnings, her standard of living would be quite different.

I am not married, and perhaps my post clearly illustrates why. All things considered, while I suffer loneliness often, I think I'm thankful for my position in life.

Marriage seems VERY dishonest to me. You're not showing the girl who you are while seducing / courting her. The toys are hidden in the closet, aren't they? Then when the newness of a relationship wears off - this could be 5 or even 10 years down the road, mind you - hiding who you really are, hiding a part of your personality - finally takes its toll on you. You finally realize how tired you are of it all.

Now I'm not living in disillusionment. If I ever make enough earnings, I may rent out a 2nd place and set it up all GQ and bring ladies "home" there. But I still have no intention of bringing in one to permanently (or for the long term) live with me, married or otherwise. However, I can embrace the illusion to a lady that I can be domesticated for their purposes (it really seems selfish of the girls' doesn't it? Do you see that at all?)

However, I would understand it being a different way if she pays most of the bills and is the primary breadwinner.

Also, if you're married to a lifelong best-friend (i.e. the girl next door you grew up with or your high school sweetheart you married some YEARS after high school) you might make some more compromises.

But if there are any of you like myself, single once out of college, and established on your own, why do you hide who you are and why don't you wear the man's pants in your own relationship?

[Blue2th]

I agree with everything you say. Men may not like it but eventually their stuff will be either put away or relegated to the garage, the last sanctuary of the married man.
I believe in telling your prospective girlfriends that you collect things. Maybe not on the first date but soon.
What's best I think is to at least have one room dedicated to your collections. Have them set up and everything. I think it would actually impress someone to see dioramas set up with different scenes of Star Wars. It actually shows your creativity if you really do it up good and maybe make your own buildings for different scenes. If it's just haphazzard toys all over the place, than it looks like you are a compulsive collector who just has to have everything with no purpose.
She might actually like a tour through the museum of sorts, and an explanation of each set up with you as the guide. Then when you are done you can go back to the normal part of the house.

Why am I reminded of that line in that song by the Toadies "I'll show you my dark secret"


If she don't like it, well then she's not the one for you.
Don't try to fool yourself into changing for her and hide the things you love.
That's like being a "closet" Star Wars collector. Soon they will find out and you'll be exposed.

If you get married well just face the facts, that there's going to be knick knacks taking over all the space in the house. You'll have to make your last stand in the garage. If you loose the battle there then it's pretty much over.
Maybe get a Tough Shed and start all over.
In a relationship you may have to be able to give up a lot, but still you will need one place in the house or where you live that is the mancave or you will go mad I tell you, mad!

[Darth Metalmute]

why would you otherwise let her control where your collection items go and where they can be displayed?

I don't think there is a clean way to answer this question. But to put it simply, a happy wife is a happy life.

I had a mancave then lost it when I had my second child. Eventually, I will either, finish my basement, upgrade houses to one with another bedroom, or my children will move out. That means worst case, my collection will be in the storage room for 18 years.

[jamesbondo07]

Maybe I am the exception to the rule here but my wife and I have shared the decorating of our house. She usually wants certain sections of the house to put up what she wants and I have certain sections of the house that I put up my Star Wars things. Last year we bought a entertainment center. I got to put up Star Wars on one side and she got the other side to decorate the way she wanted. I guess I never have had much issue with displaying want I want to. My wife however has always known even while we were dating about my star wars collecting and understood that I would want things displayed too when we got married. Maybe that is why she was always willing to let me decorate parts of the house. She has always known about my Star Wars collecting and I never tried to hide that fact.

[bobafrett]

When I went from being a single man to having a girlfriend move in 4 months later, I had to make space for her to have a some space. I live in a small 2 bedroom house, and it was ideal for me and my son. My son had his room, and I had the rest of my house to decorate as I pleased. I was the sole rent payer, so my son could decorate his room, but everything else was my territory. I had stuff in my bedroom, stuff in my closet, stuff in my living room, stuff in my dining room, stuff in my kitchen, and pantry. I had a few things packed away in totes in the basement, but most of my collection was upstairs.

