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  1. #31

    I can't believe I am posting this, but...

    Speaking of Usenet, I was surfing there just now, and happened upon a review of the premier episode of "Enterprise" that can only be described as 'The Anti-JediTricks Review.'

    Truthfully, the review may be described as a few other things by anyone here who reads it.

    But, if you're in the mood (if not - enjoy a copious serving of your favorite potent potable), then do the following:

    1) Read the JediTricks review (above) of the premier episode of "Enterprise.'

    2) Imbibe mass quantities of alcohol.

    3) Read the Anti-JT Enterprise Review

    4) Flame me mercilessly for posting the link.

    ***Important Note: The review in the link I posted contains adult (that's extremely debatable - but you get my drift) language, so NO kidddies should be reading it.
    Last edited by SWAFMAN; 09-27-2001 at 08:41 PM.
    "We have enough youth. We need a fountain of SMART!"

  2. #32

    Question hey swaffy, if i enjoyed the "anti-jt" review, does that make me "anti-jt"? ;)

    flame you? hell, i should Thank you, it was fun coupla random thoughts:
    -i've always enjoyed both trek's continuity and the writers' & producers' clever, after-the-fact explanations for why their apparent violations of that continuity are actually nothing of the sort but i Do think they're gonna have a bit of trouble explaining away this one:
    "disastrous first contact with the klingons led to decades of war"
    (picard, tng ep "first contact" )
    -it didn't occur to me to instantly interpret that lotion porn scene as simply Gratuitous (it seemed somehow too Obviously so, as if to separate the "gratuitousness"-shouting boys from tongue-holding men like moi ), but i still couldn't help laugh wondering What the hell they were up to
    -i'm not a big fan of gary graham, but i found the tense dynamics between the terrans and vulcans, to coin a phrase, Fascinating i kept waiting for one of them vulcans to be referred to as "sarek". i spose they're just saving that revelation for later on
    -that british guy looks like mulder (crossed w/gary shandling) & sounds like bashir
    -wasn't previously acquainted w/bakula's work, but i hope he gets more watchable than This
    -if this series ends up being better-received than ds9 Or voy, that'll just prove to me that trek audiences aren't as racially- or gender-unbiased as they might like to think. let's face it, if a white guy ain't in the center seatwell, it just don't sit right w/too many trekkies
    -what the Hell is up with that rod stewart patch adams themesong??
    -of course, what Really matters is, how does this series' attributes (or lack thereof) affect a possible resumption of trekmms? i mean, if we get a new tv show fine, but let's not forget that it's the mms that Really matter
    np: elo, "evil woman"
    Last edited by vulcantouch; 09-28-2001 at 04:07 PM.

  3. #33
    Please don't tell me that the soft rock/ ballad piece of crap that was used on the trailer (downloaded) is the actual theme tune.

    Please don't.


  4. #34
    BC3, nah, they didn't use "Wherever you will go" they made some....thing....up and it actually has LYRICS! Sad eh?

    VT, Scott Bakula was in Quantum Leap in the later 80's and the episodes have been showing on the Sci-Fi Channel lately and he's pretty good at acting, IMO. Enterprise episodes should be better I think when like LeVar Burton, Roxann Dawson, Jeri Ryan and Robert McNiel take to the directing. (They should've let LeVar do the pilot, maybe he would've kept it on a trek-track. )

    Hmm, micro machines, I can just picture an NX-01 in MM form, wouldn't look too bad, IMO. And possibly a Phoenix MM with folding nacelles.
    "Hokey packaging and ancient gimmicks are no match for good detail on your figure, kid."
    "I am a Klingot from Oklahoma in human boy form."
    "We came, we saw, we conquered... We, woke up!"

  5. #35
    You can always dream....

    but we all know that there is absolutely zero chance of seeing them.


  6. #36
    Originally posted by britcit3
    JT, you are a true gent and you have my eternal thanks.

    Bit disappointed that the Klingon/Fed war dosen't "kick-off" in the episode though.

    The temporal person - was it male or female - wouldn't it be great if it was Sela?

    Many thanks

    You're quite welcome, though they're "Sulibans", not "Saurrins", and I don't know why my original edit (which crashed my browser) eventually showed up, thus negating my 2nd post of the synopsis. The lack of Fed/Klingon animosity kinda bugged me too. "Futureguy" was a dude, I'm pretty sure I'm done with Sela, they abused that situation on TNG pretty badly IMO. Plus, I don't want it to be someone we know, unless it's someone from the 29th century who has visited Voyager, that would at least make a little sense (it'd still suck though).

    Swaffy, you're quite welcome, and I too felt that the transporter working dandy both times we saw it was a mistake on the writer's part. Even if it didn't mess up Archer, we could have seen it mutilate some equipment while Archer was in the room in the beginning of the show just to give the audience a better sense that this isn't a perfected technology yet. Instead, it was faster than the TNG beam-up which bugged me, and had no problems at all.

    Also, it's funny but that review, besides being over-the-top dirty language and getting details like the characters' names wrong, that review really did well at covering elements I left out of mine.