That changed when my, now wife, moved in. I suggested that she move in, as she was spending everynight here. I had to give her some space, but I didn't have any other place to put my collectibles except to pack some of it away. But I still have a major part of my collection still upstairs. I'd love to have a place large enough to have my own space to display all of my collection, but I have to wait until our youngest daughter graduates from high school before we consider moving to a town that isn't in the high rent area like the places we have around here are. I still have most of my bedroom collectibles up, same with the living room, and dining room. The kitchen and pantry I have handed over to my wife, I mean she does cook, so I no longer have the excuse that I eat out all the time.

[El Chuxter]

The technical term begins with the letter 'V.' A few slang terms start with 'P,' but there are an awful lot of slang terms.

[Obsession is Nute]

I am so glad someone posted on this. Very interesting posts.

I am in absolute agreement with you on this Tycho!

It is difficult to generalize, though as so many variables impact the nature of how your collection/collecting affects your life/home/relationship.

Personally, I think that guys that "hide" their collecting from a GF are pretty much asking for trouble down the road. If you can't be honest in a relationship, then it is probably not a healthy relationship. Now I know, SW collecting is not a turn on for 99% of women, but I am not interested in those women, their are plenty of generic, boring Joe Nobodies out there they can marry.

For me, collecting is important part of who I am and I am not willing to hide it or "move on" ever.

In many cases, it probably comes down to your home and how you view your place within it and how much room you have to work with. Couples with a 5 bedroom home are probably going to have less conflict over space management than a couple in a one or two bedroom apartment.

I like to compartmentalize, so I would prefer to have my collection take up a room, maybe a side room in the basement, where I can decorate it and display things as I see fit. The lady of the house can do whatever she wishes with all the other rooms, but I would like to have "my space". I think as long as I have that, I will be happy. I don't see that as unreasonable so long as there is there space to allow it. For those of you that like to spread your collection out, you are probably going to have to make a number of concessions, sorry.

The nature of a relationship is probably going to determine a great deal, as well. Gentleman (and lady collectors), if you are willing to be a doormat to your mate regardless of the issue, you are probably going to be treated like one. The whole point of compromise and equity is that both parties give and take. If your collection is important to you, then you need to stand up and try and make the situation work so you are both happy. I think too often society encourages men to just conceede in order to keep the peace and I don't think that promotes healthy relationships.

I won't comment on how kids change things, I hear having them changes you. As such, I can't specualte on what I would or wouldn't do to accomodate my kids.

[El Chuxter]

Seriously, and not trying to over-generalize, guys are less concerned with appearances when company's over. As long as the place is as clean as the dude feels comfortable letting other people see, it's all good. Women seem to want more of the appearance of the stereotypical happy home, with no neuroses like toy collecting on display for everyone. And women tend to entertain more (okay, about the same, but men see it as "a couple of people coming by," and women make a bigger deal and plan things in advance and down to the last detail).

[morpheus282]

I've never "hidden" my collection from anyone. I have kept things mostly relegated to a single room, but that's just due to keeping things organized. Even when I was single I tried to keep everything in one room for the most part. The exceptions were always my 12" scale dewback and the Hasbro AT-AT which were always on my bookshelf. My wife is a stay at home mother, so I feel that since she spends most of her time in the house she should feel comfortable in the majority of it. I've got my office/kid's playroom in the basement, and it's big enough for most everything I want to have out at one time (mostly). I need at least one more set of shelves, but that's another story. While I might occasionally put something 'out of place' in the living room just to irk her, she doesn't complain about my hobby or get miffed when I plunk down $40 on an AT-ST or $30 on a dewback. She doesn't understand it, but she doesn't complain.

It was also her idea to hang the picture of me, my daughter, and David Prowse in the living room.

[bigbarada]

The technical term begins with the letter 'V.' A few slang terms start with 'P,' but there are an awful lot of slang terms.

/end thread