    VT, as to your comment about the writers burying themselves under this line: "disastrous first contact with the klingons led to decades of war" (picard, tng ep "first contact" ), I have one potentially huge spoiler which, if correct, could really mess with the audiences' (trekkies' and non-trekkies') minds... The reason we didn't see a disasterous first contact with the Klingons was because of this temporal cold war, which changed historical events enough to force a totally different kind of encounter, and Archer and the NX-01 will have to fix the timeline by the end of the series even by erasing their actions from history, thus leaving the NX-01 out of the big Trek legends from the time of Kirk on. I can't imagine any other way to repair that huge rift the writers put in the Trek canon besides my conjecture.

    Bakula has his moments, which is what makes him fun to watch, but he also lags into mediocrity like what you saw in "Broken Bow", which is still not that bad work, just his bottom of the barrel acting style where everything should be reacted to with the same wimpy, somewhat bland responses.

    That theme song doesn't work for me either, but I totally don't get that "Patch Adams" reference.

    BC3, no, it's a totally different "soft rock/ ballad piece of crap" themesong from the trailer. Seriously.

    MMs would be nice, I think there may be hope there of toys like that if we press the issue. If Hasbro gets the Trek license (anything is possible), they could even actually be MMs!
    Darth Vader is becoming the Mickey Mouse of Star Wars.

    Kylo Ren - came from Space Brooklyn, although he moved to Space Williamsburg before it was trendy.

    The use of a lightsaber does not make one a Jedi, it is the ability to not use it.

  7. #37
    SWAFMAN....that has got to be the most pointless thing I have ever read, . So... he didn't like Voyager, or DS9, and he can't get the names right, all he cares about is what happens to qoute: "the tommy lee jones character" during the lotion rubbing scene, and how qoute: "Asher" looks when he's making his captain's log AND he likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer AND Babe. Now.. which part is the most scary?
    "Hokey packaging and ancient gimmicks are no match for good detail on your figure, kid."
    "I am a Klingot from Oklahoma in human boy form."
    "We came, we saw, we conquered... We, woke up!"

  8. #38

    Cool i knew blacula came from qL, ltb, i just never watched qL ;P

    bc3: "Please don't tell me"

    jt: "I totally don't get that 'Patch Adams' reference"
    -"i'm just telling you what i heard" -gap girl adam sandler
    btw, i admire your story-gutting conJecTure
    np: pilot, "magic"

  9. #39
    SON OF A P'TAGH! It IS from Patch Adams, and it's even sung by Rod Stewart in that film!!! What the hell was Paramount thinking?!? "Let's take a song from a recent movie and get a sound-alike to rerecord it with slightly less talent as the instrumentals" Here's the listing for the soundtrack to Patch Adams which contains a RealAudio clip of the song from that movie!!! This is unbelievable! If it wasn't for that upswingy piano and rhythm guitar (at least, that's what I think it is), this would be identical! What a freakin' rip off! They couldn't even be original here?!? God, it seems like nothing about this show is even SLIGHTLY original! Just as insulting as that is the fact that it's not even an unknown song from the Patch Adams soundtrack, it was a radio hit single for Rod Stewart off of the Patch Adams soundtrack and was also apparently a big hit for Christian/Country singer Susan Ashton a year later ('99)! If you've ever seen Louis Black doing comedy (for example, on The Daily Show), that's how I feel inside right now, (metaphorically) shaking and yelling with exasperation!!! (that's why there are so many exclamation marks in this paragraph!!! ) It's not even a bad song IMO, both Stewart and Ashton do it credit (though Ashton's is a bit too straight-forward for my tastes - RealAudio clip from the single, though it was originally on one of her albums, it's just that the album listing didn't have a clip of her version and this one did), but it's not original and it's not Trek!

    BTW, did you ever see my gutting of Qui-Gon Jinn, the Midichlorians, and Anakin's parentage? Let's just say that I don't exactly take it as it's shoveled there either. If there's something I don't like, I'll run it around in my mind and push all the seams until I find a small loophole and force conjecture through it. Midichlorians aren't what make us communicate with the Force, QGJ got that all wrong like the way people thought that bleedings could heal insanity 800 years ago, midichlorians are merely a byproduct of the Force, and the more Force talent you have, the more they show up in your bloodstream (like white bloodcells when you're sick), though some folks may not have them and still have connections to the Force. QGJ believes so hard in this that he wants to make sure the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force occurs, knocks up some random slave in the outer rim territories of the galaxy, clouds her mind, comes back and gets a new padawan which occupies his time till he is sent to Naboo. He realizes that this is his big chance to see his son, the boy of the prophecy, so he sabotages the hyperdrive on the Queen's ship, has it land near where his slave woman was last headed, and lets the Force guide him to the boy. (that's the "short" version. )
    Darth Vader is becoming the Mickey Mouse of Star Wars.

    Kylo Ren - came from Space Brooklyn, although he moved to Space Williamsburg before it was trendy.

    The use of a lightsaber does not make one a Jedi, it is the ability to not use it.

  10. #40
    I'll remind you of those (Ent') comments in a few years time



